Allergic Jokes

118 allergic jokes and hilarious allergic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about allergic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious allergic jokes! Discover jokes about anaphylactic reactions, hairless cats, and pollen that are sure to make you chuckle. Whether you're allergic or not, these jokes will make you smile.

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Funniest Allergic Short Jokes

Short allergic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The allergic humour may include short allergy jokes also.

  1. The worst part about spring... Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.
  2. Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
  3. I found a stray cat today. Sadly, my dad is allergic to them so I had to put him down. At least I still have the cat for comfort.
  4. TIFU by making my customer the wrong sandwich, giving her an allergic reaction. Whoops. Wrong sub.
  5. After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives
  6. Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her. The dog and I live happily together now.
  7. I think i am allergic to leather. Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.
  8. Was offered a bowl of dinosaurs to eat from my toddler. "No thanks! I'm allergic to dinosaurs, they make me break out in Dino sores"
    Audible groan and required "I hate you" from their babysitter.
  9. TIL I'm allergic to leather. Every time I wake up with my shoes on, I have a massive headache and feel quite sick.
  10. My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in a rash every time I give you your wages?" I said, "Because I'm allergic to peanuts."

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Allergic One Liners

Which allergic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with allergic? I can suggest the ones about asthmatic and intolerant.

  1. The finebros confiscated my Epi-Pen I was having an allergic reaction.
  2. I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats. Either that or I undercooked it.
  3. I have just found out that I'm allergic to cats. Either that or I undercooked it.
  4. What do you call someone allergic to galaxies? Galactose intolerant.
  5. My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood... I told him he was full of it.
  6. I'm allergic to sharks.. shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.
  7. My friend Arty is allergic to vegetables Arty-chokes on them.
  8. What is the most allergic nut? The Ca.........shew!!!!!
    I'll see myself out.
  9. Doctor: you're allergic to milk Me: No whey?
  10. My parrot is allergic to nickel so I bought him a Nickeless Cage.
  11. I just found out I'm allergic to legumes Doctor says it's a lentil illness
  12. My sister told me that she's allergic to water I told her, You're full of it.
  13. I found out I'm allergic to tequila... Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.
  14. I can't place iron objects next to each other... I'm allergic to Fe lines.
  15. I'm allergic to beekeepers. They give me hives.

Allergic Reaction Jokes

Here is a list of funny allergic reaction jokes and even better allergic reaction puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me because I just had an allergic reaction.
  • Did you hear about the amputee who nearly died from an allergic reaction? Apparently he was lack-toes intolerant.
  • I had an allergic reaction to peanuts Then I got sued by the Finebros
  • I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction. I'm Lacoste intolerant.
  • I thought I was having a severe allergic reaction to Indian flatbread. It turns out I'm just naan responsive.
  • I broke out with an allergic reaction. My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.
  • What type of drug can you take if you have an allergic reaction to Rowan Atkinson? Anti-MisterBeans
  • Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction.
    He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
  • I'm having an allergic reaction, quick, get my syringe! It's in that book over there, the Epi-Tome
  • TIL: A man sued Quiznos after being hospitalized for an allergic reaction when he received another guests sandwich. woops, wrong sub
Allergic joke, TIL: A man sued Quiznos after being hospitalized for an allergic reaction when he received another g

Cheerful Fun Allergic Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about allergic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean autistic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make allergic pranks.

What do you call it when someone despises people from both louisiana AND Texas?

Being allergic to latex

i knew this o**... who is allergic to m**....

last I heard he died from a s**....

What do bees who are allergic to honey get?


Trees are allergic to bees..

..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)
Original joke!

Beauty and the beast

Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more e**..., eventually causing it to sprout an e**.... A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."

The tree in my front yard is allergic to bees

It always get hives

I adopted a cat but it turned out that my daughter is allergic to cats

So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade

One time I took a blonde girl to the movies...

We bought our tickets and waited in line for snacks. I got popcorn; she got M&M's. We got a drink to split.
We sat down during the previews. I started eating my popcorn and she opened her M&M's and dumped them all out in her lap. She carefully separated them all by color, took all the brown ones, and threw them in the trash.
"What was that about?" I asked as she returned to her seat.
She smiled and replied "Oh, I'm allergic to chocolate so I always throw the chocolate flavored ones away."

What do you call somebody who is allergic to wearing little alligators on their polo shirt?

Lacoste intolerant.

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.
Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

I forgot what I'm allergic to, I'm trying to remember...

..its on the tip of my tongue

Boss: Why do you have rashes every time you get your salary?

