Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Alabama Jokes
CSI Alabama was a failure . . .
. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
k**... Pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?
Everyone has the same DNA.
You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Alabama
if it was invented anywhere else, it would've been called the teeth brush.
Alabama VS. Mississippi
A man lived in Alabama. He moved to Mississippi. He raised the IQ in both states.
A police officer in Alabama finds...
...a black man with his arms and legs chopped off. He reports "the worst case of s**... he's ever seen."
Taxidermist walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room?
A full set of teeth
Congratulations to Alabama for making same s**... marriage legal
Now the men can finally marry their brothers
Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors?
So they can park in handicap spots.
What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs?
Drool
You can explore alabama alabaman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alabama redneck dad jokes. There are also alabama puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I asked my 32 year old friend from Alabama why he's still a v**....
He said "I was an only child"
Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?
Because the whole state is i**...
A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive.
I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."
How do dating sites in Alabama save money?
They link to Ancestry.com
Gay Marriage Licenses
So, 22 counties in Alabama are refusing to issue gay marriage licenses on the grounds that they believe in the traditional marriage of a man and his sister.
Alabama changed the drinking age to 34
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
What did the Alabama Police officer call the black guy who had been shot 6 times in the head?
The worst case of s**... he ever saw
Black Guy shot 15 times by the Alabama Police
Worst case of s**... they had ever seen.
What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.
What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?
The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.
Why are Alabama weddings so small?
They've only gotta invite one family
Heard they weren't celebrating Christmas at the University of Alabama...
Couldn't find three wise men and a v**....
Why doesn't Alabama have calculus teachers.
They don't like integration.
Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama?
They both lick their paw.
What is the similarity between a tornado in Alabama, and a divorce in Alabama?
No matter how you look at it, somebody is losing a trailer.
Why are Alabama weddings so small?
Because you only need to invite one family.
My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...
We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."
What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth?
The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair
What's worse than your wife cheating on you with your brother?
Your wife cheating on you with her brother.
Source: am from Alabama.
In Alabama, when served rolls, they never serve the butter on the side.
Because they like it inbread.
What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?
A v**....
Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.
The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.
What do you call a creepy old guy who hangs out at malls, and has s**... with under age teens?
In Alabama, your Honor, but soon it will be "Senator".
I really don't think Roy Moore will win the Alabama Senate election.
He'll probably come in a little behind.
Roy Moore says he'll bring Alabama values to Washington, but I'm not so sure. I mean, he s**... assaulted teenage girls...
But he wasn't related to any of 'em!
I sure hope Roy Moore wins today
Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.
Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.
He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
An Alabaman is finding his ancestry on a website, but can't get to their site...
Getting frustrated, he calls his wife over.
Sighing, she says, "It starts with an A, not an I, bro."
Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Election
It's almost as if he doesn't understand that no means no!
Alabama.
Where Ancestry and eHarmony are the same website.
What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?
He said it was the worse case of s**... he's ever seen
Why can't they make CSI: Alabama?
Because all the DNA is the same
Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...
Who were related to people from Alabama.
Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother,
But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
Yesterday my crush told me that I was like a brother to her I was sad at first then I remember
She was from Alabama
I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology.
I heard they are really into relative dating out there.
What's the most popular first date spot in Alabama?
Olive Garden: when you're here, you're family.
Why did the Alabama man marry his third cousin?
Because the first two weren't good in bed
Who's your daddy?
A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.
Why we don't do reverse c**... in Alabama.
Down here in Alabama we don't ever do "Reverse c**...". Because we never turn our back on family!
Why is reverse c**... i**... in Alabama?
Because you should never turn your back on your family.
What's the difference between sandwich meat and people from Alabama?
Nothing, they're both i**....
What s**... position is banned in Alabama?
d**....
Never turn your back on family.
What do people from Alabama have in common with yeast?
They're both in bread
Alabama is canceling home schooling.
Apparently too many teachers were having s**... with the students.
A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he's needs a drink so he goes to a local bar
He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks you ain't from around here are you?
No sir, He says, I'm from Minnesota
What the h**... do you do in Minnesota the bartender asks.
Im a taxidermist! The man replies.
What the h**... is that!? The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously I umm, mount dead animals
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar it's ok fellas, he's one of us!
Why are murders so hard to solve in Alabama?
There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.
He really loved that woman.
Why does no one do the reverse c**... position in alabama?
Because you never turn your back on family
What's an Alabama girls favorite game?
Smash Bros!
What's Alabama like?
My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?
why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?
because its all the same anyway
How do you circumcise a guy from alabama?
By k**... his sister in the jaw
Alabama, the land of 5 million people...
...and 4 last names.
Why is reverse c**... i**... in Alabama?
Because you never turn your back on family.
Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama?
Family discount.
Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19...
... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.
what do you call a v**... in alabama
an orphan
What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?
Inbread.
An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".
The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".
The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".
The wife continued, "We didn't want to take the chance of having a Mexican baby, since neither of us can speak Spanish".
Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history
Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted
why do people from Alabama love sandwiches?
they like things that are inbread
Why wasn`t Jesus born in Alabama?
They couldn\`t come up with three wise men and a v**....
What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling?
ALABAMA
Why are crimes so hard to solve in Alabama ?
Because their are no dental records and all the DNA matches
It's hard to find a good partner in most of the US
But in Alabama, you can find a partner with relative ease
How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama
One Mississippi
Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing?
Pumpkin
What pickup line do guys use to get girls in Alabama?
You're like a sister to me.
What do people in Alabama like to do for Halloween?
Pump-kin
What happened when a hurricane hit Alabama?
It caused 10 million dollars worth of improvements.
Came up with this while driving from Texas to Florida
**How long does it take to drive from Louisiana to Alabama?**
About one Mississippi.
why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world?
Because everything is inbread
A University of Alabama graduate gets a job
He shows up to his first day of work, and the boss hands him a mop and a bucket.
"Hey! I will have you know I'm a graduate of the University of Alabama!"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the boss said, "let me show you how to use those."
What's the worst part of thanksgiving dinner in Alabama?
Having to sit around a table with all the people you've slept with.
Why is the political discussion in Alabama so respectful among the entire population?
It's all relative.
Why can't you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?
You can't take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!
What's a seven-course meal in Alabama?
A possum and a six-pack.
How does a baker in Alabama describe his occupation?
I'm in bread.
Why can't Sherlock Holmes solve ANY crimes in Alabama?
He can't find any dental records, and all the DNA is the same for everyone.
Why shouldn't you steal from a family in Alabama?
Because their kids might have eyes in the back of their heads
Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia.
When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"
The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama ?
>! An Orphan. !<
