The Best 61 Aim Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Aim jokes. There are some aim target jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these aim sniper puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Aim Jokes and Puns

Soviet Curfew

A man in Moscow is walking home after his day at work and he walks past a security checkpoint. One of the guards calls to him and tells him to stop, but he takes off running. The guard raises his rifle, takes aim, and shoots him dead in the street. The other guard stares at him.

What did you do that for? he asks.

Curfew violation, the other guard says.

Curfew violation? Curfew isn't for another half hour!

I know. That's my friend. I know where he lives. He never would have made it.

My ex wife still misses me

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER

I want to make a school shooting joke, but that might seem offensive.

I think I should aim for a younger crowd.

If you miss your ex

Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again

Why do hunters close one eye when they aim?

Because they can't see if they close both.


What's the aim of a Jewish football match?

Getting the quarterback.

My ex-wife still misses me.

But her aim is steadily improving.

A redhead, an brunette, and a blonde are about to be executed by a firing squad.

The redhead is first, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the redhead screams "tornado!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.

The brunette is next, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the brunette screams "earthquake!" so everyone runs away and she escapes.

The blonde is last, so they push her against the wall. The captain says "ready, aim..." and the blonde screams "fire!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines...

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.

The general orders his squad, "Ready. Aim."

The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, "TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!"

The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her bondage and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.

The general orders again, "Ready. Aim."

The redhead spy then shouts, "EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!"

The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her bondage and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.

The general orders once more, "Ready. Aim."

The blonde spy ready to run yells, "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

Be careful of your aim

A woman was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will come out.

So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.

The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"

On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" So she goes, "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

By all means shoot for the stars

Just aim for their bodyguards first

You can explore aim attempt reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aim intend dad jokes. There are also aim puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


There is a sign at the bar that says no glasses in the bathroom

That's really going to mess up my aim...

Two statisticians are out hunting...

Two statisticians are out hunting when one of them sees a duck. The first takes aim and shoots, but the bullet goes sailing pass 6in too high. The second statistician also takes aim and shoots, but this time the bullet goes sailing past 6in too low. The two statisticians then give one another high fives and exclaim "Got him!"

An old lady gets into a taxi

An old lady gets into a taxi (they're usually mostly Mercs here in Germany) and asks, what that star is for. The taxi driver jokingly replies

"That's a crosshair. I need it to aim for pedestrians."

A few minutes into the drive, a pedestrian ran onto the street and the taxi driver barely managed to evade him when he suddenly hears a clunk from the back. When he turns his head he sees the old lady grinning

"If I hadn't opened my door, we wouldn't have got him!"

Why do snipers always close one eye when they aim?

Because they can't aim if they close two.

Three statisticians go out hunting together...

After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"

My brother didnt like the school shooting jokes I was making

I think I should aim for a younger audience.

The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.

One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!

There was three pilots...

Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "Bombing run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".


How do you kill a circus?

Aim for the juggler.

I miss my ex-girlfriend all the time.

I really need to work on my aim.

What do you call a greek goddess with no aim?

Artemiss

3 girls were being exucuted....

...The first girl was getting ready to be shot. The guard yelled,"Ready aim-"The girl yelled," Tornado! Tornado!!" The guard turned around she escaped. The second girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,"Ready aim-" She yelled,"Huirricane!! Hurricane!!" The guard turned around she was gone. The 3rd girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,"Ready aim-" The girl yelled,"Fire!!Fire!"...

For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday...

...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.

Officer at the shooting range: Get ready, aim, fire at will.

Soldier: Which one is Will?

I always said "Aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."

But apparently that's not a valid excuse and I can't work for NASA anymore.

Can a ninja aim precisely?

surehecan

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do it!". He fires and misses 3 feet to the right. The math teacher jumps up and Screams, "we got him!".

Coach always used to say "Aim for the skies, boy".

He doesn't say that anymore after I blinded myself at archery practice.

Why are Blackjack players like paedophiles?

They aim for 21 but hit on anything below 12

Mother: I am ashamed of you. Fighting with your friend is a terrible thing to do.

Son: He threw a rock at me. So I threw one at him.

Mother: When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to see me.

Son: What good would that have done? I know that my aim is much better than yours.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

That, however, depends on how good your aim is

An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The Irishman is next the Germans line him up and go ready, aim…. The Irishman confidently yells out Fire fire ….....

Apologies to any Irish offended. And Germans too.

Bathroom Poetry

This little throne I call my own

I aim to keep it neat

So drain your soul, pee down the hole

And not upon the seat

My wife asked me: "How do you pee and aim so well with an erection?"

I said: "It's hard."

I miss my wife sometimes

But my aim is getting better

I've built a spice catapult that is capable of seasoning a steak from a distance of 100 yards.

It's a little hard to aim but there's no sense crying over every missed steak.

Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...

Staring at the moon, one of 'em says, "Give me your flashlight, I'll turn it on, aim it at the moon and then you go climb up to the moon using the beam."

"No! You idiot! What if you turn it off when I'm midway!"

(English, not my native language, apologies.)

My ex wife still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!!

...

HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!!

What do pornstars and gamers have in common?

They both aim for the head

My aim is to make everyone laugh before I die...

Because I already know everyone will laugh at my funeral.

"I got her!''

A drunk old man gets into a taxi Mercedes E Class. After a short time, he asks, "Why do Mercedes cars have that on their bonnet?"

The driver jokingly replies, "It is there so I could aim pedestrians."

He accelerates sharply, narrowly missing out an old lady which was passing the street. After that, he heard a massive thump.

"What the bloody hell was that??" the driver asked

The drunk man replies, "You missed her, I got her with my door".

Trump is leaving a rally and heading to his limo

When suddenly a would be assassin jumps from the shadows and takes aim. A secret service agent, brand new on the job, shouts Micky Mouse! This startles the assassin and he is captured in the confusion. Later the agents supervisor takes him aside, congratulates him and says but what in the hell made you shout 'Micky Mouse?!' Visibly embarrassed the Agent replies I got nervous, I meant to shout 'Donald, Duck'

TIL: On an average week in Chicago, there are around a hundred shootings and five to ten people are killed.

Those people need to take lessons or something. Their aim must be awful.

I sometimes miss people I love quite a bit...

But my aim is getting better.

You never know when half of your life will pass

So I aim to have a midlife crisis everyday

I'm having the same problem when I'm playing FPS and when I'm peeing

I shot before I aim.

President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry

He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating

"I would like to make raisins Grape again"

I'm starting a Shakespearean delivery company.

We aim to deliver your parcel tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

You just have to aim for the head.

"Have you heard about the new rule in boxing?"

... James asked his friend Jake. Jake hadn't.
- Basically, to reduce the number of blows under the belt that boxers deliver and receive, their outfits will feature a line just above the waist that they must aim for with every hit.
- What? That's ridiculous! Is there something written on it?
- Of course! __This is the punchline__."

I always miss the people I break up with.

I should really improve my aim.

What do you call a hero that doesn't aim for the head and requires a rematch?

A Thor loser.

Aim for the stars

and even if you miss, you might hit some of their fans

I used to go to bars to pick up girls in the 90s...

...then I thought I should aim closer to my age

What do you do when you miss your mother in law?

Reload

Aim

Shoot again!

I climbed on a tree with a suitcase.

My aim is to become a branch manager.

A Mexican walks into a bar...

A Mexican walks into a bar and says, 'I need tequila'. The barman says, 'how many shots will you need?' The Mexican says, 'One will do, i have good aim.

I said to my wife: You should aim to please

She replied: You should aim too, please.

I remember when a YouTuber's main aim was to entertain

Now they're all diss-track-ted

NSFW You lick it, aim it, and put it in. Yet I fail miserably every time.

Sewing is very hard sometimes.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aim aimed jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working aim intention piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes