Airplane Crash Jokes
47 airplane crash jokes and hilarious airplane crash puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about airplane crash that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Airplane Crash Short Jokes
Short airplane crash jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The airplane crash humour may include short plane crash jokes also.
- I just picked up the Germanwings iPhone app... When I switched on airplane mode, it locked me out of the phone and then crashed.
- Did you hear about the airplane that crashed into a cemetery? They recovered 12,000 bodies.
- I got a new German cell phone I put it on airplane mode. It locked me out and then crashed
- Have you heard of the TV show about the airplane? It sorta crashed and burned, but I think its because the pilot wasn't very good.
- So I put my phone on airplane mode... So I put my phone on airplane mode and it crashed...
It must've been hijacked. - Airplane Humor I'm reading a book about a man who stopped an airplane from crashing.
It's pretty uplifting. - They say that cows kill more people than airplane crashes... It's true, my ex once chased me with a knife.
- FAA study of black boxes found in domestic US, fatal, small airplane crashes shows 98% say "may day" remaining 2% are pilots from Tennessee who say, "hey good buddy, hold my beer and watch this"
- An airplane crashed into a macdonalds I guess the pilot mistook drive-through with fly-through
Share These Airplane Crash Jokes With Friends
Airplane Crash One Liners
Which airplane crash one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with airplane crash? I can suggest the ones about car crash and airplane.
- I used to tell a lot of jokes about airplane crashes... ...but they never landed well.
- An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery The police reports over 3.500 dead people
- What did the airplane say to the ground when it crashed? Boeing
- Do you know why the ISIS guys dont use airplane mode in their phones? Because it crashes
- How often do airplanes c**...? Just once.
/**************************************/
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Airplane Crash Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about airplane crash you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean air plane jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make airplane crash pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were five people aboard an airplane having engine trouble getting ready to c**.
.., however, there were only four parachutes. Everyone wondered what should be done to determine who should get the parachutes. One person said that he was the smartest thing that hit the face of the Earth, and that he was too smart to die. So, he took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft. The second person said that she was too important to die, she had children and a family to take care of, and they depended on her to care for them. So, she took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft. The third person said that he was too important to die because his family depended on him for survival. He was the head of household and the sole bread winner. So, he took one of the parachutes and jumped out of the aircraft. Finally, there were only two people left, and one parachute. One person was a 12 year old boy, and the other was a 65 year old man. The old man said, "Well son, I have lived a good life, and you are too young to die, you have a long life ahead of you. So, you take the last parachute. The boy asked, "Why, Sir?" The old man said, "Well, there is only one parachute left." The little lad said, "Sir there are really two parachutes left." The old gentlemen asked, excitedly, "Yeah? How?" "Well," replied the boy, "you know that guy who thought he was the smartest and greatest thing that hit the face of the Earth? He grabbed my backpack."
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.
On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear."
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!"
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An airplane was about to c**....
There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die."
So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die."
He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were four people on a plane.
One of them, the Pilot.
The other was the president of the United States –Obama, The oldest man in the world, and a little boy.
The plane was about to c**... and the only option for survival was to jump!
But there were only three parachutes.
The Pilot took a parachute and said, "I'm the pilot, so I should get a parachute."
And he jumped off.
Then Obama grabs a and jumps saying, "Since I'm the president, I get one too!"
And he jumps.
The little boy then grabs a parachute and hands it to the old man.
The man declines, saying, "No, boy, take it. I'm too old anyway."
The boy answers, "What? No! Obama took my back-pack!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lone Survivor
The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says "You can't judge me for this, I had to survive." The rescue leader says "But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mathematician and engineer in the desert..
An airplane crashed in the middle of the Sahara, and an engineer and mathematician are the only survivors. They start walking and after a couple of days they are near death. An angel comes down and says "I am your guardian angel, and I am going to give you a chance to live. I am going to put cases of water a mile away. But here's the catch...you have to go half way to the water and stop, half way and stop all the way to the water." The two say "Oh thank you, thank you angel!" and walk a half mile and stop, then a quarter mile and stop. Finally, they are 20 steps away, then 10, until they are taking baby steps. The mathematician suddenly shouts in frustration "this is all a cruel joke! We will never actually reach the water! We are going to die!!" The engineer says "Relax d**..., we're close enough already..", and he reaches down and grabs a bottle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish Moose Hunt
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Air Force one goes down.
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
A large plane crashed...
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
Air Force One crashes in a field..
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are 11 blondes...
hanging on the wings of an airplane. 5 on one wing, and 6 on another, and due to this, theres an imbalance and the plane will c**.... So they all decided that one of the blonde has to let go, so the wings are balanced.
After a lot of discussion, one brave blonde decides that she'll sacrifice herself for the others. She lets go, and the rest of the 10 blondes start clapping, applauding her for her bravery.......
Hope you guys like it, nd sorry if its a xpost.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish Hunters
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.
The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."
Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded. However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
An airplane crashes on a deserted island and only 2 men and a woman survive.
