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Albert Jokes

118 albert jokes and hilarious albert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about albert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article covers the funniest Albert jokes from a range of characters, including Fat Albert, Prince Albert, Uncle Albert and Spiritfarer Albert. Read on to find out Claude, Fred, Edith and more's jokes to bring some laughter into your day!

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Funniest Albert Short Jokes

Short albert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The albert humour may include short albert einstein jokes also.

  1. TIL Albert Einstein was a real person. I had always thought he was only a theoretical physicist.
  2. I only recently found out that Albert Einstein was a real person.. All this time I thought he was only a theoretical physicist
  3. They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!
  4. A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein. Because he's dead.
  5. I was today years old when I found out Albert Einstein was actually a real person... I thought he was just a *theoretical* physicist!
  6. I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist
  7. Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
  8. I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger
  9. Everyone always talks about what a genius Albert Einstein was. They never mention what a monster his brother Frank was.
  10. Albert Einstein owed the inspiration for one of his best ideas to his cousin who had Down Syndrome... he had a special relative, you see?

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Albert One Liners

Which albert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with albert? I can suggest the ones about smith and wit.

  1. TIL Albert Einstein really existed I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
  2. We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.. But his brother Frank was a monster.
  3. A bar walks into Albert Einstein. Oops, wrong frame of reference.
  4. Albert Einstein just finished his theory about space. Its about time too
  5. What was Albert Einsteins DJ name? MC Squared
  6. Few people knew about Albert Einstein's older brother Frank He was a total monster.
  7. I just learned Albert Einstein's real I always thought he was a theoretical physicist
  8. Whats Albert Einstein's rap name? MC Squared
  9. What is Albert Einstein's rapper name? MC Squared
  10. You all know Albert Einstein, but did you know he had a brother Named Frank.
  11. Albert Einstein had a brother named Frank. But he was a real monster.
  12. Give a boy a fish, he eats for a day. Give Albert Fish a boy, he eats for a week.
  13. Albert Einstein developed a theory about space. And, boy, it was about time, too!
  14. What would albert einstein's name be if he was blonde? Nobody would know
  15. I just found out Albert Einstein is a real person. I thought he was theoretical physicist

Albert Einstein Jokes

Here is a list of funny albert einstein jokes and even better albert einstein puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend found out that Albert Einstein was a real guy He thought he was just a theoretical physicist
  • Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. On the other hand, His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
  • It's Albert Einstein, not mine Few things are Infinite,
    The Universe, Human stupidity and the amount of times you have to tell your Mother you can't pause an online Game.
  • Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on. His name was FrankEinstein
  • Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics. His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
  • I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein. However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.
  • Guys, I just read something on the internet saying that Albert Einstein may not have existed! Turns out he's just a theoretical physicist.
  • We all know Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother, Frank, was a monster creating doctor.
  • If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space, and it was about time, too.
  • Albert Einstein once famously said... "Every great quote will eventually be misattributed to Albert Einstein"

Fat Albert Jokes

Here is a list of funny fat albert jokes and even better fat albert puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's Fat Albert's super villain alias? Fatal Bert.
  • Who did Fat Albert accuse of leaving a burning cross on his lawn? "The Kaaay Kaaay Kaaaaay!"
  • You guys remembered who voiced Fat Albert right? Probably not since he most likely roofied your drink.
  • What did Fat Albert say on the toilet? Hey hey hey! Bombs away!
  • What do Fat Albert and Egypt have in common? Two Ton Comin.
  • Bill Cosby's going to jail huh? Think he'll be forced to Mushmouth his celly's Fat Albert?
Albert joke, Bill Cosby's going to jail huh?

Prince Albert Jokes

Here is a list of funny prince albert jokes and even better prince albert puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got a phone call from some helpful people who wanted me to know a few things... But what I'd like to know is who put Prince Albert in a can and why is my refrigerator running?
  • Excuse me, sir, do you have Prince Albert in a can? You do! Well, you better let the poor guy out!
    (inspired of course by the remake of IT)
  • I tried to go get a Prince Albert today. They told me I'd have to come back on a warmer day.
  • I'm thinking about getting a Prince Albert... Do you have any tips?
Albert joke, I'm thinking about getting a Prince Albert...

Howlingly Hilarious Albert Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about albert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sonny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make albert pranks.

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting and Pascal runs off and hides, but Isaac Newton just stands in front of him and draws a square on the ground. When Einstein opens his eyes he says I found you Isaac , but Isaac Newton responds no you found a Newton over a square - you found Pascal!

Relativity

A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

What do you call Albert Einstein giving a h**...?

A s**... of genius.

Albert Einstein Begins a Lecture on General Relativity:

Ok, let's get started, so here is the gravity of the situation...

My buddy told me this hilarious joke earlier about Albert Einstein getting a h**......

What a s**... of genius!

They say you can't get a decent job without education.....

They say you can't get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!

"Mummy, mummy, can I wear a bra now I'm 16?"

"Shut up, Albert."

Someone gave a h**... to Albert Einstein...

What a s**... of genius!

Why couldn't Albert Einstein's dad teach him about vowels?

Cuz he didn't want to pay him when he said A.E.I.O.U.

90% of Albert Einstein quotes are fake.

~Albert Einstein, 2017

What does Albert Einstein say after s**...?

To YOU that was fast.

What did Jesus say to Albert Einstein when Einstein died?

"We could have used a brilliant mind like yours in Heaven. Too bad you are a Jew."
Einstein replied, "That explains why you're here with me."

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is counting down while Newton and Pascal are trying to hide. Pascal jumps into the bushes and Newton walks a few steps, picks up a stick, draws a square on the ground and just stands there. Einstein turns around and instantly spots Newton.

- Found you Newton, you lose!
- Now wait a minute good sir, can't you see what I drew below me? I am a Newton on a square meter so technically you found Pascal.

My grandma recently claimed she once gave a h**... to Albert Einstein..

What a s**... of genius.

My redhead friend named Albert drinks Canada Dry every day

I call him Ginger Al

I got a h**... from Albert Einstein the other day...

It was a s**... of genius

Mr. and Mrs. Einstein had two kids.

Albert: Genius.
Frank: Monster creator.

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

A german visits France...

and he gets picked for a random check at the customs:
- Name?
- Albert Schmidt.
- Nationalite?
- German.
- Occupation? (In a French accent)
- No no, just visiting.

Albert Einstein told me I was insane one time.

He told me that I kept coming back here expecting to see a new and original joke every time, even though it wasn't possible.

An aristocrat Bostonian lady hired a new chauffeur. As they started out on their first drive, she inquired:

"What is your name?"
"Thomas, ma'am," he answered.
"What is your last name," she said. "I never call chauffeurs by their first names."
"Darling, ma'am," he replied.
"Drive on - Thomas," she said.
(Rapp, Albert 1951. On the Origins of Wit and Humor. New York: Dutton. Pages 49-50)

As Albert Einstein ones said:

Two things are infinite; the universe and the 40-day trial for WinRAR!

Albert Einstein and Charlie Chaplin meet...

ALBERT EINSTEIN:- What I admire most about your art, is its universality. You do not say a word, and yet ... ... CHARLIE CHAPLIN:- It's true, but your fame is even greater! The world admires you, when nobody understands you!

Intelligent Minds

Albert Einstein: Genius mind
Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind
Bill Gates: Brilliant mind
You: Never mind

An alien walks into a human brain shop

Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.

Everyone knows Albert Einstein because of his research in physics. But most people don't know about his brother who did research in monster making...

His name was Frank

Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein : "If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."

Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"

A newly released document from the CIA reveals that except his sister - Maja Einstein, Albert Einstein had a younger brother from another father.

His name was revealed to be Barrett Zweistein.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." ~ Albert Einstein

I'm not so sure either...

Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek.

Einstein is it, so he closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't budge. Right in front of Einstein he bends down and scratches a box in the dirt, one meter on a side. The he just stands there, right in the middle of the box.
Einstein opens his eyes and says "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
"No," says Newton. "You found a Newton in one square meter. You found Pascal!"

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.

A bar walks into Albert Einstein.

See, all motion ees relative, ja?

What do you call it when Albert Einstein masturbates?

A s**... of genius.

Albert Einstein was a genius and it ran through his family.

His brother, Frank, created a monster.

An illiterate man and Albert Einstein are sitting together on the train.

Einstein: Let's play a game to pass some time. I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. If I can't answer a question from you, I'll give you $50.
Illiterate man: I'll go first. What has 3 legs in the morning, 4 legs in the afternoon, and 8 legs at night?
Einstein: I don't know. (Gives man $50) What is the answer to that question?
Illiterate man: (Gives $5 to Einstein)

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Blaise Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein is it, and he covers his eyes and begins to count. Pascal runs off to hide, but Newton doesn't move. He leans down, scratches out a square one meter on a side, and just stands there, right in front of Einstein.
Einstein finishes counting, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims "Newton! I found you! You're it!"
Newton replies "No. You found a Newton in a square meter. You found Pascal!"

Why is Alberta known as the Texas of Canada?

Because Canadians don't know about Arkansas.

Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.

He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.

A teacher is teaching a notorious class...

A teacher is teaching physics. Then he notices a boy is day dreaming. So the teacher asks that boy,
"Do you know who Albert Einstein is?"
The boy says "No, I don't".
"If you paid more attention to the lesson you should know" scolded the sir.
Then the boy asks the teacher "do you know who Kevin is?"
The teacher says "No I don't"
"If you paid more attention to your daughter you should know" said the boy.

Albert Einstein was running 20 minutes late as a guest speaker at a science conference.

He finally arrived apologizing profusely.
Einstein: "I am so terribly sorry you all had to wait. Anyway, here's my presentation."
Host: "It's about time."
Einstein: "And space!"

My nephew was genetically engineered to be like both frank sinatra and Albert Einstein.

He's a regular Frank Einstein.

It all makes sense now!

I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person! All this time I thought he was just a theoretical physicist.

o**... I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person!

This whole time I thought he was a theoretical physicist!

Did you know that Albert Einstein was completely made up?

He's just a theoretical physicist.

What is the difference between stupidity and genius?

"What is the difference between stupidity and genius? Genius has its limits."
-- Albert Einstein

Albert joke, What is the difference between stupidity and genius?

jokes about albert