Hilarious Alien Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
Why haven't Aliens visited our Solar System yet? ...
They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.
So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...
And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.
The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."
But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"
"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."
What is an aliens favorite keyboard key
The space key
Alien abduction
Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
What do you call an i**... immigrant and a catholic priest fighting?
Alien VS Predator
What do aliens use for currency?
Starbucks!
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive)
Alien vs. Predator
I heard there's a new movie coming out where an i**... immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child m**......
They're calling it Alien vs Predator.
Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."
You can explore alien foreigner reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alien astronauts dad jokes. There are also alien puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Two aliens are talking aboard their ship
Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it
Alien 1: Idiots
What do you call a boxing match between a Mexican and a priest?
Alien vs. Predator
What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?
Alien vs Predator.
I saw a Mexican fighting Jared Fogel
I finally saw Alien vs Predator
What do you call a fat alien?
An extra-cholesterol.
...I'm so sorry.
How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.
Alien vs predator
What do you call it if an i**... immigrant fights a s**... offender?
Alien vs. Predator
An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar...
The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.
The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.
What if aliens are responsible for global warming?
And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
I met an alien who couldn't stop swearing...
He was an Extra Tourettes-trial.
How do aliens pay for their coffees?
With Starbucks!
My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.
Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
An alien asked me to take him to my leader...
...so do I take him to the president, my wife, or my cat???
Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space
Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.
**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.
**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.
**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.
What's the difference between an i**... alien and E.T.?
E.T. learned English and went home.
Two aliens are flying near earth
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
What do you call an Alien with three eyes?
Aliiien!
Why don't we have any alien visitors in our solar system?
I googled it and found the reason...
It's rated only '1 star' out there.
So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...
Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?
Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.
Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.
Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.
Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons.
Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?
Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.
What's it called when an i**... immigrant and a child m**... get in a fist fight?
Alien VS predator
How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?
split them into groups and teach them different religions.
Why don't aliens visit our solar system?
Terrible ratings. One star.
An i**... immigrant and a s**... offender get into a fight
It was Alien vs. Predator
What's the secret of a buff alien?
Asteroids.
i**... immigrant vs. Child m**...
If and i**... immigrant fought a child m**..., would it be considered alien vs. predator?
In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
If Bill Cosby rapes an immigrant...
Is it Alien Vs Predator?
What did the alien say to the glass of water?
Take me to your liter.
Why do aliens avoid having s**... in public?
They prefer to come in peace
Two Aliens
2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.
"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien
"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other
"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"ο»Ώ
Aliens and Humans
"Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?
Human: we are an advanced species
A: how do you travel?
H: we light old dinosaurs on fire"
Why don't aliens visit the solar system
They look at the reviews and see it only has 1 star
If aliens really landed in America
"Take me to your leader"
"... you sure?"
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
I hear they made a movie about an i**... immigrant who beats up a child abuser.
Alien vs Predator
why have aliens never visited our solar system?
because they saw the reviews only had 1 star
Why haven't aliens come to our solar system?
They checked our reviews.
One star.
A alien walks into a bar
He orders a drink. After some time he taps the waiter and says "beep". After 5 minutes he does it again. He does it repeatedly until the waiter says "I swear to God, if you do that one more time I'm gonna chop your b**... off!" Alien responds "I don't have any b**...". The waiter says "Then how do you have s**...?". The alien responds by tapping the waiter and saying "beep"
So Mark Zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...
They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...
Alien vs Predator
Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.
They're always raising the steaks.
Why do aliens never visit earth
Because it has one star
What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?
Alien versus Redditor.
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
What do you call a fight between an i**... immigrant and the nerdiest v**... you have ever seen?
Alien vs Redditor
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They checked the reviews.. only 1 star
Aliens come to earth...
They meet with all the world leaders. Eventually it's the Pope's turn to chat to them. He asks the one alien, Greetings alien, what do you think of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
The alien exclaims, Ah, JC! He's my boy! We have a massive party when he visits us once a year!
He visits you once a year? The Pope asks in astonishment. He hasn't been to earth in more than two millennia! How did you manage that?!
Well, when he first came to our planet we gave him a box of our finest chocolates. What did you guys do?
An alien lands today...Nov. 4, 2020
Alien: Take me to your leader
Me: Your going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.
Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?
One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.
An alien landed on my farm and asked me to take them to your leader.
Can we wait a month? I asked for the sake of humanity.
Every fish you catch and release
goes home with an alien abduction story.
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
They checked the reviews... but we only had one star
We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship
We can call it "Alien vs Predator"
How do you know aliens are not vegan?
Because they haven't contacted us to say it.
What do aliens spread on their toast?
Space jam.
One alien says to another, The dominant life forms on the planet earth appear to have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.
The second alien replies, Are they an emerging intelligence?
The first alien says, I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.
A man and an alien are talking
At some point the conversation turns to religion.
The man asks: have you heard of Jesus?
The alien responds: oh yeah, he comes by twice a year.
The man, shocked says
twice a year? We have been waiting over 2,000 years for him to return!
Well maybe he didn't like your gifts, the alien says.
Gifts, the man asks perplexed?
Yeah, every time he comes we give him plenty of gifts and food, the alien says.
What did you do for him the last time he visited you guys?
Why haven't aliens visited our planet yet?
They looked at the reviews⦠only 1 star!
Aliens don't want to meet us.
They've looked at the reviewsβ¦
only 1 star!
What do you give an Alien
Some Space
How do you get to be friends with an alien?
Have a down to earth conversation with them
What was the court case between an immigrant and a priest called?
Alien v. Predator.
Why don't aliens visit us?
Because we only have 1 star in our solar system.
I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster.
But I still have never seen a BMW driver use his turn signals.
To the Mothers...
_Don't be so hard on yourself; the mom in ET had an alien living in her house for *weeks* and didn't notice._
I was never allowed to see Alien vs. Predator as a kid
The closest I got was watching my uncle rant about immigrants.
Why don't aliens visit Earth
Bc we have 1 star rating...
