Agnes Jokes
6 agnes jokes and hilarious agnes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about agnes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Ridiculous Agnes Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What is a good agnes joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Either way, the results are not good
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
Two old ladies were talking in a coffee shop.
Agnes, you have a suppository in your ear.
**Agnes**: So *that's* where my hearing aide went.
A Weapon Of Mass Destruction...
A cabbage and beer f**..., with a couple of boiled eggs thrown in, in the second pew at the 10:00 service at St. Agnes of the Holy Water Church...
A man answers a call on his cell phone.
Lady: Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you.
Man: Do you know me?
Lady: Yes, you are the FATHER of one of my KIDS!
Man stunned,oh my God!
Are you Fiona
No.
Are you Julie?
No.
Are you Cissy??
No.
Are you Flavia?
No.
Are you Alice?
No.
Are you Claudia?
No.
Are you Vannesa?
No.
Are you Grace?
No.
Are you Sarah?
No.
Are you Lydia?
No.
Are you Agnes?
No.
Are you Oliver?
No.
Are you Beth?
No.
Are you Carol?
No.
Are you Gloria?
No Sir, I am the class Teacher of your son
but you just made my day.
The MotherSuperior almost had a s**... ...
The Mother Superior was congratulating the girls in the current graduating class of the all girls parochial high school, and as she shook hands with each graduate, she asked her what she was going to become.
So Mary Teresa said a secretary, and Agnes said a homemaker, etc.
But when she got to Barbara Cecilia, Barbara Cecilia said "a p**...".
Well, the Mother Superior turned white as a sheet and said, "What did you say, Barbara Cecilia?"
And Barbara Cecilia repeated, "A p**..., Mother Superior."
Whereupon the Mother Superior said, "Oh, thank goodness - I thought you said 'a Protestant'!"
Hidden Bible code
"Sister Agnes?"
"Yes, Martha; what is it?"
"Today's reading, from Malachi. I don't understand it."
The old nun approached the bench where Martha sat between two other visually-impaired students, and wedged herself in between the three. She looked down at the weighty braille Bible Martha was reading. "What don't you understand, my dear?"
"Well," continued Martha. "It seems to be a story all about the birth of Satan, the one that was prophesied about."
Alarmed, the elderly sister snatched the Bible from Martha and ran her leathery fingers over the little dots. Then she burst out laughing, "Oh, you silly child. You are holding the book upside down."
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