air Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious air stories

What are the best air puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Air? Well here is a complete list of the top air jokes:

Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why.

He said "inflation"

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{air horn sound}

{second air horn sound}

Me: this isn't deodorant

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I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons.

I think I have telekinieces.

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What does the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force

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I just went to the Air & Space museum.

Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

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I was on a plane and the air hostess said, "Want some headphones?"

I said, "Blimey. How'd you guess that my name is Phones?"

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As airplanes about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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I thought for my whole life that air was free...

...then I bought a bag of chips.

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An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

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Two hookers were on a street corner...

They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."

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moles

Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.

"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."

Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."

Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"

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Two prostitutes are standing at a street corner, talking business.

"tonight's gonna be great," says the first prostitute. "I can just smell the cock in the air."

The second prostitute replies "No, that was me. I burped."

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My daughter came up to me and said

My daughter came up to me and said "daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?" I replied "well that's so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven." "That means mummy nearly died this morning!" She said, I asked "how?"
"well when I looked in her bedroom she was screaming "Jesus I'm coming!" And if it wasn't for the postman holding her down he would have got her."

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Bad News

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

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Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.

So far 374 bodies have been found.

Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

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What do sex and air have in common?

It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any.


Heard on the radio.

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Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.

The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"

Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."

Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."



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Totally unrelated joke

Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"

Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."

Son: "Why is that?"

Dad: "Because it will be easier to take off your shirt in the morgue".

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Two girls walking down the street when...

one sees her husband coming out of a floral shop with a bouquet of flowers. She says "Oh shoot, he's buying me flowers. I'll have to lay on my back for two days with my feet in the air. Her friend says "Would'nt it be easier to just buy a vase?

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"I got fired today", I told my mate, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."


"That's a bit harsh" he replied.

"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control", I said.

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Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning

when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

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Re-post but one of my all time favorites (somewhat altered)

One day a father and his two daughters, Petal and Fridge, were having a picnic. Petal curiously asks her father; "Daddy, why is my name Petal?" to which he replies; "Well honey on the day you were born a petal from a beautiful flower slowly fell through the air and landed right on your forehead. Your mother and I thought the name fit you perfectly." Then Fridge asks; "BRAW WAW AAWWW OOWWW AHH AAWA?"

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Why did the condom go flying through the air?

He was pissed off.

(It took me an embarrassing amount of time to get this one.)

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A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench.

Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!

The blonde gazes up into the air says where?

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Blind Man

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden he starts swinging the dog around in the air by its leash.

One of the store clerks run up to him and yells, "What are you doing!?"

The blind man replies," I'm just taking a look around."

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Three Priest are deciding what to do with the church donations for the week

One priest suggests that they draw a circle, throw all the money in tha air and whatever lands inside the circle they give to God. The second priest suggests that they draw a circle, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle they give to God. The third priest suggests that they simply throw the money into the air, and whatever God wants he takes.

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Limericks eh?

There once was a fellow named Blair
Who was having his girl on the stair
On the 44th stroke
The banister broke
So he finished her off in the air.

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There was once a woman...

One day a woman became pregnant, she took the advice of her mother and aborted it. A few weeks later she became pregnant again! She also did what her mother suggested... A few more weeks later she (once again -_-) got knocked up, tired of taking her mothers advice, she went to the local parish priest and said to him "I keep getting pregnant, there must be something in the air"! To which the priest replied "yes... Your legs"

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I went to the Space and Air Museum in Indiana...

I paid $20 just to see an empty warehouse.

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Airplane Business

Hey man, how's your flight company going?

You know, I think it's really taken off.

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How is a computer like an air conditioner?

They both stop working properly when you open windows.

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Why was the airport depressed?

It had a terminal illness.

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Sex is like...

Sex is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.

Sex is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.

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Why do jews have big noses?

because the air is free

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I was on an airplane..

So we take off and pilot says his spiel about cruising altitudes and things. He forgets to turn his mic off and turns to
his co-pilot and says, "Right now I could use a blow-job and a cup of coffee."

The flight attendant runs to cockpit to tell him his mic is on and I yell, " Don't forget the coffee."

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Did you hear about the magician who could create things out of thin air?

They contacted him to give him a TV show, but once they found out he was a fake, it never materialized.

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A dyslexic robber walks into a bank...

He says, "air in the hands mother-stickers, this is a fuck-up!"

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All the parts of the body were arguing about who was the most important...

The brain said that it was the most important since it did all the thinking. The heart thought it was the most important since it pumped all the blood. The lungs said they were the most important since the gathered the fresh air. Suddenly from the back the asshole spoke up.

"I'm the most important because without me you are all full of shit."

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My friend wanted to ride a hot air balloon...

So we went to the place where they had hot air balloon rides and my Buddy goes up. He finds out in talking with the driver of the balloon that he is a homosexual. The driver says to my buddy "you either have to take it in the ass or jump " I see him the next day and told me the story and I said "so did you jump?" He answered "yeah a little bit"

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What is the difference between a tennis ball and the Prince of Wales?

One is thrown in the air, and the other is heir to the throne.

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Flowers.

A blonde and a brunette are having a conversation at work one day, when a delivery of flowers are dropped off for the brunette.

The brunette sees the flowers and appears unhappy.

"What's wrong?," asks the blonde, "I wish my husband cared enough to send me flowers for no reason!"

The brunette explains, "It means I have to go home and lay on the bed with my legs in the air for him tonight.

The blonde, surprised, asks "Why? Don't you have a vase?"

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Why do Jews have big noses?

Air is free.

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What do you call it when a dj gets a blowjob while he's on the air?

Radiohead.

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Helium Factory

It looks like the negotiations at the helium factory were falling apart....everything was up in the air.

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Why are jewish people's noses so big

Because air is free

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Two hookers are standing on a street corner...

One Says to the other: "I think I'm gonna have a good night tonight."
The other says: "Why?"
She replies: "Because I can smell cock in the air."
The other says: "Sorry, I just burped..."

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A little girl walks in on her mom going down on her dad...

"Mommy? what are you doing?" The girl asks. "Well.. um.. you know your dad's beer belly? I was letting some air out of it so it won't be so big." The little girl laughs. "Awww. Don't bother. The babysitter is just going to blow it right back up again!"

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What do you say when you wake in the middle of the night and see your TV floating in the air?

"Drop it, nigger"

What do you say when you wake in the middle of the night and see your refrigerator floating in the air?

Not a goddamn thing. That's a HUGE nigger.

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What do you call an Indonesian shoe factory that just had air conditioning installed?

A sweatstop.

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A man goes to a church and asks the priest...

..."How do you know how much money you give to God, and how much do you keep for yourself?"

The priest responds, "I draw a circle on the ground and then stand in it. Next, I shout 'Lord, keep the money you want, but send the rest back down!' Finally, I throw the money up in the air."

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An Army officer and an air force officer are peeing at urinals next to each other...

An Army officer and an air force officer are peeing at urinals next to each other. The air force officer finishes first and goes to wash his hands. The Army officer then finishes and goes to walk out. The Air force officer calls out, "Hey! In the Air force they teach us to wash our hands after we pee!" The Army officer stopped, turned round and said "In the Army they teach us not to piss on ourselves."

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best air jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about air. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty air gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these air jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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