Aids Jokes

This article explores the many different types of "Aids jokes", from jokes about hearing aids, HIV/AIDS, and Cat AIDS, to more serious jokes about STD's like syphilis, malaria, and chlamydia. Learn why 'Aids jokes' are so popular in different cultures and discover some of the funniest examples.

Gather Around for Heartwarming Aids Jokes and Uplifting Humor

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

I thought I would go and help out in Africa

...turns out they have enough aids.

If you're African you will get this: (WARNING: racist)


Did you hear that David Copperfield has aids now?

Yea, he was doing Magic.

jokes about aids

My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party.

I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

What is the biggest danger to an ear f*cker?

Hearing AIDS.

Have you heard the one about the baby with AIDS?

It never gets old.

Aids joke, Have you heard the one about the baby with AIDS?

Did you hear about the sexually promiscuous deaf person?

Turns out he got hearing aids.

Aids or Alzheimer's

A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."

"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."

I used to have phone sex

now I have hearing aids

A Freddie Mercury Joke

If you had sex with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?

You can explore aids chlamydia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aids aids or alzheimers dad jokes. There are also aids puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

"What do we want?"


"When do we want them?"


Three men with hearing aids are walking down the street

One of them says,
"Brr, it's windy today, ain't it?"
The second man responds,
"No, it's Thursday you idiot."
The last one says,
"Me too, let's go get a drink."

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS.

I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted?

Deaf row

How did the tugboat get AIDS?

It was rear-ended by a ferry.

Aids joke, How did the tugboat get AIDS?

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

I had unprotected phone sex once...

Now I have hearing aids.

I had phone sex once...

It gave me hearing AIDS

I tried phone sex today

I ended up with hearing aids

Don't have phone sex....

You could get hearing aids.

How do you cure aids?

You put it into world leaders.

Note - This is an old joke I've heard when I was a kid, but seeing how Jimmy Carter was cured by a drug that was just released recently, it feels like a sad reality.

HAGS disease

"I am afraid you have HAGS disease," the doctor explained, "That is Herpes, Aids, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis, so we are immediately putting you on a pizza and pancake diet."

"Those foods will cure me?" he is asked.

"No," says the doctor, "But those foods we can slide under the door to the room we are locking you up in!"

Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!"

Doctor: "You have AIDS."

Patient: "What's the good news?"

Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."

Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."

Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa are sitting at church on Easter Sunday, and Grandma leans over and whispers, "I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?"

Grandpa leans back and replies, "You should get new batteries for your hearing aids!"

a husband is about to die...

he goes out with his friends to give them the bad news. he tells them he has an announcement to make

-" i wanted to thank you guys for being there for me, i want to inform you that i have AIDS and i will die in a week. "

everyone was devastated cried and left with their heart a little broken.

when the man arrived home, he told his wife everything. after finishing she screamed:

-"AIDS! why did you tell them you have AIDS? you have cancer, not aids!"

the man turns to his wife and says.

-"im going to die, but im going to make sure no one goes to bed with you too".

Aids joke, a husband is about to die...

Why is having phone sex such a bad idea?

There's a good chance you'll get hearing AIDS

What do successful businessmen and aids patients have in common

They both take risks and get positive results

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

I have AIDS and Alzheimer's

Thank goodness I don't have AIDS

Get AIDS from a toilet seat

A patient says, Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?

The doctor replies, Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up.

How was the first ever HIV patient treated.

With a first aids kit.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

So she wouldn't get hearing aids.

Went to the doctor today and my many years of phone sex has finally caught up with me.

I have hearing AIDS now.

An elderly couple are sitting in a church

The man lets out a silent fart while the priest is talking.

He then says to his wife "I've let out a silent fart, everyone here will smell it. What do I do?"

His wife then says to him, "You get your hearing aids fixed"

My ex just called me, sobbing on the phone to tell me she has AIDS and I should get checked.

The hardest part is acting surprised.

What's the best thing about AIDS?

You're always positive

A man is dying of cancer...

But he tells everyone he's dying of aids

His son asks him why.

He replies "So no one will have sex with my wife when I'm gone"

An old couple is sitting in church

The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do."

"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."

What should you do if your Wife tells you that she has AIDS?

Act surprised.

What's the hardest part about hearing your sister has AIDS?

Acting surprised

All those years of phone sex has caught up with me...

I now have hearing aids

You have to be careful if you're going to have phone sex.

You might get hearing aids.

What do you get from having too much phone sex?

hearing AIDS

John: Doctor I heard you can get AIDS in the public toilets. Is this true?

Doctor: I mean... yeah, but it's uncomfortable.

Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I've done a silent fart what should I do?

Husband says 'change the batteries in your hearing aids

Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases

One kid wrote:

2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.

I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic.

Everybody is so positive.

A mother finds out she has cancer

A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.

"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.

The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.

At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."

Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.

"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"

Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."

My doctor said he could give me some aids for my erectile dysfunction.

I told him that didn't sound like a good trade.

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

I tried phone sex once

Ended up getting hearing aids

I was pretty sure my girlfriend didn't have AIDS...

but now I'm positive.

What's the difference between having AIDS and having kids?

Everyone considers you a hero if you beat AIDS.

How did Aids originally jump from chimpanzees to humans?

Tarzan was not a virgin when he met jane

Most people get AIDS from sex

Bill Clinton got sex from aides

Life expectancy of AIDS patients can be 30-40 years.

No wonder all the africans want to get it, it could triple the length of their lives.

What do you call a sugar daddy with HIV?

Financial AIDS

No matter what they tell you, ear sex simply isn't a good idea

That's how you end up with hearing aids

A group of deaf people get together to protest

The group begins chanting

What do we want?

Hearing aids!

When do we want them?

Hearing aids!

Classic church joke

An old couple was sitting in church when the wife says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?" Her husband responded, "Change the batteries in your hearing aids."

Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids

Nike has come out with a bra that aids virgin boys.

Just Undo It.

I was shocked when the doctor said i had HIV in my ears.

Turns out i just need hearing aids.

People think listening to a really great song and having an eargasm is great

Thats until you get hearing aids

I slept with a bank manager

and got financial aids

I used to be a phone sex operator,

But I got hearing aids.

Guy goes in for a checkup...

... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"

The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."

Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."

"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"

Doc replies, "You've got Alzheimer's."

"Hey, you know at least I don't have AIDS."

What Africa Really needs

If only Africa had more mosquito nets

Then every year we could save millions

Of mosquitos from dying needless from aids

\- Jimmy Carr

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

I had phone sex last night.

Now I have hearing aids.

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Unless it's aids

I guess all that phone sex has caught up to me in my old age,

I now have Hearing AIDS

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru

An attractive young woman goes to a mystic guru and says: Oh great guru, please cure me of my ailment guruji! As the woman was attractive, the mystic guru said I will cure you my child, but as token of you gratitude, you must go to bed with me.

She agreed, and the guru had the best sex of his life with the woman.

Then the guru asked Tell me, my child. what is your ailment? . I have AIDS replied the woman.

Two old ladies were attending a church service

And about half way through one says:

"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:

"Put some new batteries in your bloody hearing aids!"

All my years of phone sex finally caught up with me

I have hearing aids

A group of hard of hearing people are protesting

"What do we want?"

"Hearing aids!"

"When do we want it?"

"Hearing aids!"

Did you hear about the new Black Barbie?

It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.

I got some cum in my ear the other night........

ended up with hearing aids

My new hearing aids are so good, they're restored my hearing fully

- That's awesome, how long have you had them?
- About 200$

I had too much phone sex

Now I have hearing AIDS

I sent my hearing aids in for repairs three weeks ago

I haven't heard anything since

A couple escaped from their elderly home to have some beer

Just after the waitress took their order, the man whispered his wife.

"My dear, you know what, I have been naughty, I did a series of silent farts when the waitress was taking our order."

Wife: "Darling, we should not go back to our elderly home after the beer."

"Why? Where are we going?"

Wife: "To the audiologist, to get you a new pair of hearing aids"

An elderly gentleman with severe hearing problems goes to the doctor and gets fitted with hearing aids.

After a month, he goes back for a checkup. Β The doctor asks him how things are going now
that he can hear everything, and wonders if his friends and family have said anything.

The gentleman replied, "I haven't told anyone yet. Β I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times already!"

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "I have AIDS."

Why does it take so long! I sent my hearing aids in to get them fixed...

It's been 4 weeks now, and I haven't heard from them

When a cougar needs hearing aids, what is she now called?

A deaf leopard.

My friend sells hearing aids over the phone (he really does) my favorite joke is:

"Hello, can you hear me?"




Was speaking to the person who is fixing my hearing aids

Heard nothing since then

Hearing aid

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.

A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.

The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the aids hiv aids puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working aids hearing aids piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes