Aide Jokes

Following is our collection of solemnly humor and rumsfeld one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Aide puns for adults, dirty assist jokes or clean aid gags for kids.

There is an abundance of adviser jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 25 funniest jokes on aide. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any aids or alzheimers witze you can hear about aide.

The Best jokes about Aide

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

That's a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.

Then he composes himself and says:

Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

A presidential aide says to Trump; "Sir, I had a dream about your parade yesterday night."

"Was it yuge?" Trump asked, visibly interested.

"Oh, yes," said the aide, "there were millions of cheering people turning out to celebrate all along the streets."

"Was it tremendous? Trump asked, visibly excited.

"Oh, yes," the aid replied; "You were in a huge carriage, flanked by all the members of your family and cabinet."

Trembling with excitement and rubbing his hands together, Trump questions the aide: "And tell me, was I looking hot?"

The aide replies: "I didn't know, sir. The casket was closed."

Pope John Paul II...

...was on a tour of the United States some years ago. During a stop in Atlanta, an admirer presented him with a beautiful handmade ring. But somehow, in the hectic confusion of the tour, the ring was misplaced.

"Don't worry, Your Holiness," said the pope's aide. "I'm sure it will turn up before we leave the States."

The tour was so busy that the lost ring slipped everyone's mind. The pope and his entourage were on the jet, preparing for the trip back to Vatican City. Just then a Beatles song came on the loudspeaker.

The aide stood up. "Hey, that reminds me," he said. "Where did John Paul's Georgian ring go?"

ABORTION BILL

A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."


A pirate captain is about to pillage a Royal Navy ship.

He calls to his aide, "Bring me my red coat!" When the aide asks why, he says, "If I get shot, the men won't see it and will keep on fighting." The aide praises the captain's intelligence and fetches the jacket. Then, as soon as they are about to attack, a lookout yells, "Captain, we just realized that there are in fact 20 ships!" The captain suddenly goes very pale and calls, "Bring me my brown pants."

Two French generals...

... of the Napolean army were watching a battle from a nearby hill. Suddenly, a stray bullet struck one of them in the shoulder. Without an instants' pause, he turned to his aide. "Fetch me my red jacket," he commanded. As the aide rushed to comply, he turned to the other General, and explained that he didn't want the men to be demoralized by knowing he was wounded.

The other General was clearly impressed. At that moment, a cannonball shrieked between them, the wind from its' passing rocking them both back on their heels. After a moment, the second General turned to his aide, and ordered, "Fetch me my brown trousers ... "

I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...

My official title is Band Aide.

(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)

Shingles

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, "Shingles."

The doctor asked, "Where?"

Kevin said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?"

New hearing aide

A friend of mine got new a hearing aid and he was ecstatic over how much better he could hear.

"It's like night and day", he said. "I can't believe all the sounds I was missing"

I asked, "What kind is it?"

He answered "about a quarter to four"

Have yourself a laugh on my cake day!

An aide walks into the oval office. George W. Bush is currently president, and the Iraq war is dragging out into a long and grueling occupation. The aide presents the numbers from yesterday to the President.

"Mr. President, yesterday the US coalition forces killed a confirmed 36 insurgents."

The President nodded his head patriotically.

"There were some losses on our end, however." The aide continued. "We lost a US hummer with four soldiers in it to an IED outside of Tekrit, and 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in a crossfire in Baghdad."

The president nodded solemnly with the news of the hummer, but his face was ashen by the end of the sentence, and he buried his face in his hands. The aide looked startled, "Sir, what's the matter."

With scared eyes, the president looked up and mumbled "How many is a brazilian?"


George Bush sits in his office during the Iraq War.

During a meeting with the cabinet, his aide walks up to him and says "Mr. President, we've just received word that twelve Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq."

George puts his head in his hands and is visibly shaken by the news.

He looks up at the shocked cabinet members and asks "How many is a brazillion?"

Trump at the Olympics

Donald Trump is opening the Olympic Games and has to read a speech.

"Oh" he says. "Oh, oh, oh ..."

An aide nudges him, "Mr. Trump, stop," he says. "You're reading the Olympic symbol."

Trump hears Obama got a smaller crowd than him

"Really? What was he doing?" Trump asks gleefully

"Ordering breakfast at McDonalds drive thru." His aide said.

A White House aide tells Donald Trump that one hundred people will attend his next event.

"A hundred thousand people?" Trump asks, "Do we even have enough room for 1.5 million people?"

I scream, you scream

Because one of us doesn't have a hearing aide

An attorney called the governor just after midnight,...

...insisting that he talk to him urgently. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Jones has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

Replied the governor: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

An aide asks a pro life politician 'what do you want me to do about the abortion bill,sir?'

The politician replies 'pay it.'

Switzerland declares war on China.

The Chinese President is informed by one of his aides that Switzerland has declared war on them. The president calmly asks:
"What's the population of Switzerland?", the aide replies: "8 million, sir", and so the president says: "Alright, which hotel will they be staying at?".


Everyone's attacking Rubio, but it's not his fault

His aide wrote the same thing on both his palms.

A congressional aide asks an Alabama congressman how he wants to proceed with the abortion bill

the congressman responds ,"Shhh... I said I would pay it!"

What did Trump's aides say when he was worried about the NK Summit?

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Prime Minister Shinzo Abe gives an opening speech at the Tokyo Olympics.

He walks up to the microphone. "O!" he says, which is followed by applause.

"O!" he says again, as an ovation.

"O!" he says again, and the audience stands up and cheers. Suddenly, an aide runs up to the podium.

"Prime Minister Abe," the aide whispers, "those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"

A congressional aide asks the politician, What should we do about this abortion bill?

Politician: Shh. Just pay it.

Bongo!

A Torphy Hunter and his two aides were captured on a safari. The Tarolupa tribe took them in a caravan of a 100 hunters in wooden cages to their village.

In the village was the Chief. The Chief approached the cages as the hunters lined up in two lines of 50 men. The chief shook his spear at the three men and pointed to the second aide..."Death or Bongo?" The aide fearing for his life chose "Bongo."

He was pulled from the cage and sodomized by each of the hunters and ran away screaming into the jungle.

The Chief approached the second aid thrusting his spear and ask the same question. The response was the same and the man was sodomized and ran screaming into the jungle.

The Chief approached the Trophy Hunter and repeated the question "Death or Bongo?" The Hunter shook his head grimly and said "Death."

The Chief looked confused and then said "Death?" "Death by Bongo!" and the 100 men cheered

Another classic from DeepSpaghetti.org

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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