Top 10 aliens Jokes

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We'll take the aliens, you get the predators


Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.


Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.


So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"

"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"

Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.

"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"

Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"

The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"


A man and his wife were laying in bed when aliens abducted them...

A man and his wife were laying in bed when aliens abducted them. Upon arriving on the alien ship, they were greeted by a male alien and a female alien.

"Do not fear humans, we come with a proposition for you. My wife and I have decided that we would like to have sex with humans, to see what it is like."

So after talking it over for a bit, the man and his wife agreed and were taken into separate rooms. The male alien goes on to tell the wife, "You are in full control here. If you want me to go faster, just push or pull my ears. If you want my dick to get bigger, tap me on the head."

It was the most exhilarating sexual experience the wife ever had, getting exactly what she wanted. After they were done the alien sent the wife down to her house where her husband was waiting.

"How was your experience babe?" she asks.

"It was going great, until that bitch grabbed my ears and started punching me in the head."


Female aliens are invading earth and kidnapping men with large cocks.

You're in no danger. I'm just writing you to say goodbye.


The aliens!

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas pumps and one of them said to it " Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader".
The gas pump of course did not respond. The alien repeated the greeting and there was still no response. Annoyed by what he perceived as the gas pump's haughty attitude the alien drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling, we come in peace. How dare you ignore us this way? Take us to your leader or I will fire."

The other alien shouted to his companion, "No, you must not anger him....", but before he could finish his warning the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert where they landed in a heap.
When they finally regained consciousness the one who fired turned to the other one and said "What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us. How did you know it was so dangerous?"

The other alien answered, "If there is one thing I have learned in my travel around the galaxy it's if a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick in his own ear, you don`t screw around with him."


What do aliens use for currency?



What did the aliens masturbating in the fridge say?

We cum in peas


What is an aliens favorite keyboard key

The space key