The Best 76 Alley Jokes

Following is our collection of Alley jokes which are very funny. There are some alley cobble jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alley daikon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Alley Jokes and Puns

What do you call a Muslim person standing between two buildings?

Muhammad Alley

Two nuns go on a bike ride through town...

As they ride through an alley, the younger nun turns to the elder and says, "I've never come this way before!"

The elder nun replies, "That's because it's cobblestones, dear."

ba-dum CHING. My granny told me that one this weekend.

Three Nuns

Three Nuns are walking down an alley after church.

A man jumps out in a trench coat and exposes himself to them.

The first Nun has a stroke.

The second Nun has a stroke.

But the third Nun doesn't touch him.

Two guys are walking down a dark alley

when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.

They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

A drunk wandering around the alley at night...

(...) when in front of him appeared a nun, all dressed in nun clothes. The drunk then starts raging on the nun, kicking and punching her all over. When he finished her and knocked her out with a round house kick he looked down and screamed:

C'mon BATMAN! C'MON! REACT! LET's FIGHT!!


My girlfriend bought me a bowling ball the other day.

She thought i wouldn't like it but, It was right up my alley!

Two peanuts... (a new take on a classic)

Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley.

.

One was assaulted.

.

The other was a'roasted.

.

What a horrible friend. Getting baked?
A mugging is no time to smoke a joint.

A German woman was walking down a dark alley when she got accosted by eleven men...

...who tear her clothes apart and start to rape and molest her. The woman shouts 'Nien! Nien!', so two of them left.

A mugger was able to lure a woman very easily behind the building where he always sits...

She was right up his alley.

I once had a large gay following.

But then I ducked into an alley and lost him.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York

when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied I don't know, it all happened so fast.

You can explore alley backstreet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alley footpath dad jokes. There are also alley puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was mugged today...

I was mugged in an alley today, all they took was my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Two Jews are walking in Odessa at night...

Suddenly, in a dark alley, they are surrounded by muggers with knives.

-- Money, watches, wallets - quick!

One Jew turns to the other:
-- Abram, remember, I owe you $300? Here they are, returned to you in front of witnesses.

What do you call an artist in a dark alley?

Sketchy

A peanut was walking down a dark alley

He got a-salted

Mary Jane

One night Mary Jane was walking down a dark alley when a strange man appeared and started ripping her clothes off. Mary Jane laughed and laughed though, because she knew her clothes wouldn't fit him.

Three homeless guys got drunk and passed out side by side in an alley

In the morning the first guy wakes up and says "I dreamt someone was jerking me off last night!". The second guys says, "that's funny, me too!" The guy in the middle said, "Not me, I dreamt I was skiing."

Two Nuns On Bikes

Two nuns, Maria and Angelica, are riding their bicycles on their way to work at the Vatican. They're running late, so Maria says, "I know a shortcut. Let's go down this alley." They turn right onto the alley, which soon becomes a narrow cobblestone road, with many twists and turns. Angelica remarks, "wow, I never came this way before." Maria tells her, "it's the cobblestones."

Some guy jumped me in the alley...!

Yeah he was so nice. My battery had run out because I left my lights on!


A Jewish man and his wife...

A Jewish man was driving down Alligator Alley in Ft. Lauderdale when a police officer pulled him over.

"Sir," said the officer, "you wife fell out of the car 2 miles back!"

"Oh, thank god!," he replied. "I thought I was going deaf."

I think my girlfriend is cheating on me.

She keeps screaming some other guy's name when we have sex. Let's just hope I never come across this guy "rape" in a dark alley.

In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up

Half to life.

Sex with a homeless guy

is right up your alley

Two roaches

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

Best lines when dealing with telemarketers

Some of the better ones

* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us

Anyone have more?

Johnny was in class one day...

and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have sex with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."

After robbing a bank, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead

duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blonde, and she says, "Po-ta-to."

Your mom is like a bowling ball

she gets picked up, fingered, thrown down a dark alley, and she always comes back for more.

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a bowling alley?

Elaine

Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money.

The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says "here's that money I owe you."

What travels down an alley and has holes in it?

Bruce Wayne's parents

I found a lamp in a back alley

When I rubbed it the genie said

'You may have a long memory, or a long penis'

I forget my response

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley

She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

- Tim Vine, King of the one liners.

My parents were shot and killed in an alley

feelsbatman

Two nuns are walking down an alley late at night...

When they get approached by 2 men who begin assaulting them. After minutes of the altercation, Sister Mary Sue screams, "Oh dear Lord! Forgive this man for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Sarah looks up and says, "....Mine does".

A Priest and a Rabbi

Are walking down a street. They see a 13 yr old boy walking towards them

The Priest says "Let's take him down this alley and screw him"

The Rabbi says "Out of what?"

A man was stabbed in the stomach in an alley...

he was gonna punch him back, but he didn't have the guts.

The Harshest "Yo Mamma" Joke...

Yo Mamma is like a bowling ball...

She likes to get picked up, fingered, thrown down a dark alley, then comes back for more.

Riddle me this, Batman. What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

"M-my parents?"

"No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

Two Peanuts were walking down a dark alley.

One was a salted.

What goes down an alley and has three holes in it?

Batman's Parents

Did you guys hear about the peanut walking down a dark alley?

He was *a salted*

I saw a stranger in an alley

I saw a stranger in an alley, and decided to give him $2000.

You should have seen the smile on my face when he put his gun away.

The bowling alley down the street just had its 300th strike.

They must have terrible working conditions.

I just started a new job in a bowling alley

Yeh, just tenpin'

A man saw a small boy crying in an alley

"What is wrong?" he said

"My parents died" the boy responded.

The man pulled down his pants and said "Welp, this isn't your lucky day."

Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley

One was assaulted.....sexually! Not so funny now, is it?

A blonde was walking down a shady alley, when all of a sudden a mugger jumps out from behind cover and says "I have a knife, give me all your money!"

She screamed and yelled "Don't shoot!"

What has 3 holes and goes down an alley?

Thomas and Martha Wayne.

Three burglars are running from the police

They go into a dark alley and hide in three sacks. The police look around and one of them kicks the first sack and the burglar goes "meow", "just cats" he thinks. He then kicks the second one and the the second burglar goes " meow" so the police pass it off as more cats. He then kicks the last sack and the burglar says "potatoes".

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus,

"Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

Two guys are walking down the street when a thug lunges from an alley and points a gun at them...

"Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!" the thug says.

Bill says, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Just a minute! Steve, here's that $200 I owe you!"

I passed a homeless man in an alley last week and it made me cry.

I still can't sit down.

When I was a boy...

"I was walking along a street and happened to spy a cart full of watermelons. I was fond of watermelon, so I sneaked quietly on the cart and snitched one. I then ran into a nearby alley and sank my teeth into the melon.

No sooner had I done so, however, than a strange feeling came over me. Without a moment's hesitation, I made my decision. I walked back to the cart, replaced the melon -

And took a ripe one."
-Mark Twain

I got a flat tire recently...

I was lucky enough to have spotted it before I was able to drive off to my local bowling alley. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have any extra tires on me, nor was I willing to go to my local auto shop and get one.

Fortunately, I did have the bowling ball and 10 pins I was planning on bringing with me, so all I had to do was knock down 9 pins with the bowling ball, and then knock down the last one to get a spare.

A rope walks into a bar

The bartender refuses to serve him, saying, We don't serve rope here.

The rope walks outside, ducks into an alley, loops himself around himself until he is short and fat. Then he messes his hair up and walks back into the bar.

The bartender looks him up and down. Hey, aren't you that rope I kicked out of here before?

I'm a frayed knot.

A Serial killer picks up a Rapist hitchhiking...

"*Hey, drop me off in that.....Dark alley right there....*"

"*.....I was planning on it.....*"

Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?

He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.

Two nuns are walking down a dark alley one night.

Two men suddenly jump out of the shadows and start to rape them. The first nun looks up toward heaven and says, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they are doing."

The second nun looks up and says,
"This one does!"

What do you call at cat that goes bowling?

An alley cat!

Hey dad, why is my sister named Uma Thurman?

"Oh it's your mother's favorite fall out boy song"

"Thanks Dad"

"No problem I've Got A Bad Idea And A Dark Alley That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth!"

The owner of the local bowling alley decides to divorce his wife

now he has to pay her alley-money

Bill and Steve walk out of a bar after having a few drinks together...

Around the corner, a masked man steps from an alley and points a gun at them. "Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!"

Bill says, "Hold on! Just gimmie 10 seconds!" He turns to Steve and says, "Here's that $100 I owe you, man."

A woman walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on Euphemisms

The librarian took her up the back alley and let her have it

I'm starting a business that is half bowling alley and half safe injection site.

It's going to be called "Pins & Needles".

What is full of holes and travels down an alley?

Batmans parents.

I was walking home when I saw two guys beating up a kid in an alley

I immediately jumped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

I was walking down the street with my wife.

And there down an alley we saw five men beating up my mother-in-law.

My wife screamed: "Aren't you going to help?!"

I said: "No, five seems like enough."

I saw two blind guys fighting in an alley last night.

You won't believe how fast they ran when I said: "My money is on the one with the knife!"

Two nuns were riding their bikes back to the church.

The first nun suggests they take a detour down a back alley. A few minutes later the second nun says, I've never come this way before. The first nun says, It's the cobblestones.

What travels down an alley and has holes in it?

Batman's parents

2 women are going for a bike ride.

They turn down an old alley way. one woman says to the other

"I've never come this way before."

the other woman says

"yeah, i think it's the cobble stones."

Two teenage boys are walking down an alley

when they see a stray dog licking its crotch.

The one boy says, Man, I really wish I could do that.

His friend responds, I don't know, you'd better pet him and see if he's friendly, first.

Limmerick from The Crown on Netflix

There once was a girl named Sally

Who enjoyed the occasional dally

She sat on the lap

Of a well-endowed chap

And cried "Sir! You're right up my alley."

Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet

There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.

As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.

The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.

Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"

The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"

He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.

Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"

The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"

He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it

"Potato Potato"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alley road jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alley sidewalk piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes