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Airport Announcement Jokes

7 airport announcement jokes and hilarious airport announcement puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about airport announcement that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Airport Announcement Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good airport announcement joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A joke my grandfather told me as a kid.

After the passengers loaded on, the plane flew out of the airport. As they were getting airborn, an announcement came over the speakers: "Welcome to the first fully-automated flight. There are no pilots operating this plane, it's being operated entirely by a computer. Rest assured that rigorous testing has been run to ensure that the trip will be completely safe. Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong..."

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."

TIL that you can fly from any airport

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Without announcing on facebook!

Two pilots

A plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese."
"No rike Chinese?" asks the copilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!"
"No, no", the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah" That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike."
There's a few minutes of silence....
"I no rike Jews." the copilot suddenly announces.
"Oh yeah, why not?" Asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic." says the co-pilot.
"What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain "It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , Gilberg, nomattah...all same."

Flight Attendant on the Airplane

The other day I was on a red eye flight from Logan Airport in Boston to SeaTac in Seattle. The pilot got on the intercom and did his courtesy remarks: "welcome aboard, our flight will be 5 and a 1/2 hours... please relax and enjoy the rest of your flight."
After making the announcement he proceeds to talk to the co-pilot without turning off the intercom: "man, I sure could use a cup of coffee and a good lay right now."
The stewardess comes running up from the back of the plane to tell the pilot that the intercom is still on when the guy sitting behind me yells: "hey hun! Don't forget the coffee!"

Pilot to co-pilot

The Air Canada plane leaves Pearson Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between
the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the
auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters,
'I don't like Chinese..'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor , that's why!'
'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah!
That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.
'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain,
'It was an iceberg!'
Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , ..no mattah...all f**... same.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.


After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

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