Aircraft Jokes
82 aircraft jokes and hilarious aircraft puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aircraft that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of funny jokes about aircraft mechanics, carriers, engineers, pilots, maintainers, runways and more for a funny take on aviation! Plus, discover how a seater adds even more humor.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Aircraft Short Jokes
Short aircraft jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aircraft humour may include short airplane jokes also.
- My Grandfather downed 35 German aircraft during WW2 He still holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
- Wanna hear a physics pun? If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?
- Newsflash! A small, 2-seat aircraft crashed in a graveyard in Poland. Rescuers have found 115 dead so far and expect to find hundreds more as they continue digging.
- My great grandfather once destroyed 18 ww2 German aircrafts in one day. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
- I was at an airport recently and there was a aircraft that was pure white. Looked pretty plane to me.
- Why did the Wright brothers turn their aircraft 90 degrees west when their dad walked in the cockpit? because three Wrights make a left.
- My grandfather destroyed almost a hundred aircraft in World War Two! He must have been the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.
- My great-grandad was personally responsible for bringing down over 30 German aircraft in WW2. All the other mechanics in the Luftwaffe never really liked him though.
- One of the Monty python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that's spelled the same backwards as forwards... It's a Palin drone...
- I maintain my car with the same level of diligence and care that I would maintain an aircraft. Which is why they won't let me maintain aircraft.
Share These Aircraft Jokes With Friends
Aircraft One Liners
Which aircraft one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aircraft? I can suggest the ones about air plane and aeroplane.
- What has wheels and flies but it isn't an aircraft? A garbage truck
- What is the friendliest kind of aircraft? A Hello-copter.
- The small aircraft had no frills. It was a little plane.
- How do the Taliban power their aircraft? Wind Turbans
- My friend is obsessed with aircraft carriers He warships them
- Light aircraft crashes in Scotland! Two kilt
- Did you hear about that new film on the B-17 aircraft? It bombed
- What do women and aircraft share in common? They both have cockpits
- What's the raddest aircraft? The *hella*copter
- What is the worlds friendliest aircraft? A hellocopter!
- What sort of aircraft does the Asian pilot who loves to greet people fly? A herrocopter
- Science sends aircraft to the moon Religion sends aircraft into buildings
- What's the callsign of an aircraft carrying the president of Switzerland? Tobler One
- Why couldn't the FBI find the fugitive aircraft 'Cos it was hiding in plane sight
- Why can't Dubliners identify aircraft? Because they're in de skies.
Aircraft Pilot Jokes
Here is a list of funny aircraft pilot jokes and even better aircraft pilot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just got off an aeroplane piloted by an all female flight crew. It was an unmanned aircraft.
- Future aircraft will be piloted by a man and a dog... The man is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the controls.
Aircraft Carrier Jokes
Here is a list of funny aircraft carrier jokes and even better aircraft carrier puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do they like to watch Star Wars on the big screen on aircraft carriers? They're all about force projection.
- How to you tell a naval officer from and RAF officer on an aircraft carrier? The naval officer is trying to feed bread to the helicopters!
- What's the US Navy's biggest and longest serving aircraft carrier? The USS Great Britain.
Cheerful Aircraft Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about aircraft you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aviation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aircraft pranks.
The Amazing City of Paris
During a trip to France, my sister sat next to me on the aircraft. Looking outside the window, I couldn't help but sigh at the amazing beauty of Paris.
Me: "Ah... How I'd love to be born in Paris."
Her: "I wouldn't."
Confused, I asked her: "Why not?"
Her: "Because I don't speak French."
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.
This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
What's common to the cockpit of a modern fighter aircraft and the inside of a headhunter's hut?
The heads-up display
Interview with WW2 RAF veteran
I(nterviewer): Welcome to the Show, we're here to interview WW2 RAF veteran Johnson about his experience. Tell me, was flying for the RAF difficult?
J(ohnson): Most certainly. I can remember this time I did a reconnaissance and suddenly there's a German fokker behind me, one fokker in front of me and two fokkers to my right!
I: For our viewers who don't know, Fokker was a Dutch aircraft manufacturer which the Germans confiscated.
J: That might be, but those fokkers where flying Heinkels!
I'm feeling confident about my new business selling amphibious aircraft...
It's going to be plane sailing!
Why did hitlers aircraft preform so badly after the invasion of russia?
because they were stalin'
One day Junior brings his Grandfather to school to share his stories as a Franco-American fighter pilot during WW2
His stories are wonderfully delightful and told with a thick French accent, while gesturing wildly using his hands to describe the movement of the airplanes.
Zee fawkers fly like zees. Zen I fly like zees. Then zee fawkers fly back like zees, zen I pull up like zees. I shoots zee fawkers right out of the sky.
The teacher said, I'm sorry to interrupt, sir. I know you kids are giggling but I want to be clear that a Fokker is a type of aircraft.
The Ace said, certainmont, cherie. But zees fawkers were flying Mescherschmits.
What do you call a nautical plunderer who assists with the flight of an aircraft?
A co-pirate
Did you know that Polish aircraft do not have seats on the right side of airplane?
Because poles in the right hand plane are unstable.
United has a new offer out!
You can get thrown off their aircraft for free!
It's absolutely unbeatable!
My great grandfather once worked in a WW2 aircraft factory.
*"Our factory closed down on account of increased B-24 production"*, he said.
*"Why is that?"*, I asked. *"Did the military favor the B-24 over your aircraft?"*
*"The military hated the B-24!"*, he snapped back. *"It always flew above flak and our Focke-Wulfs couldn't hit them either."*
The former governor of Alaska is contributing to the manufacturing of new unmanned aircraft for the Afghanistan War.
These quadricopters are going to be named "Strikekirts", which reads the same forwards and backwards.
Why?
It's because they are Palindrones.
A young first officer asks his Captain
A young first officer asks his Captain,
"Sir, why does not my ability evolve. I don't seem to be getting better at flying?"
And the Captain patiently answers: "Son, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seem like flames?"
"Yes, my sir, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones but without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, sir, I have already witnessed it."
"Then the moon .. when it touches the calm water reflecting all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, sir, I have also observed this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all these s**... things instead of focusing on flying the aircraft."
My grandfather was a World War 2 Vet
In a single day during the Battle of Britain he was responsible for the destruction of 8 German aircraft killing 32 German airmen.
Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had ever had.
A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
I often hear of aircraft been taken out of action by bird strikes.
What I want to know is, what does their union even want?
What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files?
A .flac gun
45000 feet above the Atlantic, the aircraft engine fails
And the captain declares an emergency. Everyone aboard the plane was scared shitless. A passenger sitting next to the pastor loses it and screams, 'Don't just sit there, do something religious!'.
The pastor promptly took up a collection.....
I once saw a sign that said "Speed limit enforced by aircraft."
I'm pretty sure if you're getting pulled over by an F-16, you deserve to be driving that fast.
Charlotte Bronte wrote a horror novel
Jane Scare
Emily wrote one about aircraft turbulence
Wuthering Flights
(I do apologise for this)
I recently started an airline company selling cheap tickets on poorly maintained aircraft
It still hasn't taken off
The US Military today confirmed that two m**... users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.
Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.
Did you hear about the French explorer who crashed his aircraft into a Canadian lake?
He drank too much Champlain.
Why is an aircraft painted?
To prevent it from looking **plane**.
A few Indian pilots went to Russia for the training of modern MiG-27 aircraft
Russian instructor:
Press this button to takeoff.
Press this button to turn the plane right.
Press this button to turn the plane left.
Pressing this button to go up.
At the end of the training, Indian pilots stood up and asked.
But how will we bring the plane down?
The instructor took a deep breath and said "Do not worry about it and leave this job to Pakistan"
The FAA has determined that it will never need to ground a Boeing aircraft again.
The planes can clearly ground themselves!
One flight passenger to another: "The pilot is an idiot, he believes his aircraft was a communist leader." "What makes you think so?" asks the other.
"I overheard him yelling 'The plane is Stalin! The plane is Stalin!'"
The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea
"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."
But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."
The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*YOU\* turn to the left to avoid a collision!"
The light flashes back "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
With the massive downturn in international travel, aircraft manufacturer Fokker has started developing planes for the military. Their latest is a small, super stealthy reconnaissance plane that is almost undetectable!
It's called the Sneaky Little Fokker.
A lot of people think Crop Circles are done by alien aircrafts...
I think they're done by Cereal Killers.
A Navy Aircraft carrier and its entourage were traversing out at sea when they get a signal of an approaching mass.
They comm it and express for them to move out of their way they were on a mission of high importance. "Negative sir we cannot accommodate your request" The admiral quite taken aback exclaims that "Its not a request son, this is the United States Navy Aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan flanked by two naval war ships and a submarine. I repeat edit your bearings and move out of our way!" "Negative sir, were a lighthouse, so its your call!"
(Someone told that this actually happened one time)
Control system theory joke
As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.
Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the other passengers to try to see out the window. Because of the sudden shift in weight, the pilot lost control, and the plane crashed, killing everyone aboard.
The official report said that the accident was due to instability caused by poles in the right half plane.
A Russian comes home after fishing trip
A Russian comes home after fishing trip and hears the news that Russia is at war. He asks another Russian what is going on, and he tells him:
"We are at war with NATO!"
"Oh wow, how many troops have been lost?"
"Well, we have lost 45,000 troops, almost 2000 tanks, a thousand artillery pieces, several hundred helicopters and aircraft, several generals have been captured, our economy is in shambles, and the Moskva was sunk.
"And NATO?"
"NATO hasn't showed up yet."
