Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Alex Jokes and Friends
ALEX TREBEK: This accidental discovery in 1928 opened the door to modern antibiotics
**ME:** *(spraying a mouthful of popcorn)* WHAT IS A DOORKNOB?!
Alex- Have you heard? Professor Smith from our apartment house is gay!
Matt - Wow, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half a year, but never knew he was a professor...
David Cameron sends Alex Salmond a text following the Scottish vote...
David: "Hi mate just checking in, u k?"
Dating a nice guy.
Sam: Your boyfriend seems real nice.
Alex: Yea, he's the best!
Sam: He seems a little TOO nice though, can't be all that exciting in the bedroom.
Alex: Not true, what they say about nice guys is true you know.
Sam: What's that?
Alex: Nice guys ALWAYS finish last.
sex with twins
Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had sex with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.
Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?
Because it's a "no bell" prize.
What would you get if Geddy Lee, Neil Peart and Alex Lifeson all died in a plane crash?
Take your time, there's no Rush...
How did Alexander Hamilton die?
He got Aaron Burnt
Alexa, tell me a dirty joke
The patron tells the waiter "this coffee tastes like mud". The waiter replies "yes sir, it is fresh ground".
A woman had five sons.
A woman had five sons: Alex, Bill, Chad, Doug, and Eric. One day, the woman gets a phone call from the hospital. The doctor says, "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your son was in a car accident and broke his leg."
"Oh no!" She responds, "Which one?"
The doctor answers, "The left leg."
Have you heard about...
Alex Trebex?
His job is in jeopardy.
You can explore alex salmond reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alex dani dad jokes. There are also alex puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hotdogs
Relish today...
And Ketchup tomorrow
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They both have the same middle name.
8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess.
The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others.
"It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her.
"Well," the teacher replied - "What If I don't like small children?".
"Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess".
A boy learned about abortion is school one day...
When the boy got home he found his parents on the couch.
"Mom, Dad, what do you think about abortion?" He asked.
"I don't know," replied his dad, "ask your sister."
"I don't have a sis-"
(Thanks to my friend, Alex, for telling me that joke.)
Anyone who believes in climate change just believes whatever someone tells them to. They don't think for themselves.
I know that because Alex Jones told me so
"Dad, why is my sister called Rose?"
"Becausr your mother likes roses."
"Thanks dad"
"No problem Alex."
Alexa is so easy
You just say her name and she gets turned on.
I was talking to my friend about nicknames...
Like how Maddie is short for Madeline or Alex for Alexander
- But wait, how do you get 'Dick' from 'Richard?'
You ask nicely
what does alex trebeck say before committing assault?
oooh im sorry, the correct answer was yes
If Alex Trebek is accused of sexual harrasment...
his career will be in jeopardy!
Why did Alexander Hamilton get busted for possession?
'Cause he's not throwing away his pot.
Me: "Alexa, add tinfoil for hats to my shopping cart."
Alexa: "I ordered yesterday after I noticed you had 3 sheets left in your upper right cupboard. You're all good."
Who was Alexander Graham Bellski?
The first telephone Pole
you gotta kind of feel sorry for Alex Tribek
most of the time...his life was in Jeopardy!
My wife and I made a list of people we can sleep with if we ever met. She picked Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, and Cam Gigandet
I picked her sister, her cousin, and our neighbor because men are simple like that.
Alex Trebek: Jesus Loves You.
What is a good thing to hear in church, but not so much in a Mexican prison?
You know Alexander Hamilton was a great man.
A real 10/10.
Just saw that Wayne Rooney has been to see Sir Alex Ferguson in hospital. His speech is definitely improving and he can now just about string a sentence together.
Said Sir Alex
Alex Ovechkin invites Sidney Crosby over to watch a movie
Crosby sits down in the theater room, and waits for Ovechkin. Ovechkin finally walks in, and is drinking a cup a water. Crosby says "Hey can i get something to drink?". Ovechkin responds sorry I only have one cup.
Someone broke into Alex Rodriguez's house and beat his wife with a pole.
Actually it was A Rod
Alexa tell me a marriage joke..
Me: "Alexa tell me a marriage joke"
Alexa: "sorry, something went wrong"
Did you all hear Alex Jones likes Transgender Adult films?
Looks like the shoe's on the other futa now!
If Alex Jones and Chris Brown were both on fire and you only had one fire extinguisher...
Where would you hide it?
What water does Alex Jones drink?
The same water the gay frogs drink
I hired a clown for my child's birthday party.
But I don't think he and his friends find Alex Jones funny.
Was Alexander Hamilton Cold or Hot when he died?
He was cold. Because Burrr.
Alexander Hamilton was freezing at death...
You could say that he died with a Burr
Alex Jones dies and meets Jesus at the pearly gates.
As they are waiting to see if God will allow Alex into heaven, Jesus says:
"Alex, while we wait you can ask me any question and I will answer it".
So Alex asks him, "who planned 9/11?"
And Jesus responds "Osama Bin Laden"
Alex goes " wow, this goes higher up than I thought."
My name is Alex.
My mom was going to name me 'Alec,' but she knew I was going to be fat.
So she decided to make my name plural.
Why is Alexa always crashing?
Female drivers.
Too soon
What is making a joke about Alex Tribek's cancer diagnosis?
Alexander Graham Bell is always given a huge amount of praise for inventing the first telephone
The credit should really go to whomever invented the SECOND telephone.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.
The math teacher in asks: "What is 2+2?"...
Melissa: "6"
Teacher: "Idiot! Sit down!"
Alex: "7"
Teacher: "Even stupider! Sit down too!"
At the back of the class, Karen, the only one shaking her hand in the air.
Teacher: "Ok, Karen. What is 2+2?"
Karen: "4"
Teacher: "Yes! Finally! Show the other idiots how you got your answer."
Karen: "Well, I subtracted 12 from 7"
What's the difference between Alex Jones and Jeff Bezos?
Alex Jones was on Joe Rogan
Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?
Alexa- apple juice
Alexa for President!
I asked Alexa if she was considering running for President, but she said she was better suited for Speaker of the House.
Alexa, why do I always screw up with the ladies?
I'm Siri, you idiot!
Doctor- Calm down alex, it's just a minor operation.
Patient- thank you, but I am not Alex.
Doctor- I am.
Alex Trebek died shortly after Sean Connery.
He had to hurry and get to heaven before Connery found his Mother.
Why is it difficult to replace Alex Trebek?
Because most people don't want to put their life in Jeopardy.
Alex was at the store and couldn't decide between buying tinactin or lotrimin. After all....
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.
It was sole-destroying.
John Buttlicker went to the magistrate to change his name.
He went to the attendant and told that he has had major difficulties during his life because of his name.
Attendant: Surely I can see that you have the necessary aspects to change your name! Have you tought what you would change it to?
John Buttlicker: Well I've always liked more the name Alex...
Alexa, where's my dad?
Alexa-Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
Young Boy-Ha, got ya Alexa ! My Dad is sitting here right next to me.
Alexa-Your mothers husband is sitting here right next to you. Your Dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.
Why didn't Alexa run for Senate?
Because she likes being Speaker of the House.
What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?
Siri-al.
Went to a restaurant with my wife and the host's name was Alex. So I said Table for 2 Alex
We were the first Daily Double…
If anyone gets this joke I apologize immensely. Bad dry dad jokes are kinda my thing.
Alexa, tell me a joke
Alexa, tell me a joke. ...Alexa? Alexa?
Sorry, I wasn't listening. I thought you deserved some privacy.
Really? Well, that's nic-
Would you like to hear another joke?
