aliens Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious aliens puns

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators

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Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.

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Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.

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Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

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Two aliens are flying near earth

The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."

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A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?
 
The clerk said, Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!
 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.  Do you have it in paperback?

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Why don't aliens visit our solar system?

Terrible ratings. One star.

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In space, two aliens are talking to each other

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

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In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

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Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.

Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.

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Intelligent life?

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

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When the US went to the moon....

...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.

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Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.

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Out in space, 2 aliens are talking to eachother...

The first alien says, *"The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."*

The second alien asks, *"Are they an emerging intelligence?"*

The first alien responds, *"Hmm...I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"*

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Why haven't we found aliens yet ?

because they are searching for intelligent life too.

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What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

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So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

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If aliens really landed in America

"Take me to your leader"

"... you sure?"

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why have aliens never visited our solar system?

because they saw the reviews only had 1 star

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How do aliens pay for their coffees?

With Starbucks!

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The aliens!

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas pumps and one of them said to it " Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader".
The gas pump of course did not respond. The alien repeated the greeting and there was still no response. Annoyed by what he perceived as the gas pump's haughty attitude the alien drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling, we come in peace. How dare you ignore us this way? Take us to your leader or I will fire."

The other alien shouted to his companion, "No, you must not anger him....", but before he could finish his warning the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert where they landed in a heap.
When they finally regained consciousness the one who fired turned to the other one and said "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us. How did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there is one thing I have learned in my travel around the galaxy it's if a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick in his own ear, you don`t screw around with him."

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Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space

Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.

**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.

**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.

**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.

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Just been chatting to my neighbor's teenage daughter

It turns out she's really into aliens and UFOs

Which is cool because tommorow she's getting abducted

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So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"

"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"

Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.

"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"

Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"

The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"

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I hope aliens don't land in the USA and say "take me to your leader"

How embarrassing would that be

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Why do aliens avoid having sex in public?

They prefer to come in peace

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A married couple find 2 aliens in a field.

A married couple find a male and a female alien in a field and decide to have sex with them to see what its like. After about a half an hour of sex, the two humans meet up to talk about what it was like. The wife tells the husband "It was the greatest sex I have ever had! When I pulled on his right ear, his penis would get bigger! When I pulled on his left ear it would get smaller!" The man replies with: "That sounds wonderful! My sex was horrible. She kept tugging on my right ear the whole time."

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A UFO landed in the Vatican and the friendly Aliens where greeted by the pope

Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us.

Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, always in white clothes and is in his mid-thirties? Sure we know this guy.. great guy! Whenever he visits us he cure our sick, turn some water into wine (great laugh!), show us his walking-on-water-trick and then we throw a great party and serve him pancakes. He pops up every 2 years or so. Anyway, what did you guys do?

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Why do aliens have 3 balls?

It's an an extra terrestrical.

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What do aliens use for currency?

Starbucks!

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I was walking through the mall and I saw a Muslim bookstore.

I was curious to what was actually in a Muslim bookstore so I went in.

As I walked around I saw the salesman give me the stink eye, but asked if he could help me.

I knew I probably wasn't his usual clientele, so I asked "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?"

He replied "Kiss my ass! Get out and stay out!"

I said, "Yes that's the one!! Do you have it in paperback?"

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Two aliens are speaking with each other in outer space, inspecting Earth

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons".

The second alien looks at the first and inquires, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien replies, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.

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What did the aliens masturbating in the fridge say?

We cum in peas

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Interviewer: Name one of your accomplishments

Applicant:Well I discovered aliens, outside my house and managed to learn their language.
Interviewer:That seems rather complicated...
Applicant:Well Spanish isn't hard to learn sir.

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Aliens and Humans

"Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?

Human: we are an advanced species

A: how do you travel?

H: we light old dinosaurs on fire"

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What are the most funny Aliens jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Aliens? Well, here are the best Aliens dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Aliens pick up lines to share with friends.

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