Alas Jokes
52 alas jokes and hilarious alas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Alas Short Jokes
Short alas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alas humour may include short oops all jokes also.
- Was up all night trying to think of a cake day joke, alas I have failed. I'm in tiers
At least I'm baked. - As I stood infront of the mirror, combing my hair to one side, I couldn't help but shed a tear. Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow.
- I was confident I could win the duel until my opponent swung his sword at my ankles. Alas, I was de-feeted.
- There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones, But alas it twas in vein.
- Two watermelons fall in love and want to get married. Alas, weddings of that variety haven't been legalised yet meaning they cantaloupe
- A limerick that I heard years ago Poor Johnny used to drink
But alas, he drinks no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4. - I really wish I could diminish my allergies.. Like, punch a hole right through them. Alas, I don't have any experience putting holes in things.
If only I had Benadryl. - (Sigh) How I miss those good old days... Alas, my good old days of "morning wood" have been replaced by "morning wouldn't."
- This one time someone asked me to tell them a pun. They wanted to have a good laugh, hopefully.
So i searched and thought of 10 puns for them, and told them each one.
But alas, no pun in ten did. - Exhausted, we'd been sailing for mainland Alaska for days when I was sure we spotted it ... Alas, it was just an Aleutian
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Alas One Liners
Which alas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alas? I can suggest the ones about alley and aloud.
- This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!" Alas, swine flu.
- Two red blood cells met and fell in love but alas, it was in vein.
- A man sends ten puns to a friend in an effort to make him laugh. Alas, no pun in ten did.
- 2 blood cells met and fell in love Alas, it was all in vein!
- Just broke up with my Scottish girlfriend Alas
- "Suppose you were Ellen Pao and a German Dictator, but alas, I repeat myself"
- I fell off a Cliff many years ago But alas, nobody believed me.
- I always knew I wanted to be a plumber but alas, twas but a pipe dream
- What is ISIS least favorite food? chicken ala king
- If Hamlet was more of a player. "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew his wife, Horatio."
- What to Australian Trains use as fuel? Coal-Ala
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Alas Jokes
What funny jokes about alas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean alpaca jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alas pranks.
I s**... identify as a female
I keep trying to convince my family that Im not a guy, but alas
A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch
As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."
The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."
The Trids and the Giant
Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids. The Trids were happy except for a giant that lived on the mountain. The giant would often terrorize the Trids.
The Trids, tired of the giant, sent a group led by the community's minister to reason with the giant. But before they could even say one word the giant kicked them down the mountain. The Trids thought maybe this was because the giant was Catholic, so they sent another group, this time led by the local priest. But alas, as they approached, the giant once again kicked them all down the mountain.
The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the giant was Jewish. Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they asked a rabbi of a different community for help. The Rabbi led a group of Trids up the mountain. The giant saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the mountain. The Rabbi, knowing the giant's past, wondered why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the giant. The giant laughed and replied
"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
A Rabbi is giving a eulogy...
And it comes to the point in the service where he is supposed to extol the virtues of the deceased.
Rabbi: "Alas, I did not know this man, I am new here. Would anyone care to speak on his behalf?"
Silence through the crowd.
A voice from the back calls out:
"His brother was worse!"
Four Men Are In A Rowboat...
They're fishing and after a couple hours without success, they all decide it's time for a smoke. They pull out their packs, but alas, no one has anything to light the cigarettes with.
That's when they throw one of their cigarettes over board.
Now the boat is a cigarette lighter.
I think me life is like the Truman Show.
I was tryin' ta figure out what type a genre show it be.
I thought, "It might be a drama," but me life isn't sad enough.
I thought, "It might be an action tale," but alas, 'tis too boring.
"Then, perhaps, it be a comedy," I thought, but me life isn't funny, so I cast that idea overboard.
"Well," I thought, "it might be British."
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."
I tried Alaskan food once.
But I wasn't that Inuit.
Alaskan said to Texan: Stop bragging....
...about how big your state is, or we'll divide Alaska in half and make you the third largest state.
What did the Alaska Native's girlfriend say when she broke up with him?
*"I'm just not that Inuit."*
My Job Interview.
I was interviewed today by a Far East Sultan to be a e**... to guard his h**... of 365 women.
Alas, the Sultan told me I wasn't cut out for the job.
I racked my brain and searched far and wide because I wanted to post a really great chemistry joke.
Alas, all of the good jokes argon.
How do you know an Alaskan girl is enjoying s**...?
She's really Inuit.
So Stephen Hawking has just passed away...
His wife Siri told reporters he got the dreaded blue screen of death .
IT guys tried to resuscitate but alas, sometimes CTRL+ALT+DELETE just doesn't work
Why did the Alaskans start listening to Native American folk music?
No one really knows, they're just really Inuit.
An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.
The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:
Where were you on the night of October to April?
How do you get an Alaskan flat tire?
When the husky falls over
What does an Alaskan accountant and sociopath have in common?
They're both cold and calculating.
Alaska doesn't exist
It was all an aleutian.
A biologist, a logician, and a philosopher are driving down the road in County Clare...
They see the profile of a brown cow grazing in an adjacent meadow. The biologist says, "Look, Ireland has brown cows!" The logician says, "No, sir, all we can say for certain is that Ireland has at least one brown cow." The philosopher retorts, "Alas, my fair companions, all we can know for certain is that Ireland has at least one half of one brown cow."
My Alaskan sled dog was barking but no sound came out...
It turns out he was on Mala-mute
Why did the Alaskan man name his dog Frost?
Because frost bites.
I hate winter…
I hate the snow, the ice, the cold. In these times I think of the 4-man tent I bought on sale sometime around 1995. It's a basic tent, and it was a great value when I got it. It's hardly used now and just sits in my garage. I get such Winter Blues that I think about setting the tent up in the back yard, even though I've never gone through with that.
But alas I wonder, is this the Winter of my discount tent?
An Engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician enter a bar
Engineer: My good sirs, without engineers people would still be living in huts
Physicist: But alas my good sir, engineering is simply applied physics
Mathematician: But alas my good sir, physics is simply applied mathematics
"hearty laughter"
Philosopher: But alas my good sirs, mathematics is only applied philosophy
Mathematician: shut up and get us our d**... drinks
After fighting off waves of attacks by the Spartans, Paris went to visit with Helen
But alas, she was not very happy.
What is wrong, my love?
It's nothing.
Come on, my love, I sacrificed so much for you, so you must divulge why you're not happy. He pleaded.
It's nothing.
I'm pleading with you! I will defeat the whole spartan army and Achiles himself to see that smile again! Please, for the love of Zeus, why are you sad?
Well, it's just…
Yes? What is it?
If you must know…
Yes? Yes? He asked, encouraging her.
I only count 999 ships.
