Hilarious Fun Air Force Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
Chuck Norris doesn't sweat.
He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck.
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
What does the US military and a f**... have in common?
Air Force
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the b**... to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF b**... and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
my old man had a joke from his days in the Air Force
Background: my dad was a biomed tech and did work for all branches throughout many areas.
One day, he's at a Navy submarine repair station. as him and his buddy are walking in, 2 Navy guys see em and say 'Air Force? what are you guys doing here? where are they going to put the landing s**...?'
the other Navy guys says, 'fuck that, where are they going to put the golf course?'
Air force weatherman
So, my uncle Mark was a weatherman for the air force and one day during a briefing, the Colonel said, "I think we should all thank Mark here for the wonderful weather that we've been having for our b**... runs."
So my uncle says, "I'm in prediction, not production. I think we need to thank the chaplain."
The chaplain, without missing a beat, says, "I'm in sales, not in management."
Old Clinton joke
President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder.
As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, "you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?" ... "No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?" Clinton responds, "well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." ... "Excellent trade sir!!"
I think my photographer friend is secretly in the Air Force.
He keeps asking if he can use a drone to take aerial shots at my wedding.
A military commander found the briefing room a little too stuffy
So he told one of his officers to "Open the windows and let the Air Force come in."
Why did the USSR have such a bad air force?
They kept Stalin.
You can explore air force airways reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean air force recon dad jokes. There are also air force puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?
How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.
What do you call a Mexican fighter pilot?
Air Force Juan.
Today marks the completion of the Mexican presidents official jet...
Air Force Juan
Where does the Iranian Air Force store all its flying craft?
The carpet store
Which of the American forces is the most patriotic?
The Air Force, because its US AF.
The entire Dutch air force was disabled this week.
The pilot was sick.
Nice pigs sir
A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.
The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."
Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."
The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."
Some said Trump would be elected when pigs fly...
Of course the irony now is, they're not only flying, they're being flown by Air Force One.
Why was Obama nervous when eating a T-bone aboard Air Force One?
Because the steaks had never been higher.
After being hit by an airstrike from the Turkish air force, a Syrian leader was quoted as saying...
"As God is my witness, I thought the Turkish couldn't fly..."
It used to take five scotches and a sleeping pill to get me on a plane.
Worked for me, not the Air Force.
A German airman on the air forces during WW2
If you see a white plane, it's American; if it's black it's RAF (Royal Air Force). If you see no planes at all, that's the Luftwaffe.
Why I Joined the Air Force
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...
In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.
In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.
President Clinton shows up to Air Force One
President Clinton shows up to Air Force One with a pig under each arm.
The Marine sergeant, salutes him and shouts: "Nice pigs, sir"
Clinton looks at him and says: "I'll have you know these are genuine Arkansas razorbacks! I got one for Chelsea and one for Hillary. What do you think about that?"
The sergeant salutes again and shouts: "Nice trade, sir."
My buddy in the Air Force got injured in the war...
He fell off his chair.
I met an old Air Force guy.
I met an old Air Force guy. He said the first time he was gonna jump out of a plane he was scared. He said the Captain told him to jump, or he'd stick his d**k where the "sun don't shine". I go, "Did you jump?" He said, "A little."
Why does the north Korean navy have glass bottom boats?
So they can see their air Force.
What do you call it when the Queen farts?
The Royal Air Force.
If trans people are prone to commit s**... and they join the air-force...
If Trump needed an alternate place to land Air Force One
He could always put it on Stephen Miller's fivehead
The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.
The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."
There was a bad accident at the Air Force base.
A jeep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.
Sometimes the same word means different things to different people.
Suppose, for example, the order goes out from HQ to "secure the building."
After a short while, the Marines report back, "We have destroyed the building."
Army reports, "We have killed everyone in the building and are holding the position."
Navy: "We locked the door when we left for the day."
Air Force: "We signed a three-year lease with an option to buy."
I always thought Air Force would make great stand up shows...
Their delivery is the bomb!
What do you call a deer that's enlisted in the Air Force?
A bombar*deer*.
The difference between the services
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
Did you know NBC once considered a diet & fitness show based on people such as Air Force Amy, Mary Magdalene, Heidi Fleiss, Charles Ponzi, Berni Madoff, and Donald Trump?
The pilot was cancelled because they didn't want to weigh the pros and the cons.
What's the most american US military branch?
the Air Force. They're USAF.
Black air force 1 got to work joke
The one day I wear black air force 1 to work I get fired.
What's the most patriotic branch of the United States military?
Air Force.
Because they are United States AF.
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
Dad and Son have a conversation about joining the Navy.
Dad: You wanna join the navy? You can't even swim!
Son: But then in the Air Force no one can fly either.
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
Interviewer: What's the difference between the Taliban and British troops?
Candidate: I don't know
Interviewer: Congratulations! Welcome to the United States Air Force!
If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly c**..., who would survive?
The United States of America.
The Air Force is the most patriotic branch of the military
Cuz they USAF
What's the Presidential ventilator called?
Forced Air One
An electrical current joins the air force
He was too afraid to fly over enemy ohmland because he was worried he'd be grounded.
What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?
If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
On a flight back from Russia, a flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the captain immediately…
Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a s**... deviant!
The captain responds, You must be new here. This is Air Force One.
The Russian Navy has announced that it's commissioning glass-bottom warships
...so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force.
There was going to be a great TV show about the Air Force, but one of the actors was accused of s**... misconduct…
so they cancelled the pilot.
My brother just broke the record by downing 22 Russian jets in Ukraine
He'll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Russian Air Force
Can I buy the building?
The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
Military joke: the enemy is storming the front en masse.
Army general turns to his soldiers, "boys, go get em!"
They all go out running at the enemy and they all die.
Navy Admiral turns to his s**..., "boys, storm those beaches!"
They all rush ashore and every last one of them are killed.
Marine General turn to his men all c**..., "You know what to do. Kill!"
The marines all charge towards the enemy and end up over run and dead.
Air Force General looks at his men, "Fellas, it's time for an attack."
The airmen go into their barracks and wake up the officers to get ready for wheels up in 5.
Did you hear about the US Air Forces accidental missile strike?
They took off on the mission and then couldn't abort!
What do you call a Marine wearing an Air Force uniform?
Artificial intelligence
Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...
When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".
When I was in the air force, I put down over a dozen planes in air
\-You were a fighting pilot?
\-No, I was a mechanic.
Blowing up a Balloon.
My niece had a p**... baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And despite her chronic breathing issues, that little girl was able to blow up a balloon faster than the entire United States Air Force.
