Albert Jokes

Following is our collection of edith humor and freddy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Albert puns for adults, dirty herbert jokes or clean cajuns gags for kids.

There is an abundance of carl jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 66 funniest jokes on albert. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any shopkeep witze you can hear about albert.

The Best jokes about Albert

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius..

But his brother Frank was a monster.

They say you can't get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein.

Because he's dead.

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

Oops, wrong frame of reference.

Albert Einstein just finished his theory about space.

Its about time too


I got a hand job from Albert Einstein the other day...

It was a stroke of genius

I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger

They say you can't get a decent job without education.....

They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome...

he had a special relative, you see?

What was Albert Einsteins DJ name?

MC Squared


What do you call Albert Einstein giving a handjob?

A stroke of genius.

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.

Alien: I'll take a look.

Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.

Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?

Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They play rock-paper-scissors to choose the seeker. A. Einstein is left so he has to be te seeker. He starts counting down from 10.

Pascal hides in a bush bearby, but Newton remains in plain sight. He draws a square with an area of 1m^2 and stays in it.

Einstein's countdown ends. 3.... 2.... 1....

He turns around and sees Isaac Newton in plain sight. He tells him:

"Ha, found you, Newton!"

I. Newton responds while nodding:

"You didn't find me, because 1N/1m^2 =1 Pascal. So it's Pascal who you found!"

It's Albert Einstein, not mine

Few things are Infinite,
The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.

Someone gave a handjob to Albert Einstein...

What a stroke of genius!

Speechmaking

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."

Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

edit=correct word(s)

Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on.

His name was FrankEinstein

A german visits France...

and he gets picked for a random check at the customs:

- Name?

- Albert Schmidt.

- Nationalite?

- German.

- Occupation? (In a French accent)

- No no, just visiting.


Whats Albert Einstein's rap name?

MC Squared

My grandma recently claimed she once gave a handjob to Albert Einstein..

What a stroke of genius.

An easy question to Albert Einstein!

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."


"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"


So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.


But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.


The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :


"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

Einsteinium

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.

"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer

"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.

Einstein opens his eyes and says "Newton! I found you! You're it!"

"No," says Newton. "You found a Newton in one square meter. You found Pascal!"

I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein.

However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.

Albert Einstein and Homer Simpson had a bet.

Albert Einstein says If I can't answer your question, i'll give you a million dollars. If you can't answer my question, you have to give me five dollars.

Homer says ok

Albert Einstein says I'll start: What is the capital of France?

Homer says lol idk

Homer gives Einstein 5 dollars.

Homer says What is alive but also dead

Einstein doesn't know the answer, and gives Homer a million dollars

Einstein says Wow, that was a tough question, what's the answer?

Homer gives Einstein 5 dollars.

What is Albert Einstein's rapper name?

MC Squared

You all know Albert Einstein, but did you know he had a brother

Named Frank.

Anti-matter

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer
"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space,

and it was about time, too.

Relativity

A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

What does Albert Einstein say after sex?

To YOU that was fast.

Give a boy a fish, he eats for a day.

Give Albert Fish a boy, he eats for a week.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." ~ Albert Einstein

I'm not so sure either...

What would albert einstein's name be if he was blonde?

Nobody would know

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting and Pascal runs off and hides, but Isaac Newton just stands in front of him and draws a square on the ground. When Einstein opens his eyes he says I found you Isaac , but Isaac Newton responds no you found a Newton over a square - you found Pascal!

Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein : "If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."

Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"

My redhead friend named Albert drinks Canada Dry every day

I call him Ginger Al

Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don't know about his brother who did research in monster making...

His name was Frank

An aristocrat Bostonian lady hired a new chauffeur. As they started out on their first drive, she inquired:

"What is your name?"
"Thomas, ma'am," he answered.
"What is your last name," she said. "I never call chauffeurs by their first names."
"Darling, ma'am," he replied.
"Drive on - Thomas," she said.
(Rapp, Albert 1951. On the Origins of Wit and Humor. New York: Dutton. Pages 49-50)

My buddy told me this hilarious joke earlier about Albert Einstein getting a handjob...

What a stroke of genius!

What did Jesus say to Albert Einstein when Einstein died?

"We could have used a brilliant mind like yours in Heaven. Too bad you are a Jew."

Einstein replied, "That explains why you're here with me."

Who did Fat Albert accuse of leaving a burning cross on his lawn?

"The Kaaay Kaaay Kaaaaay!"

I got a phone call from some helpful people who wanted me to know a few things...

But what I'd like to know is who put Prince Albert in a can and why is my refrigerator running?

As Albert Einstein ones said:

Two things are infinite; the universe and the 40-day trial for WinRAR!

Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

90% of Albert Einstein quotes are fake.

~Albert Einstein, 2017

Albert Einstein and Charlie Chaplin meet...

ALBERT EINSTEIN:- What I admire most about your art, is its universality. You do not say a word, and yet ... ...Β CHARLIE CHAPLIN:- It's true, but your fame is even greater! The world admires you, when nobody understands you!

Albert Einstein Begins a Lecture on General Relativity:

Ok, let's get started, so here is the gravity of the situation...

Mr. and Mrs. Einstein had two kids.

Albert: Genius.

Frank: Monster creator.

Why couldn't Albert Einstein's dad teach him about vowels?

Cuz he didn't want to pay him when he said A.E.I.O.U.

A newly released document from the CIA reveals that except his sister - Maja Einstein, Albert Einstein had a younger brother from another father.

His name was revealed to be Barrett Zweistein.

"Mummy, mummy, can I wear a bra now I'm 16?"

"Shut up, Albert."

Albert Einstein told me I was insane one time.

He told me that I kept coming back here expecting to see a new and original joke every time, even though it wasn't possible.

Intelligent Minds

Albert Einstein: Genius mind

Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind

Bill Gates: Brilliant mind

You: Never mind

Stephen Hawking asked Albert Einstein "What do you want for your birthday?". He responded,

"You.".

Albert got a rash after he visited the brothel.

He had an Al orgy.

Bert is walking with Albert through the park and says, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

Albert says, "What's the name of his other leg?"

Wise Words

"I fear the day people are going to quote me for things i didn't say" - Albert Einstein

I was so sad when my Antenna fell off the roof

My Uncle Albert didn't take it very well either.

Albert Einstein is one of the most respected people of all time...

It makes me sad that his brother Frank isn't seen the same way.

Excuse me, sir, do you have Prince Albert in a can?

You do! Well, you better let the poor guy out!


(inspired of course by the remake of IT)

Why was it impossible for Albert to build a house?

He only had einstein

What does Mad Albert cry as a horse?

Hay, Hay, Hay!

You guys remembered who voiced Fat Albert right?

Probably not since he most likely roofied your drink.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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