Airplanes Jokes

Following is our collection of turbulence humor and airliner one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Airplanes puns for adults, dirty boeing jokes or clean copilot gags for kids.

There is an abundance of plane jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 55 funniest jokes on airplanes. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any airplane trouble witze you can hear about airplanes.

The Best jokes about Airplanes

Science built skyscrapers and airplanes

But only religion can bring the two together.

How often do airplanes crash?

Just once.

/**************************************/

As airplanes about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

"Science gives us airplanes and skyscrapers..."

"but it's faith that brings them together."

There are more airplanes in the ocean

than submarines in the sky


Why did the sitcom about airplanes never take off?

Because the pilot was terrible.

If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine.

But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane.

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.

When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.

The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.

The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....

"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"

And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.

"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"

So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.

"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"

And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.

"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."

A mother and her son are sitting in an airplane.

The kid looks up and asks, "Mommy? If big cats have little cats, and big dogs have little dogs, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?"

Mom thinks to herself that he is too young and she doesn't want to get into this so she tells the boy, "Go ask the flight attendant; maybe she can answer that for you."

So, he walks up and asks, "Ma'am, if big cats have little cats, and big dogs have little dogs, why don't big airplanes have little airplanes?"

She had overheard the mother's attempt to pass this off and replies, "Tell your mom that I said it's because Southwest airlines always pulls out on time and have her explain that to you..."

Southwest

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."


Guy: We need to stop testing our products on buildings.

Boss: Why, Elevator companies do it all the time?

Guy: Yeah but we make airplanes.

Joke of the Day!

In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.


"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.


The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."


The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."


"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

One day Junior brings his Grandfather to school to share his stories as a Franco-American fighter pilot during WW2

His stories are wonderfully delightful and told with a thick French accent, while gesturing wildly using his hands to describe the movement of the airplanes.

Zee fawkers fly like zees. Zen I fly like zees. Then zee fawkers fly back like zees, zen I pull up like zees. I shoots zee fawkers right out of the sky.

The teacher said, I'm sorry to interrupt, sir. I know you kids are giggling but I want to be clear that a Fokker is a type of aircraft.

The Ace said, certainmont, cherie. But zees fawkers were flying Mescherschmits.

Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.


There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this probability is low,
it is still too high for my comfort. " Two weeks later, the friend
met the statistician on a plane. "How come you changed your
theory?" he asked. "Oh, I didn't change my theory; it's just
that I subsequently computed the probability that there would
simultaneously be two bombs on a plane. This probability is
low enough for my comfort. So now I simply carry my own
bomb. "

Why don't airplanes have a 'reverse' drive?

No one wants a receding airline...

I have no idea if airplanes can actually travel in reverse, just go with me folks ;)

Almost Screamed

In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."


The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."


"Yeah," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

Statistician on a plane

A statistician told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on the plane," he explained, "and although this probability is low, it is still too high for my comfort. " Two weeks later, the friend met the statistician on a plane. "How come you changed your theory?" he asked. "Oh, I didn't change my theory; it's just that I subsequently computed the probability that there would simultaneously be two bombs on a plane. This probability is low enough for my comfort. So now I simply carry my own bomb. "

If inventing airplanes is wrong

then I don't wanna be Wright


While airplanes may not be my favorite thing,

They're up there.

Repost, haven't seen it in a while.

Why don't they have showers on airplanes?

Because of the towel ban.

What did Bush used to say to his kids when they refuse to eat?

Here comes the airplanes.

Airplanes are a blessing in disguise

*clears throat*

Excuse me...

A blessing in the skies.



It's better said than typed :/

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!!

(Ill see myself out...)

I love riding airplanes

It's the only time I don't feel under the weather.

Three doctors go on a duck hunt

One is family practice, the other is a radiologist, and the third is a surgeon. They see some birds way off in the distance.

The family practice doctor says, "They may be birds. They may be airplanes. We can't be sure, let's wait a bit and see if they look a little clearer later."

The radiologist says, "we can see in their shadows that they have two wings and two legs. Maybe it's ducks. Could be geese, or maybe quails."

The surgeon shoulders his rifle and shoots one out of the sky. He says, "I don't know what it is, but we got it. Now let's call the pathologist."

Why aren't cows allowed on airplanes?

Because the steaks would be getting too high

Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?

I just cant see them taking off.

(edit) : why doesnt this joke have any upvotes? I guess it kind of flew under the radar.

It recently came out that ISIS was developing a bomb disguised as a laptop battery to take on airplanes

They must have been taking Notes from Samsung

Science builds airplanes and skyscrapers...

but it's religion that brings them together.

What are those spinny things that smaller airplanes use to move?

Props to whoever can answer this.

Science created airplanes and skyscrapers

Faith brought them together

What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?

A Boeing constructor.

Parapsychologists

I just want to take this moment to give a shout out to parapsychologists, the only folks brave enough to jump out of airplanes to provide emergency counseling.

In a psychiatric

guard walks in on patient throwing thing out of the window:
Guard - What are you doing?
Patient - Sending airplanes.
Guard - Where is your doctor?
Patient - He flew on the first flight.

[NSFW] What do woman and airplanes have in common?

They both have cockpits.

I've always wanted to joke about airplanes

Although I'm afraid they won't takeoff

After the recent incidents regarding 737 MAX airplanes Boeing should definitely rebrand.

Boink is much more fitting.

The green new deal is actually a national security bill.

With out any airplanes there will be no more hijackings.

High school plays are a lot like airplanes.

People only want to hear about them if they crash and burn.

Why are flying airplanes so hard to see?

Because they are high up in disguise.

I used to own a company that built airplanes, but it went bankrupt before I ever turned a profit.

It just didn't take off.

Have you guys heard about those new invisible airplanes?

I can't really see them taking off.

When I eat on airplanes...

I go for the Chinese Takeout.

I'm not allows on airplanes anymore

I'm always photobombing

What do you call a fender bender that involves two airplanes?

A winger dinger.

If flying airplanes is wrong...

I don't want to be Wright.

I read a book on how airplanes are held together.

Riveting!

A woman is traveling in an airplane..

All of a sudden the airplanes engine stalls. "The plane is going down. I repeat, the plane is going down!" The Pilot announces,

The woman starts to panic. "No! No! I can't die like this! I've been single for 15 years! I need a man to make me feel like a woman one last time!"

A very handsome man from the front of the plane stands up. "I can help you with that." He starts slowly walking toward her.

She is shocked at how sexy he is, and starts to tingle and sweat. He keeps walking toward her, slowly taking off his shirt one button at a time.

She rips her shirt off and pulls her skirt down. Exposing her bra and panties. "Oh yes." She says.

He approaches her, unbuttons his last button, and takes off his shirt, revealing a washboard set of abs. He tosses her the shirt and says, "Iron this, woman."

I started a business selling airplanes

It quickly took off.

Why does border patrol use airplanes to search for illegals crossing the border?

Because they are always hiding in plane sight

Why don't Black people hijack airplanes?

They'll have no one to sell it to.

Airplanes

I wrote an essay once. It was about airplanes.

My Teacher asked wheres the answer to the question?

I said It Is In Plane Sight.

At first my business of selling airplanes struggled quite a bit

But then it took off.

Did you hear about the guy who wanted to sell pizza on airplanes?

It was a pie in the sky idea

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes