Airline Jokes

Following is our collection of alitalia humor and airliner one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Airline puns for adults, dirty overbooked jokes or clean inflight gags for kids.

There is an abundance of airbus jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes on airline. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any southwest airlines witze you can hear about airline.

The Best jokes about Airline

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?

I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...

My seatmate on a flight was a woman.

Ever the charmer, I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?

Yes, she said, but I wasn't willing to pay.

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes...

The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline.

You don't have much of a case, he replied.


A man lost his luggage so he took the airline company to court

Apparently he lost his case

Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.

*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*

*

Nerd joke

A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

A blonde rings up an airline and asks: "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.

Know a guy who took an airline to court over missing luggage...

...He lost his case


It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.

If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time."

Said the Malaysian shark.

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.

"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"

"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."

What's the deal with airline food these days...

nothing but knuckle sandwiches.

The person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I used one of my pick-up lines on her.

I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?

Yes, she replied, but I wasn't willing to pay.

Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him?

Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

How To Become a Millionaire:

Be a billionaire and invest in an airline company.

A man took an airline to court after they lost his luggage

He lost his case


What do you call an airplane that flies backwards?

a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha

Did you ever wake up, give the person next to you a big kiss, and just feel glad you're alive?

I did that today, and I'm not allowed back on that airline.

NBC is contemplating a new TV series titled "Airline Tragedies."

They are putting the pilot together right now.

Single airline stewardesses are very lucky...

for their convenience all men are already sorted into different classes.

Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

We must follow our policy. . .

I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.

Airline Safety

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.

Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"

"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

I wrote a joke for a stand-up routine that I'll never get to do.

Being a comedian is tough. Even when you write your own material, everyone accuses you of stealing from other comedians.

Jokes about airline food? Observational comedy? "You got that from George Carlin!"

One liners? "You can't do that, Mitch Hedberg does that!"

You tell a joke that sucks? "You definitely stole that from Dane Cook!"

A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.

Sadly, he lost his case.

A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.

It was a Wurst-Kรคse scenario.

I hired some lawyers to sue the airline company for mishandling my luggage.

They lost my case.

So 4 guys are talking in a bar.

So 4 guys are talking in a bar, one leaves to go to the restroom while the others continue to talk. They start talking about the success of their sons, the first man says "my son's car company is so successful he was able to get his best friend a new Ferrari for his birthday." The second man boasts "well my son's real estate company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third man says "my son's airline company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a private jet for his birthday. The forth man comes back from the restroom and asks what everyone is talking about, they reply back "we're just talking about the success of our sons." The forth man says "oh, my son is a gay stripper," the other three men feel sorry for him and apologize, but the forth man simply says "don't worry about it, it's not that bad, for his birthday he got a new ferrari, house, and a private jet from his three boyfriends."

Why don't airplanes have a 'reverse' drive?

No one wants a receding airline...

I have no idea if airplanes can actually travel in reverse, just go with me folks ;)

Peanut allergy

We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting -- they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral.

A man is at the airport. The airline attendant asks the man, "Do you have any baggage?"

He replies, "I haven't talked to my parents in 3 years, I have depression, and I'm still a virgin."

taxi cab

A businessman takes a vacation in Vegas. He has a horrible run of luck, and spends his life savings and maxes out his credit cards. All he has left is his airline ticket home.

Getting into a taxi, he explains his plight to the cabbie. He offers to leave his drivers license or anything else until he can mail the fare to the taxi driver.

"You ain't got ten bucks for the cab fare to the airport? Get out of my cab!" yelled the taxi driver.

The man walks to the airport, flies home, and for the next year, he works very hard, and builds back his fortune. He goes back to Vegas, and this time he wins big.

Feeling good about himself, he steps out of his hotel to leave for the airport. At the end of a long line of taxis, he sees the cab driver who refused to help him last year in his hour of need.

He immediately figures out a way to get even with this guy.

He gets into the first taxi and asks what the fare to the airport is. "Ten dollars." says the driver. He then asks how much for a blow job. "What? Get out of my cab."

He proceeds down the line of taxis repeating the process and getting the same results.

He finally gets into the cab with his old friend, and asks him how much to get to the airport. "Ten bucks," says the driver. "Good." he says to the driver.

And as they cruise past all the other drivers in their cabs, he gives them all a smile and a thumbs up.

A guy is on a trip on a small airline.

The stewardess says, Would you like dinner?

He says, What are my choices?

She says, Yes or no.

A man was suing an airline for losing his luggage

Unfortunately he lost his case

Have you heard the old one about a woman doing a survey on sexual attitudes?

She stops an airline pilot and asks him, amongst other things, when he last had sexual intercourse. He replies 1958. Now, knowing airline pilots, the researcher is surprised and queries this. Well, says the pilot, it's only 2110 now.

(Credit, John Cleese c. 1991)

How can I invest in the Mexican airline industry?

Call me crazy but once this wall goes up I've got a gut-feeling I think that's one industry that will really be taking off.

Trump proposed new regulations for the airline industry...

Because even Hitler didn't remove passengers with reserved seats.

I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage.

I unfortunately lost the case.

Discount Air Rides

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'

Say "Unreliable Airline" three times fast.

Delta
Delta
Delta

New Series For The The History Channel

The History Channel is planning a new series, Airline Tragedies.

They are putting the pilot together as I write this.

I was sitting next to a woman on a flight and asked her...

>Does the airline company charge you for flying next to good looking men?

She responded with

>Yes, but this time I decided not to pay

The airline smashed my luggage

so I asked my lawyer if I could sue them... he said, "you don't have much of a case".

I wouldn't want to fly Virgin.

Who'd want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way?

A joke from one of my friends who's an airline pilot

So he often says, right before take off "Ladies and gentlemen I'd like to thank you for choosing Jet Blue and would also like to thank the wonderful flight attendants for their professionalism and dedication to trying to make your flight as safe and comfortable as possible. However, you won't find any of those people on this flight. So sit back and please fasten your seat belts as we will shortly begin our ascent"

4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....

One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how
successful their sons became.

No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich
he gave his best friend a ferrari.

No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so
rich he gave his best friend a jet.

No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development
company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.

They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became
and asked her about her son.

She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.

The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not
becoming successful.

" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.

" Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends..." .

All the 3 Ladies fainted ....

My Sister recently started dating a depressed German airline pilot

She says his personality is really down to earth.

I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines

It was a drag

I want to make a series about the murder of an airline crew

but I still have to shoot the pilot.

Airline companies are always having to hire people.

Because most of their employees take off.

A Photon checks in at an airline front counter. Agent says...

Sir, do you have any checked baggage?'

Photon replies, 'No, I'm travelling light.'

Got an email from an airline inviting me to"Discover America".

I've replied with a link to the Wikipedia page about Christopher Columbus.

Did you hear about that religious airline?

Their prophets are soaring

Pack your Bags

A woman was going to Los Angeles from New York City for an extended stay. With permission from the airline was permitted to bring five pieces of luggage.
As the clerk was starting to take the luggage, the woman says, "I would like you to send the first bag to Miami, the second bag to Chicago, the third bag to Dallas, the fourth bag to Phoenix and the fifth bag to Seattle."
The clerk says looks at her for a second, then types a few things in his computer, then looks back at the women and says, "I'm sorry, we can't do that!"
The woman says, "Well why not? You guys did it last time without me even asking?"

What do you call a balding aeroplane?

A receding airline.

Did you hear about the man who sued the airline for losing his luggage?

He lost the case

What's the deal with airline food?

This is not a joke. I think it's really plane

I met the Pope and all he said...

So the guy goes in to his barber. He's all excited, and says, "I'm going to go to Rome. I'm flying on Alitalia and staying at the Rome Hilton, and I'm going to see the Pope!"

The barber says, "Ha! Alitalia is a terrible airline, the Rome Hilton is a dump, and when you see the Pope, you'll probably be standing in back of about ten thousand people."

So the guy goes to Rome. When he comes back and the barber says, "How was it?"

"Great," he says. "Alitalia was wonderful airline. The hotel was great. And I got to meet the Pope!"

"You met the Pope?" asked the barber.

"I bent down to kiss the Pope's ring."

"And what did he say?"

"He said, 'Where did you get that crummy haircut?'"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes