Airplane Jokes

142 airplane jokes and hilarious airplane puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about airplane that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From hilarious airplane puns to classic airplane crash jokes, these airplane jokes will have you laughing up in the clouds. Whether you're a pilot, a copilot, an airplane mechanic, or even an airline passenger, you'll find something to giggle at in these jokes about airplanes and airplane food. So, buckle up and have a giggle!

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Short Airplane Jokes
Airplane One Liners
Airplane Pilot Jokes
Airplane Mode Jokes
Airplane Crashing Jokes
Manned Airplane Jokes
Airplane Movie Jokes
More Airplane Jokes

Funniest Airplane Short Jokes

Short airplane jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The airplane humour may include short air plane jokes also.

Why can't you combine religion and science? Because science gives us skyscrapers and airplanes,
Religion combines them together.
Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"
She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"
...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane? Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?
Did you know that an airplane's propeller is only a big fan and is there to keep the pilot cool? Don't believe me?
Turn it off, and see how much the pilot sweats!
I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow" and he replied " yes it is, and don't call me Shirley"...turns out I left airplane mode on
Did you hear about the cow who gambled on an airplane? The steaks couldn't have been higher.
"Science gives us airplanes and skyscrapers..." "but it's faith that brings them together."
Siri kept on calling me Shirley today I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
An asian asks for help at an airport... Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."
Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."
Asian: "fluck you americans too."
I asked Siri a question and she said, Don't call me Shirley. I must have left the phone in Airplane mode.

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Airplane One Liners

Which airplane one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with airplane? I can suggest the ones about aeroplane and aircraft.

What do we want? Low flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?
NNEEEEOOOOWWWWW
What sound does an airplane make when it bounces off the ground? Boeing.
Science built skyscrapers and airplanes But only religion can bring the two together.
My phone fell from the 20th floor, good thing it was in airplane mode.
I watched a documentary on how airplanes are held together It was riveting
How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone? Put it into airplane mode.
If 2 wrongs DID make a right... You'd need 4 wrongs to invent an airplane.
An airplane yells at his rebellious son... .. "Watch that altitude, young man"
There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky
A Muslim enters a building Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly? Stationary.
I designed a rubber airplane that is crashproof. It's called the Boing 747
What do we want? Airplane sounds! When do we want them? Neeeeaaaowwww!
Why did the sitcom about airplanes never take off? Because the pilot was terrible.
What sound does a rubber airplane make? Boeing

Airplane Pilot Jokes

Here is a list of funny airplane pilot jokes and even better airplane pilot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

What do you call a Muslim Flying an airplane A pilot
what is the propeller used for on an airplane? Many people dont know this, but is actually for air conditioning, if u ever get to see it, when the propeller stops the pilot suddenly starts sweating
Have you heard of the TV show about the airplane? It sorta crashed and burned, but I think its because the pilot wasn't very good.
I'm working on a show that focuses on the life of a gifted airplane captain. Producers said that if I wanted to be successful, I'd need an excellent pilot.
Why can't Quentin Tarantino go on an airplane? Because the pilot mentions "30,000 feet" and he goes absolutely crazy.
What do you call an airplane's cockpit if it's staffed by female pilots? The Box Office.
A vulture tries to get on an airplane A vulture tries to get on an airplane with a raccoon under each wing.
The pilot stops him saying, "Sorry, you're only allowed one carry-on."
What do you call a gay man flying an airplane? A pilot of corse
FAA study of black boxes found in domestic US, fatal, small airplane crashes shows 98% say "may day" remaining 2% are pilots from Tennessee who say, "hey good buddy, hold my beer and watch this"
My dad just told me this, Im sure you guys have never heard it before Passenger: I've never been on an airplane
Pilot: yeah, me neither

Airplane Mode Jokes

Here is a list of funny airplane mode jokes and even better airplane mode puns that will make you laugh with friends.

This morning, Siri said, Don't call me Shirley. I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?' Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'
Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode
I just picked up the Germanwings iPhone app... When I switched on airplane mode, it locked me out of the phone and then crashed.
A Malaysian man buys a new phone... He puts it on airplane mode. Now he cant seem to find it anywhere.
Asked my iPhone, Surely I don't need an umbrella today? . Siri replied Yes, and don't call me Shirley . Turns out I left Airplane mode on.
i threw my phone from the roof, and it broke... i guess airplane mode isn't working
So Siri tells me there's a blizzard on the way, to which I say Surely you can't be serious and she replies I am serious and don't call me Shirley
I must have left my phone in airplane mode
I set my phone to airplane mode I lost it two weeks ago and everyone has a different opinion on what happened to it
I just put my phone on airplane mode and threw it across the office Worst transformer ever.
I got a new German cell phone I put it on airplane mode. It locked me out and then crashed

Airplane Crashing Jokes

Here is a list of funny airplane crashing jokes and even better airplane crashing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I used to tell a lot of jokes about airplane crashes... ...but they never landed well.
An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery The police reports over 3.500 dead people
Did you hear about the airplane that crashed into a cemetery? They recovered 12,000 bodies.
What did the airplane say to the ground when it crashed? Boeing
I bought a german mobile phone yesterday. I turned it on airplane mode and it locked me out then crashed
So I put my phone on airplane mode... So I put my phone on airplane mode and it crashed...
It must've been hijacked.
Airplane Humor I'm reading a book about a man who stopped an airplane from crashing.
It's pretty uplifting.
They say that cows kill more people than airplane crashes... It's true, my ex once chased me with a knife.
I bought a German phone the other day when I put it into airplane mode it locked me out and crashed.
Today an airplane crashed into a local cemetery Detectives on scene say that thousands of bodies have been recovered.

Manned Airplane Jokes

Here is a list of funny manned airplane jokes and even better manned airplane puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Confucius once said... "Buy a man an airplane ticket, and he flies for a day. Throw a man out of a flying plane, and he flies for the rest of his life."
Airplane Business Hey man, how's your flight company going?
You know, I think it's really taken off.
What is white and hurts a homophobic man if it lands on him? An airplane
A man sued an airplane company for misplacing his luggage. He lost his case.
The first time I sniffed airplane glue I OD'd... When I came to a man asked me, Are you hooked?
I said, No, I'm stuck.
A man goes into the pool and comes out of the pool. An airplane goes into the sea, what does it come out of? The news.
A man took his seat on an airplane when he was approached by a stewardess. Stewardess: Hello, sir, would you like some headphones?
Man: Why, yes! How did you know my name was Phones?
A man put his iPhone in airplane mode.... Then threw it in the air
A man on an airplane was having a heart attack The stewardess asked if anyone on board was a doctor. A man replies, "I'm a vegan!"
What do you call a black man flying an airplane? Denzel Washington

Airplane Movie Jokes

Here is a list of funny airplane movie jokes and even better airplane movie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Siri So I asked Siri what movies were playing at the local cinema.
Siri said, "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"
Turns out my phone was in airplane mode.
What becomes wetter the more it dries? My pants when watching the movie Airplane!
Is it okay to say "airplane" in a bomb factory? ... or to yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?

Rib-Tickling Airplane Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about airplane you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean airliner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make airplane pranks.

I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.
Or
Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?
Or
There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
What else you got? (It doesn't *have* to be water-related...)

Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.

They find three parachutes.
Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, The world needs a great person like me!
Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, I need to help make choices for our world , so he jumps off the plane.
At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane.
The Pope says to the boy, take the last parachute, I am too old and I'm going to die soon one day.
Actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.
"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.
Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, Surely, it's not going to rain today?

And she replied, Yes it is, and don't call me Shirley.
That was when I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode.

A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

How often do airplanes c**...?

Just once.
/**************************************/

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

As airplanes about to c**......

As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

I was getting off an airplane, when I passed a little boy who was waving and saying "Bye, plane!"...

"No, this isn't a biplane." I said, as the kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look.
I went on, "You can't tell its s**... preference based just on how it looks."

11 Blondes and a brunette

There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

As migration approached, two elderly vultures

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.

But if she shoots up a lot of h**..., she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.

Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

An old lady next to me on the airplane was scared by me being a muslim

I laughed so hard my grenades almost fell out of my pocket.

Plane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

What do you call an airplane that flies backwards?

a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha

The FBI Arrested me Once for m**... on a Airplane Toilet

They accused me of High Jacking

An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...

An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"

So people are loading into an airplane

And the pilot of this airplane is blind. At the end of the take off s**... is a huge lake. All the people on the plane are relaxing reading books and talking to each other as the airplane starts to roll down the s**.... A few people see that they are heading towards a lake but they assume the pilot knows what he's doing. The airplane is going dangerously close to the lake and the plane is still not taking off, at this point people are starting panic. The plane is still not taking off and it's way too close to the lake. At this point everyone on the plane is screaming and yelling because the plane is about to plunge into the lake at the end of the s**.... The plane is about 10 feet away from the lake then it lifts off the ground and takes off. The passengers calm down slowly and return to reading and talking . In the front of the plane the pilot laughs to himself and mumbles "one of these days the passengers won't scream and we'll all die."

I told an airplane joke to my co-worker.

Sadly, it flew right over their head. (It wasn't a 9-11 joke, those c**... and burn anyways)

When a statistician passes the airport security check...

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

Blonde Co-Pilot

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying:
"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position."
She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "repeat after me: Our Father...Who art in Heaven....."

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....
"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.
"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"
So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.
"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.
"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."

The pilot and co-pilot are sitting in the cockpit of an airplane.

As they wait for the passengers to board, the pilot says to the co-pilot,
Why did you become a pilot?
To which the co-pilot replies, To overcome my greatest fear.
Flying? the pilot asks
No. says the co-pilot, Dying alone.

A blonde is watching the news on an airplane...

The news reporter says, "Three Brazilian children have been presumed dead after their home caught fire in the middle of the night."
The blonde jolts up in her seat in utter shock. She taps the shoulder of the passenger next to her, and exclaims, "Oh my god! How many children is a Bra-zillion!?"

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Flying Blind

A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.
The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and tell me which city we are flying over judging by what you touch."
The Frenchman goes first. He opens the door, puts his hand outside of the door, and brings it in a minute later. "We're flying over Paris! I could feel the Eiffel Tower!"
The Englishman is next. He sticks his hand outside and draws it back in a minute later. "I just touched Big Ben! We are just over London!"
Finally, it is the American's turn. He shoves his hand outside the plane and brings it back in immediately. "We're flying over Detroit. I know because my watch just got stolen."

A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris

And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research s**..."
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about s**... in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest p**... and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"

Southwest

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

A mother and her son are sitting in an airplane.

The kid looks up and asks, "Mommy? If big cats have little cats, and big dogs have little dogs, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?"
Mom thinks to herself that he is too young and she doesn't want to get into this so she tells the boy, "Go ask the flight attendant; maybe she can answer that for you."
So, he walks up and asks, "Ma'am, if big cats have little cats, and big dogs have little dogs, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?"
She had overheard the mother's attempt to pass this off and replies, "Tell your mom that I said it's because Southwest airlines always pulls out on time and have her explain that to you..."

I wasn't allowed to bring my board game onto the airplane

They told me the risk was too big.

A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess says, "I'm sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger."

What do an airplane and a girl have in common?

A cockpit

An unfortunate business idea

I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.

Donald Trump and his two bodyguards are on a crashing airplane. There are only two parachutes.

Trump declares "I am the President of the United States and also the smartest one. It's unbelievable." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
One of the bodyguards says "Hey, man, you have a wife and kids. Take the parachute."
The other replies "There are enough parachutes for both of us, Tim. Mr Trump took my knapsack."

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on buildings.

Boss: Why, Elevator companies do it all the time?
Guy: Yeah but we make airplanes.

A muslim guy greeted his friend on an airplane. They were both detained.

His friend named Jack.

Chivalry really is dead…

The other day, I helped a young lady out the door and, instead of thanking me, she yelled at me on her way out.
I don't know what surprised me more: Her reaction or the fact that airplane doors could actually open mid flight

It was mealtime on an airplane...

...and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

An airplane yells at his son

"If you don't get an attitude adjustment immediately you're going to get grounded."

What do you call it when someone masturbates on an airplane?

h**...

scared of flying

A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on an airplane?" I responded that (as long as these were independent events) it would be the square of the probability of having one bomb, which is 1 in a trillion
- a truly astronomical number. So, from that day forward he always carried a bomb with
him when he flew

I wrote this joke, tell me what you think.

A vulture was boarding an airplane but was stopped at the gate and told he couldn't board. They said his carrion was too large.

How do you call a bouncy airplane?

A Boing.
P.S. I came up with this on my own, yet have a feeling it mist've been here already, so please tell me if it's a repost. Thanks!

Did you know that there are more airplanes in the ocean than there are submarines in the air?

I mean... it's plane to sea.