Alien Jokes
131 alien jokes and hilarious alien puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alien that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you need a laugh? Look no further than this collection of funny alien jokes. From resident aliens to abductions, these jokes poke fun at extraterrestrials and foreigners. Get ready for a galactic laugh-a-thon!
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Funniest Alien Short Jokes
Short alien jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alien humour may include short worm jokes also.
- Why haven't Aliens visited our solar system yet? ... They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star. - Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
- I told my wife I saw an alien on the way to work this morning She said how do you know it's on its way to work?
- What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life? Alien versus Redditor.
- My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh. Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.
- What if aliens are responsible for global warming? And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
- I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster. But I still have never seen a bmw driver use his turn signals.
- How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator
- An alien asked me to take him to my leader... ...so do I take him to the president, my wife, or my cat???
- I hope aliens don't land in the USA and say "take me to your leader" How embarrassing would that be
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Alien One Liners
Which alien one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alien? I can suggest the ones about human and evil.
- How do you know aliens are not vegan? Because they haven't contacted us to say it.
- What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive) Alien vs. Predator
- What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle? Alien vs Predator.
- Why haven't we found aliens yet ? because they are searching for intelligent life too.
- If aliens really landed in America "Take me to your leader"
"... you sure?" - How do aliens pay for their coffees? With Starbucks!
- What do you call an Alien with three eyes? Aliiien!
- Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers. They're always raising the steaks.
- Every fish you catch and release goes home with an alien abduction story.
- Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens. The aliens were never seen again.
- What's the secret of a buff alien? Asteroids.
- Why don't aliens visit us? Because we only have 1 star in our solar system.
- What do you get when you buy 3 aliens but they give you 5? Extra terrestrials.
- What is an aliens favorite keyboard key The space key
- What do aliens spread on their toast? Space jam.
Alien Vs Predator Jokes
Here is a list of funny alien vs predator jokes and even better alien vs predator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was never allowed to see Alien vs. Predator as a kid The closest I got was watching my uncle rant about immigrants.
- I saw a Mexican fighting Jared Fogel I finally saw Alien vs Predator
- In the late '80s, NBC's most popular sitcom was the Cosby Show, with ALF not far behind. Knowing what we know now, I guess you could call their weekly ratings battle Alien vs. Predator.
- "Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie... ... about the current situation of USA Immigration.
- What do you call it when R Kelly and 21 Savage fight? Alien vs. Predator
- I got a bootleg copy of "Alien vs Predator" It was just some Mexican guy fighting a priest!
- what do you call Mark Zuckerberg fighting a crocodile? Alien VS Predator!
- What do you call a rap battle between 21 savage and Six-Nine? Alien vs predator
- What do you call it when Bill Cosby attacks an immigrant? Alien vs. Predator
- What do you call a Mexican in Washington D.C.? Alien vs. Predator
Alien Abduction Jokes
Here is a list of funny alien abduction jokes and even better alien abduction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my wife I'd never leave her unless aliens came to take me. It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.
- I was abducted by aliens last night I tried to communicate, but I didn't know Spanish
- Why do aliens only abduct white people? Because they are easier to see in the dark.
- I have been abducted by aliens searching for people with Alzheimer's. When I woke up, the first thing they asked me was which date is today. I'm afraid "how did I get here" was not a good answer.
- When a fish get caught by humans Do other fishes think that he was abducted by aliens ?
- When the aliens started abducting cows, that's when I knew. That what we had was a one time thing.
- What do you call it when a foreigner kidnaps your son? An alien abduction.
- Yoko Ono was abducted by alien lawyers in a UFO They offered to represent her pro bono
- I was abducted by aliens We almost got to the border
- Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
Hilarious Alien Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about alien you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean extraterrestrial jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alien pranks.
Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical m**... store
I'll call it glazed and confused
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alien abduction
Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."
Two aliens sitting in a bar...
The first looks at the second and says "bleep loop do dooee day baaarrggg"
The second looks ask at the first a d says "shut up frank, you're drunk"
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Could be taken as racist, or insecure (maybe both)
What do you call a immigrant fighting a r**.... "Alien versus predator"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant?
an imPASTA!
Two aliens are talking aboard their ship
Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it
Alien 1: Idiots
Why are aliens green?
Because of the lawn clippings!
I heard Steven Spielberg is directing a film about a fat alien...
It's called "Eat-T, The Extra Cholesterol".
This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".
"Whoever wins... We lose."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a fat alien?
An extra-cholesterol.
...I'm so sorry.
How do alien sport teams get to the game?
In the sportsmanship.
