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All Aboard Jokes

43 all aboard jokes and hilarious all aboard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about all aboard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest All Aboard Short Jokes

Short all aboard jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The all aboard humour may include short aboard jokes also.

  1. Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
  2. TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.
  3. Two aliens are talking aboard their ship Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
    Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it
    Alien 1: Idiots
  4. Someone snuck aboard the Death Star and stabbed Darth Vader with a lightsaber. It was a space in Vader.
  5. 23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus' ship Santa Maria were named Juan That's almost a three to Juan ratio.
  6. A massive rabbit aboard a United Airlines flight turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says "Ehhh, what's up Doc?"
  7. Why was Obama nervous when eating a T-bone aboard Air Force One? Because the steaks had never been higher.
  8. I was abducted a few years ago. I was taken aboard a ship where they made me brush my teeth three times a day, wash behind my ears and eat all my greens I think I was on the mothership.
  9. Two astronauts aboard the space station are talking. The first one says "Is there no one who can get me milk for my coffee?" The second one says "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
  10. Argentina's missing submarine found a year after it vanished with 44 aboard. Whoops, wrong sub.

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All Aboard One Liners

Which all aboard one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with all aboard? I can suggest the ones about passenger train and train ride.

  1. What do you call a snail aboard a ship? A snailor.
  2. What did Bugs Bunny say after beaming aboard the Enterprise? What's up Spock?
  3. To smell good while aboard the ISS, astronauts wear ... Old Space.
  4. What job did the ex-therapist do aboard the ship? Anchor Management.
  5. TIL a Jew killed the people aboard the Titanic It was an Iceberg
  6. How do you escape a fascist authoritarian regime? By getting aboard (a) voat
  7. All aboard the Pun Train Also known as the Irony Horse.

All Aboard joke, All aboard the Pun Train

Fun-Filled All Aboard Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about all aboard you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad train jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make all aboard pranks.

There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to c**.

.., however, there were only four parachutes. Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes. One person said that he was the smartest thing that hit the face of the Earth, and that he was too smart to die. So, he took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft. The second person said that she was too important to die, she had children and a family to take care of, and they depended on her to care for them. So, she took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft. The third person said that he was too important to die because his family depended on him for survival. He was the head of household and the sole bread winner. So, he took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft. Finally, there were only two people left, and one parachute. One person was a 12 year old boy, and the other was a 65 year old man. The old man said, "Well son, I have lived a good life, and you are too young to die, you have a long life ahead of you. So, you take the last parachute. The boy asked, "Why, Sir?" The old man said, "Well, there is only one parachute left." The little lad said, "Sir there are really two parachutes left." The old gentlemen asked, excitedly, "Yeah? How?" "Well," replied the boy, "you know that guy who thought he was the smartest and greatest thing that hit the face of the Earth? He grabbed my backpack."

Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.


On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear."
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!"
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."

Aboard a train a man turns to a woman and asks "would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

...She thinks about it and decides that she would. "Would you do it for $10?" he asks. "Ugh, no!" she replies. "What do you take me for?"--"I Thought we already established that and now we are haggling for the price."

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run c**... collective farm.)
A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."
The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"
„Cuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.
They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"
„She said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says „Come with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says „Oink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.
„Piggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says „Welcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes „Meeh!
Boss says „Don't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

Three guys are aboard a jet as it's about to c**... and there are only two parachutes...

The first guy has the parachutes and gives both of them to the others, the second guy says thank you and jumps. The third guy before jumping asks "Wow, why would you do such a thing, why not save your own life?". The first guy then looks at him and says, "What are you crazy, I gave the second guy an empty backpack".

My wife asked me "If you had a loaded gun, and you saw 2 busses that were going to collide and you could save one by shooting the driver of the other (killing everyone aboard) one bus loaded with children, the other loaded with my parents and relatives, who would you save?"

I told her "That's a loaded question"

A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean.

A Catholic priest is drowning in the Ocean. A lifeguard swims past and asks the priest: "Do you need help?"
Priest replies: "Don't worry. God will save me."
A few minutes go by and another life guard swims past. He says: "Here, grab my hand I can help you get back to shore"
Priest replies: "Never fear, God will save me."
A few more minutes go past and the Priest is really struggling. A fishing boat comes along and they ask: "Do you need help? Climb aboard we can help you."
Again the priest replies: "I have faith, God will save me."
 
Priest drowns and goes to heaven. He meets God and asks "Why God? I have been a devout Catholic why did you not save me?!" God replies "What are you talking about I sent you two lifeguards and a boat!"

A plane was going down

and there were 4 people aboard: The president, the smartest man in the world, an old man, and a little girl. However, there were only 3 parachutes. The president said, "I'm too important to die," and took a parachute and jumped. The smartest man in the world said, "other people will need my smarts," and he also jumped off. The old man said,"you can go, my life is almost over anyway." The girl said," no, we can both go. The smartest man in the world took my Dora backpack."

Noah and the Two Snakes.

Noah, after settling his ship down and letting loose the animals aboard his Ark unto the world, noticed a pair of snakes that were left behind.
"Well, what are you guys still doing here?" Asked Noah.
"Remember how you said 'go forth and multiply' ?" One of the snakes replied.
"Yes..." Noah responded, looking deeply confused.
"We can't, we're adders."

A bunch of astronauts had an o**... aboard the International Space Station.

I heard it was out of this world!

An old man was piloting a small plane with his wife and kids aboard as a powerful storm raged.

Don't fret so much, he said to them as they were filled with fear. If anything should happen to me, I've provided for all of you very generously in my will.

A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour.

The tour guide announces: "On the right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle Falls."
The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance, and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall. All aboard are lost.
The moral to this episode is: always keep your poles off the right side of the plane.

45000 feet above the Atlantic, the aircraft engine fails

And the captain declares an emergency. Everyone aboard the plane was scared shitless. A passenger sitting next to the pastor loses it and screams, 'Don't just sit there, do something religious!'.
The pastor promptly took up a collection.....

Dyslexic Dave had a little too much to drink and decided to take public transit home. As he boarded, the driver said Welcome aboard the Main Street Express...

.... whoops, sorry, wrong bus.

A navy crew aboard a submarine are called by their initials...

A new recruit joins the crew, his name Ben Olivander. His crew-mates consist of Fredrick Udell, Collin Kilmer, Oscar Chase, and Owen Omar Faber.
BO is quickly made fun of by OC, although FU, c**..., and OOF enjoy BO's company as he is funny and kind. Due to this, OC is somewhat outcasted on board and nobody likes him.
The captain later comes in as OC is complaining about his poor treatment.
BO, FU, c**..., and OOF, why are you guys so rude to one of our members!
Why doesn't anyone on this sub like OC!?

Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election

One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."

A blonde and a brunette are riding in an elevator...

At one point, a man steps aboard with dandruff all over his suit. He gets off a few floors later and the brunette turns to the blonde and whispers-
Now THAT'S a guy who could really use some Head & Shoulders!
The blonde looks perplexed:
How do you give somebody shoulders?

An Australian is aboard the wrong airplane

The flight attendant approaches them and says I'm so sorry. I'm not sure how this mix-up happened but this plane is arriving in an entirely different country than your intended destination.
The Australian says No way.
The flight attendant replies Sweden, actually.

Control system theory joke

As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.
Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the other passengers to try to see out the window. Because of the sudden shift in weight, the pilot lost control, and the plane crashed, killing everyone aboard.
The official report said that the accident was due to instability caused by poles in the right half plane.

All Aboard joke, What do you call a snail aboard a ship?

jokes about all aboard