Alex Jokes

Following is our collection of salmond humor and rebecca one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alex puns for adults, dirty dani jokes or clean xan gags for kids.

There is an abundance of aleck jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes on alex. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any evan witze you can hear about alex.

The Best jokes about Alex

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.

The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.

"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.

"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".

"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They both have the same middle name.

Too soon

What is making a joke about Alex Tribek's cancer diagnosis?

"Dad, why is my sister called Rose?"

"Becausr your mother likes roses."

"Thanks dad"

"No problem Alex."

If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...

Where would you hide it?


Alex Jones dies and meets Jesus at the pearly gates.

As they are waiting to see if God will allow Alex into heaven, Jesus says:

"Alex, while we wait you can ask me any question and I will answer it".

So Alex asks him, "who planned 9/11?"

And Jesus responds "Osama Bin Laden"

Alex goes " wow, this goes higher up than I thought."

Alex- Have you heard? Professor Smith from our apartment house is gay!


Matt - Wow, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half a year, but never knew he was a professor...

Who was Alexander Graham Bellski?

The first telephone Pole

Me: "Alexa, add tinfoil for hats to my shopping cart."

Alexa: "I ordered yesterday after I noticed you had 3 sheets left in your upper right cupboard. You're all good."

sex with twins

Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had sex with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.

My wife and I made a list of people we can sleep with if we ever met. She picked Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, and Cam Gigandet

I picked her sister, her cousin, and our neighbor because men are simple like that.


Anyone who believes in climate change just believes whatever someone tells them to. They don't think for themselves.

I know that because Alex Jones told me so

A boy learned about abortion is school one day...

When the boy got home he found his parents on the couch.

"Mom, Dad, what do you think about abortion?" He asked.

"I don't know," replied his dad, "ask your sister."

"I don't have a sis-"


(Thanks to my friend, Alex, for telling me that joke.)

Alex The Gardener

A supervisor of a landscaping business got a call from one of his workers on Friday afternoon "Hey boss, it's me Alex, I'm not feeling so good today, I've got a big headache and just don't feel well." The boss replies; "You know, when I don't feel well, I like to go to my wife and ask for sex, then I feel much better. You should try it."

Three hours later, the boss gets a phone call from Alex; "You were right boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon! By the way, you have a really nice house!"

David Cameron sends Alex Salmond a text following the Scottish vote...

David: "Hi mate just checking in, u k?"

Alexander Graham Bell is always given a huge amount of praise for inventing the first telephone

The credit should really go to whomever invented the SECOND telephone.

Just saw that Wayne Rooney has been to see Sir Alex Ferguson in hospital. His speech is definitely improving and he can now just about string a sentence together.

Said Sir Alex

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.

Alexa tell me a marriage joke..

Me: "Alexa tell me a marriage joke"

Alexa: "sorry, something went wrong"


Dating a nice guy.

Sam: Your boyfriend seems real nice.

Alex: Yea, he's the best!

Sam: He seems a little TOO nice though, can't be all that exciting in the bedroom.

Alex: Not true, what they say about nice guys is true you know.

Sam: What's that?

Alex: Nice guys ALWAYS finish last.

Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?

Because it's a "no bell" prize.

What did Alex Trebek say when he was about to lose his job?

"My career is in Jeopardy!"

Alex Trebek: Jesus Loves You.

What is a good thing to hear in church, but not so much in a Mexican prison?

Someone broke into Alex Rodriguez's house and beat his wife with a pole.

Actually it was A Rod

What would you get if Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson all died in a plane crash?

Take your time, there's no Rush...

The math teacher in asks: "What is 2+2?"...

Melissa: "6"
Teacher: "Idiot! Sit down!"
Alex: "7"
Teacher: "Even stupider! Sit down too!"

At the back of the class, Karen, the only one shaking her hand in the air.
Teacher: "Ok, Karen. What is 2+2?"
Karen: "4"
Teacher: "Yes! Finally! Show the other idiots how you got your answer."
Karen: "Well, I subtracted 12 from 7"

What water does Alex Jones drink?

The same water the gay frogs drink

Alex Ovechkin invites Sidney Crosby over to watch a movie

Crosby sits down in the theater room, and waits for Ovechkin. Ovechkin finally walks in, and is drinking a cup a water. Crosby says "Hey can i get something to drink?". Ovechkin responds sorry I only have one cup.

ALEX TREBEK: This accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics


**ME:** *(spraying a mouthful of popcorn)* WHAT IS A DOORKNOB?!

Why is Alexa always crashing?

Female drivers.

Mike Tyson is playing Jeopardy and the clue is "The part of a flower's stamen where pollen is produced".

He's the first to buzz in. Alex Trebek calls on him:

Alex: "Mike?"

Mike: "What is the answer?"

Alex: "You can't ask me, Mike. You have to give me the answer."

