Alabama Jokes

Following is our collection of alabaman humor and tennessee one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Alabama puns for adults, dirty redneck jokes or clean oklahoma gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sherriff jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes on alabama. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any alabama woman witze you can hear about alabama.

The Best jokes about Alabama

CSI Alabama was a failure . . .

. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race.

He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.

Alabama changed the drinking age to 34

They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools

Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother,

But then I realized that she was from Alabama.

Gay Marriage Licenses

So, 22 counties in Alabama are refusing to issue gay marriage licenses on the grounds that they believe in the traditional marriage of a man and his sister.


Roy Moore says he'll bring Alabama values to Washington, but I'm not so sure. I mean, he sexually assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn't related to any of 'em!

You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Alabama

if it was invented anywhere else, it would've been called the teeth brush.

Heard they weren't celebrating Christmas at the University of Alabama...

Couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Why can't they make CSI: Alabama?

Because all the DNA is the same

What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?

The worst case of suicide he's ever seen.

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

Because you only need to invite one family.


Why are Alabama weddings so small?

They've only gotta invite one family

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."

My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident.

He really loved that woman.

A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive.

I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."

What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A virgin.

What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs?

Drool

What's Alabama like?

My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?

Alabama.

Where Ancestry and eHarmony are the same website.


What do you call a creepy old guy who hangs out at malls, and has sex with under age teens?

In Alabama, your Honor, but soon it will be "Senator".

What's an Alabama girls favorite game?

Smash Bros!

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

What's worse than your wife cheating on you with your brother?

Your wife cheating on you with her brother.

Source: am from Alabama.

I really don't think Roy Moore will win the Alabama Senate election.

He'll probably come in a little behind.

What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth?

The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair

What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?

He said it was the worse case of suicide he's ever seen

What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down?

Build a house next to it.

Why we don't do reverse cowgirl in Alabama.

Down here in Alabama we don't ever do "Reverse Cowgirl". Because we never turn our back on family!

I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology.

I heard they are really into relative dating out there.

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he's needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks you ain't from around here are you?

No sir, He says, I'm from Minnesota

What the hell do you do in Minnesota the bartender asks.

Im a taxidermist! The man replies.

What the hell is that!? The bartender asks.

The guy says nervously I umm, mount dead animals

The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar it's ok fellas, he's one of us!

Taxidermist walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"

"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"

"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

What do people from Alabama have in common with yeast?

They're both in bread

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is inbred

Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors?

So they can park in handicap spots.

Black Guy shot 15 times by the Alabama Police

Worst case of suicide they had ever seen.

What is the similarity between a tornado in Alabama, and a divorce in Alabama?

No matter how you look at it, somebody is losing a trailer.

In Alabama, when served rolls, they never serve the butter on the side.

Because they like it inbread.

I asked my 32 year old friend from Alabama why he's still a virgin.

He said "I was an only child"

Yesterday my crush told me that I was like a brother to her I was sad at first then I remember

She was from Alabama

Why are murders so hard to solve in Alabama?

There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Election

It's almost as if he doesn't understand that no means no!

Why doesn't Alabama have calculus teachers.

They don't like integration.

Congratulations to Alabama for making same sex marriage legal

Now the men can finally marry their brothers

KKK Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to Ancestry.com

What's the difference between sandwich meat and people from Alabama?

Nothing, they're both inbred.

What did the Alabama Police officer call the black guy who had been shot 6 times in the head?

The worst case of suicide he ever saw

Dad told me this one...

Rastas and Eliza were a married couple living in Alabama in the early 1970's. They'd been trying for a baby for over a year when they decided they better go and see the doctor.
Eliza went first and she came back about an hour later.
"How'd it go?"
"The doctor said I was fine, it must be you. You gotta go in tomorrow for some tests".
Next day Rastas went to the doctor, but he didn't come back until 3 hours later. And when he did, he was in a brand new suit.
"Rastas! Where've you been? I've been worried sick! And why are you in a brand suit?"
"Well Eliza the doctor said I was impotent, so I is gonna dress impotent!"

Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having sex with the students.

why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?

because its all the same anyway

Pastor in the KKK

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

There was once a poetry competition...

and it was down to the final two contestants. The first was an English Lit professor from Harvard while the second was a country boy from the back woods of Alabama who had somehow made it that far.

For the finals the moderator says "Gentleman, I will now ask each of you to create a poem using the word 'Timbuctu.' Good luck and may the best man win. Harvard, you may go first."

The professor takes the stage, stands there for a second, clears his throat and says -

"Across the burning desert sands, winds a lonely caravan.
Camels traveling two by two, destination Timbuctu"

The audience is thoroughly impressed and considers the competition practically over, but Alabama still gets his shot.

He slowly takes the stage and scratches his head for a minute before beginning-

"A camping me and Tim we went,
Met three girls in a pop-up tent,
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two"

Redneck Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough because they couldn't afford a bigger bed. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin-wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it would cost $1,000.

Not being able to afford the procedure, the doctor recommended he go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me - I don't want to go deaf! To which the doctor replies, "Trust me."

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count on his fingers, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... , at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand, 6, 7...

What sex position is banned in Alabama?

Doggy style.

Never turn your back on family.

Alabama VS. Mississippi

A man lived in Alabama. He moved to Mississippi. He raised the IQ in both states.

Southern Gas Station Promotion

A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close! The number was 7. Sorry; no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE Sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."

Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...

Who were related to people from Alabama.

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you should never turn your back on your family.

Why did the Alabama man marry his third cousin?

Because the first two weren't good in bed

New Alabama Preacher

The new Alabama preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately. He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"

No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to have a prayer with you." She invited him right in.

He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty.

Eventually, he came to the house at the end of the street. It turned out to be the residence of a young widow. When the Reverend knocked on her door, the young widow was taking a shower. Hearing the knock, she just wrapped a towel around herself, ran to the door and threw it open.

When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which allowed the towel to fall to the floor putting all her wonderful young and luscious curves on display. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!"

The preacher just smiled and said, "Hello, Darlin."

Who's your daddy?

A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.

An Alabaman is finding his ancestry on a website, but can't get to their site...

Getting frustrated, he calls his wife over.


Sighing, she says, "It starts with an A, not an I, bro."

What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room?

A full set of teeth

What's the most popular first date spot in Alabama?

Olive Garden: when you're here, you're family.

A police officer in Alabama finds...

...a black man with his arms and legs chopped off. He reports "the worst case of suicide he's ever seen."

Goriilla in heat

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

The zookeeper approaches a janitor with a proposition. "Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?" he asks.

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: "First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this." The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

"Well," says the janitor, "I'm gonna need about a week to come up with the $500."

Alabama Wedding

Deep in the heart of Alabama, a son arrives to his father's house with exciting news.

"Paw, I met the best girl in the world, and we're about to get married!"

The father seems excited, and urges his son to describe her.

"Well, she's quick as a whip, funny as a bone, most gorgeous girl south of dixie," and after every description, the father hollers his approval.

"And best of all... she's a virgin!"

At the last statement, the father's excitement disappears. The son looks confused, and asks him what's the matter. The father shouts back,

"If she ain't good enough for her family, what makes you think she's good enough for ours?"

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama?

They both lick their paw.

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla

who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

 

The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500? he asks.

 

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this. The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

 

Well, says the janitor, I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.

Why does no one do the reverse cowgirl position in alabama?

Because you never turn your back on family

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

Otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush.

What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common?

They can both live off a dead bear for years.

Why did all the students from Alabama skip the archaeology lecture?

They were already experts in relative dating.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?

Everyone has the same DNA.

I'm going to open a strip club in Alabama...

I'm going to name it Cousins.

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

You're in the Army Now

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Saw a headline that started with "45% of Alabama GOP voters think" ...

... and I stopped reading because that part was surprising enough.

What does an Alabama prostitute give her family?

A discount!

What do you get when you remove the Y from analysis.

Alabama

What did the Alabama Sheriff say about the black man that was stabbed seventy times?

Worse case of suicide he's ever seen

In Alabama there is no such thing as reverse cowgirl

That's cuz we never turn our back on family

Apparently reverse cowgirl isn't popular in Alabama...

You never turn your back on family.

What do you call an only child who lives in Alabama

a virgin

Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?

There will be Moore children to rape.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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