Hilarious Fun Ahmed Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends...
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends who happen to be lost in a desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque. Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is
Mohamed, and you say that
your name is Ahmed, this way
we'll get some food! Deal?"
Steve said: "No, I'm sticking
with my name."
They walked into the Mosque
and the Sheikh saw them.
The Sheikh asked: "What are
your names?"
Bob said: "My name is
Mohamed."
Steve said: "My name is Steve."
Sheikh said: "Guys, please bring
some food and water for Steve.
And you Mohamed, Ramadan
Mubarak!!
Two English Muslims go on holiday in Spain...
Two English Muslims go on a long holiday in Spain, and they're having a wonderful time until one day the weather turns and it rains for three days straight. On the fourth day, one of them looks out of the window in the morning.
"Ahmed, I think we can visit some of the local buildings today. We should bring an umbrella though."
"Ah, but Hissam, how is the weather looking on the forecast? Is it Sunni, or is it s**...'ite?"
A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief...
Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.
A bearded guy
A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."
Ahmed went to have a Falafel.
He asked the guy making the sandwich not to put any pickles in it. The guy replies "But we're fresh out of pickles! How about no tomatoes instead?"
Spelling practice
It is spelling lesson. The teacher asks the kids to spell different words.
-Emma, can you spell 'dog'?
-D O G
-Correct! Jake, can you spell 'cat'?
-C A T
-Correct! Now, Ahmed, can you spell 'racial discrimination'?
Three Muslim women are sitting talking...
The first one says, "I miss my eldest son Ahmed. He was martyred in Iraq last year."
"Oh I know," says the second women, "I miss little Hamza. He drove a car-bomb into a Syrian checkpoint six months ago."
The third woman nodded, "Me too. My Omar was a s**... bomber in Gaza, so sad."
The first woman shook her head sadly. "Kids these days. They blow up so fast."
Maths Question (Muslim version)
Question 1) If Mohammad has 3 apples and gives one to Hassan and one to Ahmed, what is the radius of the e**...?
Santa Claus is reading letters from kids
Santa opens first letter: Oh Peter from USA needs new iPad.
Santa opens second letter: Oh Naomi from Japan needs new Samsung phone.
Santa opens third letter: Oh Isa Ahmed from Nigeria wants me to help him to get 32 million dollars out of the country.
Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case?
because pipe clock would have just been s**....
Why did Ahmed Mohamed get delayed at the airport?
he was on a watch list...
You can explore ahmed mohamed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ahmed sheikh dad jokes. There are also ahmed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What is Ahmed Mohamed's favorite band?
Dethklok
An pakistani in the US fears for his safety
Email note from Abdul in Washington to his friend Ahmed in Pittsburgh:
I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood.
So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIS in the centre. I grew a beard and only wear turbans in my freetime.
Now, the Washington Police, the FBI, the National Security Agency, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in the world are all watching my house 24x7x365.
My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping. I'm followed to and from work every day. So no one bothers me at all.
I have never felt safer.
Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan.
Calculate the area it will cover after the e**....
ISIS math problem
Ahmed has 5 bags. If he gives 2 to Mohamed and 1 to Jamal. Then calculate the radius of the blast.
Pakistani math problem.
Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the e**....
Mahmoud has 9 apples. Ahmed has 11 apples.
Calculate the radius of the e**...
(Note: stole this from Yik Yak)
"Ahmed, you're parking too far away from the sidewalk."
"Who cares, its gonna explode anyways."
An Arabian guy at the airport
- name?
- ahmed al-rhazib.
- s**...?
- three to five times a week.
- no, no… i mean male or female?
- male, female, sometimes camel.
- holy cow!
- yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- but isn't that hostile?
- horse style, d**..., any style!
- oh dear!
- no, no! deer run too fast
Ahmed walks into A bar
"ow, watch it"
-Abbar
"Do you know what my husband said? My body is a temple..."
"...But it's a temple where a lot of pigs get slaughtered."
All credit to Samira Ahmed
A r**... is being interviewed by Border Patrol officials
"Your name please?"
Ahmed Aziz
s**...?
5 times a week!
No, no, I mean man or woman.
Don't matters, sometimes even goat.
Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....
Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."
Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."
Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."
Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.
Ali Sun Al En?
A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"
A Afghan man named Ahmed is walking down a dirt road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.
He meets another man going the opposite way.
"Salam aleikum, brother" he says.
"Aleikum Assalam" replies Ahmed.
"Did you know that the Great Prophet would never allow a woman to walk ahead of him?" asks the man.
Ahmed replies, "And did you know that there were no minefields in the time of the Prophet?" He then turns to the wife, "Keep walking, Saida."
Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.
He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"
Ahmed answers: "The axe"
Little Ahmed comes home from school.
His mother asks him:
"So what did you do in school today?"
"We were experimenting with explosives in chemistry class." replies Ahmed.
"What are you going to do in school tomorrow?"
"What school?"
Have you heard Ahmed Richie's new song?
Halal... is it meat you're looking for.
Two Americans were trekking in a desert.
Dehydrated and hungry, they walked into a mosque.
The Imam asked for their names.
Mark thought: Maybe it's wiser to pretend to be a Muslim. So he replied: My name is Ahmed.
Sam said: My name is Sam.
The Imam called his servant over, who handed Sam some food and water.
He then turned to Mark and said: Happy Ramadan, brother Ahmed.
What do you call a Middle Eastern carpenter?
Ahmed Ashed
"Did you hear about poor Ahmed? He lost his hand due to improper use of an egg slicer."
"No really, how could this happen?"
"He stole it."
Teacher: alright time for attendance. Is X Æ A-12 here?
**X Æ A-12:** present
**Teacher:** okay and how about... umm... achhh-med???
**Ahmed:** -__-
Knock-knock! Who's there? Ahmed! Ahmed who?
Ahmed the payphone trying to call home. All of my change I spent on you.
An Afghan villager is walking down a road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.
He meets his fellow villager going the opposite way.
He says, "Ahmed, Prophet Muhammad would never let his wife walk ahead of him."
The first villager replies, "Well, at the time of the Prophet there were no minefields."
