Aimed Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Aimed puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Aimed

I never understood school shooting jokes

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...

Two aliens are flying near earth

The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

In space, two aliens are talking to each other very closely

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"

I never get any of the school shooting jokes

they must be aimed at a younger audience


I launched a book aimed for 9-12 year olds

And I'm proud to say I hit one of them

A Truck Driver's Duty

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him.

At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything.

He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road."

But the priest said, "Don't worry, son. I got him with my door."

So I told my dad a joke about Sandy Hook the other day. He didn't think it was funny

I guess it's aimed at a younger audience.

Today I launched a book aimed at 9-12 year olds...

And I'm proud to say that I managed to hit one of the little brats!

Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons.

Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?

Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.

A pirate and his crew

A captain and his pirate crew would always go out to battle against groups of ships of 4 or 5.
Before he does, he always says to his crew, Someone, get me my red suit!
He would do this before every battle.

Then one day, one if his crew would say, O' Captain, why do you always wear your red suit to battle?
He would respond with, That way, if I get hurt and bleed, no one would notice it.
His crew, upon hearing this, were quite impressed.
The next day the captain went out to battle and saw 100 ships all aimed at him

Someone get me my brown pants.


What do you call a childrens book aimed at synaesthetes?

Horton hears a hue.

New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'.

Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD.

A man and his friend were playing golf one afternoon when a funeral drove by...

The man was about to swing but stopped and bowed his head and said a prayer, then aimed and let a beautiful swing rip.

His friend said, "Wow man, that was pretty respectful of you to say a prayer for who ever died."

His friend slid his club into his bag and said, "Well, I was married to her for 40 years so I figured I owed her that."

A worried man visits his doctor.

He says, Doc, my girlfriend's pregnant but I always use condom! How's that possible?

The doctor replies, Let me tell you a story. Once there was an aging hunter who one day mistakenly took his umbrella instead of his rifle on safari. Later, a lion was suddenly upon him, and the hunter aimed his umbrella at the lion and shot it dead. Can you believe that?

Nonsense! replies the man. Someone else must have shot the lion.

The doctor smiles and says, Glad you got the point of the story.

Why did the Russian Revolution go so well?

They aimed for the tsars!

The Bear hunter

There was a guy and he was out in the woods hunting. He was walking through the bush and he spotted a bear, so he aimed at the bear - shot - walked over saw no blood no fur no bear! So then he feels a tap on his shoulder he turns around and it is the bear, "Did you just try to shoot me?"

"Well yeah"

"Well seeing as you tried to kill me I'm gonna have to rape you!"

So the bear does his business and leaves! The guy is really mad so he goes to the city, buys an even bigger gun and goes out looking for the bear. He sees it takes the shot - walks over no blood no fur no bear! Then he feels a tap on the shoulder it is the bear again!

"Did you just try and kill me again?"

"Yeah"

"Well now i have to rape you again!"

So the bear did his thing and left! The guy was really mad, went back to the city and found the biggest gun he could! He went back, found the bear took a shot - walked over no blood no fur no bear. The guy then feels a tap on the shoulder!

"You aren't in this for the hunting are you?"

A policeman pulled a man over and as he approached the window he immediately drew his gun and screamed "Where's the little girl!"

The man said, "What little girl?!"

The officer aimed his gun and yelled again, "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!"

The man now in tears, said, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!"

The officer smiled and said, "...There's the little girl."

Why isn't there a lot of advertising aimed at philosophers?

It's a Nietzsche market


A man takes a trip to china

On his first night there, the man orders a prostitute. While in act, the prostitute screams something repeatedly in Chinese that the man does not understand. The next day the man goes to play golf. As the man lines up for a shot, one of the Chinese players he is playing with exclaims the same thing as the prostitute last night. The man turns around and asks,
"Why did you say that?"

The Chinese man responds with, "Sorry, you're just aimed at the wrong hole."

In The Military a janitor wanted to go out to the battlefield...

When the soldiers were getting ready for a battle the janitor told the general that he wanted to fight. The general gave him a broom and said "point this at the enemies and say 'bangity bang bang' and when they get close say 'stabbity stab stab'" "ok" the janitor replied. Once the janitor got out on the battlefield he aimed his broom and said "bangity bang bang" to his surprise the enemy dropped dead. Amazed, the janitor bagan repeating the words "bangity bang bang! Stabbity stab stab!" he repeated this until there was only one person left on the field. no matter how many times he said "bangity bang bang" and "stabbity stab stab" nothing worked. The last man pushed the janitor to the ground and said "tankity tank tank"

I'm launching an app that reads out nihilist quotes.

It's aimed at a Nietzsche market

I don't really understand Sandy Hook jokes...

I guess they're aimed at a younger audience.

I'm going to start an education program aimed at changing kids' reading habits to post-rapture Christian novels. It's called "no, child, 'Left Behind!'"

I said to my boss that I liked his new car

He said if I brought him new projects, aimed to success and worked hard, he'd buy a better one.

I'm opening a charity aimed at calling out false gurus.

It's a non prophet.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes