Airline Passenger Jokes
31 airline passenger jokes and hilarious airline passenger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about airline passenger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Airline Passenger Short Jokes
Short airline passenger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The airline passenger humour may include short flight passenger jokes also.
- Malaysian Airlines and United should merge That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
- Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him? Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.
- Finally some good news for the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370. Their luggage has landed safely in Manchester.
- Airline stewardess: Would you like some headphones? Passenger: Yes, of course I would! How did you know my name was phones?
- At the low cost airliner Flight attendant: would you like a drink?
Passenger: what are the options?
Flight attendant: yes or no - A massive rabbit aboard a United Airlines flight turns to the passenger sitting next to him and says "Ehhh, what's up Doc?"
- Did you hear that United Airlines just updated their motto? "United Airlines: Beating our competition, AND our passengers, since 1926!"
- I'm pretty sure the list of passengers to be ejected from that United Airlines flight was... ...doctored.
- TIL the Airbus A380, the world's largest passenger airliner, shares a type rating with yo momma! Clearly we need more nerdy yo momma jokes.
- My grandfather was an airline pilot Just last year he passed away peacefully in his sleep. That's exactly how I'd like to die, Not like is screaming passengers in the back..
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Airline Passenger One Liners
Which airline passenger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with airline passenger? I can suggest the ones about passenger plane and bus passenger.
- Why didn't the airline passenger check his vulture? Because it's a carrion bird.
Airline Passenger Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about airline passenger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean passenger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make airline passenger pranks.
On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the chief flight attendant made an announcement...
"Due to a terrible mistake by the airline's caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing to give up their meal".
Two hours before landing, another announcement was made. "There are still 80 meals available if anybody is hungry".
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
Airline Safety
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.
Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"
"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
Control system theory joke
As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.
Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the other passengers to try to see out the window. Because of the sudden shift in weight, the pilot lost control, and the plane crashed, killing everyone aboard.
The official report said that the accident was due to instability caused by poles in the right half plane.
Trump proposed new regulations for the airline industry...
Because even h**... didn't remove passengers with reserved seats.
I was on a flight a few weeks ago, and our descent was very turbulent, followed by a hard landing that was quite jarring.
Once on the ground, our flight attendant announced, "Well, folks, that wasn't my fault, and it wasn't the captain's fault, but it was definitely the as-phalt."
The passenger reactions were a mix of chuckles and groans.
Shoutout to our Southwest Airlines flight crew from BUR-LAS flight 4606, good job keeping things safe!
Air Postal Service
A man sets down three pieces of luggage at a very famous **International Airlines** (*that shall not be named*) check-in counter and says, "I want the brown bag to go to London, the black one to go to Paris," he said. "And keep the third bag here till my return from Australia next week for pick up."
The check-in clerk blinked. A supervisor standing behind him overheard the request and came up. "I am sorry sir, but we are not the **post office**," he said, "we can't do that."
"Why not?" the irate passenger said, raising his voice, "That's what you did the last time!"
Airline passenger safety brief
In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from above. If you're traveling with a child, please fit their mask first. If you have more than 1 child with you, please pick your favorite now.
Did you hear the latest United Airlines joke? Passengers thought it was hilarious.
Had em rolling in the aisles
Yep, still milking it....
So there is a First class only Indian Airline.
Their motto is "We will treat you passengers like Cattle"
Why is it more fun to fly passenger airplanes than cargo airplanes?
Cargo airplanes never get hijacked, which makes flying passenger airliners WAY more exciting.
A passenger flying the Dutch Airline KLM asked the Captain :
"Captain, what do you think is hard, flying a plane or ruling a country?"
"Well that question's so easy I'll let my copilot answer it!"
A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati."
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.
"That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route."
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
Topical Jokes for 1/12
The White House said that not sending a senior official to the Paris liberty march was a mistake. Joe Biden was supposed to fly there, but he's not allowed on a plane unless he's accompanied by an adult.
United Airlines is considering outsourcing jobs to cut costs. From now on, one lucky passenger will get to fly the plane, while being fed instructions from a customer-service rep in Mumbai.
In North Carolina, a woman accidentally shot her husband when he surprised her with breakfast in bed. The woman then saw he was carrying breakfast from Taco Bell -- and shot him again.
Airplane open mic.
Airline pilot is going through his preflight introduction to the passengers.
"I'm Captain Wilson. We will be flying at 30,000 feet and should be in Denver in about 2 hours. Please relax and enjoy your flight."
After he is finished, thinking he has turned off the microphone, leans over to the co-pilot and jokes, " I would really like a cup of coffee, and a b**...."
The stewardess upon hearing this in the back of the plane rushes toward the cockpit. As she heads up the aisle, one of the passengers shouts to her, "Don't forget the coffee!"
Rough Landing
An airline pilot had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying Delta Airlines." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
Ugly Baby
There's a woman flying on a plane with her baby. And one of the other passengers starts making fun of this woman's baby, going on and on about how ugly he is. Eventually, one of the flight attendants hears this.
"Shame on you, saying such n**... things as that" she says to the rude passenger, before turning to the woman. "Ma'm, on behalf of American Airlines I'd like to apologize for that unpleasantness. We will give you a complementary meal for your troubles, and I'll see if I can get a banana for your monkey."
[I know it's an old joke but I only found one version (a different one with a racist joke) on this sub]
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get underway.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle.
The copilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness.
They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once.
At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"