Aisle Jokes
97 aisle jokes and hilarious aisle puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aisle that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Aisle jokes give us a chance to laugh while grocery shopping - they refer to humorous scenarios taking place in the middle aisles of supermarkets like Aldi and Lidl. You may find yourself singing an altered version of a hymn or joking with others in the pews. Get to the aisles of your favorite grocery store and find out why these aisle jokes are so popular.
Funniest Aisle Short Jokes
Short aisle jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aisle humour may include short avenue jokes also.
- I walked my daughter down the aisle for her third wedding. I whispered in her ear, I keep giving you away... and they keep giving you back!
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any arnold schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
- Two altar boys are hoping to work in a church. They are walking down the aisle in the church when the priest sees them. He walks up to them and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
- Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the "Caution Wet Floor" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle.
- I was browsing Toys R Us and the aisles said "Girls 3-5", "Boys 5-7", etc. Jeez, just let me buy something. I don't need the whole guilt trip about who made it.
- This year, home depot is selling Christmas decorations in the second aisle of the housewares section. Aisle B, Home for Christmas.
- Well my father always told me, "when life gives you lemons, chances are you're in the fruit aisle and shouldn't overthink the situation
- What happened in the theater in Princeton when someone put a banana peel in the aisle in front of the doctor? The Fall of the Usher of House
- Happy Columbus Day I'm celebrating by getting lost in the grocery store while looking for the spice aisle.
- Me and my best friend went to the local supermarket... He started to throw the milk and cheese all over the aisle. I thought, how dairy?
Share These Aisle Jokes With Friends
Aisle One Liners
Which aisle one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aisle? I can suggest the ones about hallway and alleyway.
- Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys? Aisle B, back.
- I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was He said Aisle B, back.
- Where in the supermarket would you find the Dalai Lama? Eggs-aisle.
- Where do feminists buy their birth control? Goodwill clothes aisle
- Where did the terminator find toilet paper? Aisle B, Back.
- Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocked grocery shelves. Go on. Aisle weight.
- Scurvy. Resistance is fruit aisle.
- Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures? Aisle B, back
- God, produce is so expensive these days... I wish there was an amateurduce aisle
- In a department store, where is your beauty? Aisle of the beholder.
Lol I hate myself. - What did the philosopher say to his coworker? "Cleanup on the detergent aisle"
- Why was frosty in the produce aisle? Picking his nose.
- Where does Arnie sit at the movies? Aisle B - Back.
- I was told that the supermarket sold pita bread But i searched every aisle and found naan
- Your man is like the 3rd aisle at the hardware store, He just nuts and bolts.
Supermarket Aisle Jokes
Here is a list of funny supermarket aisle jokes and even better supermarket aisle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was shopping at the supermarket today Sounds like they were performing an exorcism on aisle six.
Charming Humor Aisle Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about aisle you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sidewalk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aisle pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A plane is about to c**....
(Don't know if this is a repost. If it is, I didn't know.)
The pilot of a plane tells the passengers that the plane is going down.
A woman frantically gets up from her chair and announces, "All my life, I've never made sweet passionate love with a man. Before I die, I want someone to really make me feel like a woman."
Just then, a handsome man gets up from his chair. He walks down the aisle to the woman, removes his shirt,
and asks her to iron it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does a bride smile as she walks down the aisle?
She knows she's given her last b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little s**...'s name is Kevin."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
May I have a piece of gum?
Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
In a theater
A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.
A Blonde and Condoms
The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kids at the Wedding
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young e**... to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
So a pirate walks into a grocery store...
And he asks for blubber. The clerk is amazed to see a pirate and exclaims "Are you *really* a pirate!?"
"Aye, matey."
"Whale: aisle B!" replied the surprised-yet-helpful clerk.
Where ya from Sam?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
I accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach
and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 4.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Baptist and a Catholic?
Catholics acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle.
Extra:
What's the difference between Catholics and Lutherans? Catholics just acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle, Lutherans have a 15 minute conversation about booze.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best b**... I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last b**... of my entire life."
Your insistence on having your father walk you down the aisle may seem odd to some
Especially considering the two of you are only going grocery shopping.
_______________
I stole this joke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The only good reason to walk down the aisle
Is to get more v**....
A paladin and a warrior go into a mage's electronics store to buy computers.
The paladin asks for a Dell computer. The mage directs him to aisle five. The warrior asks for a Hewlett-Packard. The mage says "I'm all out of HP." The mage dies.
When the sales guy at the pharmacy told me that they had unfortunately run out of tea sweeteners
I politely pointed to the homeopathic medicines aisle and said "No you have not."
On her wedding day...
Your soon-to-be wife is focused on three things: the aisle, the altar, and you. That then becomes her lifelong mantra.
Aisle altar you.
While meandering in the candy aisle at the store my wife says, "you know what I haven't seen in awhile?"
Apparently, "your toes?" was not the answer she wanted.
A woman approached one of the weird sisters in a Publix and asked: "Where can I find hamburger rolls, hotdog rolls, and Hawaiian rolls?"
The witch replied:
Aisle two, and aisle two, and aisle two
Did you hear about the vegetarian who decided to stop buying those fake meats you get in the freezer aisle?
Yeah, he just gave them up cold tofurkey!
On my wedding day, I walked down the aisle with my back to the altar
I really wasn't looking forward to getting married.
Little Mary is at her first wedding.
When it's over, she asks her mother, 'Why did the lady change her mind?'
'What do you mean?' asks mother.
'Well,' replies Mary.
'She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.
A man walks into Target
He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."
The Whale Joke
Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.
So they go into the candy aisle,
And they pass the snickers,
They pass the kitkats
The skittles,
The starburst,
The airheads,
The milky ways,
And finally they see the m&ms.
And one whale says to the other:
Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw
And the other whale says:
Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww
What's the least healthy aisle in the grocery store?
The bathroom cleanings supplies aisle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If m**... starts getting sold in a grocery store...
Would it be in the pharmacy or the baking aisle?
So a father and his daughter were in the toy aisle.
The daughter put a super hero mask on. The father asked "Are you thor?" The daughter immediately corrected him. "No, I'm five."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst part of a r**... wedding?
Trying to decide which side of the aisle to sit on.
Your American drug stores sure are different from Soviet Thailand.
In American drug store, you walk down an aisle and you see pads. In Soviet Thailand, pad see ew.
Megan Markle's dad won't be at her wedding, so she asked Harry's dad to walk her down the aisle.
Unfortunately, James Hewitt isn't invited, so Prince Charles is doing it instead.
My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!
So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"
My wife asked why do I look at other women if I am taken
So I asked why does she go down the candy aisle if she is on a diet
Did you know there's a spot in the grocery store where you can go blind?
Aisle never see again
A plane gets struck by lightning
A plane is struck by lightning. A woman screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be meaningful. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up and says. "I can make you feel like a woman." He starts to walk up the aisle, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, and whispers, "Iron this."
I think the girl at the American Airlines check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, Window or aisle.
I laughed right in her face and replied, Window or you'll what?
What's the best part about being a flight attendant?
Walking down the aisle and saying trash to everyone's face
I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"
He said, "Aisle B, back."
I went shopping for Christmas...
I walked into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"
He said: Aisle B, back.
I went into a toy store for some Christmas shopping and asked the clerk, "Where are the Schwarzenegger action figures?"
He said: "Aisle B, back."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-b**... and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
Meanwhile at Walmart....
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the store's PA system...
"If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining... Towels are located in aisle five."
In my line of work, I manage to upset people on both sides of the aisle.
So yeah, I might not be the best wedding planner.
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"
Clinton and Pence
You know both sides of the aisle are more alike then you think. Both Clinton and Pence had issues with their flies...
