The Best 56 Allergic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Allergic jokes. There are some allergic allergies jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these allergic caffeine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Allergic Jokes and Puns

What do you call it when someone despises people from both Louisiana AND Texas?

Being allergic to latex

i knew this one guy who is allergic to masturbation.

​

last I heard he died from a stroke.

Trees are allergic to bees..

..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)

Original joke!

I think i am allergic to leather.

Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.

jokes about allergic

My friend recently told me he was allergic to blood...

I told him he was full of it.


I found a stray cat today. Sadly, my dad is allergic to them so I had to put him down.

At least I still have the cat for comfort.

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

Allergic joke, A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

Help needed.

Well our worst fears have been confirmed today. My wife is allergic to our pet collie. Now I know this isn't a re-homing site and some of you may take umbrage with this not being a interesting political post, but could someone please find a little place in their heart to help me out. She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times.

Her name is Maxine and she is 44.

What do you call a Chinese man allergic to dogs?

Starving.

I'm allergic to sharks..

..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

You can explore allergic pollen reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean allergic almond dad jokes. There are also allergic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I had an allergic reaction to peanuts

Then I got sued by the Finebros

Today I had an allergic reaction to a peanut...

**This title contains content from FINE BROTHERS ENTERTAINMENT who has it blocked on copyright grounds.**

I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me

because I just had an allergic reaction.

The finebros confiscated my Epi-Pen

I was having an allergic reaction.

I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out?

She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.

Allergic joke, I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgo

I'm allergic to alcohol...

Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs...

The worst part about spring...

Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.

He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"

The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is sexually active?"

The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."


I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

Finally bought a puppy for the wife and I, but it turns out my wife's allergic to dogs, so we had to get rid of her.

The dog and I live happily together now.

Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol

...It's the damnedest thing. After 12 or 13 beers, I throw up!

Apparently I'm allergic to Burt's Bees body wash

Broke out in hives

My husband is allergic to our cat, so I have to give him away :/

He's a sweet-natured ginger, comes when called, well-trained, and works in IT. 28 years old, answers to "Kevin".

TIFU by making my customer the wrong sandwich, giving her an allergic reaction.

Whoops. Wrong sub.

My sister told me that she's allergic to water

I told her, You're full of it.

Allergic joke, My sister told me that she's allergic to water

I can't wear any clothes with a crocodile on them because I get an allergic reaction.

I'm Lacoste intolerant.

We found out our child is allergic to cats

We've sent it to a hospice and we will try to get another one.

After all, not every child will be allergic.

I can't place iron objects next to each other...

I'm allergic to Fe lines.


You know the worst part about being allergic to bees and loving honey?

Breaking into hives

My uncle got a severe allergic reaction while staying in a remotely located hotel near Barcelona...

he would have died certainly as there were no hospitals close by. Suddenly we heard someone knocking on the hotel's door. Miraculously it was the hotel's in-house doctor.

We were quite amused by how the doctor showed up at the exact time he was needed.

Nobody expected the Spanish Inn Physician

I can't read Charlie Brown comics anymore...

Turns out I'm allergic to peanuts.

A woman was golfing and got stung by a bee.

She was severely allergic to bee stings so she went to the doctor right away. She said doc, I was on the course when I got stung . The doctor asked her where she got stung, and she told him, between the first and second hole. The doctor replied, it sounds like your stance is too wide .

I found out I'm allergic to tequila...

Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.


her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.

**waiter:** of course

**me:** it didn't say it had nuts

**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe

**me:** that makes sense

**waiter:** and for you?

**me:** steak, no bees, please.

My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in a rash every time I give you your wages?"

I said, "Because I'm allergic to peanuts."

Did you hear about the amputee who nearly died from an allergic reaction?

Apparently he was lack-toes intolerant.

Do not pick on allergic people

They might overreact

What is the most allergic nut?

The Ca.........shew!!!!!

I'll see myself out.

Lately, whenever I read a comic strip about Charlie Brown or Snoopy I break out in hives.

I think I'm allergic to Peanuts.

A woman was playing a round of golf

A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.

Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.

He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.

He replied "your stance is too wide".

TIL I'm allergic to leather.

Every time I wake up with my shoes on, I have a massive headache and feel quite sick.

I'm allergic to Alcohol...

Makes me break out in handcuffs.

A golf pro...

...is sitting at the clubhouse bar, when the bartender says:

"Long day?"

"Yeah, spent all morning dealing with these know-it-all's from--"

All of a sudden a man runs in screaming:

"My wife! She's allergic to bees, she got stung between the 1st and 2nd hole!"

The golf pro shakes his head and says: "I **told** her, her stance was too wide."

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

I have just found out that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

Allergic

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened, and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having an allergic reaction.

"Where was she bit?" one of the players asked. "Between the first and second hole," was the reply.

The player responded, "Wow, she must have been standing right over the hive."

Allergic reaction

I woke up with an allergic reaction spreading all over my body. Instinctively I thought to go straight to the doctor, but then I realized quickly that one should never make rash decisions!

Doctor: you're allergic to milk

Me: No whey?

TIL that trees can actually be allergic to bees.

... they break out in hives

Was offered a bowl of dinosaurs to eat from my toddler.

"No thanks! I'm allergic to dinosaurs, they make me break out in Dino sores"

Audible groan and required "I hate you" from their babysitter.

Man and woman are out on a dinner date.

Waiter: "What will you be having tonight ma'am?"

Woman: "I'll have the salad, no nuts please."

Waiter: "Of course."

Man: "But it didn't say it had nuts."

Woman: "I'm allergic, so I tell them just to be safe."

Man: "That makes sense."

Waiter: "And for you, sir?"

Man: "I'll have the steak, no bees please."

My friend Arty is allergic to vegetables

Arty-chokes on them.

I'm allergic to beekeepers.

They give me hives.

I thought I was having a severe allergic reaction to Indian flatbread.

It turns out I'm just naan responsive.

did you know that bees are allergic to pollen?

Because when they get exposed to them they develop hives

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the allergic asthma jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working allergic asthmatic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes