air Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious air puns

Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why.

He said "inflation"

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{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: this isn't deodorant

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I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...

"Well" he said, "it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door.

Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it."

"And he won?" I said.

"Well, no" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The twat."

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A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"

The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

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A man brings home flowers to his wife

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"

His wife replies "For the flowers of course"

He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"

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What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells:

"Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

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A bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

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Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.

Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.

Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.

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I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

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A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells:

"Hands in the air motherfuckers! This is a stick up!" Because he's just dyslexic and can still speak fine

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What are the options?

Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"

Passenger: "What are the options?"

Air Hostess: "Yes and No."

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My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"

My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"

I replied, "my life."

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Why do people in Beijing smoke so many cigarettes?

To get a breath of filtered air.

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The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

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Which of the American forces is the most patriotic?

The Air Force, because its US AF.

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Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.

Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.

Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.

Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?

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What does the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force

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I told my hot coworker how I felt and she felt the same way...

So I turned on the air conditioning

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A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

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A girl came to me today...

...and told me she will have sex with me if I advertise some random liquid detergent. Of course I said no, after all I'm a powerful man with high standards. As powerful as the new Ajax detergent, which offers a unique freshness, activated on air contact.

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My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly

I'm not a fan.

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A man with a gun walks in to a bar...

He unholsters the weapon and waves it in the air, shouting, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"

A voice from the back shouts, "you're gonna need more ammo!"

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Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA?

Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

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I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC...

There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

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I just went to the Air & Space museum.

Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

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A man is jacking off on a plane

There are no other people in his row as the plane is relatively empty. So he's been going at it for a couple of minutes now, but suddenly an air hostess catches him red handed.
"Sir! This is not appropriate behaviour! Please stop this act immediately!"
"No way woman! I'm right about to ejaculate on this plane and you can't stop me!"
Distressed, the hostess walks into the Captain's cabin and says,
"Sir! We have a high jacker, and he's about to shoot!"

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What lies dead on its back one hundred feet in the air?

A centipede.

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I don't get the purpose of an air filter

It just sits there and collects dust.

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I smell maple syrup!

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . .









molasses."

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I was on a plane and the air hostess said, "Want some headphones?"

I said, "Blimey. How'd you guess that my name is Phones?"

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Why does it cost $1.50 now to put air in my tires?

Inflation?

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.

They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.

The Christian draws a circle and says, We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.

The Muslim says, No no no. Whatever lands outside the circle we keep.

The Jew says, How about we throw it in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the ground we keep.

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Three rednecks talking about their wives...

The first redneck says "My wife is so dumb, she bought a toilet, and we don't even got indoor plumbin." The second says "My wife is so dumb, she bought an air conditioner, and we don't got 'lectricity." Third says "That's nothin I was going through my wife's purse the other day, and I found a condom. she don't even got a penis!"

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Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".

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What are the most funny Air jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Air? Well, here are the best Air dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Air pick up lines to share with friends.

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