Alert Jokes

128 alert jokes and hilarious alert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with 'Alert Jokes'! This article dives into various types of alerts, including Amber Alerts, Life Alerts, and Spoiler Alerts. Whether you're looking to be mercilessly notified, or just to laugh at the RCMP-isms, this is the article for you.

Funniest Alert Short Jokes

Short alert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alert humour may include short alarm jokes also.

  1. What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
  2. My daughter always said she wanted to see her name up in lights... You should've seen the smile on her face when she turned to look at me and say:
    "Daddy, what's an 'Amber Alert'?"
  3. Dad joke alert: So when does a bad joke become a Dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent.
  4. I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts... They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.
  5. SPOILER ALERT: I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.
  6. My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert
  7. Before you go around posting He has risen Remember to add spoiler alert.
    Some of us haven't read the book yet.
  8. My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
  9. I pushed a random old guy's Life Alert to see what would happen. He got so angry, he had a heart attack.
    Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way.
  10. My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times The third time, he was expelled from the movie theater.

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Alert One Liners

Which alert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alert? I can suggest the ones about warn and aware.

  1. Don't you hate it when you get an Amber Alert and you have to switch cars?
  2. I once set an alarm to tell me when my milk would expire Spoiler alert
  3. I have a fridge that beeps when it detects mold Spoiler alert
  4. What dating app do Catholic Priests use? Amber Alerts.
  5. They should play "Let the bodies hit the floor" On Life Alert commercials.
  6. What's the hardest part about having a child? The Amber alerts.
  7. I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet So if I get a life, I'll be notified immediately.
  8. What did the starship captain say when he peed his pants? Yellow alert, number one.
  9. One person's trigger warning... another person's spoiler alert.
  10. My computer keeps alerting me it's too cold It says I have too many windows open
  11. I went to an Aftermarket Car Show. Spoiler Alert!
  12. Spoiler alert I left the milk on the counter all weekend
  13. Spoiler alert! The milk has been in the fridge for three weeks.
  14. I just got an AMBER alert that won't open... It says: error 404 child not found
  15. Why did Satan need life alert? Because he had fallen, and could not get back up.

Spoiler Alert Jokes

Here is a list of funny spoiler alert jokes and even better spoiler alert puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Whoever coined the term Expiration Date made a huge mistake. It should have been called Spoiler Alert.
  • Spoiler alert! Remember to check your milk for freshness.
  • Spoiler alert Jesus dies in the Bible
  • Don't go around telling people what Teresa Ripoll is an anagram of before they've solved it. Spoiler alert
  • I'm watching Finding Bigfoot Spoiler alert: They didn't find him.
  • I finished reading The Dictionary the other day... Spoiler alert, the zebra did it
  • Spoiler alert! The milk's got 1 day left
  • Spoiler Alert!! The cheese that I bought has been sitting out for days.
  • You want to know what decreases drag on a car? *SPOILER ALERT* I told you, it's a spoiler.
  • [Spoiler Alert] What's inside Hilary's new book, "What Happened". I lost.

Amber Alert Jokes

Here is a list of funny amber alert jokes and even better amber alert puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The only girl who ever texts me... Is Amber Alert.
  • Amber alert has a new meaning now thanks to Amber Heard It's what the city sends to men when Amber is seen at a bar.
  • If you're going to play a 311 song... ... make sure you issue an Amber Alert.
  • The Chili's theme song from the late nineties would make a far better anthem for the 'Amber Alert'. *sings* I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
  • Did you hear the one about the amber alert? Neither did the children in my basement.
  • We've gotten three Amber alerts in the last week alone That poor girl just can't catch a break.
  • What happened when Honey Boo Boo's mom lost 120 pounds? An amber alert was issued
  • What do you call a 911 call from a stripper? Amber Alert
  • I hate amber alerts Like, what do you want me to do, give the kid back?
  • What's the best way to get famous? Intentionally get yourself kidnapped to get Amber Alert fame.
Alert joke, What's the best way to get famous?

Life Alert Jokes

Here is a list of funny life alert jokes and even better life alert puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the horse get life alert? Because "i've fallen and can't giddy-up"
  • Whats the easiest way to charge someone 3 grand? Press their Life Alert button
  • What is a must have fall accessory Life Alert
  • There would be no evil in the word..... if Satan had life alert.
  • My girlfriend said she liked the jewelry my grandmother wore so I bought her a life alert necklace
  • Alert! Widespread, paralyzing, life-consuming, pandemic virus!! Norton.
  • Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.
  • Life Alert Pickup Line "I've fallen for you, and I can't get up!"
  • I need a life alert... Because I've fallen for you and I can't get it up!
  • Shakespeare's The Life and Death of King Richard III Spoiler Alert:
    Richard III dies in the end.

Emergency Alert Jokes

Here is a list of funny emergency alert jokes and even better emergency alert puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Kim Jong Un: I have a big button on my desk Donald Trump: I have a big button on my desk Hawaii Emergency Alert Guy: Hold my beer
  • I got an emergency alert about an incoming missile on my phone today. When I got it I went intercontinentally ballistic.
  • Almost every phone in the US got an emergency presidential alert today.... Unfortunately it was two years too late
  • Presidential Alert THIS IS A TEST of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System. No action is needed.
  • Just got a Presidential Emergency Alert on my phone and I immediately thought... My God what did he do now?!
  • I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls.
Alert joke

Charming Humor Alert Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about alert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean attention jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alert pranks.

Comment found on an FB
pic of a new born baby

"Hey kid, Spoiler Alert: Life s**...."

Be alert

The world needs more lerts.

Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

Bad pun alert.

I've been watching behind the scenes reels of movies for quite a few years so the magic of movies is somewhat lost on me. I'll know how that car flip was achieved, how they choreographed fight scenes etc.
Still, watching Gravity this weekend I couldn't help but think, "how on Earth did they do that?"

Hey s**... granny, you better call life alert

Because I've fallen for you and can't get up

What body movements alert you that a politician is lying?

His lips are moving.

The Presidents security detail recently underwent months of grueling training.

They no longer go to high alert when he reaches for his wallet.

Please don't tell me about your methods of increasing drag on your car

It would be a spoiler alert

First baby born with DNA from 3 people

This week the world's first baby was born with DNA from three different people using a new controversial technique developed by US scientists. The baby will be featured in the upcoming episode of Maury and spoiler alert, they're both the father.

[Old joke alert] Why are dwarfs so depressed?

Because six out of seven dwarfs aren't happy.

Wanna hear the ending to the movie about controlling the aerodynamics of cars?

Spoiler alert

Emergency broadcast alert.

Just happened this morning while taking my wife to work. The emergency broadcast alert came over the radio.
Wife: It's probably just a test.
Me: Unless Trump pressed the big red button.
Our 9 year old: Oh come on now Trump is new to the White House, he doesn't know how everything works yet.
Such innocence and wisdom in one statement.


I told my wife that she was alert and she replied "That's good because America needs more lerts".

Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert others...


A man is watching the news.

All of a sudden, he sees an alert saying that there is a car driving the completely wrong way on I-84. Shocked by this, he goes to call his mom, who was planning to come go his house later that night, via I-84.
"Mom, be very careful out there, there is a car driving backwards on I-84."
She responds, "I know! There's hundreds of them!"

Dad joke alert: why didn't the crab and lobster get along?

They were too shellfish.

Heard at Mass today that the government is providing scholarships to students who'd like to attend religious institutions...

Someone Alert the Masses!

Europeans use too many gyros for the s**... of animals. Let's alert PITA.

That was a terrible pun. I falafel.

A man is riding through the highway listening to the radio...

Suddenly the radio starts booming: Traffic alert. There is a car driving on the wrong side of the road in Route 54. Please avoid entering the highway until further notice.
The man, confused at this alert thinks to himself One car? There are hundreds of them!

What is the procedure when a sheep gets abducted?

The police send out a LAMBer alert

West London police wish to alert local residents about the activities of the infamous cross-eyed burglar.

If you see this man staring in your windows,
warn the people next door.

A man was being interviewed for a job in CIA

Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct. So, do you think you are eligible?
Man: Sir... Can my wife apply?

(Old joke alert - be gentle.)

So, a guy sees this girl home after a date.
She says
\- Do you want to come in? You'll have to be very quiet, my parents are upstairs.
\- Sure
So they go in to the sitting room, get on the couch, and start smooching.
The guy says
\- Sorry, I need to use your bathroom.
\- The bathroom is upstairs, and you might wake my parents. Can you go in the kitchen sink?
\- OK
Couple of minutes later, guy walks back in
\- Any paper?

*Dad joke ALERT*

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
DAD: No, it was with a knife...

Nephew Joke Alert!

Him: Why don't cows talk?
Me: I don't know. Why?
Him: I don't know *hysterically laughs*

A worker at the Taxidermy Department Store notices some damage to a couple of grizzly exhibits

The front right leg on each of the works has been removed.
The worker sprints to the front of the store to alert his manager of the vandalism. On his way, he spies a r**... carrying the missing appendages.
"SIR!" the worker shouts. "You have damaged valuable pieces of merchandise. Exit the store. IMMEDIATELY!"
"Why?" drawls the r**... innocently. "I have the right two bear arms!"

My wife and I went grocery shopping with our masks on

when we got home and took off our masks, I discovered I brought home the wrong wife. Stay alert people!

A man was being interviewed for job in the army

The general asks the man: We want a person with a suspicious mind, one who is always alert. Merciless and ready to attack. Someone who has an acute sense of hearing and has detective ability. And most importantly having a killer instinct!
So do you think you are eligible?
The man replies: Sir... can my wife apply!???

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink

He went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen. He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets. He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward. Eventually he was forcibly removed from the cinema.

The king's guard bursts into the throne room...

Out of breath and in a panic they alert the king
> Sire, the peasants, they're revolting!
The king nods and responds:
>Mmm yes, they are quite disgusting aren't they

A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison.

The police alert said There's a small medium at large.

How do you have a serious conversation with a s**...?

You have to be very blunt with them.
[corny joke alert]

I've been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money.

It's sniffacult work.

Johnny Depp's the o**... ...

....that could have used an Amber alert.

Alert joke, My computer keeps alerting me it's too cold

jokes about alert