aliens Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious aliens stories

What are the best aliens puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Aliens? Well here is a complete list of the top aliens jokes:

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators


Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.


Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.


What is an aliens favorite keyboard key

The space key


Two aliens sitting in a bar...

The first looks at the second and says "bleep loop do dooee day baaarrggg"

The second looks ask at the first a d says "shut up frank, you're drunk"


Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.


Top 3 unsolved cases

1 : Area 51 Aliens

2 : YT Recommendations

3 : A Wife's mind


Stonehenge whats the big deal

I dont understand why everyone travels miles to see stonehenge. So what it was made by aliens, so was my drive way


Pull on my ears!

I heard this one years ago...

A couple was driving down the road when a spaceship landed in front of their car. Two aliens got out, they said, "We're a Martian couple, we came down here to have sex with Earthlings and see what that's like. Do you want to have sex with us?" The couple looked at each other and figured, what the hell, when are we going to have this chance again, so they agreed.

So, the female alien went off with the male earthling, and the female earthling and the male alien went off to do their thing. Things were getting hot and heavy between them when the male martian took off his pants and said to the woman, "Well, what do you think?" She said, "Well, to be honest, it's smaller than what I'm used to, but I guess it's ok."

The martian said, "No, no, that's not all. You see, you pull on my left ear to make it bigger. And you pull on my right ear to make it wider. That way it grows to exactly the size you like." The woman said, "oh wow," pulled on his ears, and they had great sex.

Later on, she met back up with her boyfriend and she said, "Well, how was it for you?" He replied, "I guess it would have been ok, but it was hard to concentrate because she just kept on tugging on my ears!"


So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"

"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"

Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.

"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"

Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"

The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"


if you have 10 eggs

and i have 5 watermelons, how many pancakes can fit on the roof?

Purple, because aliens dont wear hats!


Math time!

If you have 4 pencils and I have 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof?

Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.


A man and his wife were laying in bed when aliens abducted them...

A man and his wife were laying in bed when aliens abducted them. Upon arriving on the alien ship, they were greeted by a male alien and a female alien.

"Do not fear humans, we come with a proposition for you. My wife and I have decided that we would like to have sex with humans, to see what it is like."

So after talking it over for a bit, the man and his wife agreed and were taken into separate rooms. The male alien goes on to tell the wife, "You are in full control here. If you want me to go faster, just push or pull my ears. If you want my dick to get bigger, tap me on the head."

It was the most exhilarating sexual experience the wife ever had, getting exactly what she wanted. After they were done the alien sent the wife down to her house where her husband was waiting.

"How was your experience babe?" she asks.

"It was going great, until that bitch grabbed my ears and started punching me in the head."


Christian Aliens

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: **"Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"**. **"You mean J.C?"**, responds the alien **"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok"**. Surprised, the pope follows up with **"He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"**. The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize **"maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"**. The pope retorts **"Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"**. The alien says **"Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"**


Where do dumb aliens go?

Area 52


Why are farmers so afraid of aliens?

Tractor beams.


The aliens!

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas pumps and one of them said to it " Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader".
The gas pump of course did not respond. The alien repeated the greeting and there was still no response. Annoyed by what he perceived as the gas pump's haughty attitude the alien drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling, we come in peace. How dare you ignore us this way? Take us to your leader or I will fire."

The other alien shouted to his companion, "No, you must not anger him....", but before he could finish his warning the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert where they landed in a heap.
When they finally regained consciousness the one who fired turned to the other one and said "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us. How did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there is one thing I have learned in my travel around the galaxy it's if a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick in his own ear, you don`t screw around with him."


Two aliens emerge from their spaceship that has crashed in the Arizona desert. They see an

abandoned gas station in the distance. Cautiously approaching the old gas pumps, they determine the pumps must be intelligent life. One alien speaks to the pumps, "Take us to your leader." The numbers on the gas pumps stare back quietly. The same alien speaks more forcefully to the dusty pumps. "Take us to your leader!" A tumbleweed blows across the pavement in front of the still silent pumps. The alien points his laser pistol at the pumps. His companion is clearly opposed to his aggression. Waving the pistol, the alien shouts, TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER OR FACE CERTAIN DEATH FROM MY SHINY LASER PISTOL!" The pumps' continued silence infuriates the alien and he fires. BLAM! KABOOM! The two aliens are thrown hundreds of feet through the air by the explosion of the old gas pumps. They land in the sand by a barrel cactus. The shooter looks at his companion with a puzzled expression. The wiser alien looks at him and says, "In all my millions of light years traveled I have learned one thing. Never, ever mess with any creature who can wrap their dick around themselves and stick it in their ear."


A couple was walking down the street when an alien spaceship landed in front of them...

An alien couple exited the spaceship and said, ''Hello, earthlings, we come in peace and we want you to tell us all about your planet.''

They talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It sounded very similar to the way the aliens did it so, in the interest of intergalactic friendship and exploration, they decided to trade partners for the night.

When the woman saw the alien man undress, she immediately laughed. The alien looked down and said, ''Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.'' And he hit his head twice and it grew to epic proportions. The woman had the greatest sex of her life.

The next morning the man asked the woman, ''How was it?''

The woman replied, ''Great! You?''

The man said, ''It sucked. For some reason the alien woman kept hitting me on the head, screaming, 'It's broken! It's broken!'''


Simple math can determine your favorite movie.

Pick a number from 1 - 9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3, then multiply by 3 again.

You will get your answer by adding the two digits together to find your all time favorite movie..


It is:

1.. Gone with the wind.

2. Aliens.

3. Oliver

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump.

6. Saving Private Ryan.

7. Jaws.

8. Grease.

9. The joy of Anal Sex with male goats & leather clad gay boys.

10. Mary Poppins.


Let us not forget what today is

The day will smith saved us from Aliens



You've red some of the best aliens jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 21 puns about aliens. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty aliens gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these aliens jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

Can I save Aliens jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Thumbs up your favorite jokes so we can rank them by how many likes every joke has. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

How to share a Aliens joke? You are free to share every Aliens joke found on, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.