Allahu Jokes

I have a Muslim friend with a Note 7...

It only gets awkward when he shouts "Allahu Akbar" when plugging it in.

A magician says to his audience...

A magician says to his audience "I can make myself appear in 100 different places in this room". He says "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Nothing happens so he tries once again, "3, 2, 1, Abracadabra!" Still nothing happens. Flustered he asks to be excused while he checks his handbook. He closes the book and says " Sorry, I've been saying the wrong magic word, 3, 2, 1, Allahu Akbar!" Needless to say his audience was blown away.

What's the most popular pub in the Middle East?

The Allahu ak-Bar

My father died on 9/11, I will never forget his last words

Allahu Akbar.

[Do keep in mind that this is not my joke, I just want to spread laughs]

My name is Jafar

My name is Jafar

I come from afar

There is Note 7 in my car

Allahu Akbar

I'm going to open an ISIS themed cafe called Allahu Snackbar - our food is the bomb.

A few days ago i saw an amazing magician...

When he opened his jacket and screamed Allahu Akbar he disappeared along with 30 others.

"Mommy, why is my backpack so heavy?"

Allahu Akbar, honey.

What does a ISIS amusement park have as a safety mechanism?

Allahu lap-bar.

What is that number 1 song coming out of the middle east?

My black flag brings all the goats to the yard,

and they're like like "allahu akbar",

watch out, I'll put a bomb in your car,

I'd teach you, but I lost my arms

Where do terrorists go to get a bite to eat?

the Allahu snack-bar.

What's a Muslims favourite place to eat?

Allahu Snackbar

What came before the Big Bang?

"Allahu Akbar!"

What do you call a concession stand operated by Isis?

Allahu Snackbar

Please stop making 9/11 jokes... my father died on that day.

I still remember his last words: "Allahu Akbar"

What is The ISIS Cafeteria called?

Allahu Snakbar.

What does a radical sheep say?

Allahu Ak-Baa!

What do you call an Arab rapper?

Someone who drops allahu akbars.

What is ISIS's favorite candy bar?

Allahu Snackbar, it's flavor is explosive.

What starts with an A and has a boom at the end?

Allahu akbar

If you scream three times...

At night, if you lock yourself in a bathroom with lights off and scream Allahu Ackbar three times the CIA will come through your mirror and take you to Guantanamo Bay.

A suicide bomber walks into a bar

But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar.

isis is marketing their version of kitkat

they're calling it allahu snackbar

How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool?

"Allahu Akhbarrrr"

Did you hear about the overweight terrorist?

His dying words were "Allahu snack bar!"

What does a terrorist in Antarctica say?

Allahu Akburrrrrr

An Omegle conversation

Me: My dad died on this day in 2001, he called me to say 2 words before dying.
Stranger: Ohh, that's so sweet! What were his words?
Me: Allahu Akbar

What do you call an Islamic militant Shakespeare?

The Allahu Ak-Bard.

Is Allahu Akbar a good pickup line?

From what I hear, it's always getting guys blown.

A muslim walks into a bar.

The Allahu Ak-bar.

What does a good Islamic rapper have?

Allahu ak-BARS.

We've been misinterpreting the Islamic Extremists...

Allahu Akbar *actually* means **"YOLO"**

How do you turn an airliner into a boat?

#**Allahu Ackbar!**

What do you call a table of Middle Eastern hor d'oeuvres?

Allahu Snackbar

Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy?

Allahu snackbar!

What do you call Islamic death metal?

Allahu Rockbar.

What do radical Islamic wrappers spit?

Allahu Ak-BARS

What is the most death-defying magician incantation?

ALLAHU AKBAR

I'm glad that Saudi Arabia didn't score any goal in football match against Russia few hours back

If not, their supporters would have yelled Allahu Akbar and the game would be stopped halfway.

What does a Muslim pirate say?

Allahu Ackbarrrrr!

I still remember the last thing my dad said to me before dying in the 9/11 attacks...

Allahu Akbar!

What do you call a group of friends who happen to be Muslims?

Allahu Akbros.

9/11 jokes aren't funny...

My dad died on 9/11. I still remember his last words "ALLAHU AKBAR".

Where do jihadists go to drink?

The ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!!!!

What is Muhammad's favorite restaurant?

The Allahu Snackbar

I heard...

...terrorists are shouting "allahu akbar!" just out of habit while plugging their Samsung phones.

Where do suicide bombers go to have some drinks?

Allahu ak-Bar

I had a phone conversation with my husband while he was on one of the 9/11 planes. I can still remember his last words...

Allahu akbar!

Dark Backpack Joke

Son asking his mom: Why is my Backpack so heavy mom?

Mom: Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar my son.

The word jihad gets a bad rap, but really it's just the Arabic word for struggle.

Trying not to overeat at Golden Corrall? Now that is jihad.

Allahu Snackbar.

What did the popcorn blurted out when it saw the microwave?

Allahu Akbar!

What does a hungry muslim say?

Allahu Snackbar!