aids Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious aids puns

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"


Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.


A man gets a phone call from his wife's doctor

Doctor: sir, we've narrowed your wife's illness down to two things. She either has Alzheimer's or AIDS.

Man: Well how are we supposed to know which?

Doctor: Take her for a drive, drop her off 30 minutes from your house and if she comes home don't fuck her.


Your parents in 1996: "Don't trust ANYBODY on the internet!"

Your parents today: "Freedom Eagle dot facebook says Hillary invented AIDS."


What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.


All those years of phone sex has caught up with me...

I now have hearing aids


An old couple is sitting in church

The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do."

"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."


My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party.

I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.


I tried phone sex today

I ended up with hearing aids


A guy picks up a beautiful blonde girl and takes her back to his place...

They have wild passionate sex and lay there panting when it's all over. All of a sudden, she sits up all scared.

"Wait! We should have used a condom! You don't have AIDS, do you!?"

The guy says, "No. I'm clean."

"Whew," the blonde girl says. "Good thing. I sure wouldn't want to catch that shit twice!"


Elderly man goes to the doctor to collect his wife's reports...

Doctor: Unfortunately we have mixed up her reports with someone else. so she either has AIDS or alzheimer's.

Distraught old man: oh my god doctor! what should i do??

Doctor: (*thinks for a sec*) drop her to the edge of the city and if she makes it back don't fuck her


A guy and a girl go out on a date...

It's going so well, SHE invites him back to her place. They do the horizontal mambo late into the night. Around sunrise, she leaps up in a panic.

"What!? what!?" says the man.

"I forgot to ask you, you don't have AIDS, do you!?" she asks.


"Whew! I don't wanna get that shit again."


Aids or Alzheimer's

A man takes his wife to the doctor. The doctor says "Well, its either aids or alzheimers."

"What do you mean?" the guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Well, the two look a lot alike in the early stages." said the doctor, "Tell you what, drive her way out into the country. Once your there kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."


There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.


Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!"

Doctor: "You have AIDS."

Patient: "What's the good news?"

Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."

Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."


What's the hardest part about hearing your sister has AIDS?

Acting surprised


I thought I would go and help out in Africa

...turns out they have enough aids.


What do you call a sugar daddy with HIV?

Financial AIDS


A group of deaf people get together to protest

The group begins chanting

What do we want?

Hearing aids!

When do we want them?

Hearing aids!


I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic.

Everybody is so positive.


A man is dying of cancer...

But he tells everyone he's dying of aids

His son asks him why.

He replies "So no one will have sex with my wife when I'm gone"


I had unprotected phone sex once...

Now I have hearing aids.


Doctor's office has a fire and loses all their records...

"I'm sorry Mr. Johnson but the results of your wife's test came back positive, but I can't remember if it was AIDS or Alzheimer's" said the doctor.

"Well that's not very helpful. What the hell am I to do?"

The doctor thinks for a bit and says "I have an idea. Take her out to the woods and leave her; if she finds her way back home, don't fuck her".


"What do we want?"


"When do we want them?"



An elderly couple are sitting in a church

The man lets out a silent fart while the priest is talking.

He then says to his wife "I've let out a silent fart, everyone here will smell it. What do I do?"

His wife then says to him, "You get your hearing aids fixed"


Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids


Things not to say after sex:

– You are better than your sister.

– When do I put the condom on?

– There's money on the counter.

– Alright who's gonna help me rebury this?

– Do you have aids ? I don't want to get it again.

– Yeah, definitely gay.

– It was better when you were sleeping.

– Please like and subscribe.

– Well that ejaculated quickly.

– New record, 17 seconds!

– I was born as male.

– Did your mom teach you that? You guys fuck so similar.


What do you get from having too much phone sex?

hearing AIDS


Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases

One kid wrote:

2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.


Went to the doctor today and my many years of phone sex has finally caught up with me.

I have hearing AIDS now.


I have AIDS and Alzheimer's

Thank goodness I don't have AIDS


Most people get AIDS from sex

Bill Clinton got sex from aides


How was the first ever HIV patient treated.

With a first aids kit.


Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I've done a silent fart what should I do?

Husband says 'change the batteries in your hearing aids


You have to be careful if you're going to have phone sex.

You might get hearing aids.


What are the most funny Aids jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Aids? Well, here are the best Aids dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Aids pick up lines to share with friends.

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