Airport Luggage Jokes

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

A man walks into an airport with a pet vulture

He approaches the terminal gates, but airport security stops him.
"Your vulture has to be checked in, and shipped with the luggage." Security said.
The man replied "What do you mean checked in? This is my carrion bird."

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

I just came up with this

A photon us going through airport security. The security guard says "that's not a lot of luggage" the photon says "I'm travelling light.

An Irishman is at JFK airport in New York

He is standing over a broken whiskey bottle and crying. A security guard approaches him and asks what's wrong. The Irishman wipes away his tears and says, "I LOST ALL ME LUGGAGE!"

Free ride

Tourist to Taxi driver: "How much is it to the airport?"
Taxi driver: "That's five pounds twenty."
Tourist: "And how much is it for the luggage?"
Taxi driver: "The luggage, of course, is free."
Tourist: "All right, just take that stuff along. I'm walking."

My mom was at the airport on her way home from Wisconsin when she got stopped by TSA.

Ma'am, do you have any sharp objects in your luggage?
He proceeded to unzip her luggage and pulled out a block of cheese she had packed.
She smiled and said Just that sharp cheddar

My friend was flying with Delta airlines

I told him: "Don't expect luggage to arrive".
He later informed me his luggage didn't even leave the airport.

To much precaution...

Two security guards obtained me at the airport after they opened my luggage and found some IcyHot patches, they said: I was packing heat.

A Vulture Goes Through Customs at the Airport

So this vulture is returning home from an much needed overseas vacation. As she passes through the customs line one of the agents asks, "Do you have any checked luggage?" To which the vulture replies, "Nope, just carrion."

Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man?

he had to much baggage

Why did the photographer get arrested at the airport?

His luggage contained a couple of Canons.

Why didn't the vulture have to pay a baggage fee at the airport?

She only had carrion luggage.

I was allowed to check my misbehaving child as luggage at the airport so I supposed I'll have to...

...carry on my wayward son.

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"

All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company dollars.
One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could be used to defray
travel expenses.
In support of this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage.
Small plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.