How do you stop an alien invasion?
You build a wall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Would you have s**... with an alien?
Sorry if that's a probing question.
Why did the aliens choose to not invade and enslave the human race?
Because they're not garbage collectors.
I keep getting fired...
...and every time it happens, I walk into the Human Resources manager's office to find an alien sitting there coring apples with its pharyngeal jaws. Starting to see a pattern, I've come up with a device that will let me know *before* I enter the office, so I can merely pack up my things and go. I call it the HR Giger Counter.
An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar...
The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.
The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.
I met an alien who couldn't stop swearing...
He was an Extra Tourettes-trial.
2017 First UFO lands
Alien: "Take me to your leader."
*Alien is brought to Pres. Trump.
Alien: "Good one! Seriously though. This is important."
An alien mothership is scouting planet Earth.
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space
Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.
**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.
**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.
**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an i**... alien and E.T.?
E.T. learned English and went home.
Two aliens are flying near earth
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
Why don't we have any alien visitors in our solar system?
I googled it and found the reason...
It's rated only '1 star' out there.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you do when you see a green alien?
Wait until they are ripe!
* I'm either really tired, or this is so s**... it's hilarious
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's it called when an i**... immigrant and a child m**... get in a fist fight?
Alien VS predator
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aliens suckered humans into making mass temples
It was the first pyramid scheme
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aliens visit, and their first question is: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"
Aliens: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"
Humans: "well, we were worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking w**...... and then we made it to developing technology that can destroy this entire planet, and pretty soon we'll have unlimited energy from that tech."
Aliens: "Impressive. Good thing you stopped worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking w**...."
Humans:
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...
My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Bill Cosby rapes an immigrant...
Is it Alien Vs Predator?
Where do aliens go fishing?
In the galax-sea
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket
What did the alien say to the glass of water?
Take me to your liter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do aliens avoid having s**... in public?
They prefer to come in peace
What sound do alien sheep from Star Wars make?
Dagobah
If Elon Musk discovered an alien, started dating it, and then unceremoniously broke up with it
Would it be his Space Ex?
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If there was a futuristic story about an alien who caught fire because he m**... too hard
Would that be science friction?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Using Microsoft Word
**moves image 1mm to the right**
4 new pages appear.
Global warming.
Alien invasion.
Armageddon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A alien walks into a bar
He orders a drink. After some time he taps the waiter and says "beep". After 5 minutes he does it again. He does it repeatedly until the waiter says "I swear to God, if you do that one more time I'm gonna chop your b**... off!" Alien responds "I don't have any b**...". The waiter says "Then how do you have s**...?". The alien responds by tapping the waiter and saying "beep"
So mark zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...
They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...
Alien vs Predator
How do aliens make babies?
They have SpaceX
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a fight between an i**... immigrant and the nerdiest v**... you have ever seen?
Alien vs Redditor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aliens arrive to earth, "Let's invade that area first, humans called it Poland"
"Why that area first?"
"It seems a habit around here..."
Aliens come to earth...
They meet with all the world leaders. Eventually it's the Pope's turn to chat to them. He asks the one alien, Greetings alien, what do you think of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
The alien exclaims, Ah, JC! He's my boy! We have a massive party when he visits us once a year!
He visits you once a year? The Pope asks in astonishment. He hasn't been to earth in more than two millennia! How did you manage that?!
Well, when he first came to our planet we gave him a box of our finest chocolates. What did you guys do?
An alien lands today...Nov. 4, 2020
Alien: Take me to your leader
Me: Your going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between scientology and ancient aliens?
One is an alien-based pyramid scheme and the other is a pyramid-based alien scheme.
An alien landed on my farm and asked me to take them to your leader.
Can we wait a month? I asked for the sake of humanity.
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims: "take me to your leader". The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.....
"Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!" calls a Senator.
"You are right!" responds the alien.
"See you on Thursday!"
What do you call a priest who is touring Area 51?
Alien versus predator
The Vatican decides to storm Area 51...
Alien V.S. Predator
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We should have a TV show where i**... immigrants hunt down s**... offenders for a chance at citizenship
We can call it "Alien vs Predator"
My friend was telling me about Xenomorphs and Facehuggers....
It's all Alien to me.
A lot of people think Crop Circles are done by alien aircrafts...
I think they're done by Cereal Killers.
How do aliens harvest their crops?
With tractor beams.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you heard about the movie where an i**... immigrant hunts down a priest to get vengence?
It's called Alien vs. Predator
What do you call an Alien born in Australia?
An Australien
What did the alien Karen say when she landed on Earth?
Take me to your manager.
