Agricultural Jokes

Following is our collection of farmer humor and agriculture one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Agricultural puns for adults, dirty grain jokes or clean cattle gags for kids.

There is an abundance of husbandry jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 11 funniest jokes on agricultural. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any leif witze you can hear about agricultural.

The Best jokes about Agricultural

My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show

One of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:

THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ..... Smiled and said, "He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week".

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said:

THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .......... You could learn a lot from him".

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said:

THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, "That's once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one".

I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow".

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say I should eventually make a full recovery.

I want a pet duck

But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.

Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.

Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist, you know that there is no wheat!

Spelling bee

A Nebraska Huskers fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.


"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Husker.


He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"


"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."


"Uhhh..." The Nebraskan sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the huskers fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"


"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.


"Oh!" said the Husker.


"E-I-E-I-O!" 

Agricultural Addiction

There was a young boy in rural Ireland who became absolutely obsessed with tractors. Everything was about tractors. He collected toy ones, he'd go out to the fields to watch them work, and he wanted to be a tractor driver when he grew up.

Eventually the obsession became too much and he began to miss school, so his parents put him into therapy to cure his addiction. He completed his therapy and was back to normal.

Many years later when the man was married with a family, a fire broke out in his kitchen. His wife brought the kids outside away from the flames, while he stood there and blew as hard as he could at the blaze. His wife was aghast. "What are you doing?! We need to get out of here!" she exclaimed. He turned to her calmly and said "Don't worry dear, I'm an ex tractor fan."


What do new agricultural students call their first week?

Threshers.

Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.

^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.

**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*

*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*

I had to return those books on Middle Eastern agricultural products.

They were past the Dubai dates.

Agricultural engineers regularly advance their fields.

Tl;dr: My dad taught me well

Why did the agricultural sciences student get a PhD?

Gotta grow the field!

Timbuktu

A Harvard grad and an Agricultural grad are competing for a bank job. The bank president is equally impressed with both candidates so he comes up with with a test to see how they think on there feet. He tells both candidates to write a poem using a word he will give them in 3 minutes to complete the task. Both candidates agree. The presidents say the word is "timbuktu". Go!!!

The Harvard grad starts writing immediately and finishes in a minutes while the Aggie has not written anything down. The president tells him time is half over just write something down. The Aggie frantically writes something and finishes just in time.

Since the Harvard grad finished first he will read his first and it went something like this.

Basting is the desert sun, Camels lined two by two, Destination timbuktu.

Impressed the president reads the Aggies.

A hunting Tim and I went, Spotted three lovelies in a tent, With the morning dew, I buck one and, Tim buck two

Aggie gets the job is you are worried about that.


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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