Alcoholics Jokes

Following is our collection of drinker humor and alcohol one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alcoholics puns for adults, dirty autonomous jokes or clean drunk gags for kids.

There is an abundance of boos jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes on alcoholics. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any fanta witze you can hear about alcoholics.

The Best jokes about Alcoholics

What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

I'll see my self out......

Egyptian alcoholics are the hardest to talk to.....

They are always in denial.

Alcoholics don't run in my family...

They stumble around breaking things

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar

What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

One...Ok, just one more...Maybe a third to be social...May as well make it a few more now, I've missed the last bus...

I come from a long line of alcoholics.

My gene pool has a swim up bar.

What's the worst thing about alcoholics?

They wine too much.

Alcoholics don't run in my family...

They stumble everywhere.

How many alcoholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the lightbulb in place and one to drink until the room spins.

I'm currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina.

But to keep it short, I just tell people I'm in the NCAA.

What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name?

Alcoholics synonymous.

Why is it difficult for alcoholics to become lawyers?

It's hard for them to pass the bar.

Why are failed lawyers usually alcoholics?

They couldn't pass the bar

what do exorcists and alcoholics have in common?

They both treat their demons with spirits!

Is this the Alcoholics helpline?

Operator: "Yes."
Caller: "Can you tell me how to make Sangria?"

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

Do you ever think alcoholics in Japan...

...just drink for the sake of it?

You know the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk?

Alcoholics go to meetings, we drunks go to parties.

There's only three things that tell the truth in the world

Kids, Alcoholics and yoga pants.

Why do children of recovering alcoholics have such big family reunions?

They have twelve-step-parents.

I'm thinking of starting a fashion line for alcoholics.. I guess I'll just call it..

Michael Coors Light

Why do alcoholics go to the doctor

For the shots

What do lesbians and alcoholics have in common?


Alcoholics should become unfunny comedians

all the free boos they could ask for

I would go to alcoholics anonymous

But everyone already knows

When I was little I heard that Russians liked to drink A lot...

After going through health class I realized that was bad but hey, if they wanted to be alcoholics then Soviet

Has anyone heard about the cemetery for alcoholics?

It's haunted by spirits.

I'm a bartender and part-time therapist.

There are far too many depressed alcoholics in my town.

If Alcoholics Had Written The Declaration Of Independence

would we have government of the pickled, by the pickled, and for the pickled?

How do alcoholics relax after a long day?

They wine down.

Why don't we hear much about egyptian alcoholics?

Because they're all in the nile

Just like not all rectangles are squares but all squares are rectangles..

Not all alcoholics are Irishmen, but all Irishmen are alcoholics!

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and when I arrived...

Nobody was anonymous, they were all friends, all brothers. So we went out to celebrate.

Free Drink!

Paddy went to the Doctors. and said do you treat alcoholics , The Dr replied, of course we do ………Paddy said great get your coat on, I'm feckin skint

What separates three whores from two alcoholics?

The cockpit door!

Why are so many ghosts alcoholics?

Because they love BOOOOoooOOoOoOoooooooze!!

Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous

Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all

(Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield on The Johnny Carson Show)

They say alcoholics drink everyday

That's why I only drink every night.

Alcoholics run right by stop signs...

Stoners wait for them to turn green

I would rather be called a drunk than an alcoholic.

Because alcoholics have to go to all those meetings.

Until the last day of Channukah menorahs are a tease to potheads and alcoholics.

They are only partially lit.

Told my Canadian friend my Alcoholics Anonymous teacher gave my homework an A

"You got an AA A, eh?"

Where do alcoholics get their breakfast pastries?

Drunken Donuts

A guy walks into a bar

Because men are 13 times more likely to become alcoholics.

Alcoholics and necrophiliacs.

What's the difference between a group of alcoholics and a group of necrophiliacs?

Nothing. They both love to crack a cold one open with the boys

My local vineyard announced they were now selling 72-gallon wine bottles

My small town is full of alcoholics, all 72 of them sold out the first day!

What grades would alcoholics get in school?


What do violent recovering alcoholics and Wii remotes have in common?

AA battery

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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