The Best 66 Airlines Jokes

Following is our collection of Airlines jokes which are very funny. There are some airlines twa jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these airlines southwest airlines puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Malaysian Airlines and United should merge

That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.

What's a ghost's favorite way to travel?

Spirit airlines.

Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12...

....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu


A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

Finally some good news for the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370.

Their luggage has landed safely in Manchester.

The Only Malaysian Airlines Survivor

Please spare a thought and your sympathy for the man who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370...

And now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment.

How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks?

On the rocks

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."

"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"

"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Some guy at the bar I went to last night told two horrible jokes about Malaysia Airlines.

The first one received no response and the second one was shot down in flames.

I was going to watch a documentary on the malaysian airlines

but I was too scared my computer was gonna crash

What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?

They both think they can fly.

Top Airlines Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore airlines alitalia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean airlines jet dad jokes. There are also airlines puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Anyone need a job?

I hear Malaysia Airlines is looking for people.

^im ^so ^sorry

What is empty and spins round and round?

A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim.

D.E.L.T.A. Airlines

Didn't Even Leave The Airport

Discount Air Rides

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'

Why would anyone ever want to fly Virgin Airlines?

The last thing you want to do is get on a plane that doesn't go all the way.

I love to sleep naked.

...And that's why I am banned from flying united airlines.

Why did the vulture fly United Airlines?

Because they allow 1 free carrion

I refuse to fly Virgin Airlines

I mean what's the point if they aren't going to go all the way.

Last time I flew on Malaysian Airlines, I decided not to shower first.

I figured I could just wash up on shore.

My friend was flying with Delta airlines

I told him: "Don't expect luggage to arrive".

He later informed me his luggage didn't even leave the airport.

I will never fly virgin airlines again...

They never go all the way.

Was going to do United Airlines joke

But everyone already United Airlined me to it.

Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight:

1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket

-Dan Regan

I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines

It was a drag

Why are you flying with United Airlines?

Beats me.

Why was 1 afraid of 4?

United Airlines.

A man went to the United Airlines counter

A man went to the United Airlines counter. The ticket agent asked, Sir, do you have reservations?
He replied, Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I'm flying anyway.

On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal.

At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.

United Airlines should get into the rail transportation business...

...because they have the longest karma train that I've ever seen.

In order for United Airlines to keep their business...

They're really gonna have to have unbeatable prices!

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

There was a race to see what company'sโ€‹ planes flew fastest

United Airlines beat everyone...

I think my work is boring and not challenging enough...

I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!

Have you seen that old Nick Cage movie about United Airlines?

Con Air.

What headphones does United Airlines use?

Beats by Dr.

I was going to make a joke about the united airlines...

But someone already beat me to the punch.

UA at it again

If you can't beat them, join them.

-English saying

If you can't join them, beat them.

-United Airlines over booking policy

United Airlines will treat you like a King!

Rodney King, that is.

4/5 doctors recommend united airlines

You can't beat that!

My girlfriend has a new fetish...

To be treated like a United Airlines customer

Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar...

They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.

Unites Airlines newest in-flight cuisine

Chinese Takeout

UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals

chinese takeout

Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed.

You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

Have you heard the new United Airlines motto?

"One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"

Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties

He said they punched his rights out.

I'm starting to feel that the united airlines memes are like beating a dead horse.

so to save everyone some energy I bought the horse a ticket to fly United.

What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines?

One has dragons and the other has drag-offs

I was gonna make a United Airlines joke about the doctor...

But it got carried away

Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got?

They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!

What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat?

You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.

I order eggs through United Airlines when making omelets.

Because they come pre-beaten.

United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane"

Largest bill for Chinese take out to date

Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines?

No, he simply vanished into Finnair

It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.

If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

Why is it called Virgin Airlines?

Because their planes are eighteen years old and never been serviced.

What's another name for the Battle Bus

Virgin Airlines

Job Opportunity for Flat Earthers

Because of the recent Arctic cold snap. Delta Airlines has been hiring de-icers in their Atlanta hub for the expected crowds at SuperBowl. Most of the jobs have been going to Flat Earthers, because by definition, they don't believe in *Global* Warming but are fine with Plane Warming.

What do you call it when one plane crashes into another?

United airlines.

Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar.

He says to the bartender Can I have a draft beer?"

The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50ยข"

He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!"

The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and $3 each time to use the restroom"

Sometimes my jokes are like Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

They don't land.

I asked the Southwest Airlines clerk her personal and honest opinion if it was safe to fly during the pandemic.

She said "I'm not sure... it's up in the air."

Here's a pun: Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

I'm sorry, that joke probably didn't land.

Did you hear about the guy who sued the airlines because they misplaced his luggage?

He lost the case.

I sued the airlines after they lost my luggage.

I lost the case.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the airlines airline jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working airlines aeroplane piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes