The Best 66 Albert Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Albert jokes. There are some albert freddy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these albert cajuns puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Albert Jokes and Puns

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting and Pascal runs off and hides, but Isaac Newton just stands in front of him and draws a square on the ground. When Einstein opens his eyes he says I found you Isaac , but Isaac Newton responds no you found a Newton over a square - you found Pascal!

Bert is walking with Albert through the park and says, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

Albert says, "What's the name of his other leg?"


A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

Albert joke, Relativity

Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

Who did Fat Albert accuse of leaving a burning cross on his lawn?

"The Kaaay Kaaay Kaaaaay!"

Albert Einstein just finished his theory about space.

Its about time too

What do you call Albert Einstein giving a handjob?

A stroke of genius.

Albert joke, What do you call Albert Einstein giving a handjob?

Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome...

he had a special relative, you see?

Albert Einstein Begins a Lecture on General Relativity:

Ok, let's get started, so here is the gravity of the situation...

What would albert einstein's name be if he was blonde?

Nobody would know

My buddy told me this hilarious joke earlier about Albert Einstein getting a handjob...

What a stroke of genius!

You can explore albert edith reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean albert herbert dad jokes. There are also albert puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

They say you can't get a decent job without education.....

They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!

A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein.

Because he's dead.

Albert got a rash after he visited the brothel.

He had an Al orgy.

Give a boy a fish, he eats for a day.

Give Albert Fish a boy, he eats for a week.

"Mummy, mummy, can I wear a bra now I'm 16?"

"Shut up, Albert."

Albert joke, "Mummy, mummy, can I wear a bra now I'm 16?"

I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger

Why was it impossible for Albert to build a house?

He only had einstein

What was Albert Einsteins DJ name?

MC Squared

Someone gave a handjob to Albert Einstein...

What a stroke of genius!

They say you can't get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

It's Albert Einstein, not mine

Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

Why couldn't Albert Einstein's dad teach him about vowels?

Cuz he didn't want to pay him when he said A.E.I.O.U.

I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein.

However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.

90% of Albert Einstein quotes are fake.

~Albert Einstein, 2017

What does Albert Einstein say after sex?

To YOU that was fast.

What did Jesus say to Albert Einstein when Einstein died?

"We could have used a brilliant mind like yours in Heaven. Too bad you are a Jew."

Einstein replied, "That explains why you're here with me."

If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space,

and it was about time, too.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on.

His name was FrankEinstein

My grandma recently claimed she once gave a handjob to Albert Einstein..

What a stroke of genius.

My redhead friend named Albert drinks Canada Dry every day

I call him Ginger Al

I got a hand job from Albert Einstein the other day...

It was a stroke of genius

Mr. and Mrs. Einstein had two kids.

Albert: Genius.

Frank: Monster creator.

Stephen Hawking asked Albert Einstein "What do you want for your birthday?". He responded,


Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

A german visits France...

and he gets picked for a random check at the customs:

- Name?

- Albert Schmidt.

- Nationalite?

- German.

- Occupation? (In a French accent)

- No no, just visiting.

Albert Einstein told me I was insane one time.

He told me that I kept coming back here expecting to see a new and original joke every time, even though it wasn't possible.

An aristocrat Bostonian lady hired a new chauffeur. As they started out on their first drive, she inquired:

"What is your name?"
"Thomas, ma'am," he answered.
"What is your last name," she said. "I never call chauffeurs by their first names."
"Darling, ma'am," he replied.
"Drive on - Thomas," she said.
(Rapp, Albert 1951. On the Origins of Wit and Humor. New York: Dutton. Pages 49-50)

As Albert Einstein ones said:

Two things are infinite; the universe and the 40-day trial for WinRAR!

Albert Einstein and Charlie Chaplin meet...

ALBERT EINSTEIN:- What I admire most about your art, is its universality. You do not say a word, and yet ... ...Β CHARLIE CHAPLIN:- It's true, but your fame is even greater! The world admires you, when nobody understands you!

Intelligent Minds

Albert Einstein: Genius mind

Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind

Bill Gates: Brilliant mind

You: Never mind

What is Albert Einstein's rapper name?

MC Squared

I got a phone call from some helpful people who wanted me to know a few things...

But what I'd like to know is who put Prince Albert in a can and why is my refrigerator running?

Whats Albert Einstein's rap name?

MC Squared

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.

Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?

Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius..

But his brother Frank was a monster.

Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don't know about his brother who did research in monster making...

His name was Frank

Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein : "If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."

Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

What does Mad Albert cry as a horse?

Hay, Hay, Hay!

A newly released document from the CIA reveals that except his sister - Maja Einstein, Albert Einstein had a younger brother from another father.

His name was revealed to be Barrett Zweistein.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." ~ Albert Einstein

I'm not so sure either...

You all know Albert Einstein, but did you know he had a brother

Named Frank.

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and says "Newton! I found you! You're it!"

"No," says Newton. "You found a Newton in one square meter. You found Pascal!"

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.

Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.

Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?

Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.

Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*

Einstein asks: What is it?

Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

See, all motion ees relative, ja?

Albert Einstein once famously said...

"Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

What do you call it when Albert Einstein masturbates?

A stroke of genius.

Albert Einstein was a genius and it ran through his family.

His brother, Frank, created a monster.

An illiterate man and Albert Einstein are sitting together on the train.

Einstein: Let's play a game to pass some time. I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. If I can't answer a question from you, I'll give you $50.

Illiterate man: I'll go first. What has 3 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 8 legs at night?

Einstein: I don't know. (Gives man $50) What is the answer to that question?

Illiterate man: (Gives $5 to Einstein)

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius

but his brother, Frank, was a monster creating doctor.

Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed!

Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

TIL Albert Einstein was a real person.

I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is it, and he covers his eyes and begins to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't move. He leans down, scratches out a square one meter on a side, and just stands there, right in front of Einstein.

Einstein finishes counting, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"

Newton replies "No. You found a Newton in a square meter. You found Pascal!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the albert carl jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working albert shopkeep piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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