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Aid Jokes

142 aid jokes and hilarious aid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you need a lift? Check out these light-hearted aid jokes to bring a little laughter to the subject of assistance. Whether it's hearing aid, first aid, band aid, Kool Aid, or financial aid, have a chuckle at the different ways aid can help those in need. Get some 1st aid for your funny-bone and call a helpline to share the aid jokes with friends!

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Funniest Aid Short Jokes

Short aid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aid humour may include short helpline jokes also.

  1. An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
  2. Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet. Your parents in 2017: Freedom eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
  3. What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
  4. My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure. So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die.
  5. British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
  6. My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party. I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.
  7. There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
  8. Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!" Doctor: "You have AIDS."
    Patient: "What's the good news?"
    Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
    Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
  9. What's the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump? Trump would've charged for the kool-aid.
  10. My dad bought himself a new hearing aid. "It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."
    "Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"
    "Two-thirty."

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Aid One Liners

Which aid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aid? I can suggest the ones about assistance and aids or alzheimers.

  1. What kind of STD's do fish get? Merm-aids
  2. What STD do sailors get the most? Merm-aids
    (Inspired by a Family Guy joke)
  3. What's the hardest part about hearing your sister has AIDS? acting surprised
  4. I thought I would go and help out in Africa ...turns out they have enough aids.
  5. I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic. Everybody is so positive.
  6. "What do we want?" "HEARING AIDS!"
    "When do we want them?"
    "HEARING AIDS!"
  7. I just found out the kool-aid man plays on a baseball team. He's the pitcher.
  8. Which STD is transmitted through sound? Hearing aids
  9. I have AIDS and Alzheimer's Thank goodness I don't have AIDS
  10. What do you give a sick lemon? lemon-Aid
  11. Have you heard the one about the baby with AIDS? It never gets old.
  12. If you're African you will get this: (WARNING: racist) AIDS
  13. I sent my hearing aids in for repairs three weeks ago I haven't heard anything since
  14. What do you call first aid on a pirate ship? Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!
  15. I was pretty sure my girlfriend didn't have AIDS... but now I'm positive.

First Aid Jokes

Here is a list of funny first aid jokes and even better first aid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Gay men make sure you're using protection You know: body armor, pepper spray, concealed carry-hand gun, first-aid kit, maybe a flare gun too.
  • When I was visiting Mexico, I found it strange that they would keep cheese in their first aid kits. Turns out it was just there in queso emergency.
  • Just got myself a first aid kit Thought I'd treat myself
  • If you don't know how to administer first aid for deadly bleeding, don't worry! All bleeding stops eventually
  • What part of first aid are pirates best at? C.P.ARRRR.
  • Why should you always have thyme in your first aid kit? Because thyme heals all wounds.
    :D
  • Police officer to a driver: OK, driver's license, vehicle license, first aid kit and warning triangle. Driver: Nah, I've already got all that. But how much for that funny Captain's cap?"
  • An old couple were in church the other morning and the old lady said to the old man I've just broken wind silently, what will I do? He said, First thing is get new batteries for your hearing aid .
  • What do lemons call any first aid kits? Lemonade kits.
  • Why did the cat want to become a nurse? He wanted to be a first aid kit.

Kool Aid Jokes

Here is a list of funny kool aid jokes and even better kool aid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do Donald Trump & the Kool-Aid Man have in common? They are both loud, artifically colored, and obsessed with walls.
  • Why can't a Blonde make Kool-Aid?? She can't fit the two cups of water into the tiny packet.
  • Why does Spider-Man only drink Kool-aid? Because with grape powder comes great responsibility.
  • What sport does the kool-aid man play? Baseball; he's a pitcher.
  • What is the Kool-Aid Man's favorite type of bar? A hole in the wall...
    OH YEEAAH
  • What's the best place to wait for some kool-aid? The punchline.
  • Kool-Aid Man breaks through wall. "Oh ya!"
    [breaks 2nd wall]
    "Oh ya!"
    [3rd wall]
    "OHHH YEAAHH!"
    [breaks 4th wall]
    *Winks at camera*
  • What do you get when you snort Kool-Aid powder? A punchline
  • What's the difference between a religion and a cult? A religion drinks wine and a cult drinks Kool-Aid.
  • Why do blondes hate kool-aid? Because they can't fit eight cups of water in the packet.

Band Aid Jokes

Here is a list of funny band aid jokes and even better band aid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was thinking about going as a band-aid for Halloween... But I decided against it. It would be too hard to pull off.
  • My disabled friend wants to be a Band-Aid for Halloween but he's got no arms… I don't know how he expects to pull it off
  • Boy:"Hey,do you have a band aid?" Boy:"Hey,do you have a band aid?"
    Girl:"NO,why?"
    Boy:"I broke my knee when i fell for you "
  • What do you call a group of nurses who are musicians? >!Band aides!<
  • Did you hear about the Band Aid that got scammed he was ripped off really bad
  • All elderly people have AIDS Hearing aids, band-aids, and Rol-aids
  • Any action taken to get a split up music group to patch things up... Is a Band-Aid.
  • Why did Fred put band aids in the refrigerator? He wanted cold cuts.
  • What type of AIDS do Rock Stars get? BAND AIDS!
  • Did you hear the band aid was defrauded? He got ripped off.

Financial Aid Jokes

Here is a list of funny financial aid jokes and even better financial aid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I slept with a bank manager and got financial aids
  • What kind of STD can you get from money? Financial aids
  • I'm about to write a Ten Thousand Dollar Essay I'm going to Title it, "Financial Aid Assitance"
  • What did the Somalian get from the social welfare office? Financial Aids.
  • What do you call a sugar daddy with h**...? Financial AIDS
  • What do you call Jews with h**...? Financial AIDS.
  • PSA: If you have unprotected s**... with a banker Watch out! You might end up getting financial AIDS.

Hearing Aid Jokes

Here is a list of funny hearing aid jokes and even better hearing aid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A group of deaf people get together to protest The group begins chanting
    What do we want?
    Hearing aids!
    When do we want them?
    Hearing aids!
  • My grandma got a new hearing aid. It was $5, she said.
    What kind is it? I asked.
    Ten-o-clock.
  • my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid "it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.
    my dad: "what kind is it?"
    my grandma: "it's 4:15pm"
  • The hearing-aid A man is dining in a restaurant and speaks to a waiter.
    Man: Excuse me sir, I found a hearing-aid on my plate.
    Waiter: What?
  • Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? So she wouldn't get hearing aids.
  • A group of hard of hearing people are protesting "What do we want?"
    "Hearing aids!"
    "When do we want it?"
    "Hearing aids!"
  • Did you hear about the new Black Barbie? It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.
  • A week ago I sent my hearing aid to be repaired... I haven't heard anything since.
  • People think listening to a really great song and having an eargasm is great Thats until you get hearing aids
  • Did you hear that David Copperfield has aids now? Yea, he was doing Magic.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about aid can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of aid puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Fun Aid Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about aid you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean emergency jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make aid prank.

Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent f**..., what should I do?"

Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid."

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."

The Silent f**...

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.
She leaned across to her husband and whispered, "I've just let go a silent f**.... What do you think I should do?"
He said, "I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid."

Old couple in church...

An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?"
Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."

An elderly couple sits in church

The old lady leans over and whispers, "I just let out a really big silent f**..., what should I do? "
The old man says, "you should replace the batteries in your hearing aid. "

Hearing aid

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.
A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.
The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!"

My friend Dave drowned yesterday

his f**... is on Wednesday. I've made him a wreath in the shape of a buoyancy aid. It's what he would have wanted.

An elderly couple was sitting together in church...

The wife leans over to the husband and says "I just let out a really long and silent f**.... What should I do?"
The husband replies "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Jesus may have been offended

Elderly couple in church during Easter mass. Wife turns to husband and says, "I have just done a silent f**..., what should I do?" Husband says, "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"

A woman turns to her husband sitting in church one Sunday morning and quietly says,

I've just let a silent f**.... What should I do?
Her husband leans over to her and replies, Get a new battery for your hearing aid.

A man realized he needed to pu...

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket."
"How does it work?" asked the customer.
"For $2, it doesn't work," said the salesman. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."

So---there was this woman who had a problem with silent gas

and she went to the doctor and she said, "This is so embarrassing. I have this problem of f**... silently. You probably haven't noticed, but I've let three of them since I've been in this office with you. Is there ANYTHING you can do?" He said, "Yes, but the first thing is to get you fitted for a hearing aid."

Words from the mathematician's Bible

And the Lord spoke to the animals, and he said "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came up to him and said "Oh Lord, forgive us, but we cannot fulfill your commandment, we cannot multiply, for we are adders".
"Go and cut down the trees and build furniture out of them", said the Lord, "for with the aid of log tables, adders can multiply"

A divine mathematical story

After creating the world, the Lord looked at it and he said to the animals "Go forth and multiply!"
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, please forgive us, we cannot do as you command, for we are adders".
The Lord turned to the trees and said "Fall over and build furniture from your trunk, because adders can multiply with the aid of log tables".
Words of the Lord of math.