Been analysing my spending and it turns out rather than large purchases, most of my expenditure seems to go on the mysterious middle aisle in German supermarkets.
To put it another way: it's not the big things, it's Aldi Lidl things.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man boards a plane with six kids
After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No, I work for a c**... company, these are customer complaints."
A man is sitting in a train
and watches the guy on the other side of the aisle take an apple out of his pocket, cutting it open, picking out the seeds and chewing them.
Why are you chewing the seeds?
They make me smarter
Really? Could I have some?
Sure, dollar a piece
The man agrees and gets three apple seeds for three bucks. He chews them for a while, then says Wait a minute, for three bucks I could've bought two pounds of apples!
See, it's already working
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Misunderstanding.
A man in the supermarket sees a woman across the aisle looking at him, so he goes over and says "do i know you"? She says "you're the father of one of my children". He panics and thinks about the only time he cheated on his wife. "Are you the stripper at that party who had s**... with me on the pool table while everyone stood around cheering". "No", she says, looking horrified "i'm your sons teacher".
A gorgeous young woman works at the grocery store. Her job is to climb the ladder to get raisin bread down from the top shelf.
Because she is so attractive, a lot of men who come to the grocery store ask her to get down the raisin bread just so they can see up her skirt when she climbs the ladder, but the woman thinks it's just because raisin bread is really popular.
One day, after the woman had given raisin bread to dozens of men, an old man came walking through the bread aisle. "Excuse me, sir," she said. "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," replied the old man, "but it's twitchin' a little!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me
She looked me dead in the eye and said, Window or
aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll
what?"
stewardess on my flight wasn't holding back. telling everyone exactly what she thought.
walking down the aisle, looking right at everyone, saying trash trash trash
I used to have a teacher called Miss Aisle.
If you upset her even slightly, she would go ballistic.
When I was at the grocery store, I asked an employee where the cereal was, and he said, "I'll see." And walks off. 5 minutes later, I asked another employee about the cereal, and he too said, "I'll see," and walks off.
I eventually found it myself. It was in aisle C.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tampons
A man walks into a supermarket, asks the clerk where the Tampons are.
She told him Aisle 14.
He comes back a few minutes later with a big bag of large cotton b**......and some kite string.
Puzzled, the girl asks him if he wasn't the one asking for Tampons?
" it's a long story," he explains, "last night, the wife went to convenience store, and I asked her to get me a pak of cigarettes."
He continues, "she came back with a can of Prince Albert and some rolling papers, saying it was cheaper to roll my own....
Cause of death: COVID
I had to ask for help to reach my favorite TV dinner from the top shelf of the frozen foods aisle.
The steaks were too high.
We went to see a movie the other night.
I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, as it feels a little roomier.
Just as the movie was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started making her way out, saying, "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, got to hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me, I was pretty annoyed with her and asked, "Could you have not done this a little earlier?"
"No", she whispered loudly to me, "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just came up on the screen, and mine is in the car."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walked into a Walgreens and asked where the tampons were.
Cashier: "Aisle 5."
Minutes later the man returned with a bag of cotton b**... and some string.
Cashier: "I thought you were buying tampons."
Man: "I was, and then I got to thinking about something. The other day I asked my wife to pick me up some cigarettes while she was out, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. Her reasoning was that it was just SOOO MUCH CHEAPER. So the way I figure it, if I have to roll my own, then so does she."
A man is returning to his seat in the movie theater after visiting the toilets.
"Excuse me," he says to the lady sitting beside the aisle, "Did I step on your foot when I went out?"
"Yes you did," says the lady angrily.
"Oh good," says the man, "that means I'm in the right row."
The cast of Friends has reunited to open a DVD shop
A man walks in and says, My Netflix subscription just ran out. Do you have the latest season of You?
The staff points to a corner of the shop and says, Aisle B there for You.