Mike: "I am! What is the answer?"

Alex: "You have to give *us* the answer to the clue, Mike, we can't tell you."

Mike: "Listen, Trebek, I'm telling you it's the answer."

Alex: "Mike, I'm not sure you understand the rules of Jeopardy."

Mike: "How many timeth do I have to thay it? What ith the anther?!"

If Alex Trebek is accused of sexual harrasment...

his career will be in jeopardy!

Wayne Rooney walks into a shop

He sees a shiny silver thermos flask that he has never seen before, so he finds a shop assistant and asks him, "what is this used for?" the shop assistant replies, "it is used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold". Wayne Rooney buys it and takes it to training the next day. Alex Ferguson sees Rooney carrying his thermos flask and asks, "what you got there Rooney". to which Rooney replies, "Oh this, it's brilliant; it's used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold".
"well what you got in it then?" Alex Ferguson replies, "Two cups of coffee and a chock ice"

I hired a clown for my child's birthday party.

But I don't think he and his friends find Alex Jones funny.

So, Alex had two parrots named Bob and Jim.

Alex was an older gentlemen, retired and fairly religious with lots of time on his hands. He figured it'd be fun to pass his time teaching the parrots to pray the rosary.

Alex went to his church, got a two small sets of rosary beads, gave them to Bob and Jim and got to work. After months of patience and no small amount of personal spiritual meditation, Bob and Jim could work the beads and recite all the prayers of the rosary.

Now, Alex wasn't *that* religious, which is why the first place he took Bob and Jim was the bar to show his friends, but sure enough one thing lead to another, and soon Alex found himself going from church to church across the country introducing folks to his praying parrots.

Alex was having the time of his life! He was so pleased with his adventures that he decided to teach more birds to pray. He went shopping, and found the most beautiful, brightly colored female parrot he'd ever seen. No sooner did he bring the new parrot in the door did he hear Bob say "Hey Jim! Throw out them damn' beads! We finally got what we was prayin' for!"

Alexa, tell me a dirty joke

The patron tells the waiter "this coffee tastes like mud". The waiter replies "yes sir, it is fresh ground".

I was talking to my friend about nicknames...

Like how Maddie is short for Madeline or Alex for Alexander

- But wait, how do you get 'Dick' from 'Richard?'

You ask nicely

My name is Alex.

My mom was going to name me 'Alec,' but she knew I was going to be fat.


So she decided to make my name plural.

Alexa is so easy

You just say her name and she gets turned on.

Did you all hear Alex Jones likes Transgender Adult films?

Looks like the shoe's on the other futa now!

Have you heard about...

Alex Trebex?

His job is in jeopardy.

you gotta kind of feel sorry for Alex Tribek

most of the time...his life was in Jeopardy!

A woman had five sons.

A woman had five sons: Alex, Bill, Chad, Doug, and Eric. One day, the woman gets a phone call from the hospital. The doctor says, "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your son was in a car accident and broke his leg."

"Oh no!" She responds, "Which one?"

The doctor answers, "The left leg."

I asked Alex Trebek: "What is Jeopardy?"

He responded: "What is Jeopardy?"

Poor Alex Trebek...

I heard his job is in Jeopardy

what does alex trebeck say before committing assault?

oooh im sorry, the correct answer was yes

What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hotdogs

Relish today...

And Ketchup tomorrow

Alex Jones was right

it really IS a **prisonplanet** we're living on

What did Alex Mercer actually say to sgt Heller when they first met? (Prototype joke)

"Salmutations."

Whenever I hear brick I always yell out "HOUSE!"

My friend Alex House hates when I go to his basketball games

did you hear about what happened to Alex Trebek's resume?

His whole career's in jeopardy

You know Alexander Hamilton was a great man.

A real 10/10.

Why did Alexander Hamilton get busted for possession?

'Cause he's not throwing away his pot.

What's the difference between Alex Jones and Jeff Bezos?

Alex Jones was on Joe Rogan

Alexander Hamilton was freezing at death...

You could say that he died with a Burr

[jeopardy]

"The Bible for $500 Alex"

Alex: The moral in Genesis

"What is don't walk with a Cain if you're Abel?"

Alex: We'll accept that

A little boy was jumping on his bed.

A few minutes later, his mom came in and said, "Alex! Stop doing that! You'll break the bed!"

Alex says, "But I heard you two jumping on your bed earlier, and you both were making weird sounds. Are you okay, Mommy?"

Mom said, ".....Uh..... Just stay in your room. And stop jumping on that bed!"

Alex says, "Also, I went into your room a minute ago to look for hidden snacks when I found some spilled yogurt on your bed."

Mom says, "Honey, stay out of our room, please."

Alex says, "Also, a bit earlier, I wasn't jumping on the bed."

Mom says, "But it sounded like you were."

Alex says, "I know."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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