This joke was inspired by a IRL event

I went to the kitchen, and I looked up through the skylight windows. I then noticed a plastic Rite Aid bag that was stuck in a tree.
My dad saw me looking up, and he asked me, "What are you looking at?"
I said to him, "There is a Rite Aid bag in the tree."
He asked me, "Do you know where that bag came from?"
I just looked at him and said, "I don't know."
He replied, "Rite Aid."

An elderly couple is sitting in a church.

The wife whispers to the husband, "I have let out one of those silent and deadly farts. What should I do?"
The husband replies, "Change the battery of your hearing aid".

An older couple is sitting in church

when the wife passes a note over to her husband. It says
"I just let a silent but deadly f**... loose. What should I do?"
The husband replies
"Get your hearing aid checked."

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.

A police officer comes to his aid.
"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.
"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About halfway through, she leans over and says to him: "I just had silent passing of gas, what do you think I should do?"
He leans over to her and replies:
" Put a new battery in your Hearing Aid."

An elderly couple was sitting in church...

when the wife leans over and tells her husband, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?"
The man replies, "First thing you should do is adjust your hearing aid."

An old married couple are in church one Sunday…

when the woman turns to her husband and says, I've just let out a really long, silent f**.... What should I do? .
The husband turned to her and says, Replace the battery in your hearing aid.

The Answering Machine

Hi, this is Eric.
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are a telemarketer, I have no money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

A black person is walking down the road...

When all of a sudden he peels over with a massive throbbing pain in his heart. He grabs his chest and screams in pain. A man sees this and runs to his aid.
"Sir, listen to me, you are going into cardiac arrest." the helpful citizen says.
"But I didn't even do nothing!"

What do you get when you ask a lemon for help?

Lemon aid

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm so glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

Silence is olden

An elderly couple go to church one Sunday. Halfway through the service, the wife leans over and whispers in her husbands ear, "I've just let out a silent f**.... What do you think I should do?"
The husband replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid...

... she becomes a Def Leppard

Helpful friend

Two retired elderly men were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ed noticed something funny about Joe's ear.
He said "Joe did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
"I have? A suppository?"
He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said: "Ed, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

Why does the grim reaper need a hearing aid?

Because he's deaf.

A grandma is bragging to her daughter about new hearing aid that cost her $2000

The daughter asks "What kind is it?"
"It's 5:45 dear"

Two old people...

Two old people sitting on a park bench. First guy says "hey I just got this new hearing aid. It's great! It's super comfortable, you can't even see it when I'm wearing it and it only cost me $160!"
"Wow, what kind is it?" Asks the other.
"About a quarter to one."

Hearing aid

An older woman is talking to her neighbor one day about her brand new hearing aid. "It may have cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art, everything sounds great, and so far, I love it!"
Her neighbor asks, "What kind is it?"
She replies, "It's about 12:30. You wanna get some lunch?"

Allergic

A group of golfers were approaching the first tee when they noticed a woman being given first aid. One of the golfers asked what had happened, and he was informed that the woman had been stung by a bee and was having an allergic reaction.
"Where was she bit?" one of the players asked. "Between the first and second hole," was the reply.
The player responded, "Wow, she must have been standing right over the hive."

An elderly couple was sitting in a church...

An elderly couple was sitting in a church and the woman turned to her husband and said "I f**... silently, what should I do now?"
The husband replied, "You need to change the batteries for your hearing aid"

Would the man who lost his hearing aid PLEASE come and retrieve it at the lost and found

New hearing aide

A friend of mine got new a hearing aid and he was ecstatic over how much better he could hear.
"It's like night and day", he said. "I can't believe all the sounds I was missing"
I asked, "What kind is it?"
He answered "about a quarter to four"

What do you call it when a lemon is being helpful?

Lemon aid.

Joke 2#

What do you give to a sick lemon?

LEMON AID

More than half of $2.6bn (£1.9bn) in donations made at a special one-day conference to ease the humanitarian crisis in Yemen were pledged by countries that are either fighting in the civil war or selling arms to those undertaking the fighting.

When life gives you Yemen, you give Yemen aid.

A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor

Doc, I'm having problems hearing!"
The doc says "Let's check you out.
As he looks into the man's ear with his otoscope he says "It looks like there is some sort of foreign object in here.
The doc takes his tweezers and pulls it out.
It's a suppository, the doc explains.
The old man takes a look at the suppository, looks back at the doctor, and says "Can I use your phone? I need to tell the wife I know where I put that hearing aid!"

A theological one for the computer scientists

After the animals exited the ark, the Lord came to the animals and the Lord spoke "Go forth and multiply".
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, we cannot fulfil the commandment, for we are adders"
Thus spoke the Lord "Go and cut down the trees, and out of the trees you shall fashion furniture. For adders can multiply with the aid of log tables"

Have you heard about the drought in Yemen?

The UN is giving out a lot of Yemen aid.

An elderly couple are in church

"I've just let out a silent f**...." The old lady whispers to her husband "what should I do?"
"Put new batteries in your hearing aid!!"

What happens to a cougar that needs a hearing aid?

She becomes a Def Leppard.

I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women

It's real thick to hide the bruises

Hearing Problems

Grandpa goes to the doctor complaining of hearing problems. The doctor looks in his ear, grabs his forceps and pulls out a suppository. A light goes on in Grandpa's mind. He picks up his cell phone and calls his wife. "Ethel? I think I know what happened to my hearing aid."

More of a story than a joke, but it's worth it.

Tony, a friend and mentor of mine (a dad figure) used to start talking about his fantastic new hearing aid, telling anyone who would listen about how everything sounded so clear to him now that he had this new device. He would say, "It's a new kind; it's NOT a MiracleEar." Of course once he told them what it was not, the natural response generally followed, "What kind is it?"
All this set-up and he would check his watch and respond, "About 4:30" (or whatever time it was)

"Doctor, I've listened to your advice, about getting my family involved in trying to help me recover."

He said, "Well, I've told you what the cures are. There are three. Two of them your children should have been able to aid you with, the third is s**...."
"Yes," I said, "of that I am aware."
"So..." he began. "What does your son give you?"
"Ibuprofen."
"What does your daughter give you?"
"Paracetamol."
"Then what does your wife give you?"
"A headache."

The doctor says to the old man

"Sir, i see what the problem is. You've got a suppository stuck in your ear!"
And the old man says, "well, now i know what happened to my hearing aid!"

Popular joke in Ukraine

"Driver of a Russian humanitarian aid truck was beaten by Russian soldiers when tried to light a cigarette near cans with beef stew."

A Man and Wife in Church

Wife: I've just made a silent f**...... can you smell it, what should we do?
Husband: Turn up your hearing aid!

what vocation given by choice requires aid of neither foot nor voice?

a h**...

I sent my hearing aid off in the post to be repaired.

It's been two weeks and I still haven't heard anything.

A young woman is golfing when suddenly she is stung by a bee.

She decides to return back to the clubhouse to get first aid. She walks up to the men running the clubhouse and tells them that she was stung.
One man asks, "Where were you stung?".
She replies, "Between the first and second holes".
The men chuckle and then one tells her,
"Your stance is too wide"

An elderly man goes to the Doctors...

He's having problems hearing and he wants to know if his hearing aid is broken. The Doctor takes a look and recoils in shock. He then proceeds to pull a t**... out of the man's ear. "This is why you can't hear. There's a t**... in your ear not a hearing aid. The man then asks if he can use the Doctor's phone to call his wife. "Why?" the Doctor asks. The man smiles and replies "So I can tell her where my hearing aid is".

Made in China

Two old guys sitting in a park, says the one:
"Look, i got a new hearing aid, very cheap becaus it's made in China"
The other says:
"Amazing, how much did you pay?"
"Yesterday...",

A Drunk is on his way home from a bar...

He stumbles and backs himself against an advertising pillar. He slowly continues his walk with his hands still on the advertising pillar for aid, going around once, twice, three times...
With a scream of agony he suddenly slumps to the ground and cries out loud:
"Dear God! I'm walled in!"

What's really helpful until pluralized?

Aid.

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art.

Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

I wish s**... was like first aid...

..consent is implied if the person is unconscious

Two elderly women sitting on a bench....

One leans in and says "I just pulled a silent but deadly". The other leans back and says "I think you need a new hearing aid.
(I'm not taking creds for this I didn't make it up)

A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief...

Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.

You probably need glasses.

- What?
- I SAID, YOU PROBABLY NEED GLASSES!
- Ohh... Yeah.
- Also a hearing aid.
- What?
Just overheard this in a local McDonald's

Q. Why did Germany provide aid to artists hit by coronavirus?

A. They know what happen when painter suffer setbacks.

jokes about aid

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these aid jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.