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Aging Jokes

58 aging jokes and hilarious aging puns to laugh out loud. Read age jokes about aging that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Welcome to our fun-filled roster of jokes about aging, where laughter is definitely the best antidote to the inevitable graying hair and deepening laugh lines. Bust these hilarious age-related zingers out when you want to keep things light at family gatherings, or simply give yourself a hearty chuckle when facing the mirror and newly discovered crow's feet. These rib-tickling aging anecdotes help you navigate the journey of getting older with a hearty laugh and lots of good cheer.

Aging may not be the secret to eternal youth but laugh lines are definitely better than wrinkle lines. Keep in mind, though, they're just jokes, intended to amuse and certainly not to offend. So sit back, relax, and let's embark on this humor ride because as George Bernard Shaw once said, You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.

This article explores some of the funniest aging jokes and provides humor to those celebrating birthdays or getting older. From anti-aging treatments to gunpowder, discover humorous aging jokes to help you celebrate getting another year older.

Funniest Aging Short Jokes

Short aging jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aging humour may include short aged jokes also.

  1. I got pulled over by the police ... He came to the window and said papers ...
    I said - scissors, I win - and drove off
    He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!
  2. My grandad asked me how to print on his computer... I told him it's Ctrl-P. He says he hasn't been able to do that for ages.
  3. There are two kinds of people who care a lot about their exact age. Small children and 39 year old's.
  4. Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
  5. A 60 year old billionaire walks into a bar with his gorgeous 25 year old wife Friend: How did she marry you?
    Billionaire: I lied about my age
    Friend: You said 45?
    Billionaire: No! I said 90!
  6. Made up by my elementary-aged kid: How do old people line up? In an elderly fashion. (So proud)
  7. Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools
  8. TIL that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32. It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
  9. Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer's. Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.
  10. A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:
    "Name?"
    "Hans Kleiner"
    "Age?"
    "31"
    "Occupation?"
    "No no, just visiting"

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Aging One Liners

Which aging one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aging? I can suggest the ones about ages and getting older.

  1. Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark? Because there were so many Knights.
    Just delete me.
  2. What did they call puberty in the middle ages? A midlife crisis
  3. An average person loses virginity at the age of 17 I always knew I was above average
  4. What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house? mortgage freeman.
  5. COVID is so bad in India... That i haven't got a scam call in ages
  6. CIA finally succeeded in killing Fidel Castro Using the innovative 'Old age' technique
  7. Like most people my age, I'm 23. .
  8. Yo mama so old... ... I told her to act her age, and she died.
  9. Why does the army need people under the age of 5? For the Infantry
  10. Why were they called "the dark ages"? Because it was knight time.
  11. My wife has the body of a woman half her age. I suppose I should call the police.
  12. I asked my Dad, "Dad, what did you want to do when you were my age?" "Your mom's sister."
  13. Deep sleep prevents aging. Especially when you are driving.
  14. If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, what would he be famous for? Old age
  15. What did the aging 007 say to his pharmacist? Bond. Gold Bond.

Anti Aging Jokes

Here is a list of funny anti aging jokes and even better anti aging puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Anti vaccinated kids show no sign of autism Because autism isn't detected until age 3
  • I accidentally got anti aging cream on my block of cheddar I've now got milk all over the kitchen top
  • Anti-vaxxers remind me of the show GLEE Both haven't aged well
  • Did y'all hear about the Anti-vax kid who bought a Ferrari at the age of 2? Yeah, it was his midlife crisis.
  • When I was 6, my sister was half my age. Now I'm 70, how old is my sister? 3. My mother became anti-vaxx.
  • a race realist, a fascist, and an anti-feminist walk into a bar and order drinks. The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve anyone under the age of 18.
  • What do Anti-Vaxxers and their children have in common? They both stopped maturing at the same age.
  • Why can't the children of anti-vaxxers go to bars? They never reach the drinking age.
  • What do anti-aging creams have expiration dates... ...when they're anti-aging creams?
  • My Mom's always going through phases, and it would have been great if she was an anti-vaxxer while I was growing up. I could have died a grueling death at the age of six. Valhalla.

Humorous Aging Jokes

Here is a list of funny humorous aging jokes and even better humorous aging puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
    A. Michael Jackson
  • My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
    We called her Aunt Tique.
  • Q: What's the best part about s**... with 28-year-olds?
    A: There are twenty of them.

Seniors Jokes

Here is a list of funny seniors jokes and even better seniors puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I'm the CIEIO
  • carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
  • How do ukrainian snipers tell which Russians are the senior officers? The number of stripes on their tracksuits.
  • What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians? Comic Sans
  • I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm I'm the CIEIO
  • A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
  • Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends.
  • Just got a job as Senior Director of Old McDonald's farm. I'm their new CIEIO.
  • What do you call it when 2 seniors stay up past their bedtimes? An election.
  • Congratulations 2020 graduating class Reigning senior skip day champions!
Aging joke, Congratulations 2020 graduating class

Fun-Filled Aging Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about aging you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean older jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aging pranks.

A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman

"What's the secret to your longevity?", he asked.
"Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone."
The reporter laughed. "That's ridiculous. That can't be the real reason."
The old lady smiled and nodded. "You're probably right."

The aging head of a secluded Monastary decides he will take a walk into the nearby town for the first time in 30 years.

As he's walking down the street he passes a h**... on a corner who says "Hey twenty dollars for a q**...". Confused, he walks past another corner and another h**... says "Hey padre, twenty dollars for a q**...". He has no idea whats going on, so he returns to the monastary and calls the Mother Superior to his office and asks her "Whats a q**...?" She replies "Twenty dollars, same as in town".

Poison

A worried man goes to see his priest.
"Father, I am worried. I think that my wife is trying to poison me."
Said the priest: "Hold on my son, let me talk to your wife and come back to see me tomorrow, then I shall be able to give you some advice."
The following day the man aging comed to his priest who tells him: "Well my son, I have talked to your wife for nearly two hours. My advise to you is: Take the poison"

According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'

I have always avoided i**... narcotics but, now that I've found out that they actually reverse the aging process, I'm going to give them a go.

An old Irish woman is n**... starting at herself in the mirror

Her husband walks in and asks what in the h**... are you doing?
I had my physical today and my doctor told me I was a beautiful woman who should be proud of her aging body, she replied.
Yeah? And what did he say about your fat Irish a**...?
You didn't come up in conversation, she replied.
(I don't know why she's Irish, but when I heard the joke she was so I'm keeping it going!)

I told my mate that I had finally retired my aging car. He asked if I'd sold it or scrapped it..

I said nothing that drastic, I just put a new set of Michelins on it.

What does an aging Sith lord with a bad hip use to get around?

An Imperial Walker

What does an aging Mafia boss do for his birthday?

Forget about it.

An aging politician asks his wife,

"Do you think I should put more fire into my speeches?"
"Actually," she replies, "I think you should put more of your speeches into the fire!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because America's aging infrastructure doesn't adequately provide footbridges or pedestrian underpasses.

My brain is like an F-22 Raptor

Aging, no longer in production and spare parts not available.

Apparently the top bestseller in Japan right now is "The Courage to be Disliked"

It's aging well for a book printed in the 1930's.

Women and Wine

I like my women like my wine, aging in the cellar.

Three great things about aging

First is meeting new friends
Second I can't remember
And the third is meeting new friends

Did you hear about the urologist who got rich doing scrotal lifts for aging men?

He decided to go for the low hanging fruit

Aging joke, Did you hear about the urologist who got rich doing scrotal lifts for aging men?

jokes about aging