Employee: I am allergic to peanuts.

What do you call a Chinese man allergic to dogs?


Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

Today I had an allergic reaction to a peanut...

**This title contains content from FINE BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT who has it blocked on copyright grounds.**

What do you call a man with no feet and is allergic to milk?

Lack-toes intolerant

I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out?

She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.

I'm allergic to alcohol...

Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs...

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.

He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"
The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is s**... active?"
The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."

An Asian boy come home from the doctor and he tells his dad...

Son: Dad the doctor said I'm allergic to bees
Dad: That good, now you can only get A

Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol

...It's the damnedest thing. After 12 or 13 beers, I throw up!

Apparently I'm allergic to Burt's Bees body wash

Broke out in hives

My boss said to me...

'Why do you break out in a rash every time I give you your pay check?'
Me: 'I'm allergic to peanuts!'

My husband is allergic to our cat, so I have to give him away :/

He's a sweet-natured ginger, comes when called, well-trained, and works in IT. 28 years old, answers to "Kevin".

I'm allergic to v**..., I can't drink it.

It makes me break out in handcuffs.

Terrible Headache

A patient to a doctor:
- Doc, I guess I am allergic to leather shoes. Whenever I wake up with my shoes on, I feel terrible headache.

Hey babe are you an angel?

Because I'm allergic to feathers.

After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts,

I went to his f**.... Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.
So I explained:
"It's what he would have wanted"

Where's the worst place to bring someone who's allergic to apples?

New York City.

I have a French friend who is allergic to the number 8.

He's huit intolerant.

what do you call a goofy yak that's allergic to gluten?

celiac silly yak

We found out our child is allergic to cats

We've sent it to a hospice and we will try to get another one.
After all, not every child will be allergic.

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

I think I'm allergic to whiskey...

Whenever I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.

My friend died because he was allergic to plantains...

He went into bananaphalactic shock.

You know the worst part about being allergic to bees and loving honey?

Breaking into hives

I have a medical condition where I'm allergic to only one type of pasta

It's called macaroni and sneeze

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician

My friend told me he can't drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said No whey!

I'm really allergic to pollen

But I feel this spring will be breathtaking

I can't read Charlie Brown comics anymore...

Turns out I'm allergic to peanuts.

A recent study on l**...

Concluded that they are allergic to nuts.

A woman was golfing and got stung by a bee.

She was severely allergic to bee stings so she went to the doctor right away. She said doc, I was on the course when I got stung . The doctor asked her where she got stung, and she told him, between the first and second hole. The doctor replied, it sounds like your stance is too wide .

I recently found out I'm allergic to alliteration


her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course
**me:** it didn't say it had nuts
**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe
**me:** that makes sense
**waiter:** and for you?
**me:** steak, no bees, please.

Do not pick on allergic people

They might overreact

Lately, whenever I read a comic s**... about Charlie Brown or Snoopy I break out in hives.

I think I'm allergic to Peanuts.

A woman was playing a round of golf

A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.
Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.
He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.
He replied "your stance is too wide".

I'm a consultant and I had this odd client who wanted me to always greet him with "Hi!"

Turned out he was allergic to "Hey".

My kid got sent home from school one day.

They said he was catching bees and throwing them at other kids. So I sat him down and had a chat. I said, "Son, you can't be doing that, obviously it's not ok to throw bees at people, they could get stung and what happens if someone has an allergic reaction? How would you feel if that happened?" And he replied, " Well I know it doesn't sound safe, but my principal said I could do it and the teachers said I could do it. Infact both of you even said I could do it! You all said I can bee who I want to bee!

I'm allergic to Alcohol...

Makes me break out in handcuffs.

A golf pro... sitting at the clubhouse bar, when the bartender says:
"Long day?"
"Yeah, spent all morning dealing with these know-it-all's from--"
All of a sudden a man runs in screaming:
"My wife! She's allergic to bees, she got stung between the 1st and 2nd hole!"
The golf pro shakes his head and says: "I **told** her, her stance was too wide."

I think I might be allergic to alcohol

I keep breaking out in handcuffs.

What do you take if you are allergic to an angry cat?

..... an Anti-HISS-tamine


A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened, and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having an allergic reaction.
"Where was she bit?" one of the players asked. "Between the first and second hole," was the reply.
The player responded, "Wow, she must have been standing right over the hive."

Allergic reaction

I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body. Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!

TIL that trees can actually be allergic to bees.

... they break out in hives

Allergic joke, TIL that trees can actually be allergic to bees.

jokes about allergic