The Best 41 Alas Jokes

Following is our collection of Alas jokes which are very funny. There are some alas revelation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these alas sultan puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Alas Jokes and Puns

I sexually identify as a female

I keep trying to convince my family that Im not a guy, but alas

A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch

As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."

The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."

Two red blood cells met and fell in love

but alas, it was in vein.

A Rabbi is giving a eulogy...

And it comes to the point in the service where he is supposed to extol the virtues of the deceased.

Rabbi: "Alas, I did not know this man, I am new here. Would anyone care to speak on his behalf?"

Silence through the crowd.

A voice from the back calls out:

"His brother was worse!"

Four Men Are In A Rowboat...

They're fishing and after a couple hours without success, they all decide it's time for a smoke. They pull out their packs, but alas, no one has anything to light the cigarettes with.

That's when they throw one of their cigarettes over board.

Now the boat is a cigarette lighter.


Alaska legalized Marijuana...

It seems as if the national food for all Marijuana enthusiasts will become the Baked Alaska.

A man sends ten puns to a friend in an effort to make him laugh.

Alas, no pun in ten did.

I think me life is like the Truman Show.

I was tryin' ta figure out what type a genre show it be.

I thought, "It might be a drama," but me life isn't sad enough.

I thought, "It might be an action tale," but alas, 'tis too boring.

"Then, perhaps, it be a comedy," I thought, but me life isn't funny, so I cast that idea overboard.

"Well," I thought, "it might be British."

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."

Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a deepthroat professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"

The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.

The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."

"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"

"The peeling."

"Suppose you were Ellen Pao and a German Dictator, but alas, I repeat myself"

I always knew I wanted to be a plumber

but alas, twas but a pipe dream

You can explore alas pearly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alas yea dad jokes. There are also alas puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I tried Alaskan food once.

But I wasn't that Inuit.

(Sigh) How I miss those good old days...

Alas, my good old days of "morning wood" have been replaced by "morning wouldn't."

A spinoff of Zootopia would have lampooned any people from a certain fandom who drew NSFW pictures of the two leads and shipped them.

Alas, *Furry Vengeance* was already taken.

This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!"

Alas, swine flu.

I fell off a Cliff many years ago

But alas, nobody believed me.

Alaskan said to Texan: Stop bragging....

...about how big your state is, or we'll divide Alaska in half and make you the third largest state.

There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,

But alas it twas in vein.

An Alaskan and a Swiss went to Russia...

They visited Moosecow.


What did the Alaska Native's girlfriend say when she broke up with him?

*"I'm just not that Inuit."*

Alaskan Eye Doctor

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island... but it turned out to be an optical aleutian.

My Job Interview.

I was interviewed today by a Far East Sultan to be a eunuch to guard his harem of 365 women.

Alas, the Sultan told me I wasn't cut out for the job.

I racked my brain and searched far and wide because I wanted to post a really great chemistry joke.

Alas, all of the good jokes argon.

How do you know an Alaskan girl is enjoying sex?

She's really Inuit.

Exhausted, we'd been sailing for mainland Alaska for days when I was sure we spotted it ...

Alas, it was just an Aleutian

So Stephen Hawking has just passed away...

His wife Siri told reporters he got the dreaded blue screen of death .

IT guys tried to resuscitate but alas, sometimes CTRL+ALT+DELETE just doesn't work

Why did the Alaskans start listening to Native American folk music?

No one really knows, they're just really Inuit.

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.

The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:

Where were you on the night of October to April?

How do you get an Alaskan flat tire?

When the husky falls over

What does an Alaskan accountant and sociopath have in common?

They're both cold and calculating.

Alaska doesn't exist

It was all an aleutian.

A biologist, a logician, and a philosopher are driving down the road in County Clare...

They see the profile of a brown cow grazing in an adjacent meadow. The biologist says, "Look, Ireland has brown cows!" The logician says, "No, sir, all we can say for certain is that Ireland has at least one brown cow." The philosopher retorts, "Alas, my fair companions, all we can know for certain is that Ireland has at least one half of one brown cow."

An angry mom once told me that she'd get her kid vaccinated when pigs fly.

Alas, swine flu.

What do Alaskans say when they meditate?

NOOOOOOOOOOME

This is the Alaska State Police.

Where were you during the night of November 14th to February 12th?

This one time someone asked me to tell them a pun.

They wanted to have a good laugh, hopefully.

So i searched and thought of 10 puns for them, and told them each one.

But alas, no pun in ten did.

I really wish I could diminish my allergies..

Like, punch a hole right through them. Alas, I don't have any experience putting holes in things.

If only I had Benadryl.

2 blood cells met and fell in love

Alas, it was all in vein!

Two watermelons fall in love and want to get married.

Alas, weddings of that variety haven't been legalised yet meaning they cantaloupe

A limerick that I heard years ago

Poor Johnny used to drink
But alas, he drinks no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

As I stood infront of the mirror, combing my hair to one side, I couldn't help but shed a tear.

Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the alas yes jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working alas wether piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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