Allergic Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Allergic puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Allergic

The worst part about spring...

Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.

The finebros confiscated my Epi-Pen

I was having an allergic reaction.

I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

I found a stray cat today. Sadly, my dad is allergic to them so I had to put him down.

At least I still have the cat for comfort.

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."


TIFU by making my customer the wrong sandwich, giving her an allergic reaction.

Whoops. Wrong sub.

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.

He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"

The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is sexually active?"

The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."

I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out?

She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.

Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her.

The dog and I live happily together now.

I think i am allergic to leather.

Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.

My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood...

I told him he was full of it.


I'm allergic to sharks..

..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician

I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me

because I just had an allergic reaction.

My sister told me that she's allergic to water

I told her, You're full of it.

Today I had an allergic reaction to a peanut...

**This title contains content from FINE BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT who has it blocked on copyright grounds.**

I can't place iron objects next to each other...

I'm allergic to Fe lines.

My husband is allergic to our cat, so I have to give him away :/

He's a sweet-natured ginger, comes when called, well-trained, and works in IT. 28 years old, answers to "Kevin".

Trees are allergic to bees..

..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)

Original joke!


I had an allergic reaction to peanuts

Then I got sued by the Finebros

What do you call a Chinese man allergic to dogs?

Starving.

A woman was golfing and got stung by a bee.

She was severely allergic to bee stings so she went to the doctor right away. She said doc, I was on the course when I got stung . The doctor asked her where she got stung, and she told him, between the first and second hole. The doctor replied, it sounds like your stance is too wide .

I'm allergic to alcohol...

Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs...

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol

...It's the damnedest thing. After 12 or 13 beers, I throw up!

i knew this one guy who is allergic to masturbation.

​

last I heard he died from a stroke.

Apparently I'm allergic to Burt's Bees body wash

Broke out in hives

We found out our child is allergic to cats

We've sent it to a hospice and we will try to get another one.

After all, not every child will be allergic.

I can't read Charlie Brown comics anymore...

Turns out I'm allergic to peanuts.

You know the worst part about being allergic to bees and loving honey?

Breaking into hives

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

What do you call a man with no feet and is allergic to milk?

Lack-toes intolerant

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.

Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

Hey babe are you an angel?

Because I'm allergic to feathers.

What do you call it when someone despises people from both Louisiana AND Texas?

Being allergic to latex

My friend died because he was allergic to plantains...

He went into bananaphalactic shock.

An Asian boy come home from the doctor and he tells his dad...

Son: Dad the doctor said I'm allergic to bees

Dad: That good, now you can only get A

I'm really allergic to pollen

But I feel this spring will be breathtaking

A recent study on lesbians

Concluded that they are allergic to nuts.

Terrible Headache

A patient to a doctor:
- Doc, I guess I am allergic to leather shoes. Whenever I wake up with my shoes on, I feel terrible headache.

I broke out with an allergic reaction.

My mom wanted to take me to the ER immediately, but my dad said, Let's not make any rash decisions.

What do bees who are allergic to honey get?

Hives.

Where's the worst place to bring someone who's allergic to apples?

New York City.

I'm allergic to Vodka, I can't drink it.

It makes me break out in handcuffs.

My friend told me he can't drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said No whey!

What's the saddest part about the relationship between a melon farmer and the girl who is allergic to melons?

They cant-elope!

The tree in my front yard is allergic to bees

It always get hives

Boss: Why do you have rashes every time you get your salary?

Employee: I am allergic to peanuts.

What do you call somebody who is allergic to wearing little alligators on their polo shirt?

Lacoste intolerant.

I think I'm allergic to whiskey...

Whenever I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.

I have a French friend who is allergic to the number 8.

He's huit intolerant.

I adopted a cat but it turned out that my daughter is allergic to cats

So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade

I have a medical condition where I'm allergic to only one type of pasta

It's called macaroni and sneeze

After my friend died from an allergic reaction to peanuts,

I went to his funeral. Everyone got upset when I put an Epipen on his tombstone.

So I explained:

"It's what he would have wanted"

What type of drug can you take if you have an allergic reaction to Rowan Atkinson?

Anti-MisterBeans

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes