Ain Jokes

What are some Ain jokes?

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.

When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He's explaining Facebook to old people.

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."



I responded, "How about now?"

Why are people complaining,what EA did was great!

I mean, you've got to give them credit.

I asked my mum "How much is a couple?"

"2 or 3" she replied.

Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."

The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign."

Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"

Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?


A: 1 GB



The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, She's beautiful, isn't she? I said, If you think she's beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.

He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.

Don't know why this got removed the first time. I'll try again. When is it OK to have sex with your cousin?

[Twice removed]

I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book...

She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?

I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." 

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

No Nut November was pretty tough

Now I can finally eat nuts again, thank God I had masturbation to keep my mind off of the sweet little bastards.

I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated

Chinese takeout $20.00.. Gas to pick it up $10.00..

Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..

Riceless

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.

What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?

An envelope.

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

An old Ukrainian is cleaning his hunting rifle one day when his grandson runs in

"Grandfather, the radio says that the Russians have gone into space!"

"All of them?" he asks, putting down his rifle.

"No, only one."

He starts cleaning the rifle again.

I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer

Me: "Ok, this isn't working out"

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.

I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.

I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again

A girl walks into a dry cleaner

She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."

How to make Ain jokes?

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Joko Jokes