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Alcohol Consumption Jokes

9 alcohol consumption jokes and hilarious alcohol consumption puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alcohol consumption that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.


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Share Hilarious Alcohol Consumption Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What is a good alcohol consumption joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

I've started a new religion based on the consumption of high-percentage alcohol. Its only downside is that I now miss a lot of work due to hangovers

It's called absinthe-theism.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

Good way to reduce alcohol consumption

William Sexfear's one good way to reduce alcohol consumption..
Before marriage- Drink whenever you are sad.
After marriage- Drink whenever you are happy.

According to the Laws of Thermodynamics...

Open consumption of alcohol is an offense. My advice is to steer clear of the town of Thermodynamics.

Man goes to doctors office

Doctor asks about his alcohol consumption. "I only drink when I am having a party."
"So often do you have a party?" "Whenever I have any alcohol"

The buffalo theory of beer joke

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!

Three Muslims walk into a bar...

They get shot, because Islam forbids the consumption of alcohol.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.

The "Buffolo Theory" of beer. A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!


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