Alien Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...

They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.

Two aliens are flying near earth

The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."

Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?

They checked our reviews.

One star.

Why don't aliens visit our solar system?

Terrible ratings. One star.

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

What do you call an illegal immigrant and a catholic priest fighting?

Alien VS Predator

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

What do you call an immigrant and a pedophile in a jail cell together?

Alien vs predator.

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive)

Alien vs. Predator

What's the difference between an illegal alien and E.T.?

E.T. learned English and went home.

My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.

Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

What do you call a fight between a mexican and a pedophile?

Alien VS Predator

If aliens really landed in America

"Take me to your leader"

"... you sure?"

An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.

Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.

Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?

Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.

why have aliens never visited our solar system?

because they saw the reviews only had 1 star

What do you call an illegal immigrant fighting a child rapist?

Alien vs Predator

How do aliens pay for their coffees?

With Starbucks!

An alien asked me to take him to my leader...

...so do I take him to the president, my wife, or my cat???

What do you call an Alien with three eyes?

Aliiien!

What do you call an alien that's also a pedophile?

An Extramolestrial

What do you call it if an illegal immigrant fights a sex offender?

Alien vs. Predator

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.

Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?

Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.

Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space

Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.

**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.

**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.

**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.

So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.

The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."

But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"

"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...

...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.

During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.

"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"

"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"

Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.

"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"

Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."

The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"

The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"

I heard there's a new movie coming out where an illegal immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child molester...

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

Alien abduction

Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."

What do you call a boxing match between a Mexican and a priest?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call a fight between an immigrant and a sex offender?

Alien vs predator

If Bill Cosby rapes an immigrant...

Is it Alien Vs Predator?

Why do aliens avoid having sex in public?

They prefer to come in peace

A UFO landed in the Vatican and the friendly Aliens where greeted by the pope

Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us.

Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, always in white clothes and is in his mid-thirties? Sure we know this guy.. great guy! Whenever he visits us he cure our sick, turn some water into wine (great laugh!), show us his walking-on-water-trick and then we throw a great party and serve him pancakes. He pops up every 2 years or so. Anyway, what did you guys do?

What do aliens use for currency?

Starbucks!

Aliens and Humans

"Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?

Human: we are an advanced species

A: how do you travel?

H: we light old dinosaurs on fire"

What's the secret of a buff alien?

Asteroids.

An illegal immigrant and a sex offender get into a fight

It was Alien vs. Predator

I hear they made a movie about an illegal immigrant who beats up a child abuser.

Alien vs Predator

Why don't we have any alien visitors in our solar system?

I googled it and found the reason...

It's rated only '1 star' out there.

An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar...

The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.

The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.

Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons.

Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?

Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.

What is an aliens favorite keyboard key

The space key

Illegal immigrant vs. Child molester

If and illegal immigrant fought a child molester, would it be considered alien vs. predator?

What did the alien say to the glass of water?

Take me to your liter.

I saw a Mexican fighting Jared Fogel

I finally saw Alien vs Predator

Why don't aliens visit the solar system

They look at the reviews and see it only has 1 star

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

I met an alien who couldn't stop swearing...

He was an Extra Tourettes-trial.

In light of the Pope allowing aliens into the catholic church...aliens make contact with humanity

upon hearing the news, the Pope arranges to meet with the leader of the aliens.

Once the two are seated and have enjoyed a short bit of pleasant conversation, the Pope asks the alien leader, "tell me, have you heard of Jesus?"

The alien leader looks at the pope before smiling in realization, "you mean Jesus of Nazareth?" he exclaims, continuing before the pope can reply, "oh, we know about him! He comes to our world every few months, and he's always so friendly!"

The Pope's mouth drops in shock "but...how? Jesus hasn't returned to us for over 2000 years!"

The alien leader frowns and thinks for a moment. "well", he finally says, "every time Jesus comes to our world, we give him a box of chocolates. What did you give him the last time he came here?"

Why haven't the aliens visited us yet?

They looked at the reviews.. Only 1 star.

What do you call a fat alien?

An extra-cholesterol.

...I'm so sorry.

Christian Aliens

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: **"Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"**. **"You mean J.C?"**, responds the alien **"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok"**. Surprised, the pope follows up with **"He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"**. The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize **"maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"**. The pope retorts **"Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"**. The alien says **"Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"**

Two Aliens

2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.

"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien

"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other

"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"ο»Ώ

Two aliens are talking aboard their ship

Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?

Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it

Alien 1: Idiots

A couple was walking down the street when an alien spaceship landed in front of them...

An alien couple exited the spaceship and said, ''Hello, earthlings, we come in peace and we want you to tell us all about your planet.''

They talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It sounded very similar to the way the aliens did it so, in the interest of intergalactic friendship and exploration, they decided to trade partners for the night.

When the woman saw the alien man undress, she immediately laughed. The alien looked down and said, ''Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.'' And he hit his head twice and it grew to epic proportions. The woman had the greatest sex of her life.

The next morning the man asked the woman, ''How was it?''

The woman replied, ''Great! You?''

The man said, ''It sucked. For some reason the alien woman kept hitting me on the head, screaming, 'It's broken! It's broken!'''

What do you call a fight between a foreigner and a paedophile?

Alien vs predator

If Elon Musk discovered an alien, started dating it, and then unceremoniously broke up with it

Would it be his Space Ex?

How do you pay an alien from outer space for services rendered?

With Star Bucks.

What do you do when you see a green alien?

Wait until they are ripe!


* I'm either really tired, or this is so stupid it's hilarious

Two aliens sitting in a bar...

The first looks at the second and says "bleep loop do dooee day baaarrggg"

The second looks ask at the first a d says "shut up frank, you're drunk"

I heard Steven Spielberg is directing a film about a fat alien...

It's called "Eat-T, The Extra Cholesterol".

So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...

My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe

Could be taken as racist, or insecure (maybe both)

What do you call a immigrant fighting a rapist. "Alien versus predator"

Where do aliens go fishing?

In the galax-sea

What do you call it when an immigrant and a pedophile get into a fight?

Alien Vs. Predator

How do you stop an alien invasion?

You build a wall.

Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?

Because they're not garbage collectors.

What are the funniest alien jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Alien? Well, here are the best Alien puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Alien pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes