Following is our collection of foreigner humor and nonnative one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alien puns for adults, dirty astronauts jokes or clean extraterrestrial gags for kids.
There is an abundance of alien wife swap jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 74 funniest jokes on alien. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any alien sex witze you can hear about alien.
They looked at the reviews...
Only 1 star.
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
They checked our reviews.
One star.
Terrible ratings. One star.
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
They checked the reviews.. only 1 star
Alien VS predator
Alien VS Predator
Alien versus Redditor.
Would it be called Alien vs Predator?
Alien vs predator.
Alien vs. Predator
E.T. learned English and went home.
Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.
Alien vs Predator.
And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?
Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.
Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.
Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.
Alien vs predator
"Take me to your leader"
"... you sure?"
Alien Scout: Sir, the Humans appear to possess massive military capabilities, nuclear weapons included.
Alien Commander: This is problematic, are they really such an intelligent species?
Alien Scout: Apparently not Sir, they appear to have them pointed at themselves.
because they saw the reviews only had 1 star
With Starbucks!
...so do I take him to the president, my wife, or my cat???
Aliiien!
An Extramolestrial
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
Alien vs. Predator
Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.
**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.
**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.
**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
They're always raising the steaks.
And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.
The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."
But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"
"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."
He orders a drink. After some time he taps the waiter and says "beep". After 5 minutes he does it again. He does it repeatedly until the waiter says "I swear to God, if you do that one more time I'm gonna chop your balls off!" Alien responds "I don't have any balls". The waiter says "Then how do you have sex?". The alien responds by tapping the waiter and saying "beep"
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
They're calling it Alien vs Predator.
Alien vs. Predator
Harry, Bill, and Steve are siting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed." Ted says. Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that." Says Harry. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Steve."
Is it Alien Vs Predator?
They prefer to come in peace
Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us.
Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, always in white clothes and is in his mid-thirties? Sure we know this guy.. great guy! Whenever he visits us he cure our sick, turn some water into wine (great laugh!), show us his walking-on-water-trick and then we throw a great party and serve him pancakes. He pops up every 2 years or so. Anyway, what did you guys do?
Starbucks!
"Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?
Human: we are an advanced species
A: how do you travel?
H: we light old dinosaurs on fire"
It was Alien vs. Predator
Asteroids.
Alien vs Predator
I googled it and found the reason...
It's rated only '1 star' out there.
The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.
The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.
Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?
Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.
The space key
If and illegal immigrant fought a child molester, would it be considered alien vs. predator?
Take me to your liter.
One of them has been researching whether an invasion would be viable. He reports back to his commander "the humans have somehow managed to harness the power of the atom to create some of the most powerful weapons I've ever seen".
The commander says "maybe it would be unwise for us to invade this planet then"
The researcher replied "I wouldn't worry too much, although they have the power, they don't have the intelligence to use them properly, they've got them pointing at themselves."
They look at the reviews and see it only has 1 star
I finally saw Alien vs Predator
split them into groups and teach them different religions.
upon hearing the news, the Pope arranges to meet with the leader of the aliens.
Once the two are seated and have enjoyed a short bit of pleasant conversation, the Pope asks the alien leader, "tell me, have you heard of Jesus?"
The alien leader looks at the pope before smiling in realization, "you mean Jesus of Nazareth?" he exclaims, continuing before the pope can reply, "oh, we know about him! He comes to our world every few months, and he's always so friendly!"
The Pope's mouth drops in shock "but...how? Jesus hasn't returned to us for over 2000 years!"
The alien leader frowns and thinks for a moment. "well", he finally says, "every time Jesus comes to our world, we give him a box of chocolates. What did you give him the last time he came here?"
Because it has one star
He was an Extra Tourettes-trial.
They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...
Alien vs Predator
An extra-cholesterol.
...I'm so sorry.
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: **"Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"**. **"You mean J.C?"**, responds the alien **"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok"**. Surprised, the pope follows up with **"He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"**. The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize **"maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"**. The pope retorts **"Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"**. The alien says **"Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"**
2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.
"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien
"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other
"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"
Alien 1: Did the humans get our message?
Alien 2: Yes, but they named it dubstep and are dancing to it
Alien 1: Idiots
An alien couple exited the spaceship and said, ''Hello, earthlings, we come in peace and we want you to tell us all about your planet.''
They talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It sounded very similar to the way the aliens did it so, in the interest of intergalactic friendship and exploration, they decided to trade partners for the night.
When the woman saw the alien man undress, she immediately laughed. The alien looked down and said, ''Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot.'' And he hit his head twice and it grew to epic proportions. The woman had the greatest sex of her life.
The next morning the man asked the woman, ''How was it?''
The woman replied, ''Great! You?''
The man said, ''It sucked. For some reason the alien woman kept hitting me on the head, screaming, 'It's broken! It's broken!'''
Alien vs Redditor
Would it be his Space Ex?
Alien vs predator
With Star Bucks.
Wait until they are ripe!
* I'm either really tired, or this is so stupid it's hilarious
It's called "Eat-T, The Extra Cholesterol".
The first looks at the second and says "bleep loop do dooee day baaarrggg"
The second looks ask at the first a d says "shut up frank, you're drunk"
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe
In the galax-sea
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.