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Aids Jokes

154 aids jokes and hilarious aids puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aids that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the many different types of "Aids jokes", from jokes about hearing aids, HIV/AIDS, and Cat AIDS, to more serious jokes about STD's like syphilis, malaria, and chlamydia. Learn why 'Aids jokes' are so popular in different cultures and discover some of the funniest examples.

Funniest Aids Short Jokes

Short aids jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aids humour may include short aides jokes also.

  1. An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
  2. Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet. Your parents in 2017: Freedom eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
  3. What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
  4. My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure. So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
  5. British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
  6. My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party. I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.
  7. There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
  8. Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!" Doctor: "You have AIDS."
    Patient: "What's the good news?"
    Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
    Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
  9. What's the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump? Trump would've charged for the kool-aid.
  10. My dad bought himself a new hearing aid. "It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."
    "Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"
    "Two-thirty."

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Aids One Liners

Which aids one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aids? I can suggest the ones about helps and syphilis.

  1. What kind of STD's do fish get? Merm-aids
  2. What STD do sailors get the most? Merm-aids
    (Inspired by a Family Guy joke)
  3. What's the hardest part about hearing your sister has AIDS? acting surprised
  4. I thought I would go and help out in Africa ...turns out they have enough aids.
  5. I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic. Everybody is so positive.
  6. "What do we want?" "HEARING AIDS!"
    "When do we want them?"
    "HEARING AIDS!"
  7. I just found out the kool-aid man plays on a baseball team. He's the pitcher.
  8. Which STD is transmitted through sound? Hearing aids
  9. I have AIDS and Alzheimer's Thank goodness I don't have AIDS
  10. What do you give a sick lemon? lemon-Aid
  11. Have you heard the one about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.
  12. If you're African you will get this: (WARNING: racist) AIDS
  13. I sent my hearing aids in for repairs three weeks ago I haven't heard anything since
  14. What do you call first aid on a pirate ship? Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!
  15. I was pretty sure my girlfriend didn't have AIDS... but now I'm positive.

Hearing Aids Jokes

Here is a list of funny hearing aids jokes and even better hearing aids puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A group of deaf people get together to protest The group begins chanting
    What do we want?
    Hearing aids!
    When do we want them?
    Hearing aids!
  • My grandma got a new hearing aid. It was $5, she said.
    What kind is it? I asked.
    Ten-o-clock.
  • my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid "it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.
    my dad: "what kind is it?"
    my grandma: "it's 4:15pm"
  • The hearing-aid A man is dining in a restaurant and speaks to a waiter.
    Man: Excuse me sir, I found a hearing-aid on my plate.
    Waiter: What?
  • Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? So she wouldn't get hearing aids.
  • A group of hard of hearing people are protesting "What do we want?"
    "Hearing aids!"
    "When do we want it?"
    "Hearing aids!"
  • Did you hear about the new Black Barbie? It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
  • A week ago I sent my hearing aid to be repaired... I haven't heard anything since.
  • People think listening to a really great song and having an eargasm is great Thats until you get hearing aids
  • Did you hear that David Copperfield has aids now? Yea, he was doing Magic.

Hiv Aids Jokes

Here is a list of funny hiv aids jokes and even better hiv aids puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two friends were discussing about AIDS and suddenly They decide to Hi-V each other
  • How do you call a handshake between two AIDS-Sick people? Hi-V
  • What do you call a sugar daddy with h**...? Financial AIDS
  • Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases One kid wrote:
    1. h**..., AIDS
    2. Cancer
    3. /
    The teacher asked what's '/' ?
    Student replied it's a s**....
  • How was the first ever h**... patient treated. With a first aids kit.
  • What do you call the patient zero for h**... First aids
  • I was shocked when the doctor said i had h**... in my ears. Turns out i just need hearing aids.
  • TIL h**... can cause hearing loss. I guess the patients must have hearing aids.
  • What do you call Jews with h**...? Financial AIDS.
  • What did the h**... infested group of singers give to the groupie? Band Aids
Aids joke, What did the h**... infested group of singers give to the groupie?

Aids Or Alzheimers Jokes

Here is a list of funny aids or alzheimers jokes and even better aids or alzheimers puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The doctor told me I have AIDS and Alzheimer's... But hey, at least I don't have AIDS.
  • A man goes to the doctor A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says :"I've got bad news for you. You got AIDS and you got Alzheimer."
    The man says :"Alzheimer,huh... well at least not AIDS"
  • What did the Ethiopian with Alzheimer's ask the foreign aid worker? What time do we eat?

Cat Aids Jokes

Here is a list of funny cat aids jokes and even better cat aids puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the cat want to become a nurse? He wanted to be a first aid kit.
  • Why did the cat join the Red Cross ? It wanted to be a first aid kit.
Aids joke, Why did the cat join the Red Cross ?

Gather Around for Heartwarming Aids Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about aids you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean diabetes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aids pranks.

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

What is the biggest danger to an ear f*cker?

Hearing AIDS.

Did you hear about the s**... promiscuous deaf person?

Turns out he got hearing aids.

Aids or Alzheimer's

A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."
"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have s**... with her."

I used to have phone s**...

now I have hearing aids

A Freddie Mercury Joke

If you had s**... with Freddie Mercury and got AIDS, would that be considered Mercury poisoning?

My ex-girlfriend called me to let me know she had AIDS...

I didn't know how to console her and make her feel better, so I just said, "I know."

The Greatest Old Guy Joke of all Time

There was an old guy who took suppositories as a medication. One time he went to a resaurant with his wife, she said,"What is a suppository doing in your ear." The old man says,"Oh! now I know where my hearing aids are!"

Three men with hearing aids are walking down the street

One of them says,
"Brr, it's windy today, ain't it?"
The second man responds,
"No, it's Thursday you idiot."
The last one says,
"Me too, let's go get a drink."

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS.

I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back "I know."

What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted?

Deaf row

My ex is so s**......

that if she had s**... with a guy with Ebola, he would die of AIDS first.

How did the tugboat get AIDS?

It was rear-ended by a ferry.

So a lepper hires a p**......

... And theyre going at it, having a good time. He finishes, and she turns to him and says:
"I've something to admit. I have AIDS."
He responds: "Oh, no biggie, it stayed inside you anyways."

What do you get if you share your Earbuds with all your friends?

Hearing AIDS.

I had unprotected phone s**... once...

Now I have hearing aids.

I had phone s**... once...

It gave me hearing AIDS

I tried phone s**... today

I ended up with hearing aids

Don't have phone s**.......

You could get hearing aids.

How do you cure aids?

You put it into world leaders.
Note - This is an old joke I've heard when I was a kid, but seeing how Jimmy Carter was cured by a drug that was just released recently, it feels like a sad reality.

HAGS disease

"I am afraid you have HAGS disease," the doctor explained, "That is h**..., Aids, Gonorrhea, and s**..., so we are immediately putting you on a pizza and pancake diet."
"Those foods will cure me?" he is asked.
"No," says the doctor, "But those foods we can slide under the door to the room we are locking you up in!"

Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa are sitting at church on Easter Sunday, and Grandma leans over and whispers, "I just let out a silent f**..., what should I do?"
Grandpa leans back and replies, "You should get new batteries for your hearing aids!"

a husband is about to die...

he goes out with his friends to give them the bad news. he tells them he has an announcement to make
-" i wanted to thank you guys for being there for me, i want to inform you that i have AIDS and i will die in a week. "
everyone was devastated cried and left with their heart a little broken.
when the man arrived home, he told his wife everything. after finishing she screamed:
-"AIDS! why did you tell them you have AIDS? you have cancer, not aids!"
the man turns to his wife and says.
-"im going to die, but im going to make sure no one goes to bed with you too".

Why is having phone s**... such a bad idea?

There's a good chance you'll get hearing AIDS

What do successful businessmen and aids patients have in common

They both take risks and get positive results

What turns a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...

Now it has visual aids.

What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear?

Hearing AIDS

Get AIDS from a toilet seat

A patient says, Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?
The doctor replies, Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up.

Went to the doctor today and my many years of phone s**... has finally caught up with me.

I have hearing AIDS now.

An elderly couple are sitting in a church

The man lets out a silent f**... while the priest is talking.
He then says to his wife "I've let out a silent f**..., everyone here will smell it. What do I do?"
His wife then says to him, "You get your hearing aids fixed"

My ex just called me, sobbing on the phone to tell me she has AIDS and I should get checked.

The hardest part is acting surprised.

What's the best thing about AIDS?

You're always positive

A man is dying of cancer...

But he tells everyone he's dying of aids
His son asks him why.
He replies "So no one will have s**... with my wife when I'm gone"

What is the difference between Courtney Love and a porcupine?

A porcupines needle won't give you AIDS

An old couple is sitting in church

The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do."
"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."

What's the difference between a playing card and Africa?

One is the ace of s**..., the other is the space of aids.

What should you do if your Wife tells you that she has AIDS?

Act surprised.

All those years of phone s**... has caught up with me...

I now have hearing aids

You have to be careful if you're going to have phone s**....

You might get hearing aids.

What do you get from having too much phone s**...?

hearing AIDS

John: Doctor I heard you can get AIDS in the public toilets. Is this true?

Doctor: I mean... yeah, but it's uncomfortable.

Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I've done a silent f**... what should I do?

Husband says 'change the batteries in your hearing aids

What has aids and flies?

Africa.

A mother finds out she has cancer

A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.
"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.
The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.
At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."
Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.
"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"
Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."

My doctor said he could give me some aids for my erectile dysfunction.

I told him that didn't sound like a good trade.

I tried phone s**... once

Ended up getting hearing aids

What's the difference between having AIDS and having kids?

Everyone considers you a hero if you beat AIDS.

How did Aids originally jump from chimpanzees to humans?

Tarzan was not a v**... when he met jane

Most people get AIDS from s**...

Bill Clinton got s**... from aides

Life expectancy of AIDS patients can be 30-40 years.

No wonder all the africans want to get it, it could triple the length of their lives.

No matter what they tell you, ear s**... simply isn't a good idea

That's how you end up with hearing aids

Classic church joke

An old couple was sitting in church when the wife says, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?" Her husband responded, "Change the batteries in your hearing aids."

Nike has come out with a bra that aids v**... boys.

Just Undo It.

What's the result of unprotected ear s**...?

Hearing AIDS.

What's the only type of STD you can get from phone s**...?

Hearing AIDS

I told my doctor I have hearing aids...

... but he insists it's just an ear infection...

I slept with a bank manager

and got financial aids

When life gives you AIDS

Make them into lemonAIDS

I've decided to start a buisness selling hearing aids to pirates

I'm going to charge a buccaneer

Aids joke, I've decided to start a buisness selling hearing aids to pirates

jokes about aids