Agitated Jokes
40 agitated jokes and hilarious agitated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about agitated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Agitated Short Jokes
Short agitated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The agitated humour may include short stirred jokes also.
- Three words are having an argument... Had, Made, and Did were having a very heated argument. They became more and more agitated as the argument went on. It was beyond tense... It was past tense.
- I hate putting my clothes in the washing machine... they always seem so agitated when I take them out.
- My neighbour was quite agitated when her cat got stuck high within our tree She was even more agitated when I told her not to worry, getting him down should be like falling off a log.
- I saw duck on the lake today It was going crazy, flapping madly and just generally agitated.
It was quacking up. - My Cheesy r**... Joke Bill, I cant post to Youtube no more. All these average potatos on there are agitating me.
*Average Potatos?*
Yeah, you know. Them Common Taters.
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Agitated One Liners
Which agitated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with agitated? I can suggest the ones about irritated and disoriented.
- How do you agitate an achy feminist runner? massage a knee
- What does the calm zombie say to the agitated zombie? Decompose yourself.
- Why is the washing machine so grumpy? It keeps getting agitated
- Agitated I encountered a very nervous flea
He said he gets his sleep in snatches. - What do you call an annoying potato? An agitator.
- What do call an agitated student taking an exam? A testy t**...
Gather Around for Heartwarming Agitated Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about agitated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disturbed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make agitated pranks.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…
Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy
Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.
Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous!
Best Buy Guy: (opens the lid and points inside the machine) Well if you look inside sir, you'll see that all the agitators are black.
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
A blonde woman was speeding
down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
A blonde gets pulled over for speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
We must follow our policy. . .
I was at the airport the other day to pick someone up but their flight was delayed so I wandered around a bit. I noticed a big scene at one of the airline check ins. there was this agitated vulture holding a couple of dead possums arguing loudly with a whole group of ticket agents. I kinda felt bad for the guy but the airline did have a one carrion policy.
Two men are sitting next to one another on a plane...
The o**... is doing a crossword puzzle and is growing increasingly agitated.
Need any help? , says the guy on the aisle.
Thanks. I need a four letter word for a female, ending in 'unt' .
Aunt?
Wow! Thanks!
No problem. Anything else?
Um... you wouldn't happen to have an eraser, would you?
A priest and an atheist are playing golf.
The priest is okay, but the atheist is s**.... He keeps missing his shots. Every time he misses a shot, he says 'Damn, missed!' The priest got more and more agitated at the use of the word 'damn', and eventually snapped. He said, 'Do not use that word or God himself will strike you down!' There's an immediate ruble from the sky, and a bolt of lighting shoots down and vaporizes the priest into ash. A booming voice rings out across the golf course, striking fear into the golfers, and says:
'Damn, missed!'
A man went hunting in Alaska.
A man was hunting in Alaska when he found himself confronted by a small, agitated bear. In order to survive, he shot it. Feeling hungry, he decided to utilize it and cook dinner in the woods.
It was tasty, even though it was a little grizzly.
I was going for a walk in the desert in Afghanistan.
Off in the distance I saw what I thought was a mirage but as I got closer I could see it's wasn't a mirage, Israel.
It was two men arguing, so I tried to calm the situation down but they turned against me. The one man threw Iraq, so Iran all the way home.
Agitated by the encounter I told my wife I wanted to get revenge for the assualt, but she calmed me down and assured me it Kuwait.
Two Dutch girls are out riding their bikes when one of them suggests taking an alternate, scenic route home.
After a while they are in an area that the other girl doesn't recognize and she has no idea where they are or which direction home is. As it is getting towards dusk she becomes nervous and a bit agitated, she says to her friend, "I've never come this way before." And her friend turns to her, smiling, and says, "I know, it's the cobblestones."
What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?
What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?
Ag I tat Ed.
I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.
Mr. Smith found a doppelganger of his wife.
Mr smith to Air hostess - you look exactly like my wife.
*Air hostess feeling a bit agitated by that remark slapped him.
Mr. Smith - what sheer coincidence, even the habits match too.
The hot coed approaches her professor...
She opens up a button on her blouse, tilts down her glasses and says, "I'd do *anything* to get an A in this class..."
The professor, agitated, says "**Anything**?"
"**Anything**" as she traces her finger down his chest.
The professor leans over, and whispers in her ear...
"Study"
A funny one from my 7 year old daughter. Knock, Knock...
Me: Who's there?
Her: Knock, Knock
Me: Who's there?
...continued five more times.
Me (agitated): Sweetie, you have to stop saying knock knock over and over again .
Her: Daddy, you're supposed to say Knock Knock who?
Me: Ohhhhhhhh. Knock Knock who?
Her: Knock Knock, I'm at your door.
A man walks into a bar claiming he has a talking dog
He goes up to the counter and bets the free drinks all night if he can prove his dog can talk to which the bartender agrees.
The man asks the dog, What is on top of a house?
Roof! says the dog.
Not good enough according to the bartender so the man tries again.
What's the covering of a tree called?
Bark! the dog exclaims.
The bartender is getting agitated at this point but the man pleads for one more chance.
Who's the best baseball player ever? asks the man
Ruth! yells the dog.
When they are promptly kicked out after this charade, the dog looks at the man and says, I probably should've said DiMaggio
A duck walks into a bar...
He asks the bartender, "Hey, bartender. Got any duck food?"
The bartender responded, " No, I don't have duck food. I don't serve ducks. Get out of here."
So, the duck leaves.
The duck comes in the next night, "Hey, bartender. Got any duck food?"
The agitated bartender yells, " No! We don't serve ducks so we don't have duck food. If you ask me for duck food again I'll nail your bill to the bar!"
So, the duck leaves.
The duck comes in the next night.
"Hey, bartender. Ya got any nails?"
"NO!"
"Got any duck food?"
Goriilla in heat
A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.
The zookeeper approaches a janitor with a proposition. "Would you be willing to have s**... with this gorilla for $500?" he asks.
The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: "First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this." The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.
"Well," says the janitor, "I'm gonna need about a week to come up with the $500."
A string walks into a bar. . .
String: I'd like a double shot of tequila, please.
Bartender: Didn't you see the sign?!? We don't serve strings!! Get outta here!!
Agitated, but determined to get that double shot of tequila, the string secretly messes up his hair in a sad attempt of creating a disguise. He confidently walks back into the bar.
String: I'd like a double shot of tequila, please.
Bartender: Hey, wait a minute, aren't you that string that was just in here?
String: No, I'm a frayed knot.
A duck walks into a feed store...
He walks up to the clerk and says, "Got any duck food?" The clerk replies, "nope" and the duck walks out.
The next day the duck walks back into the feed store and approaches the same clerk.
"Got any duck food?" Again, the clerk replies with a no. The duck leaves.
The following day the duck walks in again and asks, "Got any duck food?" The clerk, becoming agitated says "Look, you duck. I don't got any duck food. Now if you come around asking for duck food again, I swear I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor." The duck turns around and leaves.
The next day, the duck walks back in and says to the clerk, "Got any nails?"
"Nope."
"Oh, okay. Got any duck food?"
Blonde is pulled over by a blonde cop..
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too.'
A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla
who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.
The zookeeper approaches a r**... janitor with a proposition. Would you be willing to have s**... with this gorilla for $500? he asks.
The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this. The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.
Well, says the janitor, I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.
A blond was pulled over
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's rectangle and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a rectangle mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop too."
A blonde and her friend lost in the forest
A blonde and her friend are lost in the forest. The friend goes out on the first night and comes back with a deer, killed with a primitive bow and arrow. "Wow!" the blonde exclaims, "How did you do that?!" The friend tried to keep it very simple for the blonde so she could understand. She replied, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks. I see deer, I shoot deer." the blonde nodded in understanding. The next night, the blonde, feeling a thousand times smarter than she was before, volunteered to go hunting. When she returned, however, she was beaten up, scraped and bleeding. "What happened?!" the friend was worried. The blonde replied in a very agitated, upset tone. "I did what you said!" She screamed. "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train I shoot train!"