The three wait and survive for a few weeks before they realize that they aren't going to be rescued. They decide to accept their fate and start enjoying life on the island. They have plenty of food, water, and other supplies that they found around the island. Naturally they start to have urges, and they decide that the guys will take turns for when the girl is in the mood.
So life is good for a few weeks until the girl becomes fatally ill. The girl dies a week later. So the two men think about what they should do now.
Man 1: "I have an idea... But I've never done it before."
Man 2: "I know what you're thinking. I'm willing to try it..."
So every night for about 3 weeks after the girl died, the men attempt the idea and each morning both men are sore and disgusted. Finally one night:
Man 1: "STOP! We can't do this anymore! It isn't right! It's not natural!"
Man 2: "Yes, I agree... We'll bury her body in the morning."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An airplane is about to c**... with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and old man and a young boy...
Unfortunately there were only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them.
Barack Obama said I am the president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower! So he takes the 1st parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
Hillary Clinton, said I am the future first female President of the United States and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the 2nd parachute and exits the plane.
The old man kneels down to the young boy and says, "I am old and frail and I've lived many years, you take the last parachute."
The young boy responds, It's ok! We have enough parachutes. The world's smartest woman jumped out of the airplane with my backpack.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An airplane was about to c**... with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, an old man and a young boy...
Unfortunately there were only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them.
Barack Obama said I am the president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower! So he takes the 1st parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
Hillary Clinton, said I am the future first female President of the United States and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the 2nd parachute and exits the plane.
The old man kneels down to the young boy and says, "I am old and frail and I've lived many years, you take the last parachute."
The young boy responds, It's ok! We have enough parachutes. The world's smartest woman jumped out of the airplane with my backpack.
NASA CHICKEN CANON
NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four guys on a plane with three parachutes break the fourth wall.
Four guys were on an airplane when it started to c**.... Then they discovered there were only three parachutes. The four guys were Bill Gates, Bill Nye, Neil Degrasse Tyson, and Ted Cruz. They argued over who got to use the three parachutes. Since the scientists and geeks knew this joke usually ends with the smartest guy in the world jumping out with an empty backpack, they decided to take Tyson's suggestion and throw Cruz out the door because he didn't believe in gravity and wouldn't need it anyway.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
High school plays are a lot like airplanes.
People only want to hear about them if they c**... and burn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't the airplane pilot swim to safety after the plane c**... in Egypt?
Because he was in de Nile.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Putin and Medvedeev talking
- We need to change these time zones, they are giving me a big headache, says Putin
-Why? asks Medvedeev
-I'm calling Beijing to give my congrats for their national holiday and they tell me it's tomorrow. I call Warsaw to express my condolences for the airplane c**... in Smolensk and they tell me the plane didn't take off yet!
Donald Trump and his two bodyguards are on a crashing airplane. There are only two parachutes.
Trump declares "I am the President of the United States and also the smartest one. It's unbelievable." He grabs a parachute and jumps.
One of the bodyguards says "Hey, man, you have a wife and kids. Take the parachute."
The other replies "There are enough parachutes for both of us, Tim. Mr Trump took my knapsack."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Worlds Smartest President
Trump, The Pope and little Joey are all on an airplane when the pilot comes running out of the cabin yelling the plain is going to c**...!!! The pilot grabs his parachute and jumps out, Trump sees that there are only two parachutes left and exclaims " I am the smartest President and I need to live!" He grabs a pack and jumps, the Pope turns to Joey and says " son I have lived a long life and I am okay meeting God." Joey smiles and replies " There's no need, the worlds smartest president took my backpack."
A group of Polish tourists is flying on a small airplane through the Grand Canyon on a sightseeing tour.
The tour guide announces: "On the right of the airplane, you can see the famous Bright Angle Falls."
The tourists leap out of their seats and crowd to the windows on the right side. This causes a dynamic imbalance, and the plane violently rolls to the side and crashes into the canyon wall. All aboard are lost.
The moral to this episode is: always keep your poles off the right side of the plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the wife of an airplane c**... search and rescue worker leave him?
He couldn't find her black box
An airplane carrying politicians crashed in a farmers field...
When the police showed up they asked the farmer of there were any survivors
He said " I buried all of them, a cpuple said we're still alive, but them politicians like to lie."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think my knockoff airplane simulator game was made by extremists
It crashed and asked me if I'd like to send a t**... report.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A small airplane crashes into the ground in a small town, and some curious locals go to the c**... site to see what happened.
Some of the locals start digging to see if there are any survivors trapped in the plane.
A few hours in, they give up the search and one of the locals goes back to his house and tells his wife what happened.
He tells his wife that there were over 1000 bodies found in the c**... site, but no survivors were found.
Oh my god, where did it c**...? the wife asked in shock.
In the town cemetery. the husband replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told an airplane joke to my co-worker.
Sadly, it flew right over their head. (It wasn't a 9-11 joke, those c**... and burn anyways)
