Silly Air Plane Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly c**..., who would survive?
The United States of America.
I was on a plane and the air hostess said, "Want some headphones?"
I said, "Blimey. How'd you guess that my name is Phones?"
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
I was on this plane once...
Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a b**... and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a t**... b**... it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage
"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning
when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
A plane takes off with two hours delay. Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
"why did we take off so late?"
To which the flight attendant replies:
"well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane."
Did you know that there are more airplanes in the ocean than there are submarines in the air?
I mean... it's plane to sea.
A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.
He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "
Tragedy in Eastern Canada
Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.
You can explore air plane plane reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean air plane landed safely dad jokes. There are also air plane puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Breaking news
This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.
I met an old Air Force guy.
I met an old Air Force guy. He said the first time he was gonna jump out of a plane he was scared. He said the Captain told him to jump, or he'd stick his d**k where the "sun don't shine". I go, "Did you jump?" He said, "A little."
A plane has a horrible accident...
...and is split in half horizontally. Everyone is holding onto the oxygen masks above with their legs dangling in the air.
The captain shouts to the passengers, "We can make it, but the weight's off - at least one person needs to let go or else none of us will make it!"
Willing to die for a good cause, a young man shouts "I will sacrifice my life for all of you!"
Everyone claps.
A skydiver jumps out of a plane...
He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydiver yells "hey! Do you repair parachutes!?"
The guy yells back! "Nope, gas ovens..."
(english is not my first language, excuse my spelling please)
Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred earlier today...
...when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian cemetery there early this morning.
Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
The excited blonde .
A blonde went to Brisbane for first time.. She was very excited and as soon as the plane landed in brisbane, she began shouting ''Brisbane Brisbane''
The air hostess being annoyed said '' Please mam , Be silent''
The blonde then shouted ''Risane Risane''
Life has 3 levels of existence...
Pain and pleasure in the physical plane. Enlightenment in the spiritual plane. And no leg room in the air plane.
The Pope, Billy Graham, and o**... Roberts were in a three-way plane c**... over the Pacific Ocean.
They all died and went to heaven together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back..."Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "l**..., this is St. Peter. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a few of days. What d'ya say?" Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, two days later... St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is l**.... Hey, you gotta come get these guys. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.
After a plane lands, a man asks the flight attendant.
"Is it chilly outside?"
"No sir, I'm afraid we are in Buenos Aires."
When I was in the air force, I put down over a dozen planes in air
\-You were a fighting pilot?
\-No, I was a mechanic.
My buddy just became an Air Marshal.
He's a plane clothes cop.
Why are air hostesses bad at dating?
Most men aren't interested in **plane** women.
I hate flying air Iberia
After all.. the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plane.
A German airman on the air forces during WW2
If you see a white plane, it's American; if it's black it's RAF (Royal Air Force). If you see no planes at all, that's the Luftwaffe.
I was looking for the best price for a flight from the UK to the US and found Air India is the cheapest..
Problem is i'm not sure if I can hold on to the outside of the plane for that long.
We've all had this on a plane...
I called over the air stewardess and said, "Sorry to trouble you, but I'm trying to relax and this young kid behind me keeps screaming and hitting me on the back."
"I'm not surprised," she replied, "That's his seat and you're squashing him."
Why was the whole flight being recorded?
The plane was on-air
After charging morbidly obese people extra for their plane seats, air traffic companies hatched a plan to schedule special flights for morbidly obese people in the future...
but it never took off.
It used to take five scotches and a sleeping pill to get me on a plane.
Worked for me, not the Air Force.
Fun fact:
Fun fact: there's more air planes in the sea then there is submarines in the sky.
Why is taking over a plane in the air called h**...?
If it were on the ground, it would be lowjacking
What did the Grand Wizard of the k**... name his new fleet of planes?
n**...-AIR
I'm starting a new airline with planes that have sleeping pods instead of seats.
I'm calling it Air Pod.
