Following is our collection of fuck humor and herpes one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Aids Or Alzheimers puns for adults, dirty sec jokes or clean elderly gags for kids.
There is an abundance of put jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 13 funniest jokes on aids or alzheimers. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any distraught witze you can hear about aids or alzheimers.
A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."
Doctor: "You have AIDS."
Patient: "What's the good news?"
Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
Thank goodness I don't have AIDS
"Mrs. Smith, this the your family doctor's office. When we sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Smith arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Smith asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Smith.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"
The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."
Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."
"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"
Doc replies, "You've got Alzheimer's."
"Hey, you know at least I don't have AIDS."
Mrs. Smith had just gotten home from visiting her husband in the hospital. He had fallen ill and the doctors weren't sure what was wrong with him so they wanted to keep him at the hospital for observation. Mrs. Smith had just walked in the front door and was setting her purse down when the phone rang.
"Hello?" said Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, Mrs. Smith, this is Mary calling from the hospital. I'm afraid I've got some bad news and some worse news about your husband."
"Oh dear," said Mrs. Smith, "I guess I'll take the bad news first."
"Well," said the nurse, "The bad news is that we got the test results back for your husband but there's been a bit of a mix-up. It seems that there's another patient at the hospital with the same name as your husband, Bob, and we're not sure which test result belong to which patient. One of the tests came back positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other test came back positive for AIDS."
"Oh my goodness," said Mrs. Smith, "Well that's horrible. What news could be worse than that?"
"The worse news is that we can't find your husband. He left his room and we're not sure where he went," said the nurse.
"Oh my god!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, "What do you suggest we do?"
"Well," replied the nurse, "if your husband finds his way home, don't have sex with him."
And he asked the doc, "So how'd the tests go?" The doctor says with a solemn look, "Not well. I'm afraid have bad news, and I have worse news. Which would you like first?" After pausing for a moment the patient says "Just give me the worst news first." The doctor obliges and tells him, "Well there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. You have AIDS." The patient is stunned and replies, "Wow.. I... Wow that's terrible. And you have even more bad news for me?" The doctor says "Unfortunately yes. The test results showed that you have Alzheimer's disease." The patient looks relieved and replies, "Well that's not that bad. At least I don't have AIDS!"
John Smith's wife, Jane, was very ill, so John brought her to the hospital, where he left her overnight. He returned the next day to pick her up, and the Doctor approached him. "Good morning, Doctor. How is Jane?" The Doctor responded, "Sir, we had a little mixup last night. There were two women that checked in last night named Jane Smith. One was diagnosed with AIDS and the other with Alzheimer's. We are so sorry. We don't know which disease your wife has." John is distraught. "What should I do Doctor?" The doctor looked very grave as he said, "John, leave your wife very far from home, and if she finds her way back, don't sleep with her."
Phone rings.
— Hello? Is this Miss Smedley?
— Yes? Who is this?
— This is the hospital. The lab results are in for your husband. But there is a problem.
— Oh?
— There was a mix-up in the lab, and we're not sure whether your husband has AIDS or alzheimer's.
— But that's terrible? What should we do?
— Send him on a walk, and if he comes back, do not have sex with him.
But hey, at least I don't have AIDS.
A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says :"I've got bad news for you. You got AIDS and you got Alzheimer."
The man says :"Alzheimer,huh... well at least not AIDS"
John Smith's wife Jane was feeling very ill, so he took her to the hospital, where he had to leave her overnight. The next day, when he came to pick her up, the Doctor came to him and said, "Is your wife Jane Smith?"
John says, "Yes, doctor, what is the matter?"
The Doctor says, "Well, it seems that we had two 'Jane Smiths' check in last night. One of them had Alzheimer's, and the other had AIDS. We must have mixed them up, and we are not sure which is your wife."
John is distraught. "That's awful, Doc. What should I do?"
The Doctor responds in a grave tone, "Take the woman we give you very far away, and if she finds her way back home, don't sleep with her."
The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.