Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Alike Jokes and Friends
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike.
She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the t**...!
Aids or Alzheimer's
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have s**... with her."
Why did the brother octopi look so alike?
They were itentacle twins.
Why are women and noodles alike?
They both wriggle when you eat them.
How is parsley and p**... hair alike?
You just brush them off to the side and keep eating
Did you hear about the Quasimodo look alike contest?
The police had to break it up when the crowd turned ugly.
How's a f**... and a teenager alike?
Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.
How are a tupperware container and a walrus alike?
They both like a tight seal.
Mexicans and b**... are a lot alike.
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.
How are Princess Diana and Pink Floyd alike?
Their last big hit was The Wall.
A terribly ugly woman enters a store.
On each hand, she has a child. The clerk asks the woman: "Are those twins?" "No," the woman says, "They´re three years apart. Why? Do you think they look alike?" The clerk says: "No, I just can´t believe you got laid twice."
You can explore alike difference reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alike similarity dad jokes. There are also alike puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How are a hobo and a balloon alike?
Both are without visible means of support.
(My son found that in a children's joke book)
how are a silver medalist and a priest alike
They both came in a little behind
Great minds think alike...
That's why we have so many opinions in America
How are morbidly obese people and child molesters alike?
Both want to get into smaller pants.
I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high.
It is only 1 Pence.
How are a tornado and an Arkansas divorce alike?
Whichever one happens, somebody's going to lose a trailer.
I once knew twins who were exactly alike except one was missing an eye
They were dentical twins
Master Akira
A confused japanese student asks his master:
- Master Akira, why does all japanese people look alike?
And his master answered :
- I am not Master Akira.
A taxi driver was being interrogated after an accident.
Police Officer: So, how did you kill 59 people?
Taxi Driver: I was driving at 80km/h, when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding was taking place. I hit the brakes, but they failed.
Police Officer: And?
Taxi Driver: So, I had to make the choice of either hitting the two men, or the wedding party.
Police Officer: You hit the two men, of course!
Taxi Driver: Exactly! We think alike! Problem was, after hitting one of the men, the other escaped to the wedding party, so I went after him.
Creating a new password
Enter password
'Snowflake'
Re-enter password
'Snowflake'
Your passwords are not alike
Hayato had a question
Then he headed to master Akira dojo on the top of the mountain, when he finally got there Hayato asked to the master:
-Master Akira, why people say that all the japaneses are alike?
And then he aswered:
-I'm not master Akira, he's over there.
Well that was one of the best martial arts pick up lines
Enter password: 'snowflake'
Confirm password: 'snowflake'
Error, your passwords are not alike
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out
My grandfather, who served in Vietnam, asked me what sticks to young and old people alike:
Apparently n**... wasn't the answer.
I before E, except after C.
We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.
Neil Patrick Harris and Elton John are so much alike...
I can never get them straight.
Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"
"I am not Master Akira."
Two great minds thinking alike is always productive
Except when they are trying to call each other
Mistaken Identity
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."
A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike?
I'm not master Akira!
Why do l**... tend to dress alike?
They rub off on eachother.
What do you call octopus twins that look exactly alike?
Itenticle
A daughter rushed home to her father.
"Dad, Bill asked me to marry him"
The Father replied "How much money does he have"
The daughter answered "You men are all alike, He said the same thing about you."
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like h**... when they come, and take the house when they leave.
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong person.
Oh wait, that wasn't my waiter
My dad told me this one so i thought i might share
In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.
He finds him, and asks:
– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"
He pauses for a second, looks at the pupil's eyes and answers:
– "I'm not Master Zhi"
The wise Master Akira
Up the mountain a japanese asked a wise man, "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we Japanese, all look alike?"
"I am not Master Akira"
Why are demolition experts and dominatrixes alike?
They both like wrecking b**...
A Chinese kid asks his father, "Dad, why do they say, that all Chinese people look alike ?"
He replies, "I'm not your dad."
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
Clinton and Pence
You know both sides of the aisle are more alike then you think. Both Clinton and Pence had issues with their flies...
Most people have heard the phrase "Great minds think alike"
What they don't know is what comes after
"Idiots seldom differ"
How are Donald Trump and a jack o' lantern alike?
They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be thrown out the first week of November.
How are women and lightbulbs alike?
Both shine light into your life (:
A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?"
"I am not Master Ayumu."
How are Marie Antoinette, Princess Peach, and GLaDOS alike?
They all lie about there being cake.
Updoot for blue cheese day! Yayy
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike.
There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
How is a bouncy castle and an unvaxxed kid alike
Both stop being fun when a nail touches them
Why are Jewish delis and therapist's offices alike?
They're both places where beef is cured.
How programmers and cats are alike?
They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug
How are a divorce in Oklahoma and a tornado alike?
Somebody's going to lose a trailer...
I'm not racist but..
Really old people look alike.
How are a push-up-bra and a bag of chips alike?
It is only when you open them, that you realise they are halfway empty.
*PS: i work in a chips factory and i know the reason why the bags contain so much air*
Twins!
A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?" The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"
"No," replies the greeter. "I just can't believe you got laid twice."
Fishing & girlfriends
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i'm stuck here holding my rod
Two r**... guys were sitting on a dock in Georgia, drinking beer and fishing with their feet dangling in the water.
o**... said, "Oh no. An alligator just bit one of my feet off." The other guy said, "Which one?" And the first guy said, "How should I know? All the alligators look alike."
I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
Money
A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ? "
The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy! You men are all alike. "sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you. "
How are a cigarette and a hamster alike?
Both are completely harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
