Agrees Jokes

Following is our collection of unwilling humor and accord one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Agrees puns for adults, dirty reluctantly jokes or clean back gags for kids.

There is an abundance of concede jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 89 funniest jokes on agrees. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any begs witze you can hear about agrees.

The Best jokes about Agrees

A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...

She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."

Erect your ears for this one

A woman asks her husband to start taking those pills that will help him achieve an erection. He agrees. The next day, she asks if he got the pills. "Picked 'em up today. Here you go honey," and tosses her a bottle of diet pills

The Catholic Church absolutely agrees on homosexuals getting married...

... As long as a gay marries a lesbian.

A man tells his blonde girlfriend that his scalp is itchy.

Worried, she calls her mother and asks what to do. She replies calmly, Just give him some Head & Shoulders. She agrees, but calls back about 30 minutes later, Umm... how do you give someone shoulders?

A whale and a wave make a bet. (Just made this up.)

The whale says to the wave, "I bet I could beat in a race to land." The wave agrees, so the whale takes off. He swims so fast, he drives himself ashore. The wave following behind him says " Hah! Beached ya!"


A blond walks into a mechanic's shop.

She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her. The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer. After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car. He blond says, "why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!"

Two chemists walk into a bar

The first chemist tells the bartender "I'll have some H2O, please." The second chemist agrees: "I'll have some H2O also, please."

The second chemist died of aluminum, sulfur, and oxygen poisoning.

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

A husband and wife are talking about their relationship...

and the wife suggests they each pick one person that they can have sex with without the other getting mad. The husband agrees and lets the wife go first. She thinks about it for a bit and settles on Brad Pitt. The husband nods his head and says "The neighbor."

Sam walks into his boss's office.

Sir, I'll be straight with you, I know the economy isn't great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.

After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 per cent raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave.

By the way , asks the boss as Sam is getting up, which three companies are after you?

The electric company, water company, and phone company , Sam replied.

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."

The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.

The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.

Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."


The toilet brush

A man walks into a store looking for a toilet brush. The store owner shows him a variety of brushes at various pricepoints. The man thinks for a little while, then buys the cheapest one.

The next day the man is back at the store. "Were you unhappy with your purchase?" asks the shopkeeper. "We have other models that might work better."

The man agrees and buys a little more expensive one.

The next day the man is back yet again. The shopkeeper, visually puzzled on how a toilet brush can be such a big deal, asks "What's the matter, didn't like the new one either?"

"Well" replies the man. "To be honest it *was* pretty effective. But I gotta say, I prefer toilet paper!"

Woman in a coma

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little aprehensive about it at first, but he agrees to do it. The nurses leave the man with his wife and give him some privacy. They come back about 10 minutes later and the woman is dead! "What happened?" asks one of the nurses. The man replies, "I dont know...I think she choked."

A blonde woman dyes her hair red....

A blonde woman dyes her hair red because she's tired of the blonde jokes. One day she stops by a farm and asks the farmer, "If I can count how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agrees. After some counting, the blonde woman says, "there is 124 sheep in your farm." Shocked, the farmer counts them. Sure enough, there are 124 sheep. The woman picks one up and takes it to her car. Right when she's about to leave, the farmer knocks on her window and asks,"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

A European missionary goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.

However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The missionary looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "

In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

Obama walks into a bar.....

Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.

Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"

"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."

"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"

"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."

"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"

"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."

Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:

"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.

Tiger Woods playing golf.

Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.

Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.

A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"

A driver gets pulled over . . .

A man gets pulled over for rolling through a stop sign. While the officer is doing the routine license check, he spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

The cop tells the driver, "I'll let you off this time, but you need to take those penguins straight to the zoo." The driver was happy to get off with just a warning, so he agrees.

The next day, the officer sees the same car in another part of town, with some penguins peeking out the back windows.

He pulls over the driver again. "Hey, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo just yesterday!"

"Your sure did," says the driver, "and what a great idea that was. We had so much fun that today I'm taking them to the beach!"

A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date

The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.

The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."

The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.

They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.

In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.

The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."


Jack goes to his friend Mike

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"

The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.

After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"

A man named Jose has just moved from Mexico to the US

and he wants to do something very American so he decides to go to a baseball game.

Unfortunately, the game is completely sold out. However, the cashier says there is one seat available if Jose is willing to sit atop the flag pole. He agrees.

Finding the pole, Jose climbs to the top and takes a seat.

The game is about to begin when a voice comes over the loudspeaker and says "Please rise for the National Anthem". Everyone in the stadium stands up, turns to Jose, puts their hands over their hearts, and sings

"O-OH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEE..."

Jose yells back "YES THANK YOU"

A husband and wife are in a car crash

They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the crash and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.

The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."

The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"

And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.

A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"

"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."

The homeless man and the farmer

A homeless man comes up to a farmers house and knocks on the door, when the farmer answers, the homeless man asks "May i spend the night?" to which the farmer replies, "Sure, but you're going to have to sleep in the stable." So the homeless man agrees and sleeps in the stable with all the animals.

In the morning the farmer comes in and asks "How did you sleep?" and the homeless man says "I slept good. And I talked to your animals too." the farmer says, "Really?"

"Yes, I talked to the chickens," he responded, "and they said that you come in every morning at 4am to collect the eggs."

"Wow," the farmer says, "That's right!"

"I also talked to the cows," the homeless man continued, "And they told me every morning at 5am, you milk them"

"That's amazing!" the farmer responds.

"I also talked to the sheep, and they said-"

"THOSE SHEEP ARE LIARS!!!!"

A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.

He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken

The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.

100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.

Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.

One billion dollars. This is our final offer.

After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.

I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.

A young vulture is tired of eating nothing but scavenged meat...

So he says to his father, "Dad, can't we eat something else for a change? I'd like to try some vegetables."

The father is outraged, claiming that vultures do not eat vegetables, that is not their way. But the young vulture doesn't give up. He asks again the next day, and the next, and the next. Eventually the father relents, and agrees on a compromise. The young vulture could eat some vegetables, but only if he finished his meat first.

The following day, the young vulture asks what they will be eating that evening. The father replies, "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peas when you are done."

A guy goes to his psychiatrist complaining about his sex life...

Upon further discussion the psychiatrist suggests that the spark of excitement has gone out of his client's marriage.
"Perhaps," he suggests, "the next time you are feeling amorous, you should just take your wife, sexually and with abandon, right there and then, no matter the circumstance."
The man agrees that it seems a good idea. Two weeks later, he returns for his normal session with the psychiatrist.
"How did things go?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Absolutely amazing," says the man. "One night, as we sat down to dinner, I looked at my wife. She looked at me and we immediately made mad, passionate love right there on the table."
"So, things are good?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Couldn't be better," says the guy, "except we're can't eat at the Denny's next to our house anymore."

A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat

So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".

The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.

The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."

The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"

The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."

Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 sucking it, 1 licking it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one sucking it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think

A man finds a penguin walking down the street

He grabs the penguin and puts it in his car and starts to speed away when a cop pulls him over.

The cop walks up to the car and asks the man what he's doing with the penguin.

"He was just walking down the road," the man said.

"Well, take him to the zoo and I won't give you a ticket for speeding." The man agrees and drives away.

A week later the cop sees the same man drive by and he still has the penguin in the car. He pulls over the car again and says to the man, "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!?"

"Yes," the man says, " I did. Today we're going to the movies."

A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)

While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.

When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.

She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.

When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."

Anthony arrived home from work one day, only to find his wife totally stressed out because their kids had been running wild all day...

She asks him if he would please take them out for a pizza.

He agrees, tells the kids to go out to the garage and to wait in the car, following behind them.

A few moments later, the wife hears two loud bangs.

Tony comes back into the house and asks, "Where's my pizza?"

Renes Descartes goes into a bar

The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"

Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.

Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.

The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a good idea?"

Descartes replies: "Yeah, you're right. I don't think..." and abruptly stops existing.

On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.


The woman ignores him.


*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*


The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the first question.


*"What is the distance between Earth and the Moon?"*


The woman hands him $5. Now it's her turn.


*"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"*


The lawyer is astonished. He frantically surfs the Internet, searches his pocket encyclopedia and asks his scientist friends. He finds nothing. Hours later, when finally giving up looking for the answer, he wakes the woman, hands her $50 and asks:


*"So, what is the answer?"*


Without saying a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.




**

An Arab sheikh is dying

... and the only thing that could save him a blood transfusion. But there is a problem - the sheikh has a very rare blood type. After very intensive searches sheik's servants finally find a donor. This happens to be an old Jewish guy who agrees to donate blood in exchange for a substantial reward. The sheikh's life is saved, and he generously rewards the donor with a luxury car and a huge mansion.
Couple of years later, the same story happens. The donor rushes to donate the blood and comes to pick up his reward. Surprisingly for him, he is handed a box of cookies.
"But last time you gave me a car and a mansion"
"Well, last time I had no Jewish blood flowing in me".

In honor of Mother's Day ... sort of

A woman goes into labor and her husband is her birthing coach. In the delivery room, a doctor shows the two a brand new invention that allows the father to share some of the labor pains, which takes some of the pressure off of the mother. The man agrees. He begins at 20%. "No problem," he tells the doctor, so they turn it up to 40%. The man says "I don't see what the big deal is! Crank it up!" Finally they put him at 80%. The mother has a much easier labor and a gives birth to a baby boy.

Later that day, the man gets a telephone call from one of his neighbors. "It's the damndest thing," the neighbor says. "The mailman just dropped dead on your front doorstep this morning."

An ugly man walks into a bar and a beautiful woman approaches him...

... the woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees. They both get into his car and drive really far. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city. Within seconds they start taking off their clothes. After 15 minutes of vigorous sex they finally finish. They both put their clothes on and they both just sit there awkwardly. The woman speaks up and says "I'm a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service." The man is stunned and saddened that she didn't really like him. He gives her the money and they both sit there awkwardly. The woman tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies "I'm a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back."

The penguin joke (my favorite joke)


One day a Cop pulls a van over and when he walks up to the window he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man "are those your penguins?"

The man Says "yes, they are my pets."

The cop replies to the man "You need to take them to the zoo right now."

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day the cop pulls over the same van and he walks up to the window and sees the ten pengins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man "I thought i told you to take those penguins to the zoo."

The man says "I did, today we are going to the beach!"

3 Men and a Woman are stranded on an Island

Like everyone, they try to establish contact to other people at first and they build a shelter.

After about 3 Weeks the Men approach the Woman with a proposal to let one of the 3 have sex with her every other day so that everyones Sex drive could be fulfilled.

The Woman agrees and they have a great year together. However, shortly after the 14th Month of being stranded, the woman dies.

The first week is tough for the men, but they try to boost eachothers morale.

The second week is almost unbearable.

The third week makes them feel so bad they want to die.

In the fourth week they finally decide that they should bury her corpse.

Problems in bed

A man and his wife have been having some problems in bed so one day the woman tells her husband, "Maybe you should get some pills to help you out."

He agrees.

When he gets home from work she asks him if he got the pills.

He replies, "Yeah, here you go," and with this he throws her a bottle of diet pills.

The woman and her chili.

A man walks into a bar and notices a woman sitting at a table. In front of her on the table is a full bowl of chili. Since the man is very hungry, he asks her if he can have her chili. She agrees, giving him the bowl. The man starts to quickly put spoonfuls into his mouth. As he gets to the end of the chili, he sees a dead rat at the bottom. This causes him to vomit back into the bowl.

In response, the woman said: "Yep, that's about as far as I got too."

Talented Pets

A tramp goes into a bar and says to the barman 'Gimme a shot of your finest whiskey and I'll show you something amazing.'

The barman agrees and the tramp pulls out a hamster from his pocket and puts it on the piano stool. The hamster then begins to play the most incredible music that anyone in the bar had ever heard.

The tramp gets his shot of whiskey and says 'Another shot of that whiskey for something even more amazing'

The barman agrees and the tramp pulls out a frog, and places it on top of the piano. The frog starts to sing along with the hamster in the most beautiful tenor voice, cadencing perfectly with the hamster.

As the barman is pouring out the whiskey a man comes over to the tramp and says 'I'll give you $10000 for that frog, right here.' The tramp agrees and pockets a check while the man walks away with his frog. Meanwhile, the barman looks in disbelief and says to the tramp 'What're you doing? Those two could've made millions, let alone $10000.' The tramp turns to the barman and says 'Ah, but what he doesn't know, is that the hamster is also an excellent ventriloquist'

Tiger Wood's wedding day.

On Tiger's wedding day he approaches his wife and asks a favour of her. He says to her 'as long as we are married you cannot look in this cardboard box'. Being her wedding day she agrees to the strange request without hesitation.

5 years later his wife is cleaning the house when she stumbles across the box and curiosity gets the better of her and she peeks inside. She finds 3 crushed beer cans and $1000 in cash.

At dinner that night she asks Tiger about the box. he replies 'well I suppose you deserve to know every time I cheated on you I put a can in the box' she replies 'well considering your sex addiction I guess I can forgive you for 3 times but why the money?'

'Well' he replied 'every time the box got full I cashed it in'

A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.

''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – poof! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''

An old man is concerned that his wife is starting to go deaf...

The old man goes to the doctor and says, "My wife can't hear very well anymore and I am getting worried. What should I do to help her?"

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "First we need to understand how serious the problem is. Stand 25 feet away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, walk 5 ft closer and ask again. Repeat this until she can hear you and then let me know how far away you were standing."

The man is so concerned for his wife that he agrees to do what the doctor suggested. When he gets home, he sees his wife cooking in the kitchen. He stands 25 feet from his wife and says, "What's for dinner?"

The wife does not answer and he walks closer, "What's for dinner?"

The man does this 2 more times until he is standing only 5 feet from his wife. The man is now very worried and tries one last time, "What's for dinner?"

The wife looks over and yells at him, "I HAVE TOLD YOU 4 TIMES ALREADY, WE ARE HAVING LASAGNA!"

A blonde and a shepherd.

A blonde, tired of people assuming she's stupid, goes to a salon and has her hair dyed brown. On her way home she sees a shepherd and his flock of sheep. She stops and asks, "if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde guesses, "237." He does some quick figures in his head, realizes she's right and tells her to grab one. As she comes back with her pick **he** asks, "if I guess what color your roots are, can I have my dog back?"

**

An elderly senator is sitting in a chair quietly when he is supposed to be giving a speech...

His friend walks up to him and asks him, "Senator, why are you so quiet today?" The senator whispers to him "I accidentally left my teeth at home, can you go fetch them for me?" His friend agrees and gets his teeth.

Once the senator got his teeth, he started his speech. normally, he would go on for no more than half an hour, but this time, he was babbling on and on for over 1 hour and 45 minutes! Once the senator finished, his friend went up to him and asked him "senator, why did you talk for such a long time? You are usually very brief." The senator replies "It's your fault, you gave me my wife's teeth!"

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane.

The lawyer keeps trying to get a blonde to play a game with him. After awhile she finally agrees.The lawyer explains the game to her. He says that he will ask her a question and if she can't answer it she will give him $50.Then she will ask him a question and if he can't answer it he will give her $500. She agrees. He ask her to say the first seven prime numbers in order. She thinks for awhile then gives him $50.She then ask him what has no legs, three arms, and is covered in fur.He thinks for awhile then gives her $500.Curious he asks her what the answer is.She gives him $50.

A shy woman decides to have surgery

She wants to have surgery to remove her large vaginal lips which have always made her self conscious. She finds a doctor and schedules the procedure but swears him to secrecy. "No one can ever know" she admonishes, and he agrees. After the anesthesia wears off she awakes to find three roses on her hospital tray. Angry, she calls for the doctor.

"Let me explain" the doctor says..."No one knows...the first rose is from me. I know how difficult this was for you. The second is from my nurse...she had the same procedure a year ago"

The woman is somewhat calmer. "But what about the third???"

The doctor says "Now don't get upset...He doesn't know who you are. But the man in the burn unit wanted to thank you for his new ears".

A 90-year-old golfer tells his wife that he is quitting the game.

"But why?" asks his wife.
"Well, it's my eyesight. I can't see where the ball goes after I hit it".
The wife says, "Listen, you can go with my brother Pete. He might be 103 years old but his eyesight is perfect."
He agrees and finds himself on the golf course with his brother-in-law. He takes aim and hits a powerful shot that speeds off like a jet. He looks at his brother-in-law and says: "Did you see that Pete?
His brother-in-law says, "Yes, I saw that perfectly.
The golfer says, "Well, where is it then?"
Pete responds, "I don't remember."

At the end of a busy night in a bar a clearly drunk man approaches the bartender. "Hey man," he says, "I'll bet you $50 I can stand at one end of the bar and pee clear to the other end." He has to clean the bar anyway, so this sounds like an easy 50 to the bartender. He agrees.

"Great! I'll be right back." The man then approaches a group of wasted guys in expensive suits and after a little bit of chatting and back slapping, he returns. He climbs onto the bar, whips it out and proceeds to pee...no more than a foot or so distance. The bartender laughs to himself, thinking he's just made fifty bucks. The drunken guy looks excited and hands him fifty. "Thanks, man," he says as he climbs off the bar. The bartender looks confused. "What are you thanking me for?" "I bet that group of bankers $500 bucks each that I could pee all over your bar and you wouldn't care!"

A blonde and a lawyer

are sitting next to each other on a plane. To pass the time, the lawyer suggests playing a game that tests general knowledge. The blonde is reluctant, but finally agrees when the lawyer offers to give her 10 to 1 odds. "Every time you don't know the answer to one of my questions, you have to give me 5 dollars," he says "every time I don't know the answer to one of your questions, I have to give you 50."

The lawyer starts, "how far is the earth from the sun?" The blonde doesn't know. She gives him 5 dollars and the lawyer replies, "the earth is 92,960,000 miles from the sun."

The blonde asks the lawyer, "what goes up a hill with 3 legs, and comes back down with 4?" The lawyer thinks for a moment, but is unable to come up with an answer. He hands her a 50 dollar bill. The blonde takes it, puts it in her purse, and looks back at the lawyer.

"Well?" The lawyer asks, "what was the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde hands him 5 dollars.

a blonde and a redhead are at a bar

Enjoying a few drinks after work. The local news on the television is showing a guy a bridge threatening to jump. The redhead turns to the blonde and says "I bet you 20 bucks that he jumps". The blonde thinks about it for a second and agrees to the bet. They continue watch the program and the guy indeed does jump off the bridge. "a bet is a bet" the blonde says as she hands the redhead 20 dollars. Feeling guilty, the red head says "I'm sorry, I cant take your money. The same story was on the 6 o'clock news. They just re-showed it at 8. I knew the guy was going to jump."
The blonde replies " I watched the 6 o'clock news too! I just didn't think he would jump twice!"

An dying man's last wish...

An elderly man on his death bed tells his wife "Honey, I want you to promise me that when I go you will put all my money in the casket with me." Reluctantly, his wife agrees and assures him she will uphold her promise.

After the funeral, the women tells her friend about her husband's odd request - "You know, he made me swear to bury all our money with him". The friend replies, "That's crazy! I can't believe you would actually do that". And the elderly woman says "Don't worry...I wrote him a check".

Little Johnny's first day in kindergarten

Little Johnny is sitting in his kindergarten class when the teacher asks the following question: "There are three birds sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one of the birds. How many are left?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "There are zero birds left. One was shot, and the other two flew away when they heard the sound of the gunshot;" to which the teacher replies "No, Johnny, the answer is actually two, but I like the way you think." So then Johnny asks if he can pose a question to the teacher. She agrees to answer Johnny's question.

Johnny says, "There are three women sitting on a park bench, eating popsicles. The first woman is just looking at the popsicle, not really paying it any mind. The second woman is biting the popsicle, taking off large chunks at a time. The third woman is slowly sucking on the popsicle, moving it in and out of her mouth, slowly and rhythmically. Which woman is married?"

The teacher blushes and says "Well, if I have to guess, I suppose it would be the third woman."

Johnny says, "Actually, it's the woman with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

The Doubling Genie

A man is walking along the beach one day and finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and a genie appears.

"Hello, I'm a genie and I'm here to grant you 3 wishes! You can have absolutely anything you'd like."

"So what's the catch?" the man asks

"The only catch is that your ex-wife gets twice of whatever you ask for"

The man seems taken aback, but agrees nonetheless. "Okay, well first off, I'd like a new Ferrari."

"Your wish is my command," replies the genie. A new Ferrari appears in front of the man. "However I just gave your wife two new Ferraris. What will your second wish be?"

Slightly frustrated, the man shrugs it off and continues.

"I'd like a mansion right here on the beach!" exclaimed the man.

His new mansion materialized right behind him. "Here's your mansion, but remember that your wife just got two mansions on the beach."

Visibly angered, the man pushes on to his third wish.

"And for you final wish?" the genie inquires.

The man replies, "I'd like you to scare me half to death."

Starving Men On An Island

There are two starving men stranded on an island with only a rusty old knife. The first man says, Well, I think our only choice is to eat each other's legs. We're not walking around, anyway. And we need food . The other man agrees. So the first man begins sawing and crudely cutting the other man's legs off. I after about an hour of excruciating pain, the second man's legs are completely off of his body, so he says, Okay, your turn. Give me the knife . So the first jumps up and runs away with the second man's legs, saying, You'll have to catch me first!

Chinese Sick Leave

Wong calls his boss in the morning telling him he was feeling sick and couldn't come to work.

His boss says, "You know what Wong? Sometimes when I feel sick I ask my wife for sex. I feel better then. You should do the same."

Wong agrees and three hours later he calls his boss again.

"I do what you say and I feel better now. I come to work in a while... By the way, you have very nice house."

So, I have these friends, Richard and Alice...

And as it turns out, Richard is very strongly attracted to Alice. He asks her if the two of them can have sex, offering her $100 and stating that he'll be done by the time she picks it up. She agrees, and gets on the bed as Richard produces his hundred dollars.

"You know you're not actually gonna get that much time, right?" Alice asked him. "I mean, the time it takes to pick up $100 is pretty small."

Richard grinned and held up his hundred dollars in quarters, before dumping them all over the bed.

Alice grinned back, rolled up the sheet, and left.

A man finds a lamp...

A man finds a lamp lying on the beach, and when he picks it up, he is startled when a genie comes out of it. The genie intones "For granting me my freedom, sir, I will grant you one wish." The man figures that if he only gets ONE wish, he should probably use it for the greater good, and requests "Oh genie, please make the changes necessary to end world hunger." The genies agrees, and goes off to research how this might be done.

However, 24 hours later, the genie returns, saying "I'm sorry, but world hunger is just too large and pervasive an issue, this is beyond the scope of even my powers - do you have another wish?" The man thinks for a minute and states "If you can't feed the world, perhaps we can power it - can you grant me the knowledge and plans for cold fusion, so that humanity might have a cheap energy source?" The genie agrees to look into that, but 12 hours later comes back with no success - the technology is beyond what he can do using earth's modern technology.

So the man states: "If I cannot make a world-wide change, then perhaps a local one might be easier - Genie, please bring peace in the middle east." Five minutes later the genie returns, and asks "What were those first two wishes, again?"

Indian Style?

A Canadian Indian picks up a hooker.

'How much do you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.

'$100,' she replies.

He says 'Do you do Indian style?'

'No' she says.

'I pay you $200 to do it Indian style'

'No', she says, not knowing what Indian style is.

'I pay you $300'

'No', she says.

'I pay you $400'

'No', she says.

So finally he says, 'OK, I pay you $1,000 to do it Indian style.'

She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've

had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world.

How bad could Indian Style be?''.

So she agrees and has sex with him.

They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.

Finally, after several hours, they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Indian style'?'

The Indian replies 'You send da bill to da Government'

Another Jehova's Witness joke

A jehovah's witness knocks on a on a door and a man answers the door.
The jehovah's witness tells the man, "I'm from Jehovah's Witness and I have some stories I would like to share with you.

The man replies, "Sure, come on in. Have a seat on the couch. I just made some coffee would you like a cup?"

The Jehovah's Witness agrees to the coffee and they both sit down on the couch. The man says "So what are these stories you would like to share with me?

The Jehovah's Witness answers "I have no idea. No one has ever gotten this far!"

Three blondes stuck on an island

There are three blondes stuck on an island. The blondes a find a magic lamp. Out of the lamp pops a genie who agrees to grant each of the blondes a wish.
The first blonde requests to be smarter so she can find a way off of the island. The genie grants the wish and the first blonde becomes a red head and swims off of the island.
The second blonde wishes to be smarter then the previous blonde so the genie grants the wish. The second blonde is now a brunette and makes a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde not wanting to be out done requests to be even smarter. The genie grants the wish of the final blonde and turns her into a man who procedes to walk across the bridge off of the island.

*I know it is sexist it is an old joke don't flood my inbox

Courtesy of my black high school ethics teacher.

A black man and a white woman are out on a date for the first time. Things are going well and the woman is dying to take the man home. She has never been with a black man before and all of her friends keep telling her how get it is.

She's aggressively flirting with him all night and eventually suggests that they go back to her apartment. He agrees and they grab a cab. By the time they get there, the woman is so hot to trot that she practically shoves him through the front door.

She takes him to her bedroom and then heads into the bathroom to change into sexy lingerie. Thinking about the man in the other room and imagining what how big he could be, the woman gets so turned on she can barely stand it. Finally she feels prepared. Burning with desire, she steps out of the bathroom and tells him: "Alright, now show me what you black men are known for!"

So the man grabs her TV and runs out the door.

A man and a blonde are in a bar, watching the evening news. They describe the story of a man threatening to jump off a building

The man turns to the woman and says, I'll bet you $10 that he jumps

The woman agrees to this bet, and they continue to watch. The man jumps off the building. Disappointed, the woman turns to hand him $10

The man declines the money. he says sheepishly, I can't take your money, I saw him jump during the afternoon broadcast.

The woman replies, Oh, I did too. I just didn't think he would do it again

As told by my Russian wife

A man is at a bar. He sees a good looking woman, but she's a little older. Maybe in her 40s. He goes up to her and starts a conversation.



Halfway through she seems interested and asks an interesting question. She asks how he feels about a little mother-daughter action.



The man is intrigued. She is nice enough by herself, but her daughter must be amazing. He agrees and they go back to her place.



They enter the house and go upstairs. The lady knocks on a door and gently whispers:



"Mom, are you awake?"

So two whales are swimming along...

... when they spot a whaling ship. The first whale, in shock, says, "Hey! That's that ship that attacked our pod last year. We should sink it. We'll dive deep under the boat and blow bubbles up. The bubbles will capsize the boat and they'll sink!"

The second whale agrees and they begin their attack on the unsuspecting boat. The two whales take enormous breaths and dive deep under the boat. They blow all the air out their blowholes and the bubbles race toward the surface. When the two whales come up they see the boat is capsized and sinking and several sailors are in the water.

"Oh man!" says the first whale. "We got 'em. Look, they're all swimming in the water. Now we can eat them!"

The second whale, taken aback, then says, "Sorry man, I'll help with the blow job, but I won't swallow seamen."

A man enters a golfing tournament...

... but he is terrible at golf. However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course. He says to the man,
"I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry."
The man agrees.

After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name.
The man says:

"Father Smith" as he adjusts his priest's collar.

(A priest joke with 100% less pedophilia!)

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,

The doctor examined him and explained:"I'm going to give you some suppositories.

I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository.

She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks,

"Aahhhhh!"

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.

"No... I just realised that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!"

A man brings his talking dog into the bar...

The bartender quickly tells him that no dogs are allowed.

The man says, "But sir, this is a talking dog. If i can prove that he can talk, will you let him stay?"

The bartender reluctantly agrees.

The man looks at his dog and says, "what's on top of your dog house?"

The dog says, "Roof!"

The bartender crosses his arms, annoyed.

The man says, "What does sandpaper feel like?"

The dog says, "Rough!"

The bartender is annoyed, but gives him one more shot.

The man says "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

The dog barks, "Ruth!"

The bartender is furious at the man for trying to trick him and kicks them both out.

The man gets really angry and kicks his dog.

The dog looks up at him and says "what, do you think Sammy Sosa was better?"

A Wife goes to her husband for help

She asks him what she needs to do to inform her very sensitive niece that she is getting fat without hurting her feelings. So the husband says we should go to the store and get a talking scale so that it can inform her on how big she is getting without out it coming from her. So they go to the store and find the perfect one and takes it home to try it out, first the wife gets on the scale says "129, 129". Then the husband gets on and its says 239, 239. They agree that its perfect so they take it to her niece and tells her to try it out, she is apprehensive but agrees, once she gets on the scale says "One at a time, One at a time"

A guy walks into a whorehouse...

A guy walks into a whorehouse and says he wants to get laid. He sees a pretty girl and asks the owner how much for 30 minutes with her. The owner tells him the price and unfortunately it's way out of his price range. So he asks if there are any cheaper girls available and the owner says that she thinks she can help him. She tells him to head up to room number 11 and the girl will be in bed waiting for him. The man happily agrees, pays his money, and heads up to the room to meet his lady. He enters the room and sure enough there is a girl in bed waiting for him. He quickly does the deed, and as he is leaving he notices some white fluid coming out of her eye and ear. Not wanting to be rude, he just gets dressed and leaves the room. As he is leaving he mentions to the owner that he noticed the girl had something coming out of her eye and ear. The owner, not looking surprised or concerned, then yells into the back "Hey, the dead one's full again!"

A man out of work...

...sees an opening at the zoo. The head zookeeper says to him "Our ape just died and it's too expensive to replace him. Can you dress up in an ape suit and run around the ape pen? The man, desperate for a job, agrees. The next day, he does his thing as the ape, but while hopping from tree to tree, falls in the lion pen. The lion chases him around for a while, to thunderous applause from the crowd. The lion finally tackles the man and says "Do you want to get us both fired?"

2 jews walk into a mexican restaurant in mexico...

And order some mexican food. While they're waiting they begin to talk about how judaism is the biggest religion in the world & that even jesus was a jew.

Then one of them thinks "since we're in mexico I wouldn't doubt it if there's mexican jews around here somewhere" they wave down their waitress & ask her if she can ask around and see if there's any mexican jews... The waitress giving them an odd look agrees.

About 5 minutes pass and the waitress comes back and says she asked everybody at her tables & no mexican jews. Still convinced he asks her waitress to ask the manager & the head chef if there's any mexican jews. Again... Odd look but agrees.

After another 5 minutes the waitress comes back & says "sorry sir, I asked my manager & all the cooks in the back and there's no mexican jews... But we have apple jews, orange jews, carrot jews.....

3 blondes trying to cross a river

3 blondes are trying to cross a river.

The first blonde prays to god and asks to be more intelligent so she can cross the river. God agrees and makes her a brunette so she swims across the river.

The second blonde prays to god and asks to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river faster. God agrees and makes her a redhead so she builds a row boat and crosses the river.

The last blonde prays to god to be even smarter than the last so she can cross the river even faster.

God agrees and turns her into a man and she uses the bridge.

A man offers a woman at a bar a million dollars...

to have sex with him, after not much debate the woman agrees and says "absolutely".

The man with a smile on his face then says "will you have sex with me for $100".

The woman snarls back at him "What kind of woman do you think I am?"

The man gingerly replies "We have already determined that, we are just discussing price now."

A man calls home from work to talk to his wife...

When a woman picks up the phone, he assumes that it is that of the new maid his wife hired. He asks to talk to his wife. The maid says "I'm sorry, the Mrs. is in bed with her husband."

"What! I'm her husband!"

"Well who is she in bed with?"

"I don't know. Do you want to make $50K really fast?"

"Ok."

"I want you to take the shotgun that's behind my desk, and then I want you to kill them both!"

The maid agrees to do this, and sure enough, she finds a shotgun. The man hears screaming, which was followed by gunshots and silence on the other end.

"Good. Now I want you to take the bodies and hide them behind the red shed."

"You don't have a red shed. I could hide them in the pool."

"I don't have a pool."

"Yes you do."

"Is this 920-3582 on 1st Avenue?"

A homeless man comes to a rich man's house and knocks on the door

"Please sir," says the homeless man, "I've not eaten in the last 3 days. Would you let me come in for some food?"

The owner of the house is sympathetic and tells the man, "you can come in, if you paint the porch round back. There's a bucket of yellow paint next to it."

The homeless man agrees, and half an hour later comes to the door again.

"Finished already? Come on in then, my wife is in the kitchen cooking you up a good meal."

"Thank you, sir," replied the homeless man, "but just so you know, it's a BMW you've got, not a porche."

At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want us to try doggy tonight"

Surprisingly to the husband the wife agrees.

So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner. After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweety"

The wife turns on her bedside lamp, confused, and says, "what? What about doggy?"

The husband replies, "honey, I can't believe you enjoyed it so much you want more. I'm sorry, but there's none left, I'll cook it again for you next week."

These manager's joke

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."

A salesman gets lost (a little long)

A Salesman gets lost in the woods. Nearing dark he sees a farmers house, and decides to ask for a place to sleep. The farmer says, "Sure, but you're going to have to stay in the barn with some of the animals."
The salesman agrees, but before he could walk to the barn, the farmer tells him not to mess with the hole in one of the stables. The farmer goes off to the house, and the Salesman gets ready for bed.
A few hours into the night, the salesman starts to wonder about this "hole"... he looks over it, and sees that its got some heat coming from it, and its kinda moist. A few minutes pass and one thing leads to another...
The next day the farmer is woken up by the police at the door. An officer tells him they got a 911 call and tracked it to this location. The farmer says he didn't call, but maybe the Salesman did. He rushes over to the barn to see the Salesman pants down and pale white inside the "hole".
The farmer looks to the officers and says "Dang it,that's my milkin machine... it won't stop till its got 1 gallon."

A billionaire is in a hospital and needs a blood transfusion.

He turns to his Jewish friend and says. "I'll pay you 100,000 dollars for a blood transfusion. The Jew happily agrees? Excited for the money.

Then a month later the man needs a another transfusion and offers the Jew 10000 dollars for the blood. The Jew happily agrees.

Then a month later the man needs another blood transfusion. He offers the Jew 10 dollars. The Jew says "first 100000 then, 10000 now a ten? What's wrong?"

The man then says "must be all the Jewish blood in me."

A blonde goes golfing with her father

She is feeling good about her game recently, so she challenges her father: "If you beat me, I'll buy you dinner and drinks. If I beat you, you give me $20 to go shopping. The father agrees.

After the round, the father adds up the scores. "Ha! I beat you by 3 strokes. Let me think about what restaurant I want," he says triumphantly. The blonde grabs the scorecard to try adding it herself. Not wanting to make a mistake, she pulls out her phone and calculates it carefully.

After 10 minutes, the father is starting to get impatient. Finally the blonde looks up. "Well, did you finish adding it up?"

"Yup," she replied. "Nice try, Daddy, but I got the higher score!"

Two jokes and a cop walk into a bar...

Two jokes and a cop walk into a bar. The jokes offer the bartender to tell themselves in return for a free drink. The bartender agrees. The first joke tells itself and gets its free drink. The cop shoots the second joke before it can start expressing itself as it is too dark.

A Canadian woman living near the border

A Canadian woman lives with her family in a forest near the border with the US. One autumn morning, her son comes home from town holding a letter. He approaches the woman and says:

"According to this letter, the United States wants to consider this area as part of Montana. The Canadian government agrees, but says that since we're the only family living here, they want our permission to sign this land over to the US."

The woman jumps out of her chair and exclaims, "Where do I sign? I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"

How do you call a culture that only agrees?

An agriculture

A guy goes to a Rabbi

and complains "You wouldn't believe what happened to me. Somebody stole my bicycle from synagogue."
The rabbi is appalled. He can't believe it. He offers a solution to catch the thief. He says " Come to synagogue next week and sit in the front row. As we go on with the 10 commandments, turn around and look at everyone in the eyes. When we get to Thou shall not Steal, see who can't look you in the eyes. That person is the thief". The guy loves the idea and agrees to try this.
He comes to the synagogue next week and sits in the front row and looks everyone in the eyes during the 10 commandments. He comes to the rabbi at the end of the service and thanks him "What a fantastic idea! It worked like a charm. The moment we got to Thou shall not commit Adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

Two men were out camping in the mountains...

They had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south. Then tonight we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and found a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we made love in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was much better than mine. Was she pretty?" "I don't know," says the second friend eating his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes