Alabama Jokes

162 alabama jokes and hilarious alabama puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about alabama that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out this collection of tried-and-true Alabama jokes! From jokes about Alabama football, to jokes about Alabama sister, cousin, Arkansas, and even Alabama vs. Auburn and Tennessee - these jokes are sure to make any Alabaman family smile. Read on for the funny!

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Funniest Alabama Short Jokes

Short alabama jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The alabama humour may include short alabama sister jokes also.

  1. CSI Alabama was a failure . . . . . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
  2. Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Senate race. He keeps insisting that the black votes should only count for 3/5ths.
  3. Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
  4. Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother, But then I realized that she was from Alabama.
  5. Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted
  6. Gay Marriage Licenses So, 22 counties in Alabama are refusing to issue gay marriage licenses on the grounds that they believe in the traditional marriage of a man and his sister.
  7. Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing? Pumpkin
  8. You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Alabama if it was invented anywhere else, it would've been called the teeth brush.
  9. My friend in Alabama lost his Mom, his Sister, and his Wife in a car accident. He really loved that woman.
  10. A girl from Alabama asked me if I found her attractive. I said, "You've got a face only a brother could love."

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Alabama One Liners

Which alabama one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with alabama? I can suggest the ones about alabama cousin and south.

  1. How long does it take to get from louisiana to Alabama One Mississippi
  2. What pickup line do guys use to get girls in Alabama? You're like a sister to me.
  3. Why can't they make CSI: Alabama? Because all the DNA is the same
  4. Why are Alabama weddings so small? Because you only need to invite one family.
  5. Why are Alabama weddings so small? They've only gotta invite one family
  6. What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs? Drool
  7. Alabama. Where Ancestry and eHarmony are the same website.
  8. What's an Alabama girls favorite game? Smash Bros!
  9. What is 20ft long and has 5 teeth? The funnel cake line at the Alabama state fair
  10. What do they do in Alabama when their car breaks down? Build a house next to it.
  11. What do people in Alabama like to do for Halloween? Pump-kin
  12. What do people from Alabama have in common with yeast? They're both in bread
  13. Why is Only Fans so cheap in Alabama? Family discount.
  14. What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich? Inbread.
  15. why is Alabama the sandwich capital of the world? Because everything is inbread

Alabama Sister Jokes

Here is a list of funny alabama sister jokes and even better alabama sister puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you give a person from Alabama a circumcision? You kick his sister in the jaw
  • How do you circumsize an Alabama man? Kick his sister in the chin.
  • since we live in Birmingham, I thought it would be a good idea to learn how to play home sweet Alabama on my guitar and play it for my sister. She wasn't impressed, but our kids loved it!
  • How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? You kick his sister in the chin.
  • An Alabama married couple moves to New York and gets a divorce Are they still brother and sister?
  • Friend Told Me An Alabama Joke Person: Would you take a bullet for the last person you slept with?
    Alabaman Dude: Sure, anything for my sister.
  • If you really like a girl and you ask her out, and she says I love you like a brother Suggest a weekend in Alabama.
    Unless you are from Alabama, in which case she is your sister.
  • Did you see the Alabama football player who proposed after he won the national championship last night? His sister started crying and could barely give him a clear answer
  • I played sweet home alabama to my sister Nothing happened, but our kids liked it
  • A girl once told me that I was like a brother to her... So I told her that she was like a sister to me, if she was from Alabama.

Alabama Cousin Jokes

Here is a list of funny alabama cousin jokes and even better alabama cousin puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the Alabama man marry his third cousin? Because the first two weren't good in bed
  • My brother, uncle, and cousin came to my family reunion in Alabama To keep things simple, I call him "dad."
  • How does a Alabama girl friendzone her boy friend? Let's just be cousins.
  • How does a guy from Alabama break up with his girlfriend? It's over, and I'm sorry. I hope we can still be cousins.
  • A man, his cousin and his wife walk into an Alabama bar. Man: Can I get a table for two
  • Did you know Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus were cousins from Alabama? Yule tide.
  • If you're an Alabama fan.. You've probably kissed your cousin.
  • I'm going to open a s**... club in Alabama... I'm going to name it Cousins.
  • Miss Alabama Katherine Webb thinks being called s**...' is derogatory. That's because she only hears that from her cousins.
  • What's the definition of safe s**... in Alabama ? Locking your car door before h**... your cousins
Alabama joke, What's the definition of safe s**... in Alabama ?

University Of Alabama Jokes

Here is a list of funny university of alabama jokes and even better university of alabama puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm surprised the University of Alabama doesn't offer a major in archaeology. I heard they are really into relative dating out there.
  • Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors? So they can park in handicap spots.
  • Did you hear the library at the University of Alabama burned down this morning? All three books were destroyed.
    One of them wasn't even colored in yet.
  • Why did the University of Alabama choose to be the "Tide"? Because elephant was too hard to spell.
  • What's the mating call for a University of Alabama student? "I'm soo ddrrrruunnkk!"
  • What do you call tuition and fees at the University of Alabama? toll ride
  • The University of Alabama is the only place... where and eHarmony are one and the same.
  • Heard they weren't celebrating Christmas at the University of Alabama... Couldn't find three wise men and a v**....

Alabama Football Jokes

Here is a list of funny alabama football jokes and even better alabama football puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is Alabama college football so strong? Because they are all one big family
  • How many Alabama football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team, and they all get a semester's credit for it.
  • College football joke Ohio State deserved to be in the final 4 of the college football playoff?? Must be joking.
    At least UW was able to put 7 on the board against Alabama.
Alabama joke, College football joke

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Alabama Jokes

What funny jokes about alabama you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cousins jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make alabama pranks.

k**... Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

Why did oj simpson want to move to Alabama?

Everyone has the same DNA.

Alabama VS. Mississippi

A man lived in Alabama. He moved to Mississippi. He raised the IQ in both states.

A police officer in Alabama finds...

...a black man with his arms and legs chopped off. He reports "the worst case of s**... he's ever seen."

Taxidermist walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common?

They can both live off a dead bear for years.

What do you get when you put 28 Alabama sorority girls in one room?

A full set of teeth

Why did all the students from Alabama skip the archaeology lecture?

They were already experts in relative dating.

Congratulations to Alabama for making same s**... marriage legal

Now the men can finally marry their brothers

An farmer walks in to a lawyer's office in Alabama...

And he says to the lawyer, "Sir, I'd like to get a divorce."
To which the lawyer says, "Well, do you have a suit?"
"Yes, I sure do", the man replies. "Wear it to church every Sunday."
"That's not what I mean. Do you have a case?"
"No, you see I've always been a John Deere man myself. Never had a Case in my life."
"Sir, do you have any issues with your wife. Did she cheat on you, is she a n**...?"
To which the farmer replies, "No, but the baby is. And that's why I want a divorce."

I asked my 32 year old friend from Alabama why he's still a v**....

He said "I was an only child"

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is i**...

How do dating sites in Alabama save money?

They link to

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?

Otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush.

What did the Alabama Police officer call the black guy who had been shot 6 times in the head?

The worst case of s**... he ever saw

Black Guy shot 15 times by the Alabama Police

Worst case of s**... they had ever seen.

What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?

The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.

What did the Alabama Sheriff say about the black man that was stabbed seventy times?

Worse case of s**... he's ever seen

What does an Alabama p**... give her family?

A discount!

Why doesn't Alabama have calculus teachers.

They don't like integration.

Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama?

They both lick their paw.

Saw a headline that started with "45% of Alabama GOP voters think" ...

... and I stopped reading because that part was surprising enough.

What is the similarity between a tornado in Alabama, and a divorce in Alabama?

No matter how you look at it, somebody is losing a trailer.

Alabama college kid visiting Boston

So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."

What's worse than your wife cheating on you with your brother?

Your wife cheating on you with her brother.
Source: am from Alabama.

In Alabama, when served rolls, they never serve the butter on the side.

Because they like it inbread.

What do you call an Alabama girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A v**....

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

What do you call a creepy old guy who hangs out at malls, and has s**... with under age teens?

In Alabama, your Honor, but soon it will be "Senator".

I really don't think Roy Moore will win the Alabama Senate election.

He'll probably come in a little behind.

Roy Moore says he'll bring Alabama values to Washington, but I'm not so sure. I mean, he s**... assaulted teenage girls...

But he wasn't related to any of 'em!

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?

There will be Moore children to r**....

An Alabaman is finding his ancestry on a website, but can't get to their site...

Getting frustrated, he calls his wife over.
Sighing, she says, "It starts with an A, not an I, bro."

Roy Moore refuses to concede the Alabama Election

It's almost as if he doesn't understand that no means no!

What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?

He said it was the worse case of s**... he's ever seen

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...

Who were related to people from Alabama.

You're in the Army Now

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Yesterday my crush told me that I was like a brother to her I was sad at first then I remember

She was from Alabama

What's the most popular first date spot in Alabama?

Olive Garden: when you're here, you're family.

Who's your daddy?

A roleplay exercise in Alabama, a serious question in Detroit.

Why we don't do reverse c**... in Alabama.

Down here in Alabama we don't ever do "Reverse c**...". Because we never turn our back on family!

What do you call an only child who lives in Alabama

a v**...

Apparently reverse c**... isn't popular in Alabama...

You never turn your back on family.

Why is reverse c**... i**... in Alabama?

Because you should never turn your back on your family.

What's the difference between sandwich meat and people from Alabama?

Nothing, they're both i**....

What s**... position is banned in Alabama?

Never turn your back on family.

What do you get when you remove the Y from analysis.


Alabama is canceling home schooling.

Apparently too many teachers were having s**... with the students.

In Alabama there is no such thing as reverse c**...

That's cuz we never turn our back on family

A man is visiting friends in Alabama and decides he's needs a drink so he goes to a local bar

He walks in and orders a glass of wine. Everyone sitting around the bar looks up expecting to see a flamboyant yankee. The bartender eyes him suspiciously and asks you ain't from around here are you?
No sir, He says, I'm from Minnesota
What the h**... do you do in Minnesota the bartender asks.
Im a taxidermist! The man replies.
What the h**... is that!? The bartender asks.
The guy says nervously I umm, mount dead animals
The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar it's ok fellas, he's one of us!

Why are murders so hard to solve in Alabama?

There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Why does no one do the reverse c**... position in alabama?

Because you never turn your back on family

What's Alabama like?

My new company owner is from there. Seems friendly, he said he's going to treat us employees like we was family?

why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?

because its all the same anyway

Reverse c**... is i**... in Alabama

You don't turn your back on family

How do you circumcise a guy from alabama?

By k**... his sister in the jaw

What do you call a large pack of l**... in Alabama?

Family size

Alabama joke, What do you call a large pack of l**... in Alabama?

jokes about alabama