Alabama Redneck Jokes
8 alabama redneck jokes and hilarious alabama redneck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alabama redneck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Amusing Alabama Redneck Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What is a good alabama redneck joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
r**...
Having grown up in a small Alabama town, my friend James couldn't wait to tell us all about life in California, where he was stationed.
"The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said. Then he grinned. "I even went to a t**... bar."
"Really?" said his mother, surprised.
"What do they do if it starts to rain?"
Two r**... from Alabama are sitting, drinking. . .
When one turns to the other & declares "I'm finally dating a geeeenuuuuine m**...!"
The other looks up & says: "Really, Jim Bob?"
"Yep!" Jim Bob replies. "She's fifteen but she only got 3 kids."
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked r**... says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla
who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.
The zookeeper approaches a r**... janitor with a proposition. Would you be willing to have s**... with this gorilla for $500? he asks.
The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this. The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.
Well, says the janitor, I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.
After having their 11th child, a r**... couple decided that was enough,...
...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The r**... said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me".
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
r**... Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough because they couldn't afford a bigger bed. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin-wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it would cost $1,000.
Not being able to afford the procedure, the doctor recommended he go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me - I don't want to go deaf! To which the doctor replies, "Trust me."
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count on his fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... , at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand, 6, 7...
Southern Gas Station Promotion
A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, Free s**... with Fill-Up."
Soon a local r**... pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free s**.... The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free s**.... The r**... guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close! The number was 7. Sorry; no s**... this time."
A week later, the same r**..., along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free s**.... The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The r**... guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free s**... this time."
As they were driving away, the r**... said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE s**...." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."
There once was a man from Alabama . . .
He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated h**... type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .
Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?
One day, very tragically, Catfish Jeb's wife and sister died. A terrible hunting accident where he was mistaken and thought he was shooting at a deer. Beyond distraught, Catfish Jeb hurried home to his cabin and called up his church's preacher, Bill.
Bill answered his phone right away, greeting happily in that churchy way. Despite the cheeriness, Catfish Jeb was in tears as he told the preacher what happened. "Ma wife and sis'ta are ded, Billy," he blubbered.
Bill was a little miffed; he hated being called Billy. But with the light of God always shining down upon him, he forgave Catfish Jeb the instant the misname left his lips. "I am terrible sorry to hear that, Jeb," the preacher consoled.
On the phone, Bill and Catfish Jeb arranged a f**... for the bumpkin's wife and sister to be held at the church. It was to take place that Sunday, right before the bake sale. They planned the flowers, the music. Bill agreed to have someone make pamphlets on the grieving r**...'s behalf.
"One last thing, Joe," Bill said, pen poised in hand.
Catfish Jeb wiped at his eyes. "Yessa, preacher-man sir?" he simpered.
The preacher man pursed his lips. "Will you be needing one coffin, of two?"
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