airline Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious airline puns

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?

I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...

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Do you ever just wake up and kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you are alive?

I just did and apparently I'm not allowed on this airline anymore...

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My seatmate on a flight was a woman.

Ever the charmer, I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?

Yes, she said, but I wasn't willing to pay.

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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you're alive?

I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.

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BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

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I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes...

The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames

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I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline.

You don't have much of a case, he replied.

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A man lost his luggage so he took the airline company to court

Apparently he lost his case

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Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.

*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*

*

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Nerd joke

A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

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I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, "I want to sue the airline."

Lawyer: "I see, but you don't have much of a case."

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Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

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Know a guy who took an airline to court over missing luggage...

...He lost his case

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It's a shame Carrie Fisher was on a United Airlines flight when she had her heart attack.

If she was on another airline there might have been a doctor on board.

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"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time."

Said the Malaysian shark.

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An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.

"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"

"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."

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What's the deal with airline food these days...

nothing but knuckle sandwiches.

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I heard some guy tell two horrible Malaysian Airline jokes

The first one got no response, and the second one was shot down in flames.

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Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him?

Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

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What do you call an airplane that flies backwards?

a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha

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Did you ever wake up, give the person next to you a big kiss, and just feel glad you're alive?

I did that today, and I'm not allowed back on that airline.

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NBC is contemplating a new TV series titled "Airline Tragedies."

They are putting the pilot together right now.

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Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

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Single airline stewardesses are very lucky...

for their convenience all men are already sorted into different classes.

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Blonde and the Airlines

A blonde rings up an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"

The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."

The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.

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We must follow our policy. . .

I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.

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Airline Safety

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.

Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"

"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

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I wrote a joke for a stand-up routine that I'll never get to do.

Being a comedian is tough. Even when you write your own material, everyone accuses you of stealing from other comedians.

Jokes about airline food? Observational comedy? "You got that from George Carlin!"

One liners? "You can't do that, Mitch Hedberg does that!"

You tell a joke that sucks? "You definitely stole that from Dane Cook!"

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A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage.

Sadly, he lost his case.

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During an airline flight

The pilot comes over the PA and announces: "We seem to have some trouble with our engines, and we will crash soon unless some of the passengers immediately jump off the plane.

To make it fair, we will decide who's going to jump according to alphabetical order.

First, I would like to ask all the Afro-american passengers to get up and jump off the plane"

No one gets up. The pilot continues:

"OK, will all the Black passengers please get up and jump off the plane?"

Still nothing.

"OK, may i please ask all the Colored people to get up and jump off the plane?"

No one is getting up. Suddenly a small boy tugs at his father's arm: "Dad, why aren't we getting up?"

The father replies: "Because son, today we are Niggers".

(Sorry for my english...)

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A vegan was flying to Germany and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: sausage and cheese.

It was a Wurst-Kรคse scenario.

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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping next to you, and be happy that you are alive?

I did and and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...

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I hired some lawyers to sue the airline company for mishandling my luggage.

They lost my case.

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So 4 guys are talking in a bar.

So 4 guys are talking in a bar, one leaves to go to the restroom while the others continue to talk. They start talking about the success of their sons, the first man says "my son's car company is so successful he was able to get his best friend a new Ferrari for his birthday." The second man boasts "well my son's real estate company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third man says "my son's airline company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a private jet for his birthday. The forth man comes back from the restroom and asks what everyone is talking about, they reply back "we're just talking about the success of our sons." The forth man says "oh, my son is a gay stripper," the other three men feel sorry for him and apologize, but the forth man simply says "don't worry about it, it's not that bad, for his birthday he got a new ferrari, house, and a private jet from his three boyfriends."

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Why don't airplanes have a 'reverse' drive?

No one wants a receding airline...

I have no idea if airplanes can actually travel in reverse, just go with me folks ;)

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What are the most funny Airline jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Airline? Well, here are the best Airline dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Airline pick up lines to share with friends.

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