Rib-Tickling Airlines Jokes that Bring Friends Together
Malaysian Airlines and United should merge
That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12...
....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu
Southwest
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
Finally some good news for the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370.
Their luggage has landed safely in Manchester.
The Only Malaysian Airlines Survivor
Please spare a thought and your sympathy for the man who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian Airlines flight MH370...
And now can't come out of his girlfriend's apartment.
How do Malaysian airlines serve all their drinks?
On the rocks
Lazy vultures
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
Some guy at the bar I went to last night told two horrible jokes about Malaysia Airlines.
The first one received no response and the second one was shot down in flames.
I was going to watch a documentary on the malaysian airlines
but I was too scared my computer was gonna crash
What does R. Kelly have in common with Malaysian Airlines?
They both think they can fly.
Anyone need a job?
I hear Malaysia Airlines is looking for people.
^im ^so ^sorry
You can explore airlines alitalia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean airlines jet dad jokes. There are also airlines puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What is empty and spins round and round?
A Malaysian Airlines baggage claim.
D.E.L.T.A. Airlines
Didn't Even Leave The Airport
Discount Air Rides
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'
I love to sleep naked.
...And that's why I am banned from flying united airlines.
Why did the vulture fly United Airlines?
Because they allow 1 free carrion
I refuse to fly Virgin Airlines
I mean what's the point if they aren't going to go all the way.
Last time I flew on Malaysian Airlines, I decided not to shower first.
I figured I could just wash up on shore.
I will never fly virgin airlines again...
They never go all the way.
Was going to do United Airlines joke
But everyone already United Airlined me to it.
Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight:
1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket
-Dan Regan
Why are you flying with United Airlines?
Beats me.
Why was 1 afraid of 4?
United Airlines.
A man went to the United Airlines counter
A man went to the United Airlines counter. The ticket agent asked, Sir, do you have reservations?
He replied, Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I'm flying anyway.
On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal.
At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.
Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...
"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
There was a race to see what company'sā planes flew fastest
United Airlines beat everyone...
I think my work is boring and not challenging enough...
I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!
Have you seen that old Nick Cage movie about United Airlines?
Con Air.
What headphones does United Airlines use?
Beats by Dr.
UA at it again
If you can't beat them, join them.
-English saying
If you can't join them, beat them.
-United Airlines over booking policy
United Airlines will treat you like a King!
Rodney King, that is.
4/5 doctors recommend united airlines
You can't beat that!
My girlfriend has a new fetish...
To be treated like a United Airlines customer
Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar...
They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.
Unites Airlines newest in-flight cuisine
Chinese Takeout
UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals
chinese takeout
Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed.
You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.
Have you heard the new United Airlines motto?
"One drag a day keeps the doctors away!"
Was out of the loop. Asian friend told me United Airlines has the power to deny your liberties
He said they punched his rights out.
I'm starting to feel that the united airlines memes are like beating a dead horse.
so to save everyone some energy I bought the horse a ticket to fly United.
What's the difference between Game of Thrones and United Airlines?
One has dragons and the other has drag-offs
I was gonna make a United Airlines joke about the doctor...
But it got carried away
Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got?
They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!
What's the difference between United Airlines and a magician's hat?
You can't pull a live rabbit out of a United jet.
I order eggs through United Airlines when making omelets.
Because they come pre-beaten.
United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane"
Largest bill for Chinese take out to date
Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines?
No, he simply vanished into Finnair
It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.
If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.
Why is it called Virgin Airlines?
Because their planes are eighteen years old and never been serviced.
What's another name for the Battle Bus
Virgin Airlines
I sued the airlines after they lost my luggage.
I lost the case.
I am suing American Airlines for losing my luggage
Update: I lost the case
I took British Airlines to court after losing my luggage.
The judge threw it out because we had no case
American Airlines
I'm like the American Airlines of dating, we understand you had other options of relationships and we're sorry you chose us.
Did you guys hear Djokovic started an airline for the unvaccinated?
It's called Novaks Airlines.
What do you call an airplane full of bald people?
Receding airlines...
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me
She looked me dead in the eye and said, Window or
aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll
what?"
Delta Airlines is changing their name
To Omicron
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted
Thank you Alaska Airlines rep
Air Postal Service
A man sets down three pieces of luggage at a very famous **International Airlines** (*that shall not be named*) check-in counter and says, "I want the brown bag to go to London, the black one to go to Paris," he said. "And keep the third bag here till my return from Australia next week for pick up."
The check-in clerk blinked. A supervisor standing behind him overheard the request and came up. "I am sorry sir, but we are not the **post office**," he said, "we can't do that."
"Why not?" the irate passenger said, raising his voice, "That's what you did the last time!"
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and be glad that you're alive?
Apparently, I did and won't be allowed on Hawaiian Airlines again...
I sued Delta Airlines for misplacing my luggage
But I lost my case.
I just figured out why airlines are having staffing issues.
The whole crew keeps taking off!
