Allah Jokes
87 allah jokes and hilarious allah puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about allah that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article features funny, yet respectful Allah jokes - often called allahu jokes - that you can share with friends and family. These jokes range from poking allah jokes to muhammed jokes to even pokemongo jokes! Read on to find out more!
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Funniest Allah Short Jokes
Short allah jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The allah humour may include short imam jokes also.
- You can't just pick and choose which tenets of Islam you uphold. There's no Allah-carte option.
- My buddy and I have a picture of the Islamic God on the smart card inside our mobile phones. We're very SIM Allah.
- If I were an Islamic hip hop artist.. My name would be Allah Hotbarz
- What do you call a halal pie? Allah mode.
- Allah must be the only God in the universe I mean, Earth was created with a Big Bang
- Game night God and Jesus had a game night and suddenly the bell rang. Jesus went to open it and at the door was Allah. Jesus took a long look at him and shouted "Dad, did you order pizza?"
- Where does ISIS eat? At the Allah u can eat salad Akbar.
- When you lose your kid at the mall and his name is "allah akbur"
- Where do Isis go to for lunch? ALLAH'S SNACKBAR
Serving pork 24/7 - My name is Jafar(edgy) My name is Jafar
I come from afar
I have a bomb in my car
Allah akbar
Share These Allah Jokes With Friends
Allah One Liners
Which allah one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with allah? I can suggest the ones about extremist and almighty.
- What does a Muslim train conductor say before he starts his train? ALLAH BOARD!
- What's a Muslim's favorite answer on a test? Allah the above.
- How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant? Allah carte.
- I stumbled upon an Islamic Fortnite Youtuber... His name was Allah-A
- How do terrorists like their apple pie? Allah mode.
- how did the Imam order his dessert? Allah mode
- What's the Islamic equivalent of cafeteria Christianity? Allah-cart.
- What Did The Muslim Terminator Say? Allah Be Back.
- I aced the convert-to-Islam test today. I answered "allah the above"
- What's a Muslim's favorite place to grab a snack? Allah carte
- What's a terrorists favourite US state? Allah-bama
- What do you call a large alaskan animal that worships Allah? A Mooselem
- How do Muslims greet each other? They h'Allah.
- How do you stop Allahs dog from biting? You muzzle him.
- How does Muhammad order his pie? Allah-mode
God Allah Jokes
Here is a list of funny god allah jokes and even better god allah puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Maybe Allah is the real god. I mean, the universe did start off with a boom.
- What dinosaur is also the Muslim god? The Allah-saurus.
Cheerful Fun Allah Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about allah you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean infidel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make allah pranks.
A muslim, buddhist and a Christian were arguing...
about whose God was the greatest.
The muslim said "I will throw myself off this cliff and my God will save me." So he threw himself off the cliff, closed his eyes and shouted "allah allah allah allah..." until he realised he was fast approaching the ground. He started to panic and shouted louder and faster "ALLAHALLAHALLAHALLAH!!!" all the way until he hit the ground and died.
Next, the Buddhist said, "I will throw myself off this cliff and my God will save me." So he threw himself off the cliff, closed his eyes and shouted "buddha buddha buddha buddha..." until he realised he was fast approaching the ground. He started to panic and shouted louder and faster "BUDDHABUDDHABUDDHA!!!" and a great big hand came down from the sky and caught him safely.
Lastly, the Christian proclaimed "I will throw myself off this cliff and my God will save me." So he threw himself off the cliff, closed his eyes and shouted "Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus..." until he looked down and realised he was fast approaching the ground. He started to panic and started shouting at the top of his voice "BUDDHABUDDHABUDDHABUDDHA!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about that new space mosque?
It's Allah this world!
A Muslim and a Catholic priest walk into a bar.
The two start talking casually about their respective religions. The Muslim says, "I believe that when I die, Allah will bless me with 72 virgins."
The priest's eyes get wide. "Really? That would be awesome, but unfortunately the church can only have 3 altar boys at a time."
The Walk
I went to a mixed religion seminar.
The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!
I smiled and told him I was not paralysed.
The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today!
I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me.
The Mullah came, took my hands and said, Insha Allah, you will walk today!
I snapped at him, There's nothing wrong with me
The Buddhist Monk came, held my hands and said, By the will of The Great Buddha, you will walk today!
I rudely told him there was nothing wrong with me.
After the sermons, I stepped outside and found my car had been stolen.
Why couldn't the Dukes of Hazard visit Mecca?
Because that's just a little bit more than Allah will allow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the t**... say when he woke up?
It was Allah dream.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a t**... order at MacDonalds?
A Big Mag Allah carte with a side of ISIS cream
What's a Muslim's favorite dessert?
Pie Allah mode
What do you call it when you study the Quran while eating a scoop of vanilla ice cream?
Allah mode
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What screams "Allah Akbar" and then smashes your crockery to pieces?
A Daesh washer.
What is a terrorists favorite snack?
An Allah Ak-bar
What is muslim favorite food?
Pollo Allah milanese
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do Jihadists get their snacks?
At the Allah hu snackbar.
Famous last words
Allah ackbar
Muslims are good people because
they take people around them along to meet Allah.
What does a Syrian pirate say?
Allah AkbARRR
What do you call the 72 virgins that Allah gave isis?
Goats
What do terrorists eat?
Allah snack bar.
They say its the bomb!
I will never forget my Granddad's final word on 9/11 attack
"Allah Akbar"
Why did everyone start worshipping Akbur when he moved to Egypt?
Because al-lah hoo akbur!!
Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life
The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.
What is just as bad as yelling "fire" in a crowded theater?
Shouting "allah akbah" on a airplane.
What does an Islamic magician say?
ALLAH KAZAM!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once a t**... blows himself
After reaching Allah's gate he asks for his 72 virgins
Allah replies" You misunderstood me my son,there is only one v**... and she is 72 Years old"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Muslims were banned?
How many Muslims were banned?
Allah them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a t**... with a scoop of vanilla ice cream?
Allah mode.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You s**... idiots; I said cover your f**...
-- Love from Allah.
I decided I'm going to open a bar for Muslim Rock Bands to play at...
I'm going to call it...
Allah Hu-Rock Bar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim father catches his son m**.... He says, "Don't do that my son, or Allah will strike you blind."
The child says, "Abu, I'm over here."
Is Allahu Akbar a good pickup line?
From what I hear, it's always getting guys blown.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jokes about 9/11 are just plane wrong
Ill give you all a c**... course later. There's allah to talk about.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of s**... bomber stops at a stop sign?
Allah abiding one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cow that believes in Allah?
a Moo-slim
What did the Muslim say after eating a bacon sandwich?
That's the way Allah Allah I like it.
Remember if you want to make popcorn faster
Just say "Allah Akbar".
Christians believe in Yahweh, muslims believe in Allah, so what do Jews believe in?
The monopoly man
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many people did the Islamic s**... bomber intend to kill?
Allah them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the m**... Muslim praise Allah?
He was hoping for a goat-send.
Remember that game Muhammad was talking about?
Say five allah akbars with the lights off and get arrested.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After years of debate, it turns out Allah is actually the one true God.
After all, the universe began with an e**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Allah is definitely the true god...
Because the universe was made by an e**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why "Allah" is the true God
The universe started with an e**...
Allau Akbar
What did Allah say after he created the world?
Wow, that blew up fast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim s**... bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.
He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The s**... bomber is crestfallen.
"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virgins?"
Muslim, Christian and a Buddhist
A Muslim a Christian and a Buddhist argue about which god is real, so they decide to jump of a cliff and prove the other wrong.
The Christian goes first.
On his way down he says " Jesus Jesus Jesus " and dies on impact
The Buddhist goes second.
On his way down he says " Buddha Buddha Buddha" and floats right before he hits the ground, he is left unscratched.
The Muslim with full confidence jumps after the Buddhist.
On his way down he says "Allah Allah "and then midway screams "BUDDHA BUDDHA BUDDHA "
A long time ago, in the middle east
There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.
Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.
They should have obeyed the Quran teen.
A Christian,Muslim and Hindu had a fight on a plane
It was decided they would all try to make other passenger stand by chanting their spiritual words. The person who made most people stand up is the winner.
There were 40 passengers on board
Christian : Bless us Jesus Christ
5 passengers stand up
Hindu : Jai Mata Di
3 passengers stand up
Muslim : Allah hu Akbar
37 passengers Stand Up.
.
.
.
.
.
And jumped out of the plane.
A Christian, Hindu, Muslim had a fight on the plane.
They had a fight about whose religion is most powerful.
It was decided they would all try to make other passengers stand by chanting their spiritual words. The person who made most people stand 'UP' is the winner. There were 40 passengers on board.
Christian said: "Bless us, Jesus Christ". 5 passengers stand up.
Hindu said: "Jai Mata Di ". 3 passengers stand up
At last, Muslim said: " Allah hu Akbar" .37 passengers Stand Up. . . . . . And jumped out of the plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not for you
A Christian Armenian man walking by the border of Armenia and Iran sees a few Iranian men pushing a car stuck in a ditch. Every time the Iranian men push they yell allah akbar! 1.. 2... 3... Allah akbarrr! As the Armenian man joins in pushing the car, the Iranians are surprised to hear the Christian man also yell allah akbar. One Iranian man says allah is our god not yours, why do you call on his name? The Armenian man replies "I'm not going to work my god for your a**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am pretty sure allah is the only god
After all, the universe did start with a big e**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a religious crocodile?
An Allah Gator!
A Christian, Buddhist and Muslim had a bet whose God is real
So they decided to climb on a 50 store building, jump and see who'll survive.
First goes the Muslim, he jumps and starts praying "Allah Allah Allah Allah" and he died
Next one was a Buddhist, he jump and started saying "Buddha Buddha Buddha Buddha" and he survived
So in the end the Christian jumped and started praying "Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus"
After 10 floors even more "Jesus Jesus"
After 30 floors "Jesus Jesus"
Last 20 floors "Buddha Buddha Buddha"
