Alcoholic Father Jokes

These are 35 alcoholic father jokes and hilarious alcoholic father puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alcoholic father that are good jokes for kids and friends.

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Best Short Alcoholic Father Jokes

These are our top alcoholic father puns. Have fun with a good alcoholic father joke in English with simple alcoholic father humour.

  1. So a boy asks his father what's an alcoholic The father says, "see those 4 trees over there? An alcoholic would see 8 trees"
    The boy replies, "but dad, I only see two trees!"
  2. My unemployed alcoholic father has a brilliant legal mind. Unfortunately he's never passed a bar.
  3. A boy asks his father, dad, what is an alcoholic? To what the father responded, d'you see those four trees over there? An alcoholic sees eight.
    Then the boy said, but dad, there are only two!
  4. My brother recently got married To celebrate, my mother decided to pull out a couple bottles from my late father's homemade alcohol collection.
    That way he could be there in spirits
  5. Remember the guy who got molested by his alcoholic father? He showed up in court the other day for drunk driving and the judge said, "Looks like your old man rubbed off on you"
  6. Keeping up with DC is like keeping up with my alcoholic father You hope it's going to get better, but it keeps beating you down
  7. Called my doctor about hearing loss, he asked me what were the symptoms. I told him it was a show on Fox about an abusive alcoholic father, but that's hardly relevant.
  8. Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!"
    Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!"
    Father: "But you have to start with something!"
  9. My father was the greatest magician ever He can turn any alcoholic drinks to domestic a**...

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these alcoholic father jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of alcoholic father puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Alcoholic Father One Liners

Which alcoholic father dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alcoholic father?

  1. My father is a recovering alcoholic. I've never seen him this hungover.

Alcoholic Father Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about alcoholic father to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make alcoholic father prank.

A priest is pulled over for speeding...

Smelling alcohol on the priest breath and noticing a wine bottle in the passenger seat of the car, the highway patrolman asks, "father, have you been drinking?"
"just water," the priest replies.
"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?" quipped​ the patrolman.
The priest looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "good Lord he's done it again".
Edited for u/littlekiing

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''

What's a alcoholic

Jack asks his father "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" The dad says "You see those 4 trees over there, if you see eight it means your an alcoholic." the son replies with "But dad I only see two"

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.

The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, So, you were at school today, right? Son: Yeah. Detector: Beep. Son: OK, OK, I was in a cinema. Detector: Beep. Son: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends. Father: What?! At your age, I wouldn't touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son! Detector: Beep.

A young boy overhead his parents call his uncle an alcoholic...

Unfamiliar with the term, the young boy later on he asked his father, "Dad, what is an alcoholic?"
So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."

One day a son asked his dad

"Dad, who is an alcoholic?"
The father replied, "Do you see those two ships? An alcoholic would feel like he is seeing 4 of them."
Son replied, "But dad, there is only one ship."

Help! I need activity suggestions. I'm going to hang out with my father, first thing tomorrow morning. He's a retired Naval officer and an alcoholic.

What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning??

A lad named Jack confronts his alcoholic father

You s**... old man, our last name is Inoff you did this on purpose!
His father replies Nah I named you after Jack Daniels. But that's pretty d**... funny too!

A Boy and his Father.

A boy and his father were sitting on the front porch of their home one summer evening. The boy had overhead a conversation at the doctors office and had a question for his father. "Dad?" His father replied. "Yea son?". "What's an alcoholic?" the boy asked. "Well son.." searching his mind for an explanation. "You see those 4 trees over there? Well, an alcoholic would see 8 trees." The boy, confused, replied: "But Dad,
there's only 2 trees."

The drunk father

"Hey son. Do you know what an alcoholic is seeing?" A father asked his son, Max.
"No," replied Max.
"See those 4 trees? An alcoholic would see 8." The father said.
"But there's only 2," replied Max.

A priest was driving down the road one day when got stopped by a cop.

The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?"
The priest replied, "Only water, officer."
The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."

Alcoholism

A son walks up to his dad to ask him about alcoholism.
Son: "dad, what is an alcoholic?"
Father: "do you see those four trees over there? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
Son: "but dad, I only see two!"

Russia. Little Boris comes running to his alcoholic father.

"Daddy, daddy! I just heard that v**... has risen in price. That means you'll be drinking less from now on?"
"No, junior. That means you'll be eating less," the father replies.

A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop.


The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?"
The priest replied, "Only water, officer."
The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."

Father Dave took a seat on the A train in NYC...

and was disgusted to see a drunk sitting across from him. The disheveled smelly man was wearing a t-shirt with a photo of a n**... lady on it and he reeked of alcohol. The drunk stared at the priest for a few minutes and then blurted out "Father, what causes migraines and kidney stones?" THe priest glared at the man and said "Spending time with loose women and drinking alcohol!" The drunk went quietly back to his newspaper. After a moment, the priest felt bad and said, "I am sorry. How long have you had these issues for?" The drunk replied "I don't have these issues. I read in the paper that the Pope does."

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said, It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass...
This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.
"Correct."
A third glass...
"It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of u**....
The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day...

He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man," the priest replied.
"Imagine that," the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk said, "but I just read in the paper that the Pope does."

The Preist & The Drunkard

A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is
stained, his face is plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty
bottle of gin sticks out of his torn coat pocket.
He opens his newspaper and begins reading. After a few minutes, the
disheveled guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?"
"It's caused by loose living, cheap women and too much alcohol!"
"Well, I'll be d**...!" the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest thinks about what he has said, nudges the man and apologizes.
"I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me,
how long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the pope does!"

What causes arthritis?

A drunk man sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick. He smelled awful, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here, that the Pope does."

A child gets on a bus

So a child of seven jumps on a bus. The driver, noticing he's alone, tells him to sit in the seat closest to the front.
After the bus has started the kid says: "Hey mister driver?"
Driver:"Yes?"
Child:"Did you know, that if my mummy was a dog, and my daddy was a dog, that I would be a dog?"
The driver chuckles at this cute comment and says:"No, I did not"
After a while the child says again:" Mister driver, did you know that if my mummy was a giraffe, and my daddy was a giraffe, that I would be a giraffe?"
The driver laughs again, with a bit less enthusiasm and says:" No I didn't know that."
The child starts listing almost every animal that driver has heard of, and it starts to annoy him more and more, until finally he yells:"WHAT IF YOUR MOTHER WAS A p**..., AND YOUR FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC!!?!"
The kid looks up at the man with a small smile and says:"Well then I'd be a bus driver."

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunken man who smelled of whiskey sat down on a train, next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of the finest whiskey was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be d**..." then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

what causes arthritis?

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A couple has a child, but it comes out as only a head...

They go home and place the head on their living room table, where they care for it, feeding, teaching, and entertaining it. For twenty one years they do this.
Then, on the child's twenty-first birthday, the father decides that he wants to take his son out for a drink, so he moves the head to his car and drives it down to the bar.
There, the father tells the bartender to give him two shots. After downing one, he raises the second glass to his son's lips, and the head downs the beer in just a second. Suddenly, a torso appears below the head.
"Bartender! Gimme another shot!" The father yells excitedly. After downing that one as well, the rest of the body appears, and the father is ecstatic.
"Bartender! Gimme one more shot for good luck and to celebrate!" The father yells, amazed at this unexpected sequence of events. As the first bit of alcohol reaches the son's lips, he vanishes completely.
The father, distraught, doesn't know what to do. The bartender shakes his head and says, "Should've quit while he was a head."

What causes arthritis?

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be d**...," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

21 years ago a man was born without a body...

He was only a head. Miraculously he survived his birth and lived 21 years of his life as just a head without a body.
On his 21st birthday his father decided he would take his son out for his first alcoholic beverage. They went to a bar together and the father asked the bartender for 2 cold beers.
He helped his son drink the first sip of the beer and suddenly his son grew a torso. He became very excited and took another sip from his beverage. This time he grew an arm. He kept on drinking his beer until he had gained every single part of his body.
The son became so excited that he started to jump up and down and dance in the middle of the bar. He ran out the door with his arms lifted towards the sky and danced in the streets. He then got hit by oncoming traffic and died.
Moral of the story: You should always stop while you're still a head.

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The impact of these alcoholic father jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.