Alarm Clock Jokes
88 alarm clock jokes and hilarious alarm clock puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alarm clock that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Alarm Clock Short Jokes
Short alarm clock jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alarm clock humour may include short time clock jokes also.
- Dear Humans, You get mad at me when I work....You get mad at me when I don't work.
Sincerely,
Confused alarm clock. - Did you guys hear about the kid getting arrested for bringing a clock to school? Sources say that the teachers were alarmed.
- I've been trying to find an alarm clock made out of a potato... ...ever since I had a meeting with my boss about arriving late for work and he told me "Get a potato clock".
- I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too.
- For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping. He's in for a rude awakening.
- I'm inventing an alarm clock. When it goes off, it shouts, "9-11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!" That ought to wake people up.
- Justin Bieber.... I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to "Justin Bieber - Baby". Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it.
- How to fall out of love with an ex-girlfriend? Set her voice as your alarm-clock ringtone.
- I just got back from the annual alarm clock convention, and I'm never going again It was a total snooze-fest
- What's the only thing that can ruin your perfect relationship with your crush? The alarm clock
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Alarm Clock One Liners
Which alarm clock one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alarm clock? I can suggest the ones about cuckoo clock and clocks changing.
- A teenage boy is like an alarm clock Comes in handy once a day
- "Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm turning into a bedside clock!" "That's alarming!"
- Imagine if clocks would hit you back in the morning. That would be truly alarming.
- What do you call an alarm that's been muted? Clock blocked
- This is a conspiracy by Big Alarm Clock wake up people
- My alarm clock isn't in a good mood... It just went off on me
- Try this one trick to last longer in bed! Throw out your alarm clock.
- What is the worst kind of alarm clock? The rumble strips.
- Why do Jedi hate alarm clocks? Because of The Force Awakens.
- What do you call an alarm clock that doesn't have a snooze button? A toddler
- I bought a fancy new clock radio today. It cost me alarm and a leg.
- Scientists called it a big bang, Chuck Norris called it an alarm clock.
- why do police always have star wars alarm clocks? for when the force awakens
- An alarm clock is a time machine. You set it and wake up in the future!
- How does someone without an alarm clock in Chicago wake up in the morning? Police sirens
Amusing & Witty Alarm Clock Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about alarm clock you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fire alarm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alarm clock pranks.
Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.
Love is one long sweet dream... and marriage is the alarm clock.
Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
I turned on the light to wake up my kids.
My 2-year-old turned it off and went back to bed. She used to be the family alarm clock. Now she's the snooze button.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I was your alarm clock, how would I wake you up every morning?
With a big d**..........
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three homeless guys at a shelter..
Due to a shortage of beds to lay in at a homeless shelter, three men were set to be laying together in a California King sized mattress. That night, the three go to bed.
They wake up the next morning to the alarm clock going off, waking the three up.
The man on the left says "Hmm, I had the oddest dream. I had a dream that I was being given a h**...."
The man on the right says "Yeah. Me, too."
The man in the center says "Hmm, that's weird. I dreamed I was skiing."
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT- USE THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.
I set my alarm clock to play Alice in Chains
I call it my morning "Would?"
Potato Clocks.
Colin walks into the largest watch, clock and timepiece store in Dublin and after a bit of browsing, calls the shopkeeper over...
"Where d'ya keep your potato clocks?"
The shopkeeper laughs, "Potato clocks?! Are you messin' with me? I will tell you that we sell alarm clocks and grandfather clocks, and mantel clocks and hour-glasses, cuckoo clocks, sundials, and electric clocks and quartz clocks, digital clocks, solar clocks, and even Mickey Mouse clocks, but in all my years, I have never heard tell of a POTATO clock!"
Colin shakes his head and says, "I don't know...but after years of unemployment, I'm finally startin' a new job at nine tomorrow, and the wife says 'You'd better get a potato clock.'"
I hate daylight savings time change...
...I had to chnage all my clocks and alarms an hour ahead.
How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?
She waits until midnight and plugs it back in.
Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.
What do you call a screaming timepiece?
An alarmed clock.
Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?
After the ring, you wake up!
Fight with Alarm Clock
Had a fight with my alarm clock, i refused to wake up, things got voilent. Now its broken and i am awake don't know who won.
What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock?
You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the s**... bomber not show up to work?
He got mad at the wrong alarm clock.
I'm tired of this one night stand mentality in college...
I have multiple lamps and alarm clocks, I need at least two night stands.
Rumour...
I heard a rumour that a man in town is selling a fake bedside-clock.
It's a false alarm.
What time does an engineer set his alarm clock for?
Around Thevenin the morning
My cat's like an alarm clock
He lets me know when it's any later than 2am
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the emo s**... an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Have you heard about Trumps revision of Obama phones?
You'll be able to trade them in for a alarm clock and job application.
My alarm clock decided to leave me tomorrow.
It would've left yesterday, but it's taking its time.
Got up in the middle of the night, and couldn't find my alarm clock
Checked the time on my cell phone, it was 4:04. Made sense.
I got a new alarm clock...
It was much louder than I expected. I found it very alarming.
My clock radio fell off my desk this morning
I guess you could say it was alarming
Why do baseball players use alarm clocks?
It keeps them up, up, and awake
A man and his wife had a fight...
They decided to give each other silence for a while. The man's alarm clock had broken down a couple of days ago, so when he had to get up at 5:00 AM to catch his flight for a business trip, he wrote on a piece of paper: "Can you please wake me up at 5:00?", and laid it on his wife's beddrawer before he went to sleep.
The next morning he woke up, and he was shocked to see it had already been 9:00 AM, and therefore he had missed his flight. He was just about to go ask his wife why she hadn't woken him up, when he found a piece of paper on his beddrawer with the text: "It's 5:00 AM, wake up".
Bill struggled to get up early in the morning and was always late for work.
His boss got fed up of his being late always and so threatened to fire him if he didn't get his act together.
So Bill went to see his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it just before going to bed.
Bill did this, and slept very well and actually beat the alarm clock by two hours. So he fixed himself a nice breakfast and drove happily to work, in plenty of time for the start of the work day.
When he got there, he said, "Boss, that pill the doctor gave me actually worked!"
His boss said, "That's great, but where were you yesterday?"
I was an hour late for work
I told them that Russia hacked my alarm clock and now I still have a job for the next two years while my boss
appoints a special investigation to look into it :)
You're the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. I only go to work and become a better person because of you. You make me workout on weekends and get in shape. And I try to turn you on every night.
I love you, alarm clock.
Was having an argument with my wife.
Just as I was about to win the argument, my alarm clock went off.
A man got up one morning and couldn't find his alarm clock, so he asked his wife what had become of it.
She said, "It went off at 6 o'clock.
No alarm clock needed
My loose motion wakes me up.
My alarm clock broke today.
I'm not too upset, though; I'm not a mourning person.
This is because of time travel by a magical clock
There's a alarming increase in clocks
I think my alarm clock loves me!
It calls me every 5 minutes and wants me to interact.!
I showed up to work a few hours late
My boss asked me what happened.
I told him the past few days my alarm clock woke me up in the middle of my sleep so I shut it off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sick of my alarm clock so I bought a rooster...
But now I'm starting to think I got a gay rooster. Instead of saying "c**...-a-doodle-doo" in the morning, he says "any-cockle-doo"
I set my alarm clock password to me and my wife's wedding anniversary
Needless to say, I haven't slept in weeks.
Have you heard the Broken Alarm Clock Blues?
It starts, "Woke up this afternoon..."
For the past 2 weeks, my wife started waking me up every morning with a kiss.
So I bought myself an alarm clock.
Why don't conspiracy theorists own alarm clocks?
They're already woke.
Love Versus Marriage
What's the difference between love and marriage?
-Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
I've recently taken a course on alarm clocks, but unfortunately I flunked it.
I overslept and missed the exam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The alarm went off when I was trying to have s**......
I was Clock-Blocked
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the b**... need an alarm clock?
It was to dam early.
I fail everyday to reach for work on time in the morning. I end up sleeping right through the buzzing clock.
What an alarming situation.