The Best 35 Airport Security Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Airport Security jokes. There are some airport security airports jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these airport security tsa puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Airport Security Jokes and Puns

I don't like people who take drugs...

For example: airport security.

Airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual

...I just paid $18 for a coke & a ham sandwich...Let's start with that.

So I recently went to Australia...

I want to Australia for holiday.
I was at the airport and one of security people asks me: "Do you have a criminal record?"
I responded: "Oh. I didn't realise that was still a requirement."

An Austrian travels to France where he has to pass security.

Airport security:"Nationality?"

Austrian: "Austria"

Airport security: "Occupation?"

Austrian: "Nein, nein, only vacation"

jokes about airport security

I was going through airport security and I got asked "Do you have any firearms?"

Apparently, "What do you need?" wasn't the right answer.


I got arrested at the airport last week.

Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane.

Drugs

I hate those people who take drugs.

For example, airport security.

A photon is going through airport security...

The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage.

The photon says, No, I'm traveling light.

I hate going through airport security...

For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.

I was banned from the airport last week.

Security doesn't really like it when you call "shotgun" on the plane.

As an aspiring actor, I was somewhat surprised when I got detained by airport security today...

All I said was that I was in town to shoot a pilot...

You can explore airport security airport security reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean airport security toronto pearson dad jokes. There are also airport security puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was going from London to Australia for a holiday...

I was passing the security check at the airport and the man working there asked

"Sir, do you have a criminal record?"

"No, sorry. I didn't know it was still a requirement."

When a statistician passes the airport security check...

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport

I mean I had to hand it to them

When a statistician goes through airport security, they find a bomb in his bag.

He explains, "The chances that there is one bomb on a plane is 1/1000. The chance there are two bombs on a plane, is 1/1,000,000. Therefore we are much safer."

I hate people that take drugs..

This whole airport security thing has gone *way* too far.

How I got tasered...

Got tasered picking up my friend from the airport today. Apparently security doesn't like it when you shout, "Hi Jack!"

What kind of drugs do criminals smuggle through airport security?

Ass crack

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."


I was banned from the airport last week.

Apparently the security doesn't like it when you say Shotgun while boarding the plane.

I got arrested at an airport.

Apparently, airport security didn't like it when I called shotgun.

A man walks into an airport with a pet vulture

He approaches the terminal gates, but airport security stops him.

"Your vulture has to be checked in, and shipped with the luggage." Security said.

The man replied "What do you mean checked in? This is my carrion bird."

A photon arrives at the airport

As he checks in, security asks him: "Do you not have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "No, I'm travelling light".

I just came up with this

A photon us going through airport security. The security guard says "that's not a lot of luggage" the photon says "I'm travelling light.

An Irishman is at JFK airport in New York

He is standing over a broken whiskey bottle and crying. A security guard approaches him and asks what's wrong. The Irishman wipes away his tears and says, "I LOST ALL ME LUGGAGE!"

How many people can you kill with a single bottle of water?

According to airport security, quite a lot.

I was at the airport security and there was a sign that read...

"Federal law prohibits the making of any jokes on airplane highjacking and bombing."

I stopped and told the officer that you don't have to worry about me, I take my bombs very seriously.

My hearing is next month.

What group of people do airport security absolutely forbid from coming on planes?

Gender fluid.

A lioness makes a nice kill, but has to catch a flight soon after.

There isn't enough time to eat it all, and and she doesn't want to waste so much good meat, so she just decides to bring it with her.

She gets to the airport, checks in and gets her boarding pass. She's about to go through security when she's stopped. Sorry ma'am, the guard says, we don't allow carrion.


What do you call an airport security employee?

A volunteer

To much precaution...

Two security guards obtained me at the airport after they opened my luggage and found some IcyHot patches, they said: I was packing heat.

I prefer to do my stand up comedy in airports

As long as TSA and Homeland Security do their job, there's no way I'd bomb

Why did Jack quit his job at airport security?

Because no one ever said hi to him.

The airport security guard said to me: "Straight this way."

I asked him, "Where do the gay people go?"


Damned TSA

If airport security asks you if you have any weapons don't say, "No, I prefer to kill with my bare hands." They don't think it's funny, apparently.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the airport security airfield jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working airport security luggage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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