Alcoholic Drink Jokes

35 alcoholic drink jokes and hilarious alcoholic drink puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alcoholic drink that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Best Short Alcoholic Drink Jokes

Short alcoholic drink puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alcoholic drink humour may include short alcohol drink jokes also.

  1. A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says the bartender.
  2. When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.
  3. Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister It tastes the same but it's just not right.
  4. Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
  5. TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
  6. An alcoholic wakes up in jail He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?"
    the officer replies "for drinking"
    The man replies "great, when do we start?"
  7. I read an article saying that you might be an alcoholic if you drink everyday Thank god I only drink every night
  8. I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T. Tuesday, Thursday and Today.
  9. My daughter asked why I drink so much beer I told her it's because I actually have a condition that's pretty unfortunate. You see, my body is actually not capable of producing its own alcohol.
  10. When I drink Alcohol, everybody says I'm an Alcoholic.. When I drink Fanta, nobody says I'm Fantastic.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about alcoholic drink can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of alcoholic drink puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Share Jokes With Friends

Alcoholic Drink One Liners

Which alcoholic drink one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alcoholic drink? I can suggest the ones about alcoholic beverages and alcoholic.

  1. Doctor: You don't look too good. Do you smoke or drink alcohol? Me: I drink it.
  2. I don't drink alcohol for religious reasons. I drink it for other reasons.
  3. I drink alcohol without hesitation, but drugs, …drugs is where I draw the line.
  4. Why was the alcoholic mathematician arrested by the police? Drinking and deriving
  5. Remember alcohol and calculus dont mix So don't drink and derive
  6. How does an alcoholic decide how much beer to drink? On a case-by-case basis.
  7. I'm not an alcoholic ... Alcoholic's need a drink, but I already have one
  8. My son said that he's proud of me overcoming alcoholism. I'll drink to that.
  9. Alcohol and calculus don't go together very well. Don't drink and derive.
  10. Drinking alcohol is like calculus. You have to know your limits.
  11. I used to think drinking alcohol was bad for me... So I gave up thinking.
  12. What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much? A functioning alcoholic.
  13. Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
  14. I don't drink alcohol anymore But I don't drink alcohol any less either
  15. What's a drinking game you can play by yourself? Alcoholism

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Alcoholic Drink Jokes

What funny jokes about alcoholic drink you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean drinking alcohol jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make alcoholic drink prank.

Did you know that prostitutes at the Moulin Rouge used strong alcoholic drinks to bleach their hair?

Absinthe makes the tart grow blonder.

A man gets pulled over for swerving

Officer says, "sir do you know why I pulled you over?"
*"I have no clue". The man replied.*
"Have you been drinking, sir?"
*"Not any alcoholic drinks, officer".*
"Then what is that in your cup holder?"
"*that's a half-drank Smirnoff Ice.*"
"I thought you said you didn't drink any alcohol tonight?"
"*No, officer. I said I haven't had any "alcoholic drinks". All of my friends are alcoholics and not a single one of them drinks that s**...."*

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar

Bacon and eggs walks into a bar and they order some beers. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
A beer walks into a breakfast place and orders bacon and eggs. The server says, "Sorry we don't serve alcoholic drinks here"
A bartender runs into bacon and eggs and orders a bar. The breakfast says, "Sorry we're done with this s**... joke formula."

An Irish man and a m**... sat next to each other on a plane.

The flight attendant comes and asks the Irish man if he wants a drink. He asks for a whiskey and the drink is promptly placed in front of him.
The flight attendant asks the m**...:
"Do you want an alcoholic drink too?"
The m**... responds:
"I would rather be assaulted by a dozen w**... than have alcohol touch my lips."
The Irish man interrupts saying:
"In that case take my drink back. I didn't know we had a choice."

My city decided to ban alcoholic drinks

Our health department started reporting 0 cases of corona

Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)

Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"

What is the most Canadian non-alcoholic drink?

American beer.

I saw a clown drinking an alcoholic drink while doing death defying stunts.

I told him, "That's whiskey."

A range of alcoholic drinks is being produced named after famous authors

.... Dickens Cider is proving very popular

What do you call a tavern that only serves non-alcoholic drinks?

A pro-teen bar

What does a baby do when it doesn't get its favorite alcoholic drink?

It wines.

Two chemists walk into a bar. One of them orders an alcoholic drink. The other says "I'll have double of what he has."

He died of butanol poisoning.

What's a cats favourite alcoholic drink?

Whiskers on the rocks

What's a policeman's favourite alcoholic drink?


My father was the greatest magician ever

He can turn any alcoholic drinks to domestic a**...

Why do Muslims get 72 virgins in heaven?

Because the alcoholic drinks are only for Christians.

As a diabetes educator, a number of my clients truly do not understand that when I tell them two alcoholic drinks per day, it does not mean they can save them all and have 14 on Saturday night.

An Alcoholic,an Obese Guy and a j**... find themselves infront of Pearly Gates

So St.Peter says he can grant them each one wish in heaven.
The Alcoholic wishes for a neverending fountain of the most tastefull alcoholic drink known to humanity,and he is transported to heaven,and there it was,made out of pure gold,smelling like Channel 5 and tasting ljke pure ecstasy.
The Obese Guy wishes for a neverending burger,and there it fell right into his hand,it looked like it was made by god himself,and after tasting it he forgot about all other food.
So the j**... goes up to St.Peter and asks him:Mann can you lend me a dolla or two

What does the alcoholic drink when he complains

(kinda sorry)

What is a nudist's favourite alcoholic drink?

A daiquiri.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these alcoholic drink jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.