Alcoholism Jokes

Following is our collection of lyme humor and dependency one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alcoholism puns for adults, dirty bulimia jokes or clean sober gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sambuca jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes on alcoholism. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any liquor witze you can hear about alcoholism.

The Best jokes about Alcoholism

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My alcoholism is destroying my family."

They say alcohol cures everything, but that's a lie...

It still hasn't cured my alcoholism.

Doctor says alcoholism is a disease...

Bartender says get your shots here

Alcoholism causes memory loss, liver diesase,

And memory loss.

My son said that he's proud of me overcoming alcoholism.

I'll drink to that.

Slightly more modern Russian joke

Putin is visiting a big factory for a photo op, and he decides to get the opinions of the common man. He walks up to one of the line workers and says, "My friend, I hear alcoholism is a big problem in Russia. Tell me, do you think you could still do your job if you drank a bottle of vodka in the morning?"

The worker thinks and says, "Well... I suppose so."

Putin frowns because that wasn't the answer he was expecting, but presses on: "Do you think you could still do your job if you'd had two bottles of vodka in the morning?" The worker nods and says he probably could. Putin, now becoming exasperated, asks: "What if you'd had *three* bottles?"

The worker replies, "I'm here, aren't I?"

How did Mike Tyson open the door to alcoholism?


A scientist runs into an AA meeting...

...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."

Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"

My taste in women is much like my taste in wine

Right now i like them younger, sweeter, and prettier. As i age, i start to like them older, more bitter, and contributing to my alcoholism.

Breast cancer awareness has pink ribbons, but what does alcoholism awareness have?


I've been working really hard on controlling my alcoholism

I can't remember the last time I blacked out.

A man walks into a bar...

And slowly alcoholism tears apart his family

What's a drinking game you can play by yourself?


What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

A horse walks into a bar...

...and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
And the horse replies, "I'm finally starting to realize that my alcoholism is tearing my family apart,"

Once I've read about the perils of alcoholism I've decided to stop...


A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

"Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."

I thought I might be an alcoholic, so I did some research. It turns out the first sign of alcoholism is denial...

So I guess I'm not an alcoholic.

I'm finally going to do something about my alcoholism

I'm going to pour out all the booze in my house. One shot at a time.

Hey, is that a keg in your pants?

because my alcoholism is tearing me apart.

I started playing a new drinking game recently, Every time I am depressed I take a drink.

That game is called alcoholism.

Alcoholism doesn't run in my family.

It walks.

You spill less beer that way.

In an interview yesterday, Texas Governor Rick Perry stood by his recent comments in which he compared homosexuality to alcoholism.

Perry further explained the similarities between the two by saying, They are both things I experimented with while in college and both resulted in my liver taking a pounding.

What's the cure for marriage?


What's the difference between squirrels and alcoholism?

Squirrels aren't tearing my family apart.

What does a pregnancy and alcoholism have in common?

They can both be ended with a twelve step program


A son walks up to his dad to ask him about alcoholism.

Son: "dad, what is an alcoholic?"
Father: "do you see those four trees over there? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
Son: "but dad, I only see two!"

Where did Jesus hide his alcoholism?

In his water bottle

As a law school drop out, I struggle with alcoholism...

I just can't pass a bar

Some people worry drinking in the shower is a sign of alcoholism

I just worry about keeping the water out of my beer

I drink to forget...

my alcoholism.

Not in a hurry

- Alcoholism Is A Slow Death!
- And we are not in a hurry!

What's it called when you mix champagne with orange juice at breakfast?


I don't get emotional. I handle my problems like an adult...

With crippling alcoholism

My grandfather doesn't go to malls anymore out of fear of terrorist attacks

He was more convincing when he blamed his alcoholism on not getting me a Christmas present

You say alcoholism...

I say liver cross fit!

Alcoholism is the only disease you get yelled at for having

Dammit Otto, you're an alcoholic

Dammit Otto, you have lupus

One of those doesn't sound right

RIP Mitch Hedberg

So I'm no longer suffering from alcoholism...

..that drink really hit the spot.

A man walks into a bar...

While his wife sits at home crying, because his crippling alcoholism is destroying their marriage.

Happy Wednesday...

Alcoholism joke?

If a person who is addicted to alcohol is an alcoholic, the a person who is addicted to cats is a catholic?

I worry that my wife is enabling my alcoholism...

But on the other hand, she gives me a Riesling to get up in the morning.

I'm glad I've never had to struggle with depression or alcoholism.

I guess I'm just a natural.

A guy asked a friend how he can get over his social anxiety.

His friend said to try *alcohol* but he said that he wanted a long term change. To this, his friend said **alcoholism**.

Whats the only disease where you can constantly drink booze?


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes