Ahem Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Ahem puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Ahem

Mr. Zuckerberg how do you sustain a business model in which users don't pay for your services?

Zuckerberg: 1010011010 .......Ahem

Zuckerberg: Senator, we run ads

Vladimir Putin was practicing a eulogy speech for an assassinated Russian politician in front of a mirror...

(ahem) "He was a dear patriot and credit to the Motherland, whom I personally adored as a friend and colleague. I vow, as leader of Russia, to find the culprits responsible for this vicious murder..."

Putin then stopped and turned to his aide. "Are you sure this strikes the right tone, Yuri? I mean, in terms of timing? I've been a bit preoccupied, so remind me, when was he killed?"

After a few moments consulting his ipad, the aide replies, "Next week, sir."

A man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem with... ahem, silent emissions...

A man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem with... ahem, silent emissions...

"Doc,' he says, 'I really can't help it, but I've been having this problem with these silent farts for a long time now. In fact, the other day, the wife and I were having dinner with neighbors and quite a few slipped out. I mean, yeah, they were silent, but the smell was just awful. They stank up the room! And I know that everyone knew that the smell was coming from me. I was mortified. I can't control it. It's a real problem. In fact, Doc, even in these few minutes I've been talking to you, I've let several of these silent emissions go. I really need help."

"No problem," says the doctor, "the first thing we're gonna have to do is get your hearing checked."

How can I draw attention to the fact this skirt is too long?

AHEM!

Turtle on a fence post

This is an old political one but relevant to today's presidential, ahem, "situation". Enjoy!

An old rancher is talking about politics with a young man from the city. He compares a politician to a "post turtle". The young man doesn't understand and asks him what a post turtle is.

The old man says, "When you're driving down a country road and you see a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get up there by himself. He doesn't belong there; you wonder who put him there; he can't get anything done while he's up there; and you just want to help the poor, dumb thing down."


*Ahem, ahem* So...

♫ A needle pulling thread... ♫

What did one phlegm say to another?

*ahem*

A woman answers the door to a market researcher.

A woman answers the door to a market researcher. Good morning, madam, I'm doing some
research for Vaseline. Do you use it at all in your household?
Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, scrapes and burns.
Do you use it for anything else?
Like what?
Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex.
Oh, of course. Yes, I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out!
............................................
Copy and Paste from internet

If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

Ahem...


If at first you don't succeed, try again.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes