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Allergy Jokes

77 allergy jokes and hilarious allergy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about allergy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find out what the funniest allergy jokes are. From peanut allergy jokes to shellfish allergy jokes, find out the best allergy related jokes out there. Laugh at oxymorons like asthmatic allergic and find humor in your cat allergy, spring allergy, and gluten allergy.

Funniest Allergy Short Jokes

Short allergy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The allergy humour may include short allergic reaction jokes also.

  1. I sneezed in front of my stuttering friend and said, "man, my sinuses are on fire". "i-i-is i-i-it an-an-allergy?" he asked
    I said, "no, it's a metaphor".
  2. If you have a cat and seem to be having allergy issues simply wash your cat three times a day And it will leave
  3. It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!
  4. Whenever I ask my friend what the first number in Japanese is, his allergy acts up He always says, "It's itchy."
  5. I have a friend who can't seem to get her life together. I blame it on her citric acid allergy. Every time life hands her lemons, she goes into anaphylactic shock.
  6. Why did the man with the peanut allergy die in prison? He was sentenced to the nuthouse.
  7. Conor McGregor doesn't have seasonal allergies. He just can't handle the Mayweather.
  8. The first rule of Fight Club is... Just try your best guys, and have fun. Also, when it's your turn to bring snacks be mindful of others' allergies.
  9. What do you call a Chinese kid with a cat allergy? Starved.
  10. I've got an allergy to Pine, Fir, and Cedar. … All I want for Xmas is Yew.

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Allergy One Liners

Which allergy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with allergy? I can suggest the ones about allergic and immunity.

  1. How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy? You put a bounty on his head.
  2. What type of chips suffer from allergies? Nachoos
  3. Who will survive no nut november the longest? The people with a severe nut allergy
  4. "Hey bro, so I just got diagnosed with a dairy allergy." "No whey, man."
  5. My friend died during his trip in Germany Apparently he had an undiagnosed Guten allergy.
  6. "Man, my sinuses are on fire!" "An allergy?"
    "No, a metaphor".
  7. What did the retired power tool take for its allergies? Benadryl.
  8. What do you call a Roman emperor with bad allergies? Julias Snaesar
  9. I have a reverse latex allergy. When I get a swelling I use latex.
  10. It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running, I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.
  11. what's the most common allergy among gay men? Heeeeeeyyyy fever.
  12. What do you call an Ox with a gluten allergy? A silly-yak.
  13. Why do some women with allergies prefer men with E.D.? Because they are "nut-free"
  14. What do you call the last episode of a show about allergies? A sneezon finale.
  15. So now I've developed an allergy to honey :( It brings me out in hives.

Gluten Allergy Jokes

Here is a list of funny gluten allergy jokes and even better gluten allergy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians? Because they always have silly acts.
  • When people with gluten allergies shave... They go against the grain.
  • Life is like a gluten allergy.. It seems like everybody but me has one.
  • What did the doctor advise the patient with gluten allergy? You need bread rest
  • What can't you call a hippie with a gluten allergy? A granola
  • What did the german with food allergies say? Gluten Nacht
  • What are Jewish vampires with gluten allergies most afraid of? Garlic n**...

Peanut Allergy Jokes

Here is a list of funny peanut allergy jokes and even better peanut allergy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's up with peanut allergies? Not that kid's blood pressure
  • I got my cat Kitten Mittens and now he looks like he's got a wicked peanut allergy He does not like cat shoes
  • How can a Pb & Jelly sandwich make you sick even though you don't have a peanut allergy? Lead poisoning
  • She had a severe peanut allergy That was the kiss of death for their romance
  • Many Israelis have died from.. ..Peanut butter allergies than from h**... rockets.
Allergy joke, Many Israelis have died from..

Seasonal Allergy Jokes

Here is a list of funny seasonal allergy jokes and even better seasonal allergy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Priests must be super busy during allergy season. "Bless me Father for I have sneezed"
  • A woman is like a delicate, Spring flower... ...I have really bad seasonal allergies, so I just tend to get my fix by looking at pictures of them online.
  • Chuck Norris has sneezing allergies in the mid-to-late fall.
    This time is typically referred to as hurricane season.
  • My friend was complaining that he had a cold during allergy season. I said, bet it snot.
  • What do you call allergy season without any Kleenexes? A tissue
Allergy joke, What do you call allergy season without any Kleenexes?

Unearthly Funniest Allergy Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about allergy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean asthma jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make allergy pranks.

Beauty and the beast

Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more e**..., eventually causing it to sprout an e**.... A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."

Groin cream...

Not suitable for those with a nut allergy.

What do you call a woman with a latex allergy?

Mom.

I have a severe allergy to alcohol

Whenever I drink it I breakout in handcuffs.

I have a shellfish allergy and I got an allergic reaction to it

So The Fine Brothers sued me

For me, b**... was life-changing...

Turns out I have a major latex allergy

What's the worst thing that can happen to a gypsy?

Allergy to copper.

I keep throwing up when I count in French

My doctor thinks I might have a huit allergy

Did you hear about the frenchman who could only count to seven?

He had a huit allergy!

Did you hear about the German man who was up to no good?

I heard he has a severe guten allergy.

Un deux t**... quatre cinq six sept ACHOO!

Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.

Depressed people with an allergy to shellfish

They must think the world is their oyster

What did the spokesperson for the allergy medicine company say during the fire?

This has not Benadryl

Peanut allergy

We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting -- they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his f**....

A woman is stung by a bee on a golf course

She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.
"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.
"Between the first and second hole.",
"Well she may need to work on her stance."

Had to fire the web designer from my Allergy Eye Drop business today...

...everything he designed was a site for sore eyes.

Did you hear about the woman who died after giving a b**...?

Apparently she had a nut allergy

My friend died from a nut allergy

He gave me this thing called an epipen in his last moments. It was really important to him that I had it.

Yo momma's allergy to nuts is so bad

I teabagged her and she had an asthma attack

Doctor: "*I have some pressing news...*"

Me: "*Lay it on me Doc*"
Dr: "*I'll put this as lightly as I can, You have a mild blunt-force-trauma allergy*"
Me: "*Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks!*"
Dr: "*Don't let this hold you down...*"
Me: "*I's it congenital - because if it is, my kids'll be crushed*"

I just found out that I'm allergic to red meat...

I just found out that I'm allergic to red meat. No more steaks for me.
——— I've never heard of that. Is that a rare allergy.
No, I can't even have it well done!

I discovered that I an allergy to plant-type Pokemon.

I caught a bulbous sore.

a girl who has an allergy to milk called her aunt

"a girl who has an allergy to milk called her aunt and told her to buy her bread because she's running out of breakfast toast"
she's lack toast and told her aunt

Allergy joke, I've got an allergy to Pine, Fir, and Cedar. …

jokes about allergy