Gather Around for Heartwarming Allen Jokes and Uplifting Humor
I was so surprised at being born that
I didn't speak for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen
Name three things that come in a little yellow box
Kodak film, Dots candy and w**... Allen.
Someone hit my fender so I told them, 'be fruitful and multiply'...
But not exactly in those words. -w**... Allen
A classic w**... Allen stand-up line: the political magazines Commentry and Dissent have decided to merge
They're gonna call the new magazine "Dissentary" ....
Ice Cube visits Edgar Allen Poe
Wakes him up by rapping at his chamber door.
If Barry Allen had a restaurant what would it be called?
Greased lightning?
Two Jewish women are complaining about a restaurant
The first one says 'the food was terrible' the other says 'yes it was and such small portions too' (hat tip w**... Allen)
Now that they're doing away with Flash for videos...
Will Barry Allen have to change his name to The HTML5?
What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe?
"...ugh nevermind"
What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and w**... Allen have in common?
Ah Jew!
What do you get when you cross Edgar Allen Poe and an oak?
A sturdy poetry.
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Who would be the perfect host of a home improvement show featuring Ikea furniture?
Tim Allen Keys
What do you say to warn Edgar Allen Poe about the tree he's about to walk into?
Poetry!
How does Rick Allen (Def Leppard drummer) count in a 4 beat?
*opens mouth, taps cheeks 4 times*
What did the son say at Allen Ginsberg's f**...?
There's my dead beat dad.
Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....
Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."
Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."
Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."
Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.
Ali Sun Al En?
A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"
There has been a lot of talk that it would be a lot healthier for the church if Priests were allowed to be married.
I feel that if a Priest meets another Priest and they like one another, sure they should be allowed to get married.
.
Credit to the comedian - Dave Allen
Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him?
Poetry!
I wrote a silly comment about Poe's Law being named after Edgar Allen Poe
but for some reason people thought I was serious.
What happens to Edgar Allen Poe's house during winter?
It Frosts over before you sleep and Frosts over before you sleep.
Ingvar kamprad ,the founder of ikea has died
His coffin will be a flat pack with an Allen key
Ingar Kamprad, the founder of IKEA has passed away
- flat pack coffins
- Allen key
- left over parts
- missing screws
This joke needs some assembly
I've always wanted to have s**... with Barry Allen...
...it gives a new meaning to "greased lightning."
Who is the fastest cow alive?
Dairy Allen, because he's pasteurized before you see him.
What do you call it when Edgar Allen Poe hosts an indoor strobe party?
A Rave-in
I like my cartoons like w**... Allen likes his women...
b**... and asian.
What is the best PR for Dolphins?
Brock Allen Turner
What did the allen wrench say to the IKEA furniture?
Screw you!
What do you call it when Barry Allen rapes someone?
A Flashbang
Poetry!
What you say when Edgar Allen is about to run into a tree.
Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today
Unfortunately ctrl-alt-delete will not bring him back to life.
I am sorry RIP Paul Allen.
I love a person with autism.
It's not you Allen.
Barry Allen (the Flash) wanted to have an herb garden, but decided against it.
I mean, he really shouldn't be travelling through thyme...
What would Barry Allen be called if his speed was a result of f**... propulsion?
The Flatch
What do you get when you cross Barry Allen and a trench coat?
The Flash.
What is it called when Barry Allen commandeers a car.
A Flash Drive.
I think it's weird that county fairs are being cancelled.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's a *good* idea, but... I just figured that anyone who isn't afraid to hop onto a 60-year-old rusty roller coaster, that gets disassembled and reassembled 22 times a year by a traveling m**... head with an allen wrench, while eating a deep fried stick of butter, wouldn't give a c**... about Covid.
Edgar Allen Poe wrote a story about n**... cars in disguise.
The mask of a cunty auto.
A gem from the YouTube comment section
"This watch has tremendous sentimental value to me. My father sold it to me on his deathbed." -w**... Allen
Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen
I'm happy being single but...
sometimes I'll be walking down the street and see a happy couple coming towards me, holding hands and wearing matching outfits. And I just can't help but think to myself, *Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to hate them with?*
-Tom Allen
Headless Bikers
Two old farmers are walking down a road when they hear a motorcycle behind them but are shocked when the driver passes them and the biker is headless. The two men look at each other and shrug. They continue down the road and a bicyclist comes up behind them and he, too, is headless.
The two old men continue to walk down the road, when the one walking along the inside turns to the other one.
You know, Allen, I think maybe you should carry that scythe on your other shoulder
