Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Alcoholics Jokes
How many alcoholics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the lightbulb in place and one to drink until the room spins.
If Alcoholics Had Written The Declaration Of Independence
would we have government of the pickled, by the pickled, and for the pickled?
Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?
Because all they serve is cold turkey.
Alcoholics don't run in my family...
They stumble around breaking things
What's the worst thing about alcoholics?
They wine too much.
Alcoholics don't run in my family...
They stumble everywhere.
Egyptian alcoholics are the hardest to talk to.....
They are always in denial.
what do exorcists and alcoholics have in common?
They both treat their demons with spirits!
Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous
Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all
I would go to alcoholics anonymous
But everyone already knows
Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar
What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?
You can explore alcoholics drinker reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alcoholics autonomous dad jokes. There are also alcoholics puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name?
Alcoholics synonymous.
Is this the Alcoholics helpline?
Operator: "Yes."
Caller: "Can you tell me how to make Sangria?"
What separates three whores from two alcoholics?
The cockpit door!
I'm a bartender and part-time therapist.
There are far too many depressed alcoholics in my town.
I come from a long line of alcoholics.
My gene pool has a swim up bar.
When I was little I heard that Russians liked to drink A lot...
After going through health class I realized that was bad but hey, if they wanted to be alcoholics then Soviet
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and when I arrived...
Nobody was anonymous, they were all friends, all brothers. So we went out to celebrate.
There's only three things that tell the truth in the world
Kids, Alcoholics and yoga pants.
You know the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk?
Alcoholics go to meetings, we drunks go to parties.
What do lesbians and alcoholics have in common?
Adickshun
I'm thinking of starting a fashion line for alcoholics.. I guess I'll just call it..
Michael Coors Light
How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?
One...Ok, just one more...Maybe a third to be social...May as well make it a few more now, I've missed the last bus...
Do you ever think alcoholics in Japan...
...just drink for the sake of it?
How do alcoholics relax after a long day?
They wine down.
Why do alcoholics go to the doctor
For the shots
What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?
They both view alcohol as a solution.
I'll see my self out......
Just like not all rectangles are squares but all squares are rectangles..
Not all alcoholics are Irishmen, but all Irishmen are alcoholics!
Why are failed lawyers usually alcoholics?
They couldn't pass the bar
Why do children of recovering alcoholics have such big family reunions?
They have twelve-step-parents.
Alcoholics should become unfunny comedians
all the free boos they could ask for
Why don't we hear much about egyptian alcoholics?
Because they're all in the nile
I'm currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina.
But to keep it short, I just tell people I'm in the NCAA.
Why is it difficult for alcoholics to become lawyers?
It's hard for them to pass the bar.
Free Drink!
Paddy went to the Doctors. and said do you treat alcoholics , The Dr replied, of course we do ………Paddy said great get your coat on, I'm feckin skint
Has anyone heard about the cemetery for alcoholics?
It's haunted by spirits.
So 2 alcoholics walk into a bar
Or was it 3? I'm not sure who was there or what happens next, ask my friend, he drank waaaaaay less than me
Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.
Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!
One time i was at a bar
A lady asked me if alcoholics run in my family
i said "No but they stumble around and break shit"
Do alcoholics run in your family?
No but they stumble around and break shit.
Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?
Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!
A man gets pulled over for swerving
Officer says, "sir do you know why I pulled you over?"
*"I have no clue". The man replied.*
"Have you been drinking, sir?"
*"Not any alcoholic drinks, officer".*
"Then what is that in your cup holder?"
"*that's a half-drank Smirnoff Ice.*"
"I thought you said you didn't drink any alcohol tonight?"
"*No, officer. I said I haven't had any "alcoholic drinks". All of my friends are alcoholics and not a single one of them drinks that shit."*
OC
Do alcoholics run in your family?
No, they usually drive.
Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.
While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to piss in the boat."
Why do so many recovering alcoholics dine at Japanese restaurants?
Best place to get Soba.
Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm an alcoholic
Sir, this is Triple A, not Alcoholics Anonymous
I know, I'm just trying to explain why my car is in a lake.
Some people have accused me of being an alcoholic...
I tell them that's absolutely not true! I'm a deadbeat drunk. Alcoholics go to those stupid meetings just to boast about how proud they are of being quitters!
An Alcoholics Anonymous meeting takes place. The presenter completes a demonstration.
He brings out two glasses, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of water and an earthworm. He pours one glass with water and the other with whiskey. He then drops the worm into the bottle of water, where it wriggles around for a little while, but is ok.
He then picks it up and drops it into the whiskey, where it struggles and soon dies.
He asks the participants what does this show us?
Bubba Joe stands up at the back of the crowd and exclaims If I drink whiskey I won't get worms!
Why is heaven hard for alcoholics?
Because they're surrounded by Spirits.
What do Alcoholics call New Year's Eve?
Amateur night!
Why did alcoholics hate the 1920's?
It was the worst time for them, bar